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Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sun Oct 20, 2013 10:43 am
Posts: 2
Location: France
PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 9:53 am 

There are different kinds of "bad". There are things that don't interest me, there are things that give me murderous tendencies, and there are very special kind of things who are appreciable, but in the wrong way. That means, so bad they are good. More precisely, so ridiculous and absurd that they can me make laugh hysterically. They are horrible. They have no serious qualities, they are so annoying that they ruin your day. But you can make fun of them, because of their stupidity. We often talk about the "so bad they're good" things. Usually, it is said about movies, but there are musics that match this description too. And Thrash queen's "Ashes to ashes" is one of these.

Who is Thrash queen ? A more accurate question would be "Who were they ?". Originally, Thrash queen was a pretty normal and insignificant band, precisely the kind who is bad because it's not interesting at all. Their sound was very ordinary thrash metal, nothing noticeable, really. They never got much attention, they didn't deserve it anyway, and they disbanded in general indifference. But then came this terrible label, Metal enterprise. They had one speciality, making albums under the names of some obscure bands, which is already not very honorable or respectful of these bands... And I don't know who the hell played on Metal enterprise's albums, but holy shit, how bad were they. They turned mediocre bands into nightmares that must be heard to be believed.

Oh, nightmares that have to be heard to be believed, you think I'm going to far ? Sorry to say this, but I'm not. This "Ashes to ashes" is not just bad played and bad produced, it is also grotesque, ridiculous, all of this. It's almost as if they gathered to talk about all the bad ideas going through their sick minds, and decided to make them even worse than what they had imagined at first. Because who makes a song called "Making love on the electric chair", that doesn't seem to be in any existing language ? Who is lazy and sadistic enough to play seven minutes of the same riff ? And who exactly hires a singer like the one on this album ?

Yep, if the fact that they have a song who litterally plays the same riff over and over didn't turn you off, the vocals will give you nightmares, or at least a headache. What the hell is she trying to do, opera ? is she trying to do a "metal scream", using that term very loosely ? Or has she decided that quiet and intelligible vocals were for poseurs and that she would try to sound like she is losing her sanity ? Or worst, was she some inmate in a psychiatric asylum that Metal enterprise recorded because no one else wanted to be on their album ? She is very good at sounding like a crazy person. In her first line, she yelps. The more the album progresses, the more she sounds hysterical and the less clear her lyrics become. Apparently, the chorus of "Vox of thrash" is "Thrash, thrash ! People, vox of thrash !", but it sounds like "Trash, trash ! People look like trash !". Some of her words, she pronounces them in the strangest way possible. If you recognize them, then you have an exceptionnal hearing.

The lyrics are another point where Thrash queen, well, Metal enterprise, are unbelievably ridiculous. "Vox of thrash" is just... her, she-the-completely-demented-one shouting things about "trash", or if you prefer, "thrash" without a H because her tongue is naturally unable of producing the "th" sound, probably because of some substance abuse. My favorite lines are "Let's make love in the pool ! Let's make love in the refrigerator !" and "'Cause I'm the queen ! The real thing !". Have you said "metal clichés" ? On "Razor", they don't even bother writing lyrics, there's just this mad girl doing the only thing she is good at, yelling. "God save the queen" is just that lyrically, "God saaaaaave the queeeen !". On "Making love on the electric chair", she hits her highest notes, her singing is too ethereal to be understood by us humans who don't hear ultrasounds. And from what I've seen on youtube, the lyrics are some bad imitations of asian languages, such as "La tchi oo ha natch wa zu cha", well, that kind of stuff. Don't look for a real text in this one. And don't look for real instrumentation, it's just uninteresting notes being played randomly and very badly. I don't say "This musician plays bad" so often, but they really deserve it. Don't expect anything to make sense either.

So it seems we have a serious case of bad music, huh ? This is the worst thing ever recorded in metal. Seriously, it could be. What to do with it, then ? Cleanse your ears with better stuff (not so hard to find, don't worry) ? Lock yourself in your room, crying and hating me for subjecting you to this ? Try to buy this CD to burn it and then stomp on it ashes before poisonning your neighbours's dog with it ? Yeah, good option. Or if you want to distract yourself and have a good laugh, try to listen to this. It's the only thing this musical carnage can offer: a good laugh.

How to rate this ? In term of actual quality, a big 0%, or even a -50 if that was possible. In term of "So bad it's good" ? They could get a nice 80%.

Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 4751
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Oct 22, 2013 11:17 am 

I think you want to post this here: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=16487
TrooperEd wrote:
"Mainstream" doesn't count unless its American


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