Hyperbole or not, it still sounds like he is saying that he is confused at how people listen to stuff he hates. That was my first impression.

Well, I will agree that it was worded somewhat oddly but still, you can't really take comments like those at face value, especially in a review.

It makes pretty good sense to me.

To be honest, I also wonder how people can listen to what I consider pure dog shit.

Sometimes I wonder how people can listen to what you like.

It's cos I'm open minded/eclectic/intellectual/non-conformist, you know. It's the cross I have to bear

*Eyes your sig*

I really liked this quote from Noktorn's latest:

Which may explain why I'll never be a jaded reviewer.

And an amusing line from Gunther:

I found these two gems;
BastardHead's new Cryptopsy
'New vocalist Matt McGachy is decent by deathcore standards, so I guess he fits... But then again, I'm not going to compliment a complete dickhead for being really good at kicking me in the balls'

and a old classic;

UltraBoris on Opeth in a Running Wild review (just discovered that band, pretty cool)
'Should you get this album? Nah, classic metal sucks. Keep jerking off to Opeth.'

Bastardhead is funny that way. I remember I was trying to find the right words to criticize him with way back at the start of his reviewing career, and I realize that I wanted to say something like "goes overboard too much." But now it seems like he does it so well that it doesn't matter at all.

Going overboard is fun, I do it quite a bit in my reviews generally going on tangents and rants about extreme metal fans not liking rock music. I've just submitted another Motorhead review for Bastards with one in.

Yeah, it's nothing to criticize for, makes for very good reviews. Haha.

I just deleted an incredibly shitty little review from '05, but I felt the title was worth preserving: "It is like Jesus, but real"

Asphyxia666 should be congratulated at least for making me smirk a bit.

Anyone notice Phuling had 80ish reviews accepted on the 19th? What the christ?

'Zine writer, just submitted his whole back catalogue en masse.

Oh, well that makes sense of course.

From Dulthasil's recent critique of Bonded by Blood:
http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=728#147299

"Allow me to rant for a second. To claim to hate posers, who prize image over the music, for Exodus is at least ironic and possibly hypocritical. How so many metalheads don't see the image over music here is unbelievable (although image is an important part of all music). Part of this kind of thrash is to be seen to be into it to prove a point, and it really is not a small part. This is as much to do with image as say Beyonce (yes that is an extreme example), here it seems to be image and ticking boxes over quality and quite frankly bands like this with the same message and similar music are ten a penny. Though people talk of female fronted metal or power metal being over-subscribed, just go look at the quantity of thrash bands just on this website and compare, it would appear almost every high school in the world has its own thrash band, which genre is truly oversubscribed? Why? Because its simple to write and not as difficult as "teh riffs!" enthusiasts would have you think to play. My apologies for the somewhat personal agenda here but it needs to be said."

Allow me to ask what hes babbling about up there?

"{A lesson in violence" however is a terrible song; from the opening riff it screams tiresome thrash monotony. This is the problem with this album, filler."

Yeah, sure.

"...when stretched to being used for roughly 35 minutes of a 50 minute album it does begin to drag."

Try 40.

"...as anyone who uses the name of the genre in a song title is either retarded or satirical and its doubtful this album is the latter."



"All forms of vocals have their merits except punk vocals and that’s what this is. The hardcore element is very obvious here and it makes the music grate."

Has he even heard punk or hardcore vocals?

I thought he was going to have a decent point about 'poseurs' and thrash, but my God that was horribly phrased. Gives me a headache just to read it.

Yeah, agreed.

Honestly, having read it, I was considering nuking it the whole time for its copious errors. I mean seriously, he misspells the goddamn album title, and uses the wrong its/it's at least twice; did he proofread at all, or just spellcheck and submit? For such a well-known album with so many reviews I think our standards ought to be higher. Any other opinions?

If I weren't studying for exams I'd purge the album in general. I would have little objection to deleting it, save for the lack of contrary opinions there. Perhaps we can wait a few weeks. I'll post my own (somewhat) negative review and at that time nuke the write-up in question.

William_747 on Between the Buried and Me - Colors:

Mmm... m'kay...? Obviously I'm not a part of the underground, but this seems like something to be found in a pretentious review of a crappy black metal demo from Uzbekistan...

Sounds reasonable. I certainly would've deleted the review without a second thought if it hadn't been one of only two that didn't acclaim it as a masterpiece, but if you care to donate a better one then I doubt anyone will have compunctions about deleting it.

OSS's review of Yngwie Malmsteen - Rising Force

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=313

even though I completely disagree with him, it's hands down the funniest review on the site.

From Desecrator_666's review of Behemoth - Demigod:

Why is this hilarious, you ask?

Go check out the reviewer's profile.

Sooooooo... who read the newest The Stench of Redemption review? It's nice to have a dissenting opinion in there, but there are some spots that made me go "ugh".

First off, saying some things reminded him of Job for a Cowboy's Genesis? What the fuck, that came out afterwards, no need to slag off on a band that another band sounds like. Also, it seems odd that he points out Desecration for having an awesome solo that doesn't fit the song, as it's easily the most atonal solo on the entire record, thus not having much merit to blame Santolla. I personally thought Santolla's presence was the breath of fresh air that Deicide needed, because they were indisputably becoming stale quick. Not lambasting the review, just disagreeing and pointing out some bizarre criticisms.

The word 'neo-thrash' appeared during one of the paragraphs for the latest review of Death Angel's 'Killing Season'. Needless to say I pretty much stopped reading around about there.

I was reading a review of Realm - Suiciety by WigglyPete, and I found this passage hilarious. I haven't stopped giggling for like 30 minutes, haha.

