I have been reading this thread over time as a bit of a voyeur, but as of recently this issue has hit close to home. My son has been on a steady decline for some time now - the magnitude of which we just realized because he had to be hospitalized last week due to a panic attack. Looking back, it started with him going to college a few years ago and has progressed to the point where, as parents, we're at a loss.

As background, he is my wife's son from her first marriage. After her divorce, we got custody of him and his sister, but not before some damage was inflicted by his biological father and stepmother. He came to live with us and seemed to be doing fine - flourishing even - he was socially well-adjusted, and got great grades. But after one year of college, he decided to join a frat and things went downhill. He grew very arrogant and aggressive, and shifted his focus from class to his appearance, his clothes, his status, etc. He definitely picked up a very negative view of women in general.

We realized things were going off the rails when he got into legal trouble for some very bizarre behavior (which I won't discuss here). Turns out he was also failing all of his classes. Long story short he became very isolated from his prior high school and college friends, and his "frat friends" evaporated. We noticed his response time to basic interactions became extremely slow. Though he was living out of state near his school in an apartment, he was not permitted to go on campus, and his social life all but disappeared. He was sitting alone in his apartment sleeping odd hours, smoking cigarettes, playing video games. We were worried.

Fast forwarding again, his counselor warned us that he might be suicidal. We rushed over to help him, had to call 911 to have cops break down his door, and faced with the police he had a panic attack. After ten days in a behavioral health unit, they permitted us to bring him home. But he is still distant, slow, at times aggressive. And once a certain hour of the evening rolls around, he becomes noticeably detached, has trouble responding, then gets to a point where he says he needs medication (Adavan (sp?) and Zyprexa (sp?)) and he needs it quick. We've been trying to taper him down, per the BHU's instructions.

So far the diagnosis is anxiety and depression. Of course it is taking forever to schedule an appointment with a psychiatrist to have him attend sessions and get re-prescribed some sort of medication. Adding to the stress is that he is borderline obsessed with returning to his college classes, but it is clear to us that he is not ready - he can barely function at the local grocery store, let alone in the relatively high-stress setting of a college course.

So, anyone else out there with the anxiety/depression combo? Advice? I'm sure most of you aren't parents, but some input would be most appreciated nonetheless.

I have both, although my anxiety is quite manageable. I think that you're doing the right things as a parent (even if he is not your son) and sometimes it can take a while to really notice the signs, and by then it can be too late. I hope you can get an appointment with a psychologist soon and he can be on an upward path again. Must be hard to watch someone you care for fall so fast and so hard.

thanks man, I'll admit it probably sounds worse than it is, and slowly but surely I feel like everything is coming together. I'll take my almost two months of sobriety as a win and hope for the best.

I recently found out that my ex is seeing someone else which really sucks because, as stupid and pathetic as it sounds, I always hoped we would get back together once I got my shit together. The amount of grief I felt was absurd, literally crying at the gym haha. But I think the grief was just over what she represented for me: my ability to have a loving and healthy relationship with someone who believed in me and pushed me to do better. Seeing her move on is rough because it's like I'm losing that (even though I already did like almost a year ago) but of course I just have to tell myself that I will find all of that again with someone else. Letting go can be tough, though.

Some anti-anxiety meds can have "rebound" anxiety effects (even if you're not addicted) for some days after, and withdrawal effects if you get addicted, Ativan is one of those (a benzo). Definitely watch out for it, it can help tremendously in the very short-term in terms of panic attacks and whatnot but can make things worse in the long-term if used frequently and dependence develops.

What's up with his counselor situation? Still going? How does he feel about them? If they aren't helping or he doesn't like them, may want to look for a different one, "therapeutic alliance" or fit between therapist and client is one of the most important factors in whether therapy is helpful (I'm a pre-licensure therapist).

What's your relationship with him like? How do you react to his weird moods and stuff? Does he trust you and your wife, talk to you guys about what he's going through? Sounds like he had some kind of identity/developmental crisis during his time in the frat, could be a throwback to the difficulties he faced before yall got to him, I dunno, but I'd definitely want to explore what he's been through and what he's going through (and/or hopefully get the therapist to do that with him).

Id been on anti depressants for 16 years, eventually I started meditating alot and seeing psychologist. I started to feel a lot more in control with my emotions and decided to go off the meds.
It took me three years to wean off them. Doctors don't tell you the fucking endless nightmare they are to get off. They don't even know how to get you off them, I got my info from googling. It made quitting drinking and smoking seem like a walk in the park.
I think that shits ruined my brain.

