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Rasc
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 9:19 am
Posts: 205
Location: Brazil
PostPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 10:44 am 
 

Should this guy be given a driving license?

We should print this kind of genius to put it in a portfolio. Classics.

WARGOATCULT!

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 8855
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 3:38 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
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MutantClannfear
Veteran

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2969
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 3:59 pm 
 

:lol: I'd accept it. That's pretty great.
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THE OUTER RIM - genre-fuck exquisite corpse avant-garde metal

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Bicro
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Mar 27, 2010 1:21 pm
Posts: 88
PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 4:18 pm 
 

I agree, it's catchy. Best part would be you'd have to click through to get to it.

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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 5923
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 4:29 pm 
 

That's actually brilliant! :D
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DarthVenom
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Sep 28, 2003 10:56 am
Posts: 642
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 4:43 pm 
 

Reminds me of some reviews I've read on sites with tenured reviewers. Like on Satan Stole My Teddybear, their review for Cattle Decapitation - To Serve Man just reads "This just blows."

That Entombed review isn't exactly up to MA par, but funny nonetheless. :-P

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MorbidEngel
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 9:37 pm
Posts: 844
Location: New Jersey
PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 8:31 pm 
 

That one is good for the comedy factor alone.

Well played!
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Occultcannibal
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 7:09 pm
Posts: 48
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 11:12 pm 
 

I lied. This is the best fucking thread on this forum.
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Zodijackyl
Definitely Proportionate

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7004
Location: Longmont Potion Castle
PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 12:14 am 
 

"This is my third review for a Christian metal album. So far only Soul Embraced and Crimson Thorn have done it right. Extol almost had it, but Mortification fails to grasp the concept of playing music that secular music heads will love.

I know this will be very difficult for most people, but hang in there. Imagine that you're in a Christian church singing some hymms when suddenly a Christianized Glen Burton suddenly busts into the church and starts playing death metal riffs around the hymms that are being sung.

Oh and also imagine that Glen Burton is incapable of playing more than a few basic chords. Now that you have done that you can pretty much grasp how Triumph of Mercy sounds. The songs are essentially hymms with all of the instruments written around the vocals, and it gets very boring.

Oh, ToM has some catchy moments but they are very few and far between. For the money I spent, the album wasn't worth it."

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 8855
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 5:41 pm 
 

Really under the gun today:

response to a preset rejection message for especially poor reviews:

Spoiler: show
Image


...and I asked this guy to flesh this one out a bit more, he kept ignoring and resubmitting the same draft, then blew his top!

Spoiler: show
Image
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MorbidEngel
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 9:37 pm
Posts: 844
Location: New Jersey
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 1:06 pm 
 

"Stay secretary!"

OK, umm, what?
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2Eagle333
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2008 8:24 am
Posts: 276
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 3:29 pm 
 

I think they're implying that they should phone home from the green zone.

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TheNiceNightmare
Veteran

Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 5:11 pm
Posts: 3053
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 6:41 am 
 

I would like to take a moment to thank you for your work in keeping this thread alive, Diarrhea. Don't know about anyone else, but you, Diarrhea, ought to be applauded. Thank you, Mr. Diarrhea.

P.S. I assure you, Diarrhea, your poetic virtuality (that's a word now, shut up!) is just fine.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 8855
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 5:05 pm 
 

Old death/blakc that don't need reviews:

Spoiler: show
Image
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Xlxlx
Argentinian Asado Supremacy

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 7459
Location: The Land Down Under (no, not THAT one)
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 5:21 pm 
 

"(...) just Necrosound (....)"

"(...) becoming(more) older (...)"

"(...) more death tan black (...)"

"(...) ´cause their music is from the band to the band, not for the crowd, real underground."

Damn.
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MutantClannfear wrote:
I love that the reviews for the new Dying Fetus get abbreviated on the front page of MA as "Wrong One to Fuck..." Sounds like a remorseful concept album dealing with John Gallagher's experiences with STIs.

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 4751
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 5:29 pm 
 

Quote:
this records was conceived in 1990, but recorded until 2014 taken directly from the demo


:| So did this take 24 years to record or is the recording 24 years long?
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TrooperEd wrote:
"Mainstream" doesn't count unless its American

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Metal_Detector
Reticular Modular Unit

Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:15 pm
Posts: 2074
Location: Forgotten in space
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 5:44 pm 
 

A single drum, ladies and gentlemen. Any more just wouldn't be Necrosound.
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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 4751
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:54 pm 
 

Metal_Detector wrote:
A single drum, ladies and gentlemen. Any more just wouldn't be Necrosound.


Spoiler: show
Image


Necrosound!
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TrooperEd wrote:
"Mainstream" doesn't count unless its American

Last.fm

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Rykov
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:52 pm
Posts: 454
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 3:30 am 
 

Quote:
His guitar work will surely impregnate those old enough to remember South American metal of the late '80s.

