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Y2K Flowchart Black Metal - 0%

bitterman, October 2nd, 2013

This band seems to have studied black metal circa 1996 and beyond rather well. Taking the focus group efforts from Marduk and whatever had an Abyss studios production in the late 90s, Kult ov Azazel have fashioned the ultimate pandering product. From the "religion sucks, fuck you!" lyrical imbecility to the "offensive" cover art, everything about this seems like some product you would see promoted in the corner on a back page in some Pit magazine ad that was reserved for the things no one except the people who want to impress others with "obscure band shirts" would care about.

Kult ov Azazel is lyrically, to put it plainly, very stupid. There's none of that Darkthrone mystique, none of the fantasy or imagination Immortal employed, or even the story telling ability of something like Dissection. Instead you are left with the stupid "x-tians suck, big words!" variety lyrics which have cheapened the genre into having shit like "Black Metal ist Krieg" being a known "hit". The whole thing reads off like a joke. You can imagine Glen Benton reading stuff like this to get the "inspiration" he needs to repurpose Once Upon the Cross lyrics to be more humorous (like he's done since 1998). It's real cheesy and we've heard it all before. Bands need to find something new to talk about because this reads off like a bunch of meth heads that needed "shock value" to dress up their crappy muzak. You can sense that this will be atrocious muzak without even listening to it.

The Y2K flowchart black metal song writing system is used to full effect on this album. Just when you thought stuff like Setherial couldn't be more soulless and generic, a band like Kult ov Azazel show up to prove everyone wrong. Random riffs are thrown together in no sequence of purpose, feeling like a bunch of rehearsal tape jam parts copy and pasted together in pro-tools. The songs have no theme and don't develop on any one part. So you end up with a sideshow where Marduk trem-picked fast food commercial jingles and 3 minor chords strummed fast over blast beats parts battle it out over incessantly blasting, weak drumming. For all their Beherit and Archgoat shirt posturing that would suggest they're like one of those later Necropolis records styled "cool" bands, this is more close to the grindcore with minor chords of Antaeus if it were raped by cheesy later day Dissection butt rock parts while Dark Funeral parts occasionally creep in to inject "moodiness" somewhere along the way to pretend like something is going to happen. Only nothing does. This is bland, boring focus group black metal that sounds like a bunch of corporate morons sat around a conference table and said "okay, put the blast part here, then trem pick 4 notes for this melodic part to be deep and stuff, and, uh, here throw more blasting except this time over this random sequence of power chords"...

What is the point of bands like this? Even in their imbecility, bands like Profanatica take time to make sure their retardedly stated message of blasphemy is wrapped around music that, while simple, makes sure that a feeling or idea is being conveyed. This feels like what happens when a group of guys get together in a room not for the expression of something through the music of black metal, but for the expression of having heard some black metal. This is like the background hum that's blared out at metalhead get-togethers that no one stands and takes notice of, but can acknowledge that it's "black metal". Vapid.