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DaBuddha
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Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2005 8:30 pm
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Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 1:45 pm 
 

I have had depression for many years and recently it has reared it's head again, but this time it's even worse. There are days when getting out of bed takes all of my energy. I haven't been able to sleep well and I have no appetite. So I've taken up drinking to deal with the problem. Not every day but maybe 3-4 times a week. I know this is one of the worst things I can do but when I'm drinking I just forget everything and, even for a little bit everything is at ease. I also have anxiety, especially around other people so some days I just think, what's the point?

I'm not seeing any doctor right now but it's something that I am considering and would like to do.
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droneriot
cisgender

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 1:54 pm 
 

Well, Step 1: See a doctor. All other steps can follow.
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Grave_Wyrm
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Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 1:54 pm 
 

DaBuddha wrote:
I'm not seeing any doctor right now but it's something that I am considering and would like to do.

Do so soon. Drinking a little is fine, but trying to stabilize with recurring massive hangovers is difficult enough to do without depression. Or, since it can be pretty overwhelming, ask someone to find one for you. And ask them to schedule you a cab. You'll barely have to make any decisions yourself and it will get the ball rolling.

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henkkjelle
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Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2011 3:54 pm
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 2:48 pm 
 

Kveldulfr wrote:
[Given this thread already exists, I think it's better to bump this one instead doing a new one]

I took an exam which determined I 'definitely' have some degree of autism/Asperger.

I honestly feel quite good with myself as I am and I've always been like that, since when I was a child I was diagnosed with the same thing but it never meant any kind of problem/impairment; I just lived with that and, after successful social life (to my standards at least), I thought it was on the past or at least it was irrelevant. Lately I've been thinking about it given that now I live in the most desolate way I've been in my life and I feel really good about it. Then I thought about this and took an exam/test.

It's not like it's a problem to me (as I said, I feel very good with myself and I like how I am), but after talking with my gf she thinks I should get at least some advices from a specialist, which I'll probably do within the next 2-3 weeks. My family also thinks there's 'something wrong' with me, given I've been less socially active than before (I haven't seen them in like a month, and before that 3 months passed). In a similar way, I've lost contact with plenty of friends, only for my 'isolation' that has been getting deeper. Still, I made a new 'group' of friends which we go out some weekends to parties or concerts (I've been attending more gigs lately than the past 2 years).

One of the reasons for this isolation thing from other people is that I have more time to enjoy my hobbies. Now I watch more movies/anime, I read more, hike more, train more, play games more and such (within all these things I have my gf which is pretty cool and we're doing really well and also this 'party' group - we already have booked some of gigs, including Das Ich, Master, Venom Inc, Clan of Xymox and VNV Nation).

If I remember well, some people here also has some degree of autism/asperger, so I would like to get some feedback from you or people who has seen this from a closer perspective.


I'm actually going through roughly the same kind of thing. I haven't done a real test yet, but I did visit a specialist. Well, maybe not a specialist per see, but the dude is part of my general practitioner clinique and is qualified. We discussed a test I did when I was about 11/12 years old. The tests conclusion was that I probably had some degree of autism/asperger based on the pretty noticable difference between my verbal IQ and my performance IQ. Basically I had a pretty high verbal IQ but a lower performance IQ. My social skills were also found to be lacking.

When I look back at the last 6-ish years during which I attented a couple different schools, certain things do stand out. For example when I attended a pavement laying course with my class I had a really (and I mean really) hard time translating theory to practice. For some reason my brain couldn't take the information it just processed and understood and use it in an actual situation. All the other people in my class eventually managed to complete the task. I didn't, which sucked. I got more examples but I'll leave it at this one. Right now I still experience this gap between the two but not as much as in the past. Now I mostly experience it in the form of having a hard time writing assignments even if I understand the theory.

On a social level I have always been less social than the average person and in my earlier teens I was THE awkward long haired dude archetype, but I grew out of that. I still don't attend a lot of social gatherings but when I do I'm perfectly fine. I just don't feel the need for them all that much.

So at the end of my talk with the general practitioner dude he came to the conclusion that it could be a couple different things. It could be add, it could be another type of learning disorder, or it could be a type of asperger. He couldn't really detect any social disorder resembling asperger but going from my past experiences it still could be. I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out to be just that.

I haven't followed up the talk with a test or a visit to a specialist. I probably will at some point but right now I'm not facing any unconquerable problems.