There's something beautiful in the simplicity and certainty of this one sentence.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 8855
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 2:27 pm 
 

it worth listening
Spoiler: show
Image

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LeMiserable
Milhouse van Houten

Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2013 7:42 am
Posts: 567
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 10:41 am 
 

but it not worth reading
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tomcat_ha about me bashing BastardHead's musical taste wrote:
i would normally use the saying pot calling the kettle black but in your case its more like a black hole calling a kettle black.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 8855
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 2:11 pm 
 

Zodi asked this guy to fix his grammar, and well...he wasn't having any of it:
Spoiler: show
Image
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Jophelerx
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:22 pm
Posts: 1202
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 2:53 pm 
 

That's beautiful.
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RoyCaesar wrote:
all music sounds pretty much the same, if it didn't, we wouldn't like it

macmoney wrote:
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StainedClass95
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 04, 2014 4:14 am
Posts: 702
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 3:05 pm 
 

^ Are they many like this who get themselves banned after throwing a fit? That's even more a waste of his time than anyone else's.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 8855
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 5:11 pm 
 

StainedClass95 wrote:
^ Are they many like this who get themselves banned after throwing a fit? That's even more a waste of his time than anyone else's.


I hope it doesn't become a trend, but yeah. Lots of these recently. Somewhat disconcerting. I can take the punches though, I'm a man.
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StainedClass95
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 04, 2014 4:14 am
Posts: 702
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 5:50 pm 
 

It just seems so stupid, like I can visualize that guy making minimum wage his whole life kind of stupid.

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Xlxlx
Argentinian Asado Supremacy

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 7459
Location: The Land Down Under (no, not THAT one)
PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2014 2:21 pm 
 

Wasn't aware that you could ruin people's opinions. Good to know.
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MutantClannfear wrote:
I love that the reviews for the new Dying Fetus get abbreviated on the front page of MA as "Wrong One to Fuck..." Sounds like a remorseful concept album dealing with John Gallagher's experiences with STIs.

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Zodijackyl
Definitely Proportionate

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7004
Location: Longmont Potion Castle
PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2014 2:53 pm 
 

I like how the title of the review is "one of the best of gothic rock/metal" and he also uses "gothy" as an insult.

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Smoking_Gnu
Chicago Favorite

Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:22 pm
Posts: 4466
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2014 3:34 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
Lots of these recently. Somewhat disconcerting. I can take the punches though, I'm a man.


You ought to share more of them here, then. :P
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A gritty "Leprechaun In the IRA" reboot sounds pretty awesome, actually. Sample line - "Come have a taste of me lucky ARMS!"

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 5739
Location: Pennsylvania
PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2014 12:12 am 
 

Zodijackyl wrote:
I like how the title of the review is "one of the best of gothic rock/metal" and he also uses "gothy" as an insult.

I'm actually quite interested to know what he's trying to review, just to know what he considers to be "one of the best."
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 8855
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2014 2:29 pm 
 

It was a Theatre of Tragedy album. I forgot which one exactly.

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 5739
Location: Pennsylvania
PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2014 7:38 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
It was a Theatre of Tragedy album. I forgot which one exactly.

If it ain't Velvet Darkness They Fear, the review is bullshit.
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My Most Recent Review: Yona of the Dawn!
Coming Up Next:
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After That: Otaku no Video and The Wings of Honneamise

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 8855
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2014 8:51 pm 
 

Zelkiiro wrote:
Diamhea wrote:
It was a Theatre of Tragedy album. I forgot which one exactly.

If it ain't Velvet Darkness They Fear, the review is bullshit.


I remembered the artwork. It was Aegis.
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Metantoine
Big Beautiful Frenchman

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 11672
Location: In the Rectory
PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 5:11 pm 
 

Take that Andy Sneap!
Image
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 10409
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 6:21 pm 
 

A Canadian actually wrote that?
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TheStormIRide
Jesuscop

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 1819
Location: Brazildonesia
PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 7:30 pm 
 

I liked that Accept album : /
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CF_Mono
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2010 5:21 pm
Posts: 1787
PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 7:34 pm 
 

Man that entombed review was priceless. Dear lord why have I neglected this thread?
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rafa_hell
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:55 pm
Posts: 44
Location: Brazil
PostPosted: Sat Aug 16, 2014 10:01 pm 
 

Good lord, can't believe I never visited this thread, it's just... gold.

That Entombed one was pretty wicked

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 4751
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Aug 17, 2014 12:12 am 
 

The CD was so hot, that it melted right through my player. That's why I couldn't listen to it.
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TrooperEd wrote:
"Mainstream" doesn't count unless its American

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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3792
Location: Fml States of America
PostPosted: Sun Aug 17, 2014 12:13 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
Really under the gun today:

response to a preset rejection message for especially poor reviews:

Spoiler: show
Image

Are you a teacher, statesman?

:lol:
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Thunderwarrior91 wrote:
Quorthon's riffs are fucking bastard

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