http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=974#433 Symphony_of_Terror. Pros and cons section. Ewwwwww.

Plenty of stuff nuked, but PLEASE people, include the author name if you intend to actually have something deleted. I'm not going to wade through plenty of reviews just to find out if one of my colleagues has been faster. One review = plenty of stuff to wade through.

Cleaned up to this point.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=72227


This guy's only review. The English and formatting are both terrible, and the capitalization is random. Granted, it still says something about the music... kind of.

Gone.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=894#205979

gazeovice's. Nothing wrong with it really, but he calls the album by the incorrect name for the entire review.

Indeed. Gone now. gaze, resubmit after necessary corrections.

Man, a couple other reviews on that page like those by corpsegrinder and Decepticon are barebone nutters that hurt the eyes. For early birds they may barely pass the mark, but they pale in comparison to the other reviews. A lot of those early ones are track by track nightmares, too.

Hey guys, I was wondering as to why my Internal Bleeding review for "Onward to Mecca" and Kingdom of Sorrow self titled review was nuked the first time. I looked at the punctuation and it wasn't that reason, and I am unable to get email replys so, I'm just curious thanks for the time guys

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=2375

creepingdoom's review for Judas Iscariot's Heaven in Flames has horrible spelling and grammar along with invalid criticisms. There are plenty of better reviews on the page than this one:



EDIT: The actual review spells "definitely" as d e f i n a t e l y. It looks as if this forum has an auto-correct for that.

I saw this review posted in the Review Discussion thread, but in all honesty it belongs here: http://metal-archives.com/review.php?id=382#88090

doomknocker's review is very short, barely has any actual musical description (about 2 sentences' worth) and simply says a few times how much of an asshole Varg is and how his music is awful. I understand that uncommon opinions are preferred, but they should be stated competently. His isn't.

dude, he's using a Type O reference for the title, that means his review is clever.

(From the Reviews Discussion thread and for the attention of you kind gentlemen in a position to have crappy reviews on this site destroyed...)



Second. Somehow addressing the music on the disc is a method I've stuck to for a number of my reviews and it seems to work, however doomknocker is quite happy with vague ranting at the genre itself without giving the reader any idea what they might hear. It's an interesting approach but sadly not one that's worth a damn. I've read better musical descriptions on those blogs which just link to mediafire

http://metal-archives.com/review.php?id=132843#70376

While I don't exactly support this album, the first reviewer, andrasiK, does jack shit to explain the music. All he does is bitch and wine about how Disillusion now sucks.

He disses the cover art, the song titles, what little he gives on the vocals, and that's pretty much it... oh missed that Rammstein diss - which is another band I don't really support, either.

This is andrasiK's only review, but it's so bad that he might as well not have any.

Alright, what the hell is this:

http://www.metal-archives.com/release.php?id=275614

There's no musical description at all, sans a line about how the drumming sounds. It's just a poetic grandiose statement about how the album sounds Scandinavian. That guy might as well have been high while writing that.

http://metal-archives.com/review.php?id=241#30

The one by ironasinmaiden is so bad it hurts. It looks like something written by a 13 year old black metal newcomer who just heard of Immortal. It would fit on Amazon, but doesn't hold a candle to the plethora of other reviews on the page. Hardly any deep musical description, doesn't describe many instruments, and is inaccurate on a song or two as it is Doesn't sound like he gives a shit about the album anyway / isn't taking the review seriously at all.

Haven't really checked through the other ones, but the mods may want to scan the early reviews on that page.

Ironasinmaiden's reviews, in general, tend to be a fairly painful read. Some of his stuff is barely passable, but most of it is absolute crap. I recommended his review for Iron Maiden's "Virus" single for the chopping block a while back, but I think it stayed up because it was the only review at the time.

Testament - The Very Best Of...

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=12063#1989



Don't ask me how I happened across this review, but I unfortunately did...

Cleansed up to this point... and then some.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=974

By Ktulu. It is incredibly short and has no real description.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.ph ... 094#231868

Top one. So... what kind of music do they play?

That's real shit. The shot he takes at the other reviewer is another good reason to delete the review.

Wow, that one is like the worst review in MA... By the way, is he even allowed to use his reviews to bash other reviewers?

Too bad that's in such a state as to warrent deletion, because every point he makes is totally valid.

No, it was that bad.

Anyway, it was already deleted...

I might go listen to that one anyway... Stuff with a single review bothers me.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=5311#5086

Well shit, this review is just awful.

I didn't disagree the review was bad, I merely pointed out that it made good points unfortunately expressed in a poor and inarticulate way.

His review for W.A.S.P. 's Double Live Assassins isn't much better;
http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=3983

Review of Dimmu Borgir's In Sorte Diaboli.
Written by Im_Tony_Danza on June 18th, 2007

Review Start:

This shit is totally gay and Dimmu needs to die - 0%

This is the worst CD ever made by anyone. It's sort of laughable how gay everything is, but then you remember that you wasted precious money buying it, or precious time downloading it, when you could have just as easily just paid about $10 less and rented "Dagon".
This album is supposed to be a conceptual masterpiece, as coined by SilenutZ himself, but it really only succeeds in being an hour long mess of over-used punk riffs, metalcore breakdowns and a symphony jerking off to Fagraths awful vocals and retarded pseudo-intellectual storyline(LOL).
Look, I know Stormblast was a legendary album, I know there was even a time when Dimmu passed for an actual sub-standard black metal band, but ever since that smiley bald guy joined, they have just been really uninspired and unoriginal. I bet it was his idea to market the Dimmu Borgir pin-up calendars they are selling on their myspace. BUT HEY, DON'T WORRY, THEY'RE STILL ELITE, BECAUSE THEY WROTE AN ENTIRE NEW CD ABOUT HOW RELIGION IS TOTALLY GAY. OHHH OK! THEN THAT MEANS THAT THEY MUST BE REALLY KVLT, BECAUSE ABSOLUTELY NO ONE HAS EVER DONE THAT BEFORE!

Hellhammer lends some of his personal stash of pretentiousness to the band also, with an hour's worth of unnecessarily fast bass drum kicks, pointless fills that occur just because they couldn't think of anything else to put there, and uber-tr00 black metal overproduction.

What the fuck is the point of Mustis in this band anymore? Every new CD they come out with, there is some annoying orchestra backing up the band's horrible musicianship, so what the fuck does he do? Is he playing one of the thousand violins? Does he just... stand there, or...?

Vortex has a pretty voice but it comes in at the wrong times and does nothing to make the music better. He needs to quit Dimmu and rejoin Borknagar or Lamented Souls and do something that is meaningful musically, instead of this gayness.

Galder has ruined the integrity of this band. He should die first, because he brought all the rehashed punk faggot metalhead riffs from Old Man's Cumshot and added them into the songwriting of what could have been an 'OK' band. Silenoz is a complete failure as a guitar player. What the hell happened to Astennu? Did he just fall off the face of the earth or resort to making homoerotic cyber punk like Nagash? During Spritual Black Dimensions, at least there were some decent solos, and everyone in the band was actually doing something. The song structures were unique and everything was still interesting, despite the retardedly over-produced synth and guitars.

This CD is garbage. If you like shit thats gay, you should listen to it. Of course, it might make you gay too.


Review End.

I think that's 'nuff said.
How did this review ever get accepted in the first place?

http://metal-archives.com/review.php?id=145081

It's juvenile, but still probably more mature than a Dimmu Borgir album warrants.

Point is, it's extremely biased, childish, it's not serious at all and it makes it seem like there was a fifth grader that wrote it.
Therefore, it shouldn't be there.

It describes the music and it illustrates the reasons he dislikes it. I see nothing wrong with the review.

Honestly, it should be deleted. It insults the band, not only the album, and is highly homophobic. The content is alright, but come on, he said that Dimmu should fucking die .-.

While I don't care for later Dimmu, I will back the reviewers that say this review is crap. This reviewer alone is a piece of shit user, and in this review the only legit musical description he gives is the orchestra line drop, but that's about it and it isn't even a big one. "punk faggot metalhead riffs from Old Man's Cumshot"... ? What the hell does that even mean? Old Man's Child has punk riffs? That's a melodic black metal band, and last I heard this album I didn't hear any punk.

