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LordStenhammar
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2012 10:46 am
Posts: 1323
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Tue May 02, 2017 3:47 am 
 

Some semi-old shit. Goes well with the season.

THE GODDESS OF SPRING
Imagine her dead
Lying on your bed
What would you do?
A dead tree can stand
Not a loveless man
Her body entices you

You see dancers in the streets
Wondering what lies beneath
Rustic outfits and crooked smiles
Behind them the goddess hides

She's born again
After Beltane ends
Impersonated by whom?
This pagan whore
Knocks at your door
You know her too

The green leaves are her gold
In every spring her story is told
Virgin skin conceals an old hag
Sunflowers in her wooden bag

She plants fruit trees
And takes care of bees
Full of innocent love
Knocks down the stones
Prepares the bones
For the realm above

Tied together with colourful strings
The bodies of beggars and kings
Hidden costumes and pointed hats
The bonedancers followed by rats

People kneeling down
Before the street clown
With oblivious minds
It's just an annual fair
Still they're unaware
Of hearses passing by

The dead here are no longer dead
Old deities live inside their heads
Some think it's just a masquerade
You know the secret death parade
_________________
I live in metallic fury
It seems I'm in control
For my fingers bring the thunder
To this storm called rock and roll!!!

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LordStenhammar
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2012 10:46 am
Posts: 1323
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2017 2:41 am 
 

This topic has died? Some more shit then...

HIDING IN THE SMOKESTACK
He has friends only he can see
They dwell between the walls
With ruined, almost quiet voices
In his head their prisoners call
No man of your time can say
What the wallpapers really hide
Fleeting words can't be heard
Wind sweeps the ancient pipes

As a breathing figure it stands
The ruin of his deranged house
Telling its neverending story
With the voice of a dead spouse
The spirits of a cool fireplace
Sing to him on a cheerful note
The jeering words of madness
Are fuming with the smoke

First to arrive was the creeper
Then came the graveyard keeper
After that The Grim Reaper
At last the chimney sweeper
Like dead souls in November
They warm up the smokestack
Inhabitants as Satan's spies
Speaking voices of old hags

The eclectic personal demons
He bestows in his private ”hotel”
People call him sick in the head
But in his mind he's all well
Haunting after all these years
Are the men with good hearts
All turned into boogeymen
With dialects like devil's farts

The voices exist inside of him
Deep as an abyss, heavy as hell
The works exceeding life itself
Stuffed into one demented shell
His art tries to imitate them
They speak through his scars
He's been dead a hundred times
But lives still in his memoirs

The house is a living furnace
As you enter, don't look back
In this senseless undead forge
All bricks have tarnished black
The half-visible men appear
Feed the stove with tired minds
The walls here are nonexistent
Spirits freed as the house dies
_________________
I live in metallic fury
It seems I'm in control
For my fingers bring the thunder
To this storm called rock and roll!!!

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DividerOfShadows
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Sep 13, 2016 1:58 pm
Posts: 255
Location: Croatia
PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2017 4:50 pm 
 

It's strange how many people post their own lyrics here and nobody, well, feedbacks them.

Anyway, here's something of my own to keep the topic alive.

SOUL WATERS

Sham exterior
Rising high above waters of change
A planet breathing
Talking through the jumping waves
Envision the purity
Hiding within the restless ocean

The colours
Evaporate
But the bliss
Remains untouched

I might not discern
Outcomes of introspection
But the sea will still beckon me
And grant me keys to knowledge

Fueled
By stars
Frozen view
Remains still
Yet ever wondering

Perfectly lost in the winds of change
Seconds fly without saying goodbye
Reincarnated
After dark tides went awry
Born again
After weaknesses were challenged
High above once more
Now the sunlight am I

And today I will rest before soul waters
Without fear branded within my mind
Let them flow, let them overflow
I shalt breathe as never before
_________________
Earthcubed wrote:
CradleOfBurzum, about the new Summoning album snippet, wrote:
I was hoping for some material that resembles closer to "Lugburz"


And I'm still hoping for Katy Perry to do another Christian album.


My Last.fm

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Kjetter
Mutineer

Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2003 4:21 am
Posts: 157
Location: Norway
PostPosted: Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:59 pm 
 

Though I realise this thread has been pretty stale the last years I am writing this in the slim hopes that it might change - as well as in response to Divider:
If any of you want some actual feedback then you need to include some basic background information. Something like what kind of music you are writing for and what aspects of the text you want feedback on. The more information, the easier it is to offer something constructive.

Do your lyrics follow a specific metre? Are they free form? How important is rhyme and flow to the set? How proficient are you in English? What emotions or imagery are you trying to invoke? What message do you want to convey? Style or substance? Are you writing to music? Do you have a vocal style in mind?

There is no need to answer all of the above, but unless the reader has at least something to go on you are unlikely to get too much more than a "Not bad".

DividerOfShadows wrote:
SOUL WATERS

Sham exterior
Rising high above waters of change
A planet breathing
Talking through the jumping waves
Envision the purity
Hiding within the restless ocean

The colours
Evaporate
But the bliss
Remains untouched

I might not discern
Outcomes of introspection
But the sea will still beckon me
And grant me keys to knowledge

Fueled
By stars
Frozen view
Remains still
Yet ever wondering

Perfectly lost in the winds of change
Seconds fly without saying goodbye
Reincarnated
After dark tides went awry
Born again
After weaknesses were challenged
High above once more
Now the sunlight am I

And today I will rest before soul waters
Without fear branded within my mind
Let them flow, let them overflow
I shalt breathe as never before

Not bad.

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The Ardbeg Wizard
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Oct 01, 2013 6:57 am
Posts: 860
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Tue Jan 16, 2018 5:07 am 
 

DividerOfShadows wrote:
It's strange how many people post their own lyrics here and nobody, well, feedbacks them.

Anyway, here's something of my own to keep the topic alive.

SOUL WATERS

Sham exterior
Rising high above waters of change
A planet breathing
Talking through the jumping waves
Envision the purity
Hiding within the restless ocean

The colours
Evaporate
But the bliss
Remains untouched

I might not discern
Outcomes of introspection
But the sea will still beckon me
And grant me keys to knowledge

Fueled
By stars
Frozen view
Remains still
Yet ever wondering

Perfectly lost in the winds of change
Seconds fly without saying goodbye
Reincarnated
After dark tides went awry
Born again
After weaknesses were challenged
High above once more
Now the sunlight am I

And today I will rest before soul waters
Without fear branded within my mind
Let them flow, let them overflow
I shalt breathe as never before


I have no idea what is going on. Seem too poetic and vague.
_________________
The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind.

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DividerOfShadows
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Sep 13, 2016 1:58 pm
Posts: 255
Location: Croatia
PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 11:56 am 
 

Kjetter wrote:
Not bad.


Thank you! :-D

The Ardbeg Wizard wrote:
I have no idea what is going on. Seem too poetic and vague.


Appreciate your feedback, man. Well, I guess that was the intention... I think I wrote this a couple of months after I was introduced to avant-garde poetry (y'know, futurism, surrealism, that kind of stuff) in my Croatian language class. I really like surrealistic works and I guess I unintentionally took some cues from it.
_________________
Earthcubed wrote:
CradleOfBurzum, about the new Summoning album snippet, wrote:
I was hoping for some material that resembles closer to "Lugburz"


And I'm still hoping for Katy Perry to do another Christian album.


My Last.fm

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Ebheron
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2018 6:28 pm
Posts: 35
Location: Brazil
PostPosted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 11:44 pm 
 

theheinouskilling667 wrote:
This song is called The Moon That Creates the Tide. The song I wrote to go along with it is melancholic black metal with doom influences. I'm not done yet though, I'll update when I write more.

The song is about individuality and the lack of need for a God. The moon in this song represents two things when I wrote it. 1.) The highest form of humanity, the ones in control of their destiny, doing what they want and is best for themselves, the ones always seeking wisdom, knoweldge and strenght, the ones always trying to better themselves, the true Satanist or 2.) Any human. In this scenario, the tide would represent any action, anything that happens. The moon causes the waves to move, and is responsible for keeping it all in balance. Human controls most things in their life, and are responsible for any action of theirs, positive or negative. In this song, however, I'm speaking mostly of positive actions, and how we owe the credit to ourselves than any God.
There's also an interpretation for the sea. The sea is the vastland of human wastes and idiots, to rise above means to rise to the moon.

The Moon That Creates the Tide...

Be!!
Tides of noxious water blue
With dying flame, alive
Becoming one with sea of plauge
Faith, abhorr and strive...

Hails to the unwilling blasphemous
Who stray above the sea
The true, of worth, of sin, of strength
For prideful masses we

Acscend to the moon...
With lustful, prideful hearts
Sorrow laden oceans of past
Vast..vast... (X2)



I really like it, very poetic and very fitting with the whole doom aesthetic.
_________________
Shit I Worked on: https://soundcloud.com/lucasmmgatti

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SleeperManShish
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2018 7:50 am
Posts: 8
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Mon May 28, 2018 6:16 am 
 

I wrote a song about our tortoise George. He just kinda sits there looking dead most of the time so I wrote this to assure my stepdaughter that he's not dead or dying. I call it 'Tortoise Song'


George knows
That George goes
So slow
It's the way to be

And George sees
All around, he's
Just watching
And listening

When he eats and he sleeps and he sleeps and he sleeps for a day
Or a week, he's discreet and he's meek but he's completely a-ok

George knows
That George goes
So slow
It's the way to be

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PETERG
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2015 1:48 pm
Posts: 20
Location: Greece
PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2018 6:22 am 
 

SleeperManShish wrote:
I wrote a song about our tortoise George. He just kinda sits there looking dead most of the time so I wrote this to assure my stepdaughter that he's not dead or dying. I call it 'Tortoise Song'


George knows
That George goes
So slow
It's the way to be

And George sees
All around, he's
Just watching
And listening

When he eats and he sleeps and he sleeps and he sleeps for a day
Or a week, he's discreet and he's meek but he's completely a-ok

George knows
That George goes
So slow
It's the way to be





I really liked it due to its comedic concept! Although I think that you can fit a handful of puns and metaphors. I honestly think that this would be the number 1 hit of a grindcore band :lol:
_________________
R.I.P. Diamhea.




-The message just repeats. 'Regret, Regret, Regret.'
-Catchy. Any idea what it means?
- Dear Humanity... we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet!

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PETERG
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2015 1:48 pm
Posts: 20
Location: Greece
PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2018 2:21 am 
 

Well here are some of my lyrics. Not something special but whatever.

In times of endless moan
In times of flowers' withering and wheat's not growing.
We have to quell our fears.
Stand with strength and merit.

Unite with strenuous compassion.
The potion, crimson in color called "loyalty"
And the water in blue called "benevolence"
Flow through our veins.

"Ignorant", they call us
"Naive", they pity us
Ignore the pestilent jealousy of the masses.
We shall first choose a few, but brave.
_________________
R.I.P. Diamhea.




-The message just repeats. 'Regret, Regret, Regret.'
-Catchy. Any idea what it means?
- Dear Humanity... we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most definitely regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet!

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projectfear22
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Jun 04, 2015 2:22 pm
Posts: 55
Location: Croatia
PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2018 4:29 pm 
 

DividerOfShadows wrote:
It's strange how many people post their own lyrics here and nobody, well, feedbacks them.

Anyway, here's something of my own to keep the topic alive.

SOUL WATERS

Sham exterior
Rising high above waters of change
A planet breathing
Talking through the jumping waves
Envision the purity
Hiding within the restless ocean

The colours
Evaporate
But the bliss
Remains untouched

I might not discern
Outcomes of introspection
But the sea will still beckon me
And grant me keys to knowledge

Fueled
By stars
Frozen view
Remains still
Yet ever wondering

Perfectly lost in the winds of change
Seconds fly without saying goodbye
Reincarnated
After dark tides went awry
Born again
After weaknesses were challenged
High above once more
Now the sunlight am I

And today I will rest before soul waters
Without fear branded within my mind
Let them flow, let them overflow
I shalt breathe as never before


Čudi i mene što nitko ne komentira, al jbg.

I imagined a slow deterioration of planet Earth until it turned all matte like white. That's the bliss part.

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BuriedUnborn
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Jul 26, 2017 12:01 pm
Posts: 42
Location: 50°02′09″N 19°10′42″E / 50.035833, 19.178333
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 10:49 am 
 

Some months ago I made this Agalloch-rip off while I was bored at 4 AM.

Quote:
Very far away,
In the northern landscapes,
The sun has set,
and the stars dissapeared.

No way to find,
God's light,
There isn't any guidance,
the moon has gone dark.

Nocturnal howls,
haunt my dreams of eternal rest,
in this forgotten paths,
my future shall be set.

In this citadel of trees,
the cold embraces my body,
while the wandering souls,
seal my faith and destiny.

At the heart of nature,
in this empire of dirt and stone,
I shall stay forever,
as the guardian of the elder Earth.

An overseer of all existence,
I hail from a place unknown,
lost in time and space,
built before this new world,
forgotten by the universe,
and buried deep in its story.
_________________
Click here for unlimited fun.

Moshing: Dancing like a madman, perpetrating a frantic and violent dance which consists in jumping and whipping your body against other brainless idiots until you enter an irrational and brutal pyramid of pleasure.

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