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Big stupid grinding chugging gurgling fun - 72%

Noktorn, February 7th, 2008

For five bucks, this is a pretty fun split; it's musically a little worthless, but it puts a smile on my face via silly gore and porn grind. Plus the cover art makes me laugh and shake my head. It's hard to sit down and listen to over an hour of this stuff, but the occasional track is a nice sort of palate cleanser from 'normal' music. Puts things in perspective.

Anal Penetration:

This just might be my favorite part of this split. Anal Penetration is a one-man cyber/gore/porngrind band out of Holland, and he actually has a talent with songwriting within the paradigm of the style. The sound of this side is defined by arrhythmic and surprisingly complex drum machine rhythms (with, of course, some inhuman blasting) along with very catchy and, again, surprisingly technical at times riffing. Vocals are a gurