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Pinch Harmonic Holocaust part 2 - 85%

Noktorn, February 5th, 2008

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there were four young men who lived and worked together on a pinch harmonic farm. Day and night they worked with their pinch harmonics, raising them from birth before selling them to numerous aspiring brutal death/grind bands far and wide. This farm was a special farm; people all across the land knew that the best and strongest of pinch harmonics were to be found here. The four young men treated every pinch harmonic with love and care, tending to them when they were sick and being sure to talk to them and pet them all the time so they'd grow up to be particularly robust and squealy pinch harmonics in adulthood.

One day, one of the young men, Ron Kachnic (who had become quite talented with his guitar) found a very special pinch harmonic. That pinch harmonic was appropriately named Pinchy, and Ron spent all his time with that pinch harmonic. They would eat together, play together, work together, and Pinchy would even sleep at the foot of Ron's bed. They were as close as a man and a pinch harmonic could ever be. The other members of Malignancy Farm found it strange but sweet; Ron had found a friend, and the rest of the men warmed quickly to Pinchy, employing him as a sort of mascot for their ranch. Truly, things were looking great for Malignancy Farm. One day, though, Ron had an idea that would change EVERYTHING at the farm. He was sitting on the carpet, playing fetch with Pinchy, when his voice tentatively arose:

"Guys? We've been farming these pinch harmonics for a long while. We know all the ins and outs of the pinch harmonic business. And it's been a wonderful business indeed, full of laughter and merriment for all. But I feel that we've overlooked some of our talents. Not to toot my own horn, but I've become awfully good with my guitar over the years. Roger, I know that you're quite the drummer, and Lance can thump on his bass like nobody's business! And we all know that Danny has the loudest and growliest voice in all the land!" The boys chuckled, as that much was obvious; Danny awoke them every morning with his booming and gurgly voice. Ron continued: "What I'm saying, guys, is that we've been selling our pinch harmonics to brutal death metal bands for a very long time now. But I love these pinch harmonics, and wouldn't we certainly know what to do with them better than anyone else?"

Roger gave Ron a curious look. "Ron, am I thinking what you're thinking...?" Ron just smiled back and said, "Roger, you sure are. I think we should start our OWN brutal death metal band, full of pinch harmonics and chug riffs and tom fills for all! What do you say, guys? Let's start farming these pinch harmonics for ourselves and have some fun!"

And so, Malignancy, stalwart members of the New York death metal scene, were born. The band got right to working, practicing any time they were free from the chores of the farm. After a few quite successful releases, they labored on what would be their best work yet: an EP called 'Cross Species Transmutation', which would be the squealiest and filliest release yet. They knew it wouldn't be easy to make such a release; it would take lots of pinch harmonics and lots of time to write out all the intricacies of the songs they felt inside them. But they reveled in the challenge and knew it would all be worth it soon.

Day and night they worked on the EP, and it began to take shape. 'Cross Species Transmutation' was a highly technical and spastic death/grind record. Tempo changes abounded, frequently moving from slow chugging to hyperfast tremolo picking and blasting in the blink of an eye. The meat of the album was based on fill-laden stop/start drumming under churning, heavy riffing based on convoluted and atonal chord structures, with gurgling vocals in the vein of Terminally Your Aborted Ghost adding yet another layer of sonic brutality. The band refused to ever settle down into a groove; this EP was going to be a difficult and taxing listen, with song structures that never stopped changing and evolving.

And of course, there were pinch harmonics, whole armies of them dotted all over the EP! There were pinch harmonics embedded in places they couldn't possibly go, so many of them that Ron's fingers couldn't possibly be capable of playing them so quickly! But there they were, written out and, like the rest of the album, played perfectly and smoothly despite how unsmooth the music was. The band made this music seem effortless, despite how mind-bogglingly technical it was. In fact, it was so technical and unique that there really were no bands that sounded much like them at all, apart from maybe the previously mentioned Terminally Your Aborted Ghost. But even that band could settle into a groove or simple riff once in a while, which Malignancy staunchly refused to: there would be complexity and only complexity throughout this disc!

Finally, with the songs written, the band headed to a fine recording studio to put their music onto plastic. The engineer did a great job with the EP, capturing the intensity of each member's performance and allowing every instrument to be heard with perfect clarity and tonal quality. Finally, with the EP done, the band had it pressed and began to sell it to a very positive response from all their fans. Music critics marveled at the density of the pinch harmonics and the exquisitely technical compositions the band made, and also appreciated the brevity of the release; at just over fifteen minutes, the complexity of the music didn't wear itself out or ever become stale. The band was proud of their accomplishment, and the fans were happy.

And so the four young men on the pinch harmonic farm still continue to raise and love their pinch harmonics to this day. One day, they might turn over running of the farm to other, younger workers, but for now, they are still the true experts of pinch harmonics, and are loved throughout the land for raising the strongest and squealiest pinch harmonics in the land. Pinchy still runs around the farm, squealing with delight, and it could be said that on Malignancy Farm, things are truly peaceful.

The End.