That's insulting for Nap and I don't get the joke...Do you mean that's he getting better? Nap was always very cool.

Dear god.

Yes, at least Metal_Detector got it people are implying that he's improving due to this thread. Judging by the abysmal quality of his reviews, I assume it will take roughly that amount of time for him to be any good. Obviously never as good as Nappy though. His review of Monotheist is still one of my favourites.

Same here, especially for his Rigor Mortis review. Damn he has good taste.

Edit: Oh, fucking come on. http://www.metal-archives.com/albums/Anhedonist/Netherwards/336102#album_tabs_reviews

ConorFynes reviewing classic Sabbath albums

It can't turn out worse than his Rush reviews... can it?

there is no limit ... in both directions.

ConorFynes is autothrall's retarded echo.

I wanted to make the comparison but "retarded echo" is perfect.

Thanks for making me spit water all over my computer screen. Fucking dying.

GuntherTheUndying is dying!

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... ller_Clown

That feeling when you realize Killer Clown is going to review every Summoning album.

Uh, no, that can't be acceptable. That's an awful review.

You know, Killer_Clown tries, he really does. His only barrier is his English, which is just horrid. Otherwise, his reviews would be fairly decent, but I've had a hard time making judgment calls on his reviews for the most part; I usually avoid making decisions on his stuff.

Well, even if English isn't your first language, you should still at least try to describe the music in some way that makes for a presentable review...pretty sure that isn't exclusive to English...haha. I've never read his reviews before, but yeah.

Usually he has some musical content, not the one posted. He needs to practice English, big time.

Even though English is not his first language (it's not mine either), the lack of musical description and his unfactual reflexions (Marduk is NS now, etc...) aren't excused.

Yep.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... MasterHell

I'm getting quite tired of people calling Ahab the "kings of funeral doom" or any variant of that title when 1) there are bands like Esoteric, Skepticism, or Evoken that have been around for a longer time, put out better albums, and thus are much more deserving of the title; 2) Ahab's debut was the best they've ever gotten; and 3) their newest isn't even funeral doom metal.

That's what happens when Ahab is the only funeral doom band people ever heard.

he should decide what he wants to write....

I read this review and thought that it couldn't possibly be right. After one listen, he's right on. This sounds like the manifestation of every complaint about each prior Burzum album.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... 7/Thorwald

It's been said before. They're funeral doom for people who don't like funeral doom. I myself do enjoy them, but "kings of funeral doom"?...

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/R ... lack_Iommi

BLAURGH!! this guy should stick to doing worship-pieces on Blackmore related material. Awkwardly written, seems to be in a giant hurry for some reason, with some parts looking like they were run through Google translator a few times. His opinions seem strangely at odds with themselves..sometimes scathing, sometimes lukewarm. Strong ending though...

There are tons of typos and that is horribly written. I think I could say the same thing in five sentences or less.

He wasn't even bothered to get the name of Alex Lifeson right. This is awful.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/F ... nbedrosian

Seriously? What a load of wannabe-smart BS from a 17 yr old with too much time on his hands.

Some favorite parts:






His reviews are either 0% or 100%

I have to say that some of his reasoning his horrid, especially when he contradicts himself on polar opposites when it comes to scores. On his As I Lay Dying review (100%) appearance doesn't count, production isn't great but who cares and the riffs all seem similar but that's unimportant, yet it still gets a perfect score. On the other hand on his FF and Slaughter reviews (both 0%) lyrics are cheesy, the band tries to be/sound/act though or shocking for the sake of it, riffs are similar and on and on, so they get the lowest score possible.

If you're going to praise or bash albums or bands at least be consistent in your argumentation.

I started reading the Strappado review yesterday but stopped when his first paragraph of musical description was devoted to the lyrics. Anybody whose chief complaint with fucking Slaughter is their lyrics both has only a half functioning brain and couldn't be missing the point harder if the point was six countries behind him.

Though I get the feeling he's a bit like Falconsbane or Tepes. Not necessarily a "troll" reviewer, but one who gives extreme scores for the sake of riling people up. Keep in mind that Tepes is fairly good at it and Falco was wordy but bad, but this guy just sucks all around.

I hate it when reviewers specifically detract points from an album's score because the bass guitar is not audible, particularly for genres that really don't need fancy basslines at all, like deathcore. By that logic, this needs bonus points tacked onto its score because it's nothing *but* bass.

That is all.

Note to Zodijackyl: Pathfinder's new album is worse.

I...think you just broke his brain.

I don't think I will ever verify that.

Having suffered that trainwreck myself (only a small section of the title track, thankfully, not the entire ordeal), I'm disappointed that you couldn't give a score below 0.

I'm kind of embarrassed about a few proofreading mistakes in that review. I have a tendency to rework sentences and forget to change minor things and I'll end up mixing up to/too and pluralization like an idiot.

Has anyone else become aware of the double 666 anomaly soon to take place on the review count? Quite a milestone.

Congratulations, Heraklyon, for the 666666th review on the site.

EDIT: God damn you Hoboe, we've got another six hundred thousand reviews to go before we reach that milestone. Sorry, Heraklyon.

Congratulations. You get twice the Satan.