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Good Lord, Did I Honestly Think This Was Good? - 30%

Baragon94, January 6th, 2013

Ah, Manowar. Forever recognized for their trademark macho act and cheesy themes about gods and steel, Manowar is probably one of the most distinctive heavy metal bands of all time. Go forth! Fight! Die with honor! Yes yes, we all know about Manowar. They somewhat remind me of what Slayer does for thrash in the sense of providing a very textbook formula that is used repeatedly to make the same fucking album over and over again. While that would be OK here, as it would honestly be weird to picture Manowar doing anything else, when you throw in the god-awful production it makes matters a whole lot worse.

There really isn't a whole lot to say about this album music wise. Again, it's typical of anything you would hear on a Manowar album. Galloping guitar riffs, arena rock drumming, cheesy lyrics, same old same old. The problem with that is that they took little care in presenting it properly. You'd think that a band that has been around as long as Manowar would be able to make themselves look more professional and not be so lazy as to completely fuck up the production. Feasting in the halls of Valhalla must have smothered Joey Dimaio's brain in fat, although we all know he's always been an egotistical douche. He doesn't even need to say a word to attest to it though, the proof's in the pudding here: EVERYTHING is completely drowned by the bass!!!! WHY?!?!?! It's really a shame, because there are some decent riffs to be found here and there and Karl Logan' guitarwork isn't all bad; he's an extremely skilled guitarist, his solos don't have nearly the level of emotion or originality as Ross the Boss. And the tone is absolute grabage; it has no crunch to it and again, is barely heard thanks to that obnoxious bass. Eric Adams is still Eric Adams, even if he's lost a step or two with age.

The songwriting itself isn't all bad, it's just nothing they haven't done a million times before. Every fan understands exactly what they're getting from a Manowar record though. "Born in a Grave" is one of my favorite Manowar tunes ever and there are a couple other highlights, but this overall is a huge flop. It had a lot of potential. The title was actually pretty cool and gave me high hopes, but count on Joey Dimaio's inflated ego to ruin everything. Odin needs to punch him in the fucking face.