That pretty much means that he reads the metal-observer.com (only place I've seen it used). I used the term until I was around here for a while, I don't like half-thrash as a term, but hell, I want to fit in with everyone.

From droneriot's latest review



Hilarious, I couldn't have said it better.

I've finished my review, and I'm about to post it. I decided to try to write this one more in the vein of my older stuff, as opposed to the slightly stilted style I seem to have affected on some recent works. We'll see what people think.

On a side note, having reread Duthasil's review in its entirety, I think (minor proofreading problems aside) the largest problem with it is the incoherent rant at the end which Gutterscream posted. If he rewrites or eliminates it, I think the piece is fine. I've contacted him suggested he fix it. Its ultimate salvation is up to him now.

Perusing some of Napero's work again for a grin on this overcast Saturday afternoon as I look upon Heavy Load's debut with review potential in my eyes - from Master of Puppets:

"I think most of the people who say they dislike MoP were still building sandcastles or learning not to wet their beds in 1986."

"Two years later I was a handsome, long-haired thrash Hercules with a beutifully matured and muscularly symmetric body, and MoP had played an important part in the incredible transformation from a tapeworm-colored 70-pound nerd into the beautiful (and largely fictional) mosh-Jesus."

"The song was Master of Puppets itself, and it was an exhilarating, confusing sonic blast. The bus driver, probably something like thirty or forty years old, and as far from a metalhead as anyone without a walker can be, had the radio on, and there it was, in the middle of the easy-listen radio show, a ruthless piece of thrash."

"We would all be listening to elevator muzak pan flute synth versions of The Beatles if it weren't for them. Yup, Alphaville would have claimed a two-inch space on YOUR CD shelf without Black Sabbath."

Actually, to this day I still haven't heard Alphaville, or if I have it's flown right by me.

"And those few times were witnessed by just a tiny handful of people, before the albums gradually became recognized long after Master of Puppets had sold a million copies."

I recently rejected a Kill 'em All review by someone that was one of the zillion to think the minute KEA hit the racks everyone was running around town with it, giving it to grandmothers on their birthday, and anyone with half a mullet was blasting it from their parent's car while sitting in the passenger seat, because y'know, Megaforce with its Imporant (the name of the distro company, just in case you're outta the loop) distribution were right up there with BMG and Columbia when it came to circulation.

"Try to explain something about Artillery's Fear of Tomorrow or Dark Angel's Darkness Descends to those people, and you get the same "get out of here, you untidy weirdo" look you'd give a flaming indie movie buff trying to tell you about the newest art movie with sexual minority cowboys eating quiche;"

There are tons more, but I may as well paste the entire article here.
http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=547#25436

The term 'Mosh-Jesus' might be the funniest I've come across on the site.

Your review was pretty good, though I'd probably like it more if I agreed with it completely. Some points struck home, but I'm not sure the opening paragraph was explored sufficiently to merit inclusion; then again, I'm much more of a straight man when it comes to reviews, so you needn't pay attention. As for the overall prognosis, I'd probably give BBB an 86% or so, as I agree with some of your qualms but don't believe they're as dire as you make them out to be. Of course, I'm not really a serious thrash fan, so again my opinion here isn't to be taken without a grain of salt. Anyway, I think it's pretty safe to say yours is by far the best negative review for the album yet.

As much as I love the album (Bonded..that is), it's a great review and very convincingly argued once again from OSS. I don't care much whether the big 4 deserve their lofty status or not but hey, that's just me. I also agree with failsafeman that while Bonded is definitely not the modicum of musical perfection, its flaws are not so serious as to take away too much from the album. If I were asked to write it from the point of view of somebody who doesn't really dig Exodus - which I am not-, I would still give an 80 because it has everything a thrash fan looks forward to. And as much I lament their second-tier status, the truth is when I whirred the album for the first time, I didn't know anything about their background and yet, it was an instant hit with me because well...that is the effect it has on most thrash fans. Perhaps ultimately unremarkable but inexplicably always memorable.

The bit about Exodus versus the Big Four is more just me scratching an itch than trying to take anything away from the record. It's very trendy for historical revisionists to claim Exodus would somehow have been anointed King Thrash if they'd only shipped their album a bit earlier, which isn't the case. Regardless, people love the album, and it's a classic. I'm aware that I'm not going to change everybody's opinions. I just find the record rather boring aside from Baloff, and find myself wishing he'd had a better/crazier band backing him.

I found his crazy vocals annoying as hell, and I completely agree about the boring music. Which basically means I don't like Exodus very much.

The vocals are actually just good to me, nothing amazing, but definitely above average. The riffs are what make that album a classic to me. It seems like almost every single riff is totally amazing. The song structure is pretty formulaic, though.

Nevertheless, OSS' review was a good read.

the_ghoul is a retard.



Fair enough if this was post-justice, but how on earth did AJFA make any concessions to the fans?



Does Hetfield use even ONE "yeah" in AJFA? being someone who has thrashed this album to death, I would say "No".


He gave Darkthrone's 'Transilvanian Hunger' 0%, and Sleep's Dopesmoker 25% (another review that just screams HAY GUYS I MISSED TEH POINT).. but gave yngwie a couple of really good reviews. I have a feeling this guy is setting out with the intention of annoying me as much as possible.

I remember reading a review where the reviewer said that "the band is as tight as Scrooge McDuck during an economic crisis" or something like that. Too bad I can't remember which band the review was for.

Haha I just came across this in Diarrhea_Face's review of Peste Noire's 'Folkfuck Folie'



Great imagery combined with a sense of humour.