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At Least They Aren't Devildriver - 12%

Dasher10, February 26th, 2008

This is the most unintentionally funny music that I've heard since Kevin Federline. I swear that I was laughing at Hellyeah the entire time that I was listening to them. There are some redeeming values to this CD but you'll be kicking yourself if you buy it, so do yourself a favor and don't.

First the good: Vinnie Paul Abbot is still an incredible drummer. He was great in Pantera and still sounds good here. It's just a shame that he's in such a shitty band when Pantera was so legendary. I really feel sorry for Vinnie since he's been playing his heart out but hasn't been on a good record since The Great Southern Trendkill.

Secondly, the opening track is good. Hellyeah must have put most of their recording time into making sure that the album starts off right. At the same time, the first two tracks on St. Anger were good and we all know what came after those. (Apologies for reminding you of that album.)

Good points aside, there is nothing else redeeming about this album. Hellyeah is a terrible band and they have the absolute worst lyrics that I've ever heard and the fact that they even titled a song Alcoholin' Ass shows that they are very conscious of this fact and expect banal lyrics to actually make this thing sell. The uber-Satanism of Akercocke and Deicide as well as the hollow machismo of Manowar seem intelligent in comparison to this drivel that somehow qualify as lyrics.

Oh, and musically Chad Gray sounds terrible and strained. He sounds exactly how a vocalist who ruined his voice by screaming the wrong way and smoking too many cigarettes should, which is to say that he isn't any good. His other band, (and that of guitarist Greg Tribbitt) Mudvayne only got signed because they were a sub-par copy of Slipknot whose record label forced them onto the ballot for the VMAs MTV2 award, and since MTV2 has always been the segregated channel for metalheads so that metal doesn't "pollute" the regular MTV or *gasp* get onto TRL, it was inevitable that Mudvayne would win. And thus, Chad and Greg continue to bring all of their untalented musical skills to this "band."

Also, I'm not familiar with Nothingface even though I've heard of them before, but from what I can tell, the album suffers from simple bass lines that are barely audible and their other guitarist uses up his only good riffs on the first song.

And the southern rock thing is forced. Vinnie Paul is from Texas, Chad and Greg are from the Illinois, and Tom and Jerry are from D.C. They just play up the whole southern thing for marketing purposes. If you want to hear metal with southern rock influences, then please listen to Mastodon to hear it done right and don't blow $15 on these guys.

The only people that I could ever possibly recommend this album to are people who enjoy movies like The Giant Claw and Bad Taste since it's the musical equivalent of a B-Movie. If you like laughing at terrible attempts at entertainment, then you will find Alcohaulin' Ass to be the new Popozao. If you like bands that have actual substance behind their music, then you'll probably enjoy anything other than Hellyeah a lot more than you'll enjoy this album.