Metal and metal heads have a love/hate relationship with popular culture and modern society. The music, the message, the imagery, and the attitude, are constantly being misinterpreted by the masses. I relish in the fact that our music confuses and scares people, most of the time.

Aside from the fact that it is frustrating to watch many of the people you know practice nothing more than a very organized version of the herd mentality, sometimes the issue of Metal becomes even more complex.

I.E- Relationships.

My recent personal example involves me picking up my girlfriend from class. As I was approaching our rendezvous, I was jamming Metal Church's "The Dark", an album that I cannot imagine anyone on this earth having an objection to. Being the gentleman that I am, before she got in the car I turned the volume down to a very, VERY, reasonable level. During our drive most of her attention was diverted into the rather meaningless small talk conversation we struck up. There was a lull in our discussion and for about five seconds she was able to focus on the song playing. " This kind of music gives me anxiety" was her comment. Even though it was one of the more aggressive tracks on the album, I couldn't believe what she just said. Its not like I was blasting early Mercyful Fate in her presence, perhaps then such a comment would be warranted. This was classic era Metal Church humming in the background at an almost inaudible level. I don't know if she was really getting anxiety or just being a bitch, but at that moment I knew that about 75% of the music I love could never be played while she was around me. Very distressing.

This isn't a "what should I do" thread. This is meant to be a discussion about how an extreme and passion evoking musical genre affects the lives of the listener and their significant other. I have no doubt that the love of metal has interfered with other relationships linked to this board. Lets talk about it and try and figure this shit out.

A few months back I was driving my girlfriend on the freeway and I was playing Rainbow - Rising. It might have even been the mighty Stargazer at the moment. We arent even talking and she blurts out "TURN IT OFF!! ... HIS VOICE IS TERRIBLE!".

I didnt know how to respond to such female stupidity. For the next 5 miles I kept thinking whether I should break up with her on the spot in the name of metal... glancing at every exit, ready to take it and start driving home the opposite direction.

Im sure many guys have broken up with their chicks for less, but I let it slide.

Look at it from their perspective, and then relate to how you were before heavily getting into metal. Obviously they aren't used to the aggressive tone, harsh nature, and that certain vibe one hears in metal songs, particularly thrash ones. Most people are used to hearing whatever is popular - similar structure and pretty much alike to whatever else is on. Notice how many people like certain artists that sound very familiar to each other. A lot of mainstream music sounds alike and has that certain tone to it, as well, and it's easy on the ears.

Metal Church isn't harsh thrash, but to someone who hasn't had hours upon hours under a certain number of years to actively adapt, it can seem that way. It can also seem really awkward - honestly, hear "Watch The Children Pray" and understand how funny it'd sound to someone who doesn't listen to metal. (hint: "watch the children praaaaaaaaaay!")

Anyway, I've had relationship issues related to hearing metal around my ex, but that's where you come in on compromising. So what if they don't like listening to it, it isn't the end of the world and that's something that should be respected by both parties. I got away with it a lot of times, sure, but I wouldn't want to force something on them like that. On the other hand, I wouldn't like it if they deprived me of my enjoyment - my car, my choice of music, but it's up to the couple and whether or not the significant other is a bitch about it.

Yeah, I don't think this thread is going to give you much of anything besides the fact that different people have different tastes. It's kind of like how you might not want to hear your girlfriend blaring Soulja Boy or whatever it is she listens to because it annoys you or makes you cringe. The only thing to sort out is the same kind of stuff you have to sort out in every serious relationship where the couple's tastes aren't congenial whether it be what sort of entertainment you enjoy (dancing, travel, concerts, clubbing, etc.) or movies or whatever.

Some metalheads make it a priority to get another metalhead for a girlfriend or boyfriend, so do that if you gotta.

Words of the wise.

Metal Church is one thing, but not liking Dio? That's a deal-breaker.

I'm not really concerned with if other people enjoy it or not, just as long as they get the concept that metal music is supposed to be dirty and dense, not pretty and shallow.

As for the metal girlfriend thing, it's kind of hard to get the right girl. Most of them just want dick, don't take good care of themselves, etc.

Haha true. Just look at the girls at pretty much any show. About 6 to choose from, and 4 of them are either fat, raunchy, or both.

Tell your woman to grow some balls.

I dumped a guy who didn't like Judas Priest. Wasn't really attached anyway, but that sped up the end of that relationship. After, I dated someone with similar music tastes. I don't expect a significant other to love all my favorite bands as much as I love them, but after having been with someone with whom I had great musical compatibility, I don't know if I could love someone if they couldn't tolerate metal or if I couldn't convince them to go to shows with me at least once in a while. Stepping back from myself that sounds petty, but that's how I feel.

