Osore
Metalhead
Joined: Thu Apr 10, 2014 9:55 am Posts: 597 Location: Serbia
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Posted: Sun Aug 23, 2020 6:31 am |
gasmask_colostomy wrote: As per usual, I'm on the English version. Love that listing of colours and the switch to another keyword at the end, you can tell the poem is winding up some kind of surprise. It's actually kind of monochrome in effect though, very consistent use of grotesque religious and medical imagery to build up the gothic unease. Not as hermetic as some of your previous ones either I think, because I could just read through and follow the images, a bit like some of DividerOfShadows' stuff. Just, obviously, like gluttony for a miserable vampire. Correct. I'm aware most of my work is extremely dramatic, overemphasised, as a result of which sentences roll in a frantic speed sometimes, which is influenced by my love of blast beats in black metal. gasmask_colostomy wrote: Sentence Worship
Tirelessly he paces through arterial corridors, trying - like a rat in a maze - to extricate himself from these narrow confines that (like it or not, and it gives him no pleasure) define him by their constraints, delimit his sphere into straight lines and futile ellipses, perhaps even restrict his imagination to a mere kaleidoscope - myriad colours, bound to repeat - yet allow him to praise the structure of the thing, undulating like a river, following the course of least opposition out towards the mouth and into the vastness of the sea (formless immensity, or so he thinks), which just goes to show that he could end up anywhere, end up as anything, and be none the wiser of where he started.
Slurped Through a Straw
Sonic cubes, a skitterish companion that passes through musty places filled with midnight. The clamour of soft suspense, tumescent creativity lanced and set crashing like waves against ruled lines. Blanket distortion quietens all, flushing out the humours to form one of life’s thick soups, nutrient rich.
You can make a poem out of anything, the words are under your control. I prefer the first one because the theme is more welcoming (than being in a noisy bus). XD simonitro wrote: Why The Dancer Spins Alone?
Wind, wind, wind The pretty lady starts to dance He examines her As she spins Round, round, round Endlessly Aimlessly Why?
The tunes are coming out How does she feel? As the young boy wonders He grabbed one of his toy soldiers And invites it to dance Maybe she won't feel lonely She would have someone to dance with And magically, the lady started to smile
The two figures started to dance together The boy watches in awe As he too started to smile Giving them a nod As the two started to sing:
“You are sixteen going on seventeen Waiting for life to start Somebody kind who touches your mind Will suddenly touch your heart”
As the boy started to retreat, Leaving both figures to dance Alone... in harmony
Next morning, His mom comes to the boy and asks: “Morning son, why did you leave your toy soldier inside the music box?” And he said: “She was all sad dancing alone... his lover is back from war. Mother, will father ever return To dance with you again?”
This one is indeed complete, it sounds like something I would expect to see in a film or TV series and roll my eyes, but as a poem it appears more acceptable. If anyone is interested, here is the article about black metal and poetry: https://metalinjection.net/news/satan-the-self-and-the-city-the-melodrama-and-melancholy-of-black-metal. It may be far-fetched to some, but I share the same thoughts because I started reading diabolic poetry and listening to black metal at the same time and I've been enchanted ever since. My taste is cemented. For sea lovers, a poem Rimbaud wrote before he actually had the chance to visit the sea:
The Drunken Boat
As I was floating down unconcerned Rivers I no longer felt myself steered by the haulers: Gaudy Redskins had taken them for targets Nailing them naked to coloured stakes.
I cared nothing for all my crews, Carrying Flemish wheat or English cottons. When, along with my haulers those uproars were done with The Rivers let me sail downstream where I pleased.
Into the ferocious tide-rips Last winter, more absorbed than the minds of children, I ran! And the unmoored Peninsulas Never endured more triumphant clamourings
The storm made bliss of my sea-borne awakenings. Lighter than a cork, I danced on the waves Which men call eternal rollers of victims, For ten nights, without once missing the foolish eye of the harbor lights!
