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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 5253
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Sat Jun 24, 2017 4:11 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... pe/137236/

This sure isn't acceptable anymore now, is it?

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MutantClannfear
Veteran

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2957
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2017 7:26 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... wolf/94611

Short and barely describes the music at all. Not worth keeping.
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raspberrysoda
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Aug 02, 2014 4:51 pm
Posts: 696
Location: You know, that place
PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 2:03 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... bee1/23657

track by track
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DoomMetalAlchemist
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:10 am
Posts: 1374
PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 2:08 pm 
 

raspberrysoda wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Black_Sabbath/Paranoid/485/firebee1/23657

track by track


I don't understand how someone can hate Fairies Wear Boots that much.
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Jophelerx
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:22 pm
Posts: 1184
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Jul 07, 2017 12:41 am 
 

Ran into this review: https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... kroke/2636

There's a little bit of musical descriptions but it's very short and bare bones, doesn't seem like there's really enough there.
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MutantClannfear
Veteran

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2957
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Jul 08, 2017 12:03 pm 
 

MutantClannfear wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Desultory/Swallow_the_Snake/1836/Satanwolf/94611

Short and barely describes the music at all. Not worth keeping.

Bump? This album has two other reviews which are much more descriptive.
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Emptiness Cycle
Whirlwind of Fire

Joined: Mon Apr 13, 2015 11:07 am
Posts: 418
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sat Jul 08, 2017 12:44 pm 
 

Done.

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Dembo
Dumbo

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 9:58 am
Posts: 1118
Location: Crippling Velocity
PostPosted: Tue Jul 11, 2017 3:50 am 
 

This guy have three reviews, all from 2004, two say almost nothing at all and one is track-by-track:

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... mando/6801
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... mando/6801
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... mando/6801

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Dembo
Dumbo

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 9:58 am
Posts: 1118
Location: Crippling Velocity
PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 6:10 am 
 

Track-by-track from 2009 mostly consisting of non-music-describing hyperbole/general insults:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... tir/123274

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Dembo
Dumbo

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 9:58 am
Posts: 1118
Location: Crippling Velocity
PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 7:12 am 
 

Very short, non-descriptive reviews from 2004-6, by one and the same guy (so it may be worth looking into the rest of his reviews):
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... hulhu/3862
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... hulhu/3862
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... hulhu/3862

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Tanuki
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2016 12:36 pm
Posts: 263
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:25 pm 
 

Fairly atrocious track-by-track from 2004:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Diamond_Head/Canterbury/2070/meedley_meedley/15231
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The Crazy Old School Music Fan
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri May 27, 2016 12:13 pm
Posts: 116
PostPosted: Sat Jul 15, 2017 12:31 am 
 

This review from 2008 doesn't describe the music very well, but instead seems to just attack the band and go into off-topic ranting quite often.
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Acheron/Tribute_to_the_Devil%27s_Music/25756/demonomania/21543

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dystopia4
Thumbman

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:47 pm
Posts: 4343
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon Jul 17, 2017 2:03 pm 
 

Thought this one was pretty borderline. Awful sentence structure and while it does *talk* about the music it doesn't actually describe it. Very little substance and doesn't give you any idea of what it really sounds like beyond being atmospheric black metal (and Glass Shrine definitely are not a typical atmospheric black metal band).
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... know/69704
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Dembo
Dumbo

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 9:58 am
Posts: 1118
Location: Crippling Velocity
PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 11:36 am 
 

This review tells you nothing about what the album sounds like, not even its genre or any basic description of the music:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ess/177090

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Dembo
Dumbo

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 9:58 am
Posts: 1118
Location: Crippling Velocity
PostPosted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 7:34 pm 
 

Two from ten years ago by one and the same guy...

By and large track-by-track, and not very descriptive in most cases:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... n666/68424

This one isn't track-by-track to as high a degree as the first one, but to some. And it got the peculiar quote "'Tormentor' has also a shitload of awesome riffs [but I liked Slayer version much more]", as if one is a cover of the other. I mean, "version", isn't exactly a fitting word for two songs that just happen to have the same title.
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... n666/68424

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MutantClannfear
Veteran

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2957
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 12:58 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ed/275213/

Very light on description for both bands on the split. Also, annoyingly, the review's score isn't calculated correctly (the reviewer gives a 28% to one band and 35% to the other, resulting in an overall score of 28 + 35 = 63%???).
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 8477
Location: Elgin, Illinois
PostPosted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:45 am 
 

MutantClannfear wrote:
Also, annoyingly, the review's score isn't calculated correctly (the reviewer gives a 28% to one band and 35% to the other, resulting in an overall score of 28 + 35 = 63%???).


I'm uhhh... not sure how to break this to you but... 28 plus 35 is 63.

EDIT: Oh shit wait ignore me, I see what you're saying.
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MutantClannfear
Veteran

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2957
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 11:15 am 
 

Looking at the review with fresh eyes, I take it back - I think he actually means ZBT is worth a 56 and Zebulon Kosted is worth a 70, so he averages those. Sounds like a really negative review for such a high score, though.
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Dembo
Dumbo

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 9:58 am
Posts: 1118
Location: Crippling Velocity
PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2017 7:58 am 
 

Two old ones by one and the same guy:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... rtal/73868
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... rtal/73868

The first one has the rating 15% but says early on "this review is not so much to critique the music (which totally rules)"...

The second one is mostly attempts at being funny and he's open about not describing the music:
"the lyrics remind me of tv shows about school kids where there's that goofy, faggoty goth kid in the class who gets up to read some of his terrible poetry about dead leaves and loneliness. These guys and most other foreign bands should just stick to their own languages so that if their lyrics are weak, most people can ignore them."

"I would have been more specific in this review, but after listening to this about 5 times nothing stuck with me. I'm sure I'm not the first one to say this, but "Plaguewielder" and most other Darkthrone albums (any after "A Blaze") are shit and only give black metal a bad name. Don't buy this. You would be better of just spending your money on drugs or fast food. Both would probably stick with you longer".

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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 7648
Location: Lifeless shadows
PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2017 8:22 am 
 

Dembo wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Darkthrone/Goatlord/1926/SunGodPortal/73868

The first one has the rating 15% but says early on "this review is not so much to critique the music (which totally rules)"...

Well, he does make it fairly clear that the vocals on this release ruin the whole experience for him.

It is very short on description, though.
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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 5253
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2017 9:41 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... nds/29905/

Yet another short review.

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Dembo
Dumbo

Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2006 9:58 am
Posts: 1118
Location: Crippling Velocity
PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2017 10:24 am 
 

Ilwhyan wrote:
Dembo wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Darkthrone/Goatlord/1926/SunGodPortal/73868

The first one has the rating 15% but says early on "this review is not so much to critique the music (which totally rules)"...

Well, he does make it fairly clear that the vocals on this release ruin the whole experience for him.

It is very short on description, though.

It's not a description of the music at all, just an opinion. The review doesn't tell the reader anything about what the music sounds like, thus it being worthless as a review of a work in music.

colin040 wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Lost_Dreams/Where_Gods_Creation_Ends/29905/

Yet another short review.

I clicked on a bunch of that user's reviews and all of them barely reaches the scope of common forum post in any given album thread:
https://www.metal-archives.com/users/Skyklad

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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 7648
Location: Lifeless shadows
PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2017 10:32 am 
 

Dembo wrote:
It's not a description of the music at all, just an opinion. The review doesn't tell the reader anything about what the music sounds like, thus it being worthless as a review of a work in music.

Yeah, I agree that the review barely describes the music at all, besides offering the subjective notion that the vocals sound like vomiting or whatever, and by pointing out that there are also "female" vocals.
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Jophelerx
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:22 pm
Posts: 1184
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2017 3:02 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... Skyklad/96

Too bare bones, plus not a great concept of punctuation/capitalization, either.
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PhilosophicalFrog
The Hypercube

Joined: Thu May 04, 2006 7:08 pm
Posts: 7499
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2017 8:47 pm 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... Face/38250

This is an absolutely terrible review
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 8792
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2017 9:20 pm 
 

Not sure if that warrants rejection, though...

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Metantoine
Big Beautiful Frenchman

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 11662
Location: In the Rectory
PostPosted: Thu Aug 03, 2017 9:24 pm 
 

More like Diamhea_Face, am I right?

Bad review but it seems acceptable.
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CannibalCorpse
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2004 3:55 pm
Posts: 365
Location: Austria
PostPosted: Fri Aug 04, 2017 9:53 am 
 

You gotta bei kidding with the acceptance of that Wintersun 100% review by Livingwave 17.

It's absolutely nondescriptive ("epic sound", "powerful sound", "harsh sound" + another billion mentions of "epic" and "sound") and nothing more but an "epic" sucking up to Jari.

Maybe Jari wrote it himself.

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Wintersun/The_Forest_Seasons/652821/Livingwave17/413797
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 8477
Location: Elgin, Illinois
PostPosted: Fri Aug 04, 2017 11:19 am 
 

It's certainly a weak review and could probably use a proofreader in the future, and the account WAS registered just a few days ago and only has one contribution, but it's still acceptably descriptive (if a bit weak) and is just a fanboy. We have the three pointer option for a reason.
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CannibalCorpse
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2004 3:55 pm
Posts: 365
Location: Austria
PostPosted: Fri Aug 04, 2017 3:49 pm 
 

Yeah, you got a point there, I suppose.
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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 5253
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Sat Aug 05, 2017 5:41 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... Bling/1308

Yet another brief review.

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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 8477
Location: Elgin, Illinois
PostPosted: Sat Aug 05, 2017 11:07 am 
 

poof
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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 5253
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Aug 09, 2017 6:44 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... us/445866/

Another brief one. D:

EDIT: One more

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ic/221860/

EDIT: found yet another one

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... 789/63300/

EDIT: https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... tes/32168/

EDIT: https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... jant/14508 - quite a funny one right there. :lol:

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MDL
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2014 2:12 pm
Posts: 309
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2017 5:33 pm 
 

Both of those below should be deleted. They are weak in content and description and also a poor formatting

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... ath/42701/

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 5253
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 9:39 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... hra/27715/

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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 8477
Location: Elgin, Illinois
PostPosted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 10:18 am 
 

colin040 wrote:
https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Khephra/Khephra/27715/


Oh my goodness :ugh:

motherfucking poof
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Thiestru
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:18 am
Posts: 1785
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2017 12:50 am 
 

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... sephC/8028

This is just a bad review, and I'll exert no more effort in citing it than this person did in writing it.
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into_the_pit
Veteran

Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 7:40 pm
Posts: 2757
Location: Hedonist Occupation Government
PostPosted: Tue Oct 10, 2017 5:00 pm 
 

what about this one?

https://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/ ... ation/959/

as barebones as it gets, apparently the guy was more pissed off by hammerheart records than describing the actual music.
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meshigene
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2016 4:43 pm
Posts: 66
Location: neverwhere
PostPosted: Thu Oct 12, 2017 6:59 am 
 

^ I mean, a good half of Christgau reviews tell me more about the music than that one. And Christgau reviews are much better written, that's for sure.
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