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Someone Make Them Leave - 4%

DawnoftheShred, April 22nd, 2009

Anybody who was listening to heavy music is the early 00’s cannot deny the phenomenon of that…thing…they called numetal. Everybody and their mother was listening to Linkin Park, every new band on the local scenes was adding rapped lyrics to their mindless chugging, and a lot of the old-guard extreme metal bands unfortunately got on the bandwagon. But now with a lot of the genre’s mainstay acts enjoying greatly diminished popularity, a lot of people think the whole thing is dead and gone. Well I got some bad news kids, numetal ain’t dead. New bands spring up all of the time, but since their albums don’t have “Limp Bizkit” or “Slipknot” plastered on the cover, it seems some people have deemed it groove metal or some other erroneous shitdick tag to mask its true nature. Five Finger Death Punch, for instance, is complete and total fucking mallcore shielded behind the groove tag. In fact, so is Anthrax of late. Have people completely forgotten what numetal sounds like, or are they just unwilling to admit it when one of their beloved acts starts playing it?

We’ve Come For You All is the ninth Anthrax studio album and it is just as utterly terrible as one might expect by their late 90’s offerings. Just as with the two abortions that preceded it, what we get with WCFYA is another blending of the groovy psuedo-thrash of late-period Pantera (“What Doesn’t Die) with vocal-oriented numetal like Puddle of Mudd (“Safe Home”) and the alt. rock of the Foo Fighters (“Taking the Music Back”). This from the band that brought us balls-out fucking thrash like that found on Spreading the Disease. There’s nothing remotely similar to that album here, nor is there anything to redeem it musically. Charlie Benante is the only member with a shred of talent and he keeps all his emphasis on his double bass technique. The riffs suck, the ‘solos’ suck, the bass sucks, the lyrics suck, Scott Weiland…I mean John Bush’s vocals suck; the whole thing is just grating. At its best, it wishes it was Reload (the verses of “Any Place But Here”) and at worst….well….listen to “Superhero.” Listen to that riff and the noisy guitar thing floating above it: this is something Korn would do. There’s lots of distorted vocals and uninspired clean riffs too, because these are things that the mallcore crowd enjoys. And apparently Anthrax enjoys them too, because there really is a boatload of crappy gimmicks like this.

There aren’t any highlights to albums like this, but how about some lowlights? “What Doesn’t Die” lampoons thrash metal with low-tuned guitars and plain-Jane Pantera riffs, the kind that you can’t pay attention to anyway because the vocals are so loud. And then the chorus drops all pretenses of metal for what is THE mallcore chorus of the album. Similarly, “Black Dahlia” has a mock extreme metal chorus: it combines a blast beat, a generic tremolo picked riff, and distorted vocals. No thanks. “Taking the Music Back” has that Puddle of Mudd chorus, while “Think About An End” wins the “most ironic title” award. I’ve been thinking about an end to this shitstorm since I started playing it. And if fifty minutes of aural torment is not enough, some versions have bonus tracks…

The only debatable quality to the album is as to whether or not it’s really worse than Stomp 442 and Volume 8. And that, unlike “this album really fucking blows,” is hard to say. It’s probably just a case of whichever album you’ve had to suffer through most recently. But anyway you slice it, it ain’t pretty. It’s numetal through and through and that’s reason enough to avoid it. Add in the fact that it’s Anthrax at their most embarrassing and you should be petitioning your local music stores to burn all their copies of it.