Except baring Soulja Boy is unacceptable. Honestly everyone has an opinion, I have even come to understand why people are scared to go beyond Classic Rock, or the mainstream emo bullshit. They are happy with what they have, so let them enjoy it. Naturally they are not used to Metal, so Metalheads shouldn't take their reactions to heart.

But anyone who puts up an argument that Soulja Boy is acceptable should go drown in a fuckin' lake.

It's very simple for me. My girlfriend, and none of my past girlfriends, like metal, and since I have plenty of other musical tastes that include things she doesn't mind, I just play those when around her. And when I'm in a particularly good mood (or just looking for some road head), I'll even let her choose the music.

No offense to the females on this board, but I've never even met any females into REAL metal that I have been really attracted to, both physically (not into fat/ugly/dirty goth chicks) and personality-wise (in-your-face obnoxiousness is a major turn off). I've always been more into the more artsy/creative type of girls. They're usually a lot quieter, easier to talk to, and much hotter.

It is beyond my comprehension how metalheads can date people who DON'T like metal. Metal is such a big part of my life, that it'd be absurd to date someone who didn't like it.

I'm a girl, and you'd think that finding a decent guy who likes metal would be a simple endeavor. Alas, it's not. Most of the guys where I live either seem to be into bands like Killswitch Engage and Slipknot OR they have an extremely limited knowledge of metal. For example, I very briefly dated this guy who was "into metal" but hadn't even heard of bands like Megadeth. His favorite bands were cheesy power metal bands like Rhapsody of Fire and Sonata Arctica. Whenever I'd try to introduce him to ANY other genre, he'd be like, "I don't like it. It's too harsh sounding and weird!" I figured I'd let him borrow a few of my doom metal CDs, since he didn't like "harsh" music, and he returned them to me immediately and said, "This is so slow. It's not even metal."

Needless to say, I broke up with him pretty quickly. (Not just because he had a lack of knowledge about metal, but because he was just plain fucking weird... he asked me if he could be my sex slave and refer to me as "Mistress." Noooo thanks.)

I have serious doubts about ever finding someone I'm compatible with. I try to convince myself that there ARE people like me out there, they just don't live in my vicinity. I actually did have an 8 month long-distance relationship with a guy in Canada (hell, why not mention it... he was the drummer of the band Funeral Circle.) He was the best person I've ever "dated" but unfortunately long distance relationships just don't work out at this age.

Any girl that i have been involved with, upon hearing my music dismisses it with a statement somewhere along the lines of "I can't believe you listen to this. Screamo is scary." (I listen too black metal)

I gave up looking for cool girls into good metal about 4 years ago. Since then, my luck with girls has changed immensely. Metal, although it is awesome, can be very off-putting to some outsiders (attractive females especially), and some may see it as taking the easy way out or whatever, or even consider it "pussying out", but honestly, getting laid is more important than being "metal". Besides, there's stuff to talk about outside of metal.

There are two sides of the argument for me, on having a metal soulmate.

The first is this: I want to be physically, mentally and emotionally challenged by and atrracted to a girl. If I find a girl that I very much love, is smart, and puts me in a good mood, then I shall go for them, regardless of shitty tastes.

Second is: As metalheads, metal is a bit more than, "Yeah, I'm kinda into bands like Death and Gorgasm...that stuff's cool." like it is with fans of pop. Metalheads are usually pretty passionate about their music and their tastes, and are usually not passive listeners. With that, metal is a pretty big part of our lives...I know it is for me. It bleeds through my apperance, long hair, black band shirts, pentagram pendant, sometimes a war vest...my outlook on life has been influenced by my music, and of course I constantly listen to it and spend a lot of my money on it. Do I really want a soulmate who will not partake or who is annoyed by my biggest passion?

Then again, I'm young and I have time for soulmates and shit later. At the moment a decent girlfreind will suffice.

I had a girlfriend, and we were pretty different. She was an Indian immigrant, studied alot, and listened to pretty girly, popular music. But she didn't have a problem with my listening to metal, and didn't mind listening to it with me sometimes (and I'm talking about death/black), even though it's not what she enjoyed. She really was interested in getting to know me better and understanding what I liked.

So far, I haven't dated anyone who has had a problem with my listening to metal and I hope to never. Anyone who did though, would probably be too shallow for me to be interested in.

I do not play my music around the ladies. They don't understand it, nor do most of my guy friends. If a girl is ever curious & wants to hear something I will play it for them, but that doesn't happen too often.

I'm blessed with a girlfriend who likes metal, the only concern with it is how loud it is. When it's up loud, it's very distracting if she's not really wanting to listen to metal so gotta keep it rather low now and then and just crank them when she's not at home. Sometimes i'll want to put something on, but she'd want to watch a movie or tv in the same room. These things happen. The worst thing about it is I can't put on Manowar or Exodus in those cases!