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I think having a social life's the hardest part. When I stopped drinking 6 years ago I moved 5 hours away to rural area from everybody who was fucked off with me from my drinking, or just anyone that reminded me of drinking. I think you definitely need a year or two of being by yourself to recover, but eventually you need to build a social life again.
I myself built massive walls around myself and got so disconnected with the world I've started to not know who I am any more, especially now that I've stopped the meds. I think the meds were holding me back though, kind of just making me be happy about the whole isolated and alone situation.

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Yeah I miss drinking and listening to music the most, It's kind of fake though.
One thing Ive noticed since I stopped drinking is how stupid the whole thing is and how society drives it upon us. It's advertised everywhere, sponsors sports teams and and is used as the only possible way humans could socialise after work. In a lot of more alternate music genres people kind of think they're rebellious drinking, but it's probably the most mainstream boring thing you can do. They aren't any different to sports jocks or Jesus for that matter.
Ever thought about how much money you waste on alcohol, Ive found I have a lot more records now.

Thanks for your responses, guys. Because we have had to wait so long to get an appointment with a psychiatrist, at the moment all we've got for him in terms of medication is Zyprexa, which I feel like he's taking (and we're giving him) more for the "good, you had a pill" feeling than anything else.

My wife and I have done our best to be kind and supportive, but over the last few weeks he's retreated to his room and his responses to our inquiries are typically rude, or focused solely on his needs at that moment. Like "I'm hungry" or "go away." However, last night he informed us that he had an appointment for his driving lessons today, and lo and behold he was awake and waiting for us to get up and take him there this morning, bright and early. He barely spoke to us, but him getting out of the house for a few hours seems like a revelation.

Once he came back from the four hour lesson, you could tell he was at his max in terms of input. When we picked him up he had a permanent grimace on his face like he was in physical pain, he moved extremely slowly, and when we got home he asked for a Zyprexa then went into his room.

His appointment with a psychiatrist is this upcoming week. We're hoping it won't take a herculean effort to get him to the doctor's office, and we're pinning a lot of our hopes on this visit to be able to provide him with some meds to get him a bit more balanced. Am I wrong in thinking that without meds, there is little to no chance he'll be able to cope with simple, everyday tasks and interactions?

By the way, this was a genuinely helpful response, and I think you're on your way to being a quality therapist. Any chance you're in New York?

I have type 2 diabetes, and the worst part is not being able to always afford the proper medication (especially the blood sugar test strips). Its caused me many a heart ache and physical pain, especially in my feet. Having plantar faciitis doesn't help either. I try to eat healthy, but trying to quit soda and sugary drinks is so damn hard. You don't realize how addicting soda is until you try to quit cold turkey. I remember quitting cigarettes cold turkey and not having any trouble at all. Here's hoping for everyone here to stay healthy!

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I think psychiatric drugs are often over-prescribed and don't tackle root issues, but your son's situation sounds like one that could definitely benefit from some assistance. Do you know why he's taking Zyprexa? That's not a depression/anxiety drug, that's an antipsychotic...if he really has depression/anxiety, I'd want to look into an antidepressant, like Paxil/Celexa/Zoloft/etc. Going to be more helpful than a lot of anti-anxiety medications because it can help with anxiety and depression simultaneously, and you take it daily but it's not addictive (although some people don't have a good experience coming off of them). He could still take benzo anti-anxiety meds (hopefully not too often) if he really needed to. I'd definitely ask his doctor about antidepressants.

And thanks that's nice to hear I'm in the south unfortunately! Wish I was in NY.

This is what I'm dealing with right now. I've been a heavy boozer for about a decade now and recently lost everything as a result. I haven't drank since I went to jail, but since I've been released I have been voraciously consuming sugar in the form of soda and candy. I've lost lots of weight in recent months, and I have a sneaking suspicion I'll be gaining a fair amount of it back.

Quitting smoking was a very tough thing for me to do but was able to do just that. I was at about a pack a week for about two years or so. Glad to be free of smoking at least a little bit.

I find sparkling water to be a decent replacement for soda/booze but lots of people hate it so ymmv lol
hope everyone is doing okay these days.

A very large majority of recovering alcoholics i've spoken to are on that train, lots of them drinking LaCroix or it's equivalent. i'm not a big fan of the stuff but I'll probably have to try to develop a taste for it. My sugar intake has been sky high these past couple weeks.