All in all this is not actual feeback as I'm just starting to figure this out as well, but I will be following this thread closely.
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Grave_Wyrm
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 3:14 pm 
 

Diagnosing children (and adolescents for that matter) is pretty difficult, considering the attending physiological and identity development, so it's good that you both have gone/will continue to go to specialists as adults. It must be difficult to differentiate social anxiety from a social disorder. I definitely recommend continuing talking to a therapist or some such so you can get an accurate handle on the actual situation beyond the general placement of an exam for inclusion in a spectrum.

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WillyB
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Joined: Sun Aug 16, 2015 1:07 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 3:18 pm 
 

Didn't know there was a thread on this, feels good to read some other stories about things like this.
I deal with Borderline Personality Disorder. Pretty hard to describe how it affects me personally other than my mood will randomly plummet and then go back to normal, and I have tendencies to push people away and all kinds of other shit. Really fucks with my daily life and relationships, and I'll eventually find some help for it but right now that doesn't seem to be an option because of money. It's been getting worse now that I've gotten out of school and moved out on my own and stress is much higher.
One day I'll get something to help out but right now I'm not really feeling like being told things I already know and have no way to fix.
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droneriot
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 3:23 pm 
 

You need a DBT group. Some of them are specificially for people low on funds/no insurance, if you like in a big city.
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MikeyC
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Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:16 am
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Location: Australia
PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 7:06 pm 
 

DaBuddha wrote:
I have had depression for many years and recently it has reared it's head again, but this time it's even worse. There are days when getting out of bed takes all of my energy. I haven't been able to sleep well and I have no appetite. So I've taken up drinking to deal with the problem. Not every day but maybe 3-4 times a week. I know this is one of the worst things I can do but when I'm drinking I just forget everything and, even for a little bit everything is at ease. I also have anxiety, especially around other people so some days I just think, what's the point?

I'm not seeing any doctor right now but it's something that I am considering and would like to do.

Depression sucks so much.

Mate, I strongly recommend seeing a doctor. It's a hard step - probably one of the hardest because it seems like you're succumbing - but if you're keen on getting your life straightened out, it's honestly the best one you can take. They can set you up with a psychologist or at least give you some numbers that you can call. Don't use alcohol as a crutch, because that'll just make things worse.

If it's not too personal, can I ask why it's come back again?
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Arkhane
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Joined: Mon Aug 30, 2010 3:39 pm
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 12:52 am 
 

Mikey, I'm in almost the exact same boat (only without the alcohol). Sometimes it just comes back for no reason at all.

You can't wait any more to seek help, DaBuddha. Get it addressed, so you can get that much closer to beating it. I can't get out of bed or off the couch at times either. Just the thought of getting up seems pointless and wasteful, and it usually results in the entire day being wasted. But you just gotta ask yourself, "do you want to repeat this everyday for the rest of your life?" And then answer either with "yes" or "no".

Depression absolutely sucks. Your primary doctor can refer you to a psychiatrist if you need one. And they CANNOT force you to take any medications if you don't want to. Although, they do help.
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MikeyC
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 3:54 am 
 

Arkhane wrote:
Mikey, I'm in almost the exact same boat (only without the alcohol). Sometimes it just comes back for no reason at all.

It can, yes. I am in a much better headspace now than about three years ago, but even now it comes back randomly. While I'm better, I doubt I'll ever be "cured," as you can probably relate to.

Glad you don't use alcohol, but it's still a bad feeling not being able to get off the couch. Are you seeing a doctor/psychologist?
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Back Stabbath
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 5:12 am 
 

I've been diagnosed schizophrenic since I was 14, I'm currently 38. I do not believe I'm schizophrenic at all. The sig post below is wonderful for me. It shows me how others percieve me. I currently don't take any drugs other than the big three: nicotine, caffeine and alcohol. I consider myself very humorous, fun loving, deeply spiritual, socially aware, and a royal pain in the arse.

I've been through a plethora of medications for my disease. Stelazine in the 90s (that was awful, thus the song I wrote about it in my shitty industro-punk band) and until the last time I got out of a psyche ward I was on Suzy-Q (quietipine), essentially sleeping pills with street value. I've lost many friends because of my diagnosis. I've currently been homeless for over a year. But I'm loved and respected by many, including all those who put me up and let me use their internet.

My last psychiatrist (who got me off the CTO or Community Treatment Order that put me inside last time) said I should NEVER take medication unless I feel I need to, and that I'm higher functioning for someone with my condition.
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Kveldulfr
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 8:29 am 
 

Arkhane wrote:

Depression absolutely sucks. Your primary doctor can refer you to a psychiatrist if you need one. And they CANNOT force you to take any medications if you don't want to. Although, they do help.