Also we are far different in favorite band taste, she likes 2nd wave norwegian black metal, and i worship speed, thrash, 1st wave black, and 80's death metal over all others. I listen to all types of metal so i don't mind when she puts on Tsjuder or Immortal, or even more modern metal stuff like Amon Amarth.

For those unlucky to find metal chicks who are good looking and who have real tastes, fear not. Just have to come to compromises. Your car, your tunes. Her car, her tunes. Also when living with someone with different tastes, make sure there's a room you can go and play whatever without any problems so she can go wherever she pleases in another room to do what she wants without having to listen.

Well in my opinion, relationships are like friends. I have friends who don't like/hate metal. I can still connect with them on a human level though. I wouldn't want to date a girl really into metal because to me that would be weird. It's kind of the opposites attract thing, I don't know why. Having similar tastes in everything would be nice, but would not make for an exciting relationship.

I see what you're saying. I wouldn't mind dating a punk if she also could casually enjoy metal, for example. She doesn't need to be a metalhead. I think there are other very proud and respectable subcultures out there. The issue would come up if she actively disliked metal.

I absolutely agree that about 95% of girls who are into metal are unattractive / have crude, disgusting personalities. The kind of girls who loiter in cemeteries, getting drunk, doing drugs, yelling profanities, talking about raping corpses, and striking "metal poses" in what I'd GUESS is an attempt to impress guys / show them how "tough" they are.

I am not like this though. I spend my free time hunting for vinyls, listening to metal, reading, exploring philosophy, playing guitar... basically, I have hobbies. I am not trying to "prove" myself to anyone... I'm just trying to do what makes me happy. I don't even think that the girls I described above are truly into metal anyways, because if they were, they'd spend less time acting like fucking clowns and more time connecting themselves with the music.

I don't fit into that typical "metal girl" appearance either. I do wear a lot of leather, bullets, boots, I've got a patched vest, all that good stuff... however I'd like to think that I am fairly attractive, actually to the point where people have thought I was fake because "attractive girls don't listen to metal!" (Yeah, I know, way to sound arrogant, but I am simply reiterating what I've been told.)

So yeah, I don't know. I'd rather wait for someone who is similar to me, rather than merely settle for what I can get right now. (Which are nu-metal clowns and posers)

I'm forunate enough to have found a girl that likes a lot of mainstream metal, and isn't particularly opposed to the underground stuff, either. Of course, her favorite metal genre is power metal (Kamelot, Epica, Iced Earth), but she's perfectly fine with jamming on some death or thrash. Not, ya know, a lot, but she can take a little at a time, lol.

The whole "my car, my tunes", "your car, your tunes" business is something you'll face in all relationships. It's highly unlikely you'll get with someone who has identical music taste to you, and really who'd want that? There'll always be some form of compromise in a relationship and getting used to and accepting each other's contrasting music tastes seems like a great way to start. That said, the first time my last girlfriend came over to mine and I was able to play Kamelot the whole evening with no complaints it felt like a massive home run...though I guess it'd be different if I'd wanted to play Altars of Madness...

Of course you can connect with people on a human level without them having a similar music taste as you, but in my opinion your significant other should also be your best friend, the person with whom you have the deepest connection. In order to establish that depth, I feel the other would have to be at the very least tolerant of a number of things I hold dearest to my heart, metal being one of them. They don't have to love it, but like I said, at the very least I'd hope they'd come along for a few shows. I'd compromise to their interests likewise.

Opposites attract, sure, but that usually doesn't last.

Well I was assuming you have other interests that two people can share. Kinda weird I know, but listening to music isn't the only thing people do.
If your girlfriend/boyfriend can't tolerate the music a bit, then no, I don't think the relationship is worth pursuing.

My teachers girlfriend is like that. She goes to shows with him all the time, she's nice. I would go see some alternative rock band with my girlfriend if she asked, so I would only expect her to return the favor.

All this talk of metalhead chicks being ugly/slutty/whathaveyou is pretty misogynistic. I can't help but feel a little offended, as I have befriended several female metalheads who are perfectly nice people and plenty attractive. Perhaps things are different over there, but in this town, there are plenty of decent women into metal, easily enough to compensate for the dirty bitches.

As for relationships, well, I could date someone who wasn't a metalhead, but I would probably have trouble with a girl who flat-out hated the stuff. It's a big part of my life.

Honestly dude, saying Dio's voice is "terrible" is more a mark of stupidity then anything else. If you broke it off with her, it should have been in the name of not dating retards.