Sweeter than the flesh of sour apples to children, The green water penetrated my pinewood hull And washed me clean of the bluish wine-stains and the splashes of vomit, Carrying away both rudder and anchor.
And from that time on I bathed in the Poem Of the Sea, star-infused and churned into milk, Devouring the green azures; where, entranced in pallid flotsam, A dreaming drowned man sometimes goes down;
Where, suddenly dyeing the bluenesses, deliriums And slow rhythms under the gleams of the daylight, Stronger than alcohol, vaster than music Ferment the bitter rednesses of love!
I have come to know the skies splitting with lightnings, and the waterspouts And the breakers and currents; I know the evening, And Dawn rising up like a flock of doves, And sometimes I have seen what men have imagined they saw!
I have seen the low-hanging sun speckled with mystic horrors. Lighting up long violet coagulations, Like the performers in very-antique dramas Waves rolling back into the distances their shiverings of venetian blinds!
I have dreamed of the green night of the dazzled snows The kiss rising slowly to the eyes of the seas, The circulation of undreamed-of saps, And the yellow-blue awakenings of singing phosphorus!
I have followed, for whole months on end, the swells Battering the reefs like hysterical herds of cows, Never dreaming that the luminous feet of the Marys Could force back the muzzles of snorting Oceans!
I have struck, do you realize, incredible Floridas Where mingle with flowers the eyes of panthers In human skins! Rainbows stretched like bridles Under the seas' horizon, to glaucous herds!
I have seen the enormous swamps seething, traps Where a whole leviathan rots in the reeds! Downfalls of waters in the midst of the calm And distances cataracting down into abysses!
Glaciers, suns of silver, waves of pearl, skies of red-hot coals! Hideous wrecks at the bottom of brown gulfs Where the giant snakes devoured by vermin Fall from the twisted trees with black odours!
I should have liked to show to children those dolphins Of the blue wave, those golden, those singing fishes. - Foam of flowers rocked my driftings And at times ineffable winds would lend me wings.
Sometimes, a martyr weary of poles and zones, The sea whose sobs sweetened my rollings Lifted its shadow-flowers with their yellow sucking disks toward me And I hung there like a kneeling woman...
Almost an island, tossing on my beaches the brawls And droppings of pale-eyed, clamouring birds, And I was scudding along when across my frayed cordage Drowned men sank backwards into sleep!
But now I, a boat lost under the hair of coves, Hurled by the hurricane into the birdless ether, I, whose wreck, dead-drunk and sodden with water, neither Monitor nor Hanse ships would have fished up;
Free, smoking, risen from violet fogs, I who bored through the wall of the reddening sky Which bears a sweetmeat good poets find delicious, Lichens of sunlight [mixed] with azure snot,
Who ran, speckled with lunula of electricity, A crazy plank, with black sea-horses for escort, When Julys were crushing with cudgel blows Skies of ultramarine into burning funnels;
I who trembled, to feel at fifty leagues' distance The groans of Behemoth's rutting, and of the dense Maelstroms Eternal spinner of blue immobilities I long for Europe with it's aged old parapets!
I have seen archipelagos of stars! and islands Whose delirious skies are open to sailor: - Do you sleep, are you exiled in those bottomless nights, Million golden birds, O Life Force of the future? -
But, truly, I have wept too much! The Dawns are heartbreaking. Every moon is atrocious and every sun bitter: Sharp love has swollen me up with heady langours. O let my keel split! O let me sink to the bottom!
If there is one water in Europe I want, it is the Black cold pool where into the scented twilight A child squatting full of sadness, launches A boat as fragile as a butterfly in May.
I can no more, bathed in your langours, O waves, Sail in the wake of the carriers of cottons, Nor undergo the pride of the flags and pennants, Nor pull past the horrible eyes of the hulks.
Translated by Oliver Bernard: Arthur Rimbaud, Collected Poems (1962).
_________________ PESIMUM: misanthropic asylum / Goodreads
Last edited by Osore on Sat Aug 29, 2020 12:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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