It depends.

I had a gf some years ago who had depression. She took her medication daily and was pretty stable overall, to the point she thought she wouldn't need it anymore. Around 2 weeks after that decision (which I didn't know about), she failed a vital exam at Uni. She said she needed to 'sleep well', so she took a pill and then she slept (around 1:30 am) I was awaken by no apparent reason around 3:00 am, went to the bathroom and found an empty package of pills. I thought that she could have taken the last one of the package but I tried to wake her to ask about it.

I couldn't. She was sleeping way too deeply according to my experience living with her. Tried to make her talk and I managed to get some consciousness from her, then she said she took 3 pills (which is still a lot). Then I took her on my arms and went to the nearest hospital. No taxi or people were around so I had to walk all the way to there (which took around 30 minutes, it wasn't that close). In short, she took 17 Clonazepam pills, which she managed to say after detox and reanimation. The doctor said that she was alive only cause I took her there on time.

Depending on the patient's condition, the medication shouldn't be overlooked. Now, the solution of the depressive issue it not on the medication but on each people's life and there's a moment when you have to face it and fight. I had depression on my teens, which I managed to overcome without medication.
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Arkhane
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 11:51 am 
 

Yes, I am seeing a psychiatrist. They have me on Welbutrin and Clonazepam for anxiety. It can be a daily fight, which I just don't have the stamina for at times (hence the medications), especially if there are four to five months of said fights.

Kveldulfr, dude that's awesome of you. Y'all didn't have an ambulance service?
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Kveldulfr
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 3:45 pm 
 

Arkhane wrote:

Kveldulfr, dude that's awesome of you. Y'all didn't have an ambulance service?


I was on a very rural town so ambulances were a no-no. I don't feel really well about it since was not pretty. After the incident, I had to go with her everywhere (Uni, doctors, etc which 'entrusted her to me'). I didn't mind at first, but her erratic behaviour proved to be really problematic for us.

Basically, besides her depression, she showed a pretty immature side of her that complicated the relationship. I had to leave and it was a good decision - she faked a pregnancy test to make me come back to her town, only for her period to suddenly appear, which made her confess -. Next day she saw her ex bf on her house for no apparent reason (I arrived later but I saw both of them talking outside), so I picked my stuff and left (she begged me to stay, which I refused). For 2 weeks straight she called me and begged to resume the relationship, then she dropped it for a while, until she called me saying she had a new bf and was having a good time. She's a girl of the local metal scene with plenty of friends - whom I know many as well - but I haven't seen her again for good (although I know she's at least alive since she's involved with metal propaganda and flyer designs). I really doubt she even felt a bit grateful about the hospital thing and I don't really care. Hope she's doing better now.
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MikeyC
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Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:16 am
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 7:34 pm 
 

Kveldulfr: That's a hell of a story, man. Probably a good thing you ended it with her but at the same time it's nice to be directly involved in saving someone's life.

Arkhane wrote:
Yes, I am seeing a psychiatrist. They have me on Welbutrin and Clonazepam for anxiety. It can be a daily fight, which I just don't have the stamina for at times (hence the medications), especially if there are four to five months of said fights.

Yeah, that's a long time of fighting. Hope you see the light at the end of this tunnel at some stage. :)
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droneriot
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 7:36 pm 
 

You suffer from anxiety and they give you Wellbutrin? That's the most anxiety-increasing antidepressant there is.
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CorpseFister
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 8:02 pm 
 

Is it? I have a friend with the anxiety + depression combo and Wellburtin was really helpful for her.

Anyway, it's coming up on my yearly bout with seasonal affective disorder. Which apparently has been reclassified as just depression with a seasonal pattern, which makes sense to me. I've got a plan this year though, gonna get one of those lights that mimic sunlight, and even though apathy and lack of energy tend to shut down any activity I'm gonna plow forward with weekly band practice and bi-weekly D&D. Just try to force myself to stay engaged with people, ya know? Plus I've got a friend who has made me promise to check in with her on a regular basis, so hopefully winter 2015/2016 will be better than last year.

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Arkhane
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Joined: Mon Aug 30, 2010 3:39 pm
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Location: South Texas
PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 8:03 pm 
 

droneriot wrote:
You suffer from anxiety and they give you Wellbutrin? That's the most anxiety-increasing antidepressant there is.