Vortex should do this, Galder should die, Astenu is missing, and Hellhammer does pointless fills... oh look another musical description jammed between sentences of filler.

Yeah, go ahead and delete this horrid review. Doesn't tell me jack about the music sans those and a mention of black metal in the first paragraph. Plus it's a very annoying read - I think he has ADD (if he isn't trolling, which is also a possibility).

Completely agreed on that one. I think it's even a little longer than a Dimmu album warrants...

A review of Armored Saint's Revelation by PowerMetalGlory that basically says John Bush should concentrate on Armored Saint and forget about Anthrax and that "[he] won't bore you with an intricate dissection of the songs and countless comparisons. Just listen to it and decide." Most of his other reviews aren't very good either, but this is totally worthless.

All of the above were removed. The Dimmu Borgir review was a very open-and-shut case, although not for the largely emotional reasons given by several of its persecutors. It was simply not very descriptive, especially so given that the album in question had many other (probably too many) reviews. Its most relevant content in this regard was the treatment of Hellhammer's performance (this sentence was the highlight), the vague implication that the clean vocals were misplaced (although in what way or degree is not treated with), and an aside about the arrangements and deployment of guitar solos on a different Dimmu Borgir album. There is also passing mention of something like "faggot-ass punk and metalcore" riffs and "orchestration", but this is too vague to really qualify as true description--think of it as being one quarter-step above reviewing a Cannibal Corpse album and asserting the presence of "lots of death metal riffs" and leaving it at that. There are, after all, many different types and applications of punk riffs, and many ways for these to be 'faggot-ass.' But which ones does Dimmu Borgir use here? No attempt of any kind is made at extrapolation on this. Finally, and probably the most interesting thing about the review, is his strange inversion of the highly popular eunuch insult "tr00" to have connotations opposite its typical colloquial application--here referring to gross overproduction (again, this assertion is not actually explained in any way) rather than stark underproduction.

I spent more time writing this explanation than the reviewer spent writing that review (unless he's as slow a typist as his manner vaguely suggests he might be, I suppose); that is the rub.

WASP's The Last Command review by anticimex - the one right after mine.

Alright, now this one I'm putting on the table not because I'm a raging WASP fan, but because this review says very little about the music and virtually nothing about WASP's trademark '80s sound. Now the other negative review by TrooperEd you can keep (:grr:) because he actually has worthy content, but anticimex says the same kind of thing he can about every band that could fit the description.


???????? - This album follows the exact same formula as the debut

THIS TOLD ME FUCKING NOTHING ABOUT THE MUSIC!

Well how was the debut? I know because I've listened to that debut probably +50 times, but how about those that don't remember / never heard the debut? "not as heavy" doesn't cut it for me.

Anyone who's heard WASP knows how Blackie Lawless sings. By this sentence alone - the only sentence even mentioning Blackie's vocals - you'd never imagine how he'd sound like.

Please see it in your hearts to get rid of this one. It stains that page and doesn't meet the standard.

That last post was a bit of a clutter, so here's another one on a fresh post. This next one is by Vor for Drudkh's Blood In Our Wells (it's the first review).

Now, I've only heard the first four Drudkh albums, and none of them sound starkly alike. The four albums all sound pretty different, even tough they use pretty similar formulas. Thus, as I read Vor's review, I didn't get any sense of what the music sounded like. You have all those +90% reviews on that page and this is probably the worst one because the guy gives the band a handjob talking about how the atmosphere is awesome. Nothing about the muddy guitar tone or the cold drums or rural feeling... nothing. Plus the lack of full spaces between paragraphs makes that one a blob. No point in keeping it, really, when all the other positives do a better job.

Mithr4ndir's review for Dream Theater's "Train of Thought". This could be any Dream Theater album he's reviewing. All he does is bitch about things that the band uses often, and assures you that they suck on this album, without any sort of explanation as to why they sound so terrible, or why they were any different on previous albums. There should be much more explanation in a review ranked 13/100, especially if the band in question is your favourite band, as this guy claims them to be.

Might want to give a link to that Dream Theater review, just for convenience and for the mods.