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Tales from the bargain bin (Part 8) - 24%

hells_unicorn, May 12th, 2009

When entering the realm of forgotten wonders that we call a bargain store, I happened upon a deal just too auspicious to ignore. But little did I know when I saw a price of dollars 3, that a horrid experience soon awaited me. The year printed was 1977 and the vinyl’s casing had an artistic rendering grand, but the gears of my merriment would soon be doused with the coarsest of sand. So thus I went home and dusted off the phonograph, and awaited what I’d hope would be an auditory demon’s wrath.

That intro riff of “Paranoid” kicked off this album with a familiar ring, and then I was reminded of a time when Ozzy could still sing. But soon the novelty faded and I sat down to observe, a listener’s fate that no man could ever deserve. The back and forth between songs from 70s Sabbath near and far, quickly turned from Metal madness into a decrepit tar. Why should one go to any store and part with monies silver or green, when a sitting at the halls of Rock radio would freely grant the same dreams.

And what of the pacing of these songs too familiar thus? Now this is where I must raise quite a gargantuan fuss. From “Changes” to “Sabbath Bloody Sabbath”, a sappy ballad to an epic true? Cramming long ones in the middle, with fanfare at both edges to further perplex you. There is no song on here that can be called a total miss, but the lack of distinction from the last compilation will surely make you hiss. Just obligatory classics with riffs grand yet already known, unless you live under a rock or exist in a dead zone.

Have not mercy on this pile of dung for when it was conceived, for cookie cutter cash grabs old and young are not for you and me. Hear this satirical poem and understand my frustrated cries, for I can not stomach another best of with “Tomorrow’s Dream” and “Laguna Sunrise”. But cry not for me my friends in Metal one and all, for I simply paid 4 dollars for an artwork to adorn my wall. The moral of this story for you who frequent the bargain bin, is that a shiny piece of history on vinyl is not a guaranteed win.

Originally submitted to (www.metal-observer.com) on May 12, 2009.