Doesn't seem to do that to me. I tried Prozac, and I nearly lost my mind when I experienced it's, uh, bedroom side effects. I also tried Abilify, which gave me so many anxiety attacks in one night, I felt like my heart was gonna stop beating.

MikeyC, I'll be alright man. I really do appreciate your support.
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Arkhane
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 8:06 pm 
 

Kvelduffr, you are still a good man to do something like that. Poor girl had her problems, but I'd have left her ass too. I just hope she's still getting the help she needs.
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Kveldulfr
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 18, 2015 9:41 pm 
 

Arkhane wrote:
Kvelduffr, you are still a good man to do something like that. Poor girl had her problems, but I'd have left her ass too. I just hope she's still getting the help she needs.


I don't know, but looks like she's 'fine'. I'm not interested on getting in touch with her again, but Facebook reminded me of her recently with the 'memories' feature (Something I wrote long time ago had a 'like' from her profile - which it seems to still exist).

MikeyC wrote:
Kveldulfr: That's a hell of a story, man. Probably a good thing you ended it with her but at the same time it's nice to be directly involved in saving someone's life.


When I said it had a bitter taste, I really meant it. I didn't help her to be praised for or even a damn 'thanks', but she was really awful with me after that and I think it was for the better to not get in touch again, not even as a friend or something. Some people is just toxic.

I don't know, but looks like I've attracted people with such problems in plenty. Other 2 gf and a friend were in similar conditions.

About the friend, she was like 8 years younger than me, so she called me 'brother' often. She was quite pretty and smart but had a problem: she would fall 'in love' for everyone, all the time. She told me all kind of stories and I gave her some basic and common sense advices (she lived in another city, like 400 km apart; via my work I had to travel there often, so we could met and talk more in person).

At one of those meetings I met her then boyfriend, which was around my age (if not a bit older). I had the worst of the impressions at first sight (where I never fail, mind you) so I told her. She didn't take it seriously, but man... the guy was married and had 2 children. This girl was with him and then she knew, so she didn't know what to do... the guy was her teacher in her last year of secondary. She even met the wife plenty of times after he revealed himself, which he only did when this girl told him her period wouldn't come in 1 and half months.

In short, all the town knew about it and hell was spawned; the guy was charged and she was stigmatized by all her friends and relatives about being a whore (her town is of the 'conservative' kind)... Depression was just one of her problems. Then when I tried to support her, she confused all the stuff and declared her 'love' to me (the girl was quite unstable - probably bipolar - and used the 'love' excuse to get company and support), she was so messed up that I recommended her to get a specialist so she wouldn't do something stupid, that she should try to get real help - she attempted suicide but failed. In the meanwhile she had another bf, which contacted me once to ask me about how she was doing (they were together for short but he still had feelings for her). I got some distance once I knew she was seeing the married man in hiding. I told her that it was her life and tried to give her some advice but she just ignored everyone who tried to help her. Then I said her that I didn't want to know about it cause I thought she would only suffer more and more, that if she didn't want to get help, then she had to face consequences as a woman. That was the last time I knew about her.

From what I've gathered, looks like these kind of situations are really common. I've met people who has suffered way too much.
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droneriot
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 7:59 am 
 

Last two days I've had a serious depression relapse, and I wondered what changed, what might have caused it. Then I realised it's that I started taking benzos. So I'm going to avoid them from now on and see if it improves.
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Expedience
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 6:52 pm 
 

I think I now have an appreciation for how crippling anxiety can be. Constant fatigue, restlessness, any wrong food (sugar, simple carbs, caffeine, alcohol) sends you into a state feeling like somewhere between mania and psychosis for days. The worst part is that any stress just shuts the body down and your brain just doesn't work, making you unable to function or communicate properly. Medication doesn't do much except slow the physical effects like racing heartbeat, but it also gives appallingly real and vivid nightmares and insomnia. The only things that help are exercise and meditation so I guess that's all I can do for now.

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Diamhea
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 7:05 pm 
 

droneriot wrote:
Last two days I've had a serious depression relapse, and I wondered what changed, what might have caused it. Then I realised it's that I started taking benzos. So I'm going to avoid them from now on and see if it improves.


Are you prescribed those? Doesn't seem like a safe move with your addiction history either way.
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droneriot
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 7:12 pm 
 

Most anxiety on a clinicial level, like any kind of anxiety disorder, can actually only be effectively helped with one thing, exposure. Used to have a really massive case of panic disorder, and I got out of it by going into the situations that caused panic attacks every day over and over again, and it only got better after months of doing that. I'm tackling my social anxiety issue in much the same way, but that's an ongoing process.