Ha! This one reminds me of a past metal related altercation. Long ago an ex and I were fighting. We were in my my car on the highway and to piss her off I turned on "Show No Mercy" rather loudly. She started kicking my CD player, missed once and kicked my steering wheel. I was gong about 80 (driving fast feels good when you are mad) and this caused me to swerve across the highway almost losing control. Needless to say I lost my head and later pretended to regret some of the things I said next. Funny thing is, she was pretty cool with metal and even said on a few occasions that she liked Manowar.

Back to my OP, I realize that metal is not for everyone, that's definitely one of the things that I like about it. I think the answer to this thread lies somewhere along the lines of a mutual respect for your significant other's likes and interests (even if you have to fake it). And yes, finding a girl with similar musical tastes is a very difficult, perhaps too difficult.

Even though there's a lot of rather obnoxious, "in your face" metal girls out there, don't get me wrong - there are also a good handful of attractive, cool chicks who like metal! And not just ones who listen to Judas Priest's greatest hits.

It pisses me off when guys who are really into metal, go out with girls who completely dislike metal, or who know virtually nothing about it. It's absurd to rank sex as more important than common interests.

These people must be the biggest hypocrites I have ever met in my life, because they troll around on here, denouncing anyone who doesn't know at least 50 obscure black metal bands as a "poser," and yet look who they're dating -- god damn Miley Cyrus! What's up with that?

I don't know, man. Personally, I think it's stupid to settle for anything less than what you truly want. You want a girl who's attractive AND likes metal? Then actually take the time to find one. Don't pick up the first piece of "meat" you see.

These type of girls piss me off. The ones that like rather mainstream bands and are so desperate for acceptance and/or metalhead rod that they will constantly tell you how metal they are.

Really? If I waited for a metal chick I'd be single forever. I've seen like, maybe 2 attractive girls at shows in Chicago, ever. Those 2 were also hanging on their boyfriends arm. Nonmetal chick > nothing. Pretty much impossible for every metal guy to find an equal metal chick, not an even enough population.

Youre doin it wrong then. Ive seen a lot of great looking girls at shows around here.

Pretty much this. Attractive (physically and otherwise) female metalheads are few and far between, and if found, then they're usually in a relationship. And a long one at that, with no chances of it being broken off any time soon.

Nevertheless, stick to your principles and don't settle on the next best thing.... Oh gods, I'm going to die alone, ahaha.

That's all pretty well said. Musical compatibility is a big plus, but I wouldn't call it 100% necessary for a good relationship with someone. Sure there needs to be a certain amount of tolerance, but I'm okay with someone not being into metal. If I truly like someone and they happen to listen to other kinds of music, then so be it. And yes, there are a few good-looking girls into metal who have many qualities, I know of a very small number myself and am glad for their friendship.

Wait, let me rephrase that, sometimes you get some 14 year old looking girls there to see the deathcore band in the line up.

Those are the ones that want your attention.

The issue isn't whether I can find a girl who loves Autopsy as much as I do. I lived with someone who was as passionate about metal as I am for years, and it definitely was refreshing and powerful to be able to share experiences with her, talk about this stuff, go to shows and so on. I don't really expect that, but what I've noticed is that a lot of girls (because I'm looking to them for this sort of connection) aren't passionate about much of anything. That's very dispiriting. i can get along pretty well with a lot of folks and find a female very attractive, so long as she can get as excited about artistic, creative pursuits as I can.

Also, if she's going to dismiss my music or anything else about my personality in a blatant way as has been described by the posters here, I would not stand for it. If necessary I'll explain myself in order to at least achieve the requisite level of respect, and simply refrain from blasting anything too harsh when she's around.

But yeah, I miss being able to share intimate moments involving metal, I admit.

There is at least one younger guy where you live that has actual knowledge of metal. That third paragraph made me laugh pretty hard considering I know who you're talking about.

Im not too interested in finding a chick who is a full-on metalhead, I only have one requirement and that is that she respects my love of metal and doesnt complain if I put it on in the car or something. If she respects my music I'll respect hers.

I also have a lot of non-metalhead friendly music that I enjoy listening to so I'd probably play that sort of stuff the most around my girlfriend.

What a depressing thread...

I guess it depends on the age group, also. Being a teenager, it is especially hard to find a girl who is into metal that doesn't also have the obnoxious "I'm hardcore metal, I'll fuck you up" attitude. Personally, I have found one, but she is rather slutty and doesn't care for actual relationships.

Maybe it is easier for people 18+ to find a decent metal girl who is attractive, smart, and not so obnoxious, compared to a 16 year old? I'm still fairly sure that once I'm an adult, out on my own, and able to go to more metal shows and find people with similar interests that a girl will be easier for me to find. Until then, hope is little to none.