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Retch - 5%

sysyphis, March 19th, 2008

I remember buying Killers, Saxon's wheels of steels and Scorpions Lovedrive when they came out in the early 80's. I was hooked. The band that lured me into this life of metal was Iron Maiden. I have seen them on every tour from Number of the Beast to Fear of the Dark. Even when fear of the dark came out I tried to dig it, but it just wasn't happening.

Then along comes this. What the fuck were they thinking? Blaze was great in Wolfsbame, but this crap? Futureal kicks it of with some pretty good mid paced riffing and the the vocals start. We will deal with that later. The Harris signature clicking, plodding, riding on a horsey is audible and as always nice to hear. The song itself has some interesting time changes and a catchy chorus. All in all not to bad. Then it goes south. The Angel And The Gambler is simplistic two chord rock like Ratt or some shit like that. There are even keyboard enhancements that sound like a kids casio that start it off.

The Clansman is the thing that pushes me over the edge with this record. "I am the Clansman" over and over and over. Steve should have cut that one by five minutes, but I guess they had to have the obligitory epic for the live set.

Song construction is simplistic, no killer time changes, and the dueling harmonized lead parts sound like they were engineered at the last minute. Plus they are real snoozers. This record was so bad that when Bruce rejoined it took a lot for me to plop down 15 bucks for "the new maiden"
I never thought I would write a negative review of my favorite band and maybe I am a touch sentimental, but seeing that mummified eddie shoot fire from it's eyes on the Powerslave tour was a creem dreem for sure.

The album imagery is laughable. What the fuck? Our hero has gone from a lobotomy, to an egyption, god, to a Cyborg of the future, to an mystic prophet, to a virtual reality nerd? Imagine being 18 and picking this up as your first Maiden record, and hearing the Chorus "Time will go and I will Follow? over and over and over. This is the worst Maden album and possibly the worst traditional heavy metal album ever. I guess it is had to happen though. Thte Black Album, Cryptic Writings, etc. No one or band is perfect, but it is really fucking weird when your heros that are larger than life drop doo doo like this.

There is a reason Maiden is flying around thier new jet playing stuff from Powerslave Piece of mind, and Seventh Son. I leave you with these words, "Dont look to the eyes of a stranger" "dont look to the eyes of a stranger" "dont look to" repeat 30 times. I sold this on Ebay and italian customs sent it back, Now that is eeeeevilll.