Yes, exercise and meditation definitely help. But getting rid of the thing usually requires going head on.

-edit- @Diamhea, yes, of course. But I hadn't gotten any for months (by choice) and only got a new prescription because I thought the current stress was too much for me, but it turned out benzos do more harm than good for my mental state.
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Expedience
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2015 7:38 pm 
 

Exposure doesn't really work with generalised anxiety unless it has a specific situational trigger. I don't believe I have social anxiety. I'm not afraid of social situations, only a little bit uncomfortable. But I can stay home all day and feel absolutely horrible and anxious. It definitely has a biochemical basis which I don't fully understand, but considering it got much worse a year ago when I had surgery and was on morphine-based pain meds for a month I would say post-acute withdrawal may have something to do with it. Years ago I was somewhat addicted to prescription painkillers I took for chronic pain and I don't think I've ever fully recovered from that.

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stefan86
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2015 4:42 am 
 

The feeling of uncontrol that comes when you realize that you feel like shit and it has nothing to with any logical factor is just sick. Got that a lot lately, along with manic highs that come out of nowhere and makes me ultra productive for an hour or two. Something wrong with the balance there, for sure.
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Diamhea
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PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2015 11:01 am 
 

Expedience wrote:
Years ago I was somewhat addicted to prescription painkillers I took for chronic pain and I don't think I've ever fully recovered from that.


Honestly I don't believe you ever fully recover. It permanently fucks with the synapses in your brain.
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Back Stabbath
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2015 8:24 am 
 

You sir, are right. The only actual proven thing about my condition is the synaptic "firing" or "responses" are different from whatever is standard. It isn't a medical condition, it can't be cured with medicine if you have it, but if you fuck up your brain enough you (apparently) can get it.
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droneriot
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2015 3:14 pm 
 

What are your symptoms? Friend of mine was a long time hard drug user, and he is diagnosed with all sorts of stuff, too, but he doesn't actually have any mental issues aside from depression. He just complains about really strong painful cramp-like sensations in his head.
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Back Stabbath
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2015 8:13 pm 
 

I'm not entirely sure who that question is directed towards, but I'll assume it's me.

I've experience quite a few of the "classic" symptoms. Anhedonia, auditory hallucinations, catatonia, asociality and word salad all occur randomly throughout my life. I don't really exist in a psychotic state, thus am actually more likely technically schizo-affective rather than schizophrenic - but last time I was institutionalised the diagnosis wasn't changed.

I'll re-enforce something I have stated a fair few times. I'm not a hard drug user, although I've used quite a plethora of them just to experience the effects, but never for any extended period. I was diagnosed way before I did any of that, and I don't take drugs anymore.
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DaBuddha
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2015 12:25 am 
 

Well, I'm finally seeing a therapist after I had an incident when I was at work last Thursday. Basically I got to work and just felt absolutely horrible that day, walked up to the HR department, and laid it all out that I was planning to kill myself that night after work. Needless to say, they scrambled around and got me on the phone with a counselor and proceeded to call the EMTs to take me to the hospital. Had I not done so that night, I would be dead right now, or at least in the hospital for attempted suicide.

I didn't commit myself, though looking back perhaps I should have. But... I feel better today, though it comes and goes. Some days I'll feel really bad and then 20 minutes later I feel decent. I'm hoping to see a psychiatrist here soon. I just can't live like this anymore.
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JohnTheDrummer
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Joined: Sat May 12, 2007 2:25 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2015 12:25 am 
 

I haven't checked this thread before, but wanted to share my own personal story...

I have been a long time sufferer of Anxiety/Panic disorders. I know my Anxiety was bad back in Middle/High School, but it wasn't until after High School that the Panic Attacks started coming. They would get better for a while, then come back, and it was usually when the weather would change or something. I won't go into every little detail about my history with it because we'd be here for a while :lol: , but more recently the Panic Attacks have subsided for the most part. I still get the occasional one, but they aren't nearly as intense as they once were. It's mainly just feeling anxious now, especially when standing in line at a store or bank. I think my anxiety has worsened recently because I am sidelined with a shoulder injury and cannot drum too much, causing my main stress outlet to be almost gone.