Yeah that and coffee and cigarettes lol the smokers skews almost 100 percent at any CA group meeting I've gone to

Edit: Relapse

I ended up going back to soda. The main drawback being the anxiety the caffeine causes. I ended up going back on medication and then some after a lengthy stay at a hospital. I know I am severely damaged, but I am now on 9 different medications (a record for me). I am severely tired all of the time. I can and do at times sleep 14 hours straight and am still tired. I am using the soda as a counter to the loss of energy, but it also causes anxiety. There's really no winning.

it's hard to keep a stable mental attitude when one realises stuff like this is the future

https://www.resilience.org/stories/2019-02-04/venezuelas-collapse-is-a-window-into-how-the-oil-age-will-unravel/

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I haven't really enjoyed Christmas since 2007. Christmas was awesome when I was a kid/teenager because it meant new toys and new videogames to play with. Getting a new console for Christmas was always an amazing experience. But once I became an adult, Christmas quickly began losing its appeal for me. Especially once I went to university and had to study for exams and also write essays which always were due in the first couple of weeks of January. But even after I left university, Christmas didn't get any better to the point of being as fun as it was when I was a kid/teen. If anything it's more of a hassle these days. Stores and malls get packed in December and you gotta worry about buying enough food to eat on the Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, because on those days nearly everything is closed. So if you don't have enough food left at home on Christmas day morning then you're pretty much guaranteed to starve that day. So yeah, there's a lot of stress involved. And then the same thing happens on New Years.

I think Christmas is mostly enjoyed when you're a kid. As an adult, you won't really enjoy it unless you're married and have kids. For single adults or people without any close relatives left, Christmas is kind of a depressing season.

I also used to love summer, but nowadays I'm more indifferent to it. The weather is generally good, at least. July is fine, but August is kind of shitty. Like late December, a lot of business are closed and a lot of professionals leave the city to go on holidays somewhere, so if you need to see a doctor, a lawyer, etc. it's gonna be harder. And if you don't travel abroad or venture outside your area, then the city will be pretty much just filled with foreign tourists during that time and you'll feel like one of the few natives left there.

Festivus, you really are full of festive cheer!

Disliking Christmas is most definitely not a mental illness. I loved Christmas as a child... but now that I am no longer a child, it just seems more trouble than it's worth. Christmas is just one day, but the festive season is much longer... all the decorations that supermarkets put up in November ruin the atmosphere, and the lights and festive cheer are only there to hide the fact that December is the darkest, most depressing month of the year. Depending on your family situation, Christmas can be an awful time of year... veterans certainly not being an exception. I am aware that many other veterans really struggle post-military... you are not alone Timeghoul.

I have over the last several months been forced to reevaluate much of what I thought I "knew" about my history of mental illness. It's amazing how many of my "psychiatric" symptoms started dropping away when I began dealing with my dysphoria.

The same is still happening to me, not only a lot of my anxiety and depression faded away but also other symptoms now make much more sense as now I'm pretty sure that I have asperger or some mild asd, still need to find a proper therapist to talk about it... explains a bit the dysphoria and the usual "I feel like an alien/uneasy in my own skin" as well as a bunch of other stuff.

It seems every third trans person I meet is either diagnosed on the autism spectrum or reads that way. For sure if you catch a bunch of trans folks slumming it in their house clothes, you'll see a lot of iterations on what I call the Aspie Tux (soft cotton tee with the collar cut off).

I wonder when nationality dysphoria will be recognised as a thing, because we joke that in Germany you need to submit a written form with two duplicates to take a piss and wait six weeks for it to be approved, but we're really not far from that. I'm pretty sure 99% of mental illness in this country is artificially created by some agency or another being on your back 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There's no possible way for a person to find any little bit of peace or happiness in that environment.

I have no hope for the future, sick of it all.
Just waiting for the world to go to shitt.
I have accepted that nothing mathers, life is nothing and the world is shitt.

My only ''plan'' for life:
To be one with the woods one day, and that no one will ever find me.
To be alone and far away from any human living on this fukcing planet.
Humanity have failied, and I want nothing to do with it.

Dude, are you okay? PM me if you need to, okay?

