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Dear Lord Why Is This Happening? - 3%

LubuBiscuitHead, December 20th, 2003

This album deserves 3 points; one point for every 10 seconds this did not cause me mental scaring. This pretends to be an avant garde adventure yet mysteriously travels nowhere. All three vocalists try to operatic in their approach yet sound nothing more than two-bit hacks. The female vocalist, Ihriel, sounds like a sirens nightmare. Then there is sad Lord Pz who pretty much boo hoos his way through the entire album. The only redeeimng quality could have been the fact that Ihsahn from Emperor is involved. Yet he has gone from being a black metal warrior into a psuedo-renassaince goth pussy.

To save you the trouble of spending the money that you slaved for or even wasting your time downloading this album let me describe to the utter shit that this album is.

The first track frankly desrcibes the album rather well: "One Play, No Script" I'll believe that. This song fucking goes nowhere and only makes me jump into the local river only to have my friends pull me out and tell me it's not worth it. This album is essentialy one schizophrenic moment to the next. It lacks cohesion, planning, and thought. This might make sense if you are a garage band but somehow in this little effort it might have actually paid off if they had sat down and said "What the hell are we gonna do?" I wish they had, it would saved the world from this piece of tripe.

Next up "No Title for a Cause" How about "This Song Sucks So Bad We Are Too Lazy to Think of a Goddamn Title" This song suffers the same reason as the first there is absolutely nothing.

The third track "Murder" which is exactly what I want to do to all the members of this band for making me want to blow my brains out. Here are the thrity seconds that made me think that this sad joke would go somewhere. There are thirty straight seconds that actually sounds like something worth listening to then Ihriel opens her fucking mouth belches out an offnote wail that felt like a slap in my face. At this point I just felt insulted. She is truly one of the worst vocalists I ever heard. Her ability to correctly sustain a note and pitch that sounds listenable is due more to luck than skill. She truly manages to fuck anything up. I have no proof but I feel like Ihshan got pussy-whipped into doing this for her. She has no talent whatsoever. I'm not shitting you. She was bad on the first album but in no time from that album to this one does she show any remarkable improvement. When I found out Emperor broke up and that Ihsahn was going to do this band full-time instead I now look at Ihrieal as some sort of black metal Yoko Ono. Maybe that is unfair but I cannot think of any other reason he would leave one of the best and talented bands in metal for this traveling circus. This sucks! It makes me want to lay face first in an icy fjord in the middle of fucking Norway.

At this point you pretty much get exactly what this albums is all about. There is no need to decribe the rest of the album. If you ever manage to get this album do not torture yourself by listening to this or your friends. Your enemies perhaps. If you find it in a bargain bin, it is still a waste of money. If you burn this album you just wasted a blank CD. If you literally burn this album you wasted a match or valuable lighter fluid. Just throw it as far away as possible or give to the US Army to torture Saddam Hussein. He'll talk. I don't know anything about WMD's but if you played this I'll say anything. Damn all of you for making my ears bleed. You wasted 44 minutes of my life. If I ate this CD I would crap crap. You have been warned.