This website REALLY helped me out. There is a huge list of all the symptoms of having Anxiety/Panic Attacks, and it really mellows me out everytime I feel some chest tightness or weird feeling.
http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms.shtml

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droneriot
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 10:52 am 
 

Interesting, I noticed something today. Every time my mind is having issues, my digestive tract is having issues, too, like stomach ache and bloating. Today I had it bad again in the morning, as almost always, went to work, it went away. Went home to take a break, immediately back. Went back to work, gone. Went home for another break, back. I noticed before when I go to the gym and to guitar lessons that it goes away, but never this immediately. There's either something my mind hates about being home or likes about being active.
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Arkhane
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Joined: Mon Aug 30, 2010 3:39 pm
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Location: South Texas
PostPosted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 10:59 am 
 

droneriot wrote:
Interesting, I noticed something today. Every time my mind is having issues, my digestive tract is having issues, too, like stomach ache and bloating. Today I had it bad again in the morning, as almost always, went to work, it went away. Went home to take a break, immediately back. Went back to work, gone. Went home for another break, back. I noticed before when I go to the gym and to guitar lessons that it goes away, but never this immediately. There's either something my mind hates about being home or likes about being active.

There could be something in your home that may be stimulating that kind of mental instability. Carbon monoxide perhaps? Or mold. Either way, it's probably a long shot, but I'd suggest looking into that.
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Smoking_Gnu
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 01, 2015 11:09 am 
 

While I've never had any serious mental issues, I've always noticed bad stomachaches make feel negative and moody unlike any other kind of physical discomfort. I mean obviously you'll probably be in a bad mood if you're in pain, but stomach discomfort seems to intensify it in an entirely unique way. Probably unrelated to what you were experiencing, but I thought the correlation I've seen on my end was interested.
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MikeyC
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 6:00 am 
 

DaBuddha wrote:
Well, I'm finally seeing a therapist after I had an incident when I was at work last Thursday. Basically I got to work and just felt absolutely horrible that day, walked up to the HR department, and laid it all out that I was planning to kill myself that night after work. Needless to say, they scrambled around and got me on the phone with a counselor and proceeded to call the EMTs to take me to the hospital. Had I not done so that night, I would be dead right now, or at least in the hospital for attempted suicide.

I didn't commit myself, though looking back perhaps I should have. But... I feel better today, though it comes and goes. Some days I'll feel really bad and then 20 minutes later I feel decent. I'm hoping to see a psychiatrist here soon. I just can't live like this anymore.

Yeah, wow. That's intense, man. Good to see you told someone and it has helped. Hope you feel better.
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LordStenhammar
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 7:49 am 
 

Still here, still schitzophrenic (you find my story from the first page). But I'm doing alot better now. Cut my drinking in half, started eating vegetables and began jogging and lifting weights - very lightly though from now on. All this because I had these unreal fears, slept badly, experieced sleep paralysis almost every night (be gone, Lilith!) and always woke up shivering. Also had a brief period of not eating my pills. That was not a very wise idea. But yeah, life tastes like life again. Maybe the next 10 years of my life will be happier than the last.
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Arkhane
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Joined: Mon Aug 30, 2010 3:39 pm
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Location: South Texas
PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 11:28 am 
 

ScandalfTheShite wrote:
Still here, still schitzophrenic (you find my story from the first page). But I'm doing alot better now. Cut my drinking in half, started eating vegetables and began jogging and lifting weights - very lightly though from now on. All this because I had these unreal fears, slept badly, experieced sleep paralysis almost every night (be gone, Lilith!) and always woke up shivering. Also had a brief period of not eating my pills. That was not a very wise idea. But yeah, life tastes like life again. Maybe the next 10 years of my life will be happier than the last.

That's awesome news, man. My best friend is P. schizophrenic and his eating/exercise is almost non existent.
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LordStenhammar
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 11:57 am 
 

Thanks. And about your friend: Don't know him of course, but sometimes it doesn't help even if you have friends/other caring people around you, if you have completely lost your willpower. The strength to change things has to come from the inside. At my worst times many of my friends stopped being in contact with me - propably because they didn't knew what to say to me to cheer me up. And it didn't help that I got almost completely isolated from the other people. Don't miss those times.
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droneriot
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2015 12:43 pm 
 

@DaBuddha, did you just go look for a therapist and started seeing one after that incident? Because over here, if you want to see a therapist, you're put on a waiting list of up to six months. I've been trying to see a therapist since July and I'm still not seeing one. Almost all I called had no openings, and the one I did find by chance who had an opening placed me on his waiting list, and for months I've been waiting.
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