I dabbled in crack once outside a gig with some of the band members, and had a bit of time when I got into harder hallucinogenics, never a drinker but I did smoke fags and spliffs. No issue leaving them behind at all, the crack I tried once and had no desire to go back. But fucking chocolate, that shit was a nightmare to give up. I only really recently got healthy with my eating and that's been like 5 years in the making. I think we assume "drugs" are serious and little things like a sweetie bar are easy, but everyone is different and I honestly believe we all have our weaknesses, just most are lucky to not come into contact with them. I never cared for gambling, but my cousin lost his kids and wife, house, car and is living in a bedsit, on the dole because he still has issues with gambling. Some shit will just grab you and it's a pain to let go. Stay strong through, long term it's great.

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Same here, mate. I can eat healthy and adopt a good lifestyle, but a whiff of chocolate and then I'm back to square one. Actually I'm at my heaviest right now because I'm too weak to get through this vice.

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This is often the essence of depression for me, a bias toward seeing only the negative parts of my life, mixed in with the very real fact that depression and anxiety wear down the mind, makes us forgetful, clumsy etc. Chicken or egg? How about both? I'm sorry you are experiencing this right now, but you're not alone. Feel free to PM me if you just need someone to vent to. That's an open invitation to the board, btw. I'm here with a sympathetic ear if y'all ever need one.

So, I never really talked about this here in MA, but I went through a period of massive depression that eventually culminated in two suicide attempts, separated by a few weeks, around this time last year. First attempt I stopped myself, second one I had to be stopped. The minutae of what led me to this are of course very intricate, but basically I had this massive sense of failure constantly looming over me. I felt like nothing I ever did was successful or mattered, and was utterly convinced that my actions had no repercussions on anything. Add to this a (now ex) girlfriend that was also depressive and emotionally abusive, and well... it was a pretty dark place to be in. I sincerely found the idea of having to survive to old age a horrific endeavor, and thus chose to kill myself. Twice.

More or less a year later, after many therapy sessions and taking up kundalini yoga, I am amazed that I ever even thought about ending my life. The dude who tried to end his life feels like another person, as if those memories don't even belong to me. I don't cringe over them before going to sleep as I used to do. I have practically none of the dark thoughts and musings that used to plague my day to day. I am now a very, very functional human being, in a loving relationship with a different, amazing woman who loves me as much as she loves herself (and that's a lot), I am doing exercise every day after meditating in the morning, living peacefully alongside my brother (my previous environment was deeply toxic as well as emotionally and mentally draining) and just... just enjoying life, man. Shit, I even got the courage to ask for more responsabilities at work, and so I'm gonna start making twice the amount of money this year. I'm also writing a lot as part of a colaborative project with a couple of artists friend, and will also be taking up martial arts training.

The reason I'm writing this here is simply to communicate the fact that, for real, things do get better, guys. It takes time to get there, and patience, and work, and endurance, and a fuckload of pain. Because yeah, I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you "yo, take up yoga and eat better, the rest will come on its own". It requires overhauling your entire lifestyle sometimes, and that's not easy or painless, I know as much.

But. And this is a big "but".

Things. Do. Get. Better.

But you gotta be here to see that. You gotta be strong. I know that first hand.

If anyone here is going through some serious shit, or something is bothering you, or you simply feel the need to talk, send me a PM. I'll be glad to help in any capacity I can. Sometimes, you just need to know someone out there is willing to listen. Or read, in any case.

Have a good day, people. For real.

I say this as a stranger, but I'm glad you're still around. Your words of encouragement are valuable.

I ordered a sort-of "Project Semicolon" shirt a year or two ago. I should wear that more.

The gist of the semicolon thing is, well... It takes the place of a period. Your story continues.

Thanks, man. I know what it's like going through that shit, and part of my recovery process involved understanding how nobody is ever truly alone, so anyone who feels like reaching out, I'm right here.

Also, that semicolon idea is great. I should implement it in some way as well.

The solutions are often surprising. I think everyone is held back by a low mood at some point in their life... thankfully, my mood has been remarkably stable so far this year. I have never contemplated suicide nor suffered extended periods of depression, so my situation may seem comparatively trivial, but I have been through episodes of frequent self-harm. I can talk about the various causes if anyone is interested. I thought about seeking help, though never quite got round to it before August 2018, the magical month when I joined a gym and never felt the need since. All the craving for pain is now fulfilled productively. I never put myself in danger though.

I can relate to feeling like there's no point continuing and nothing will get better. I have always managed to get back up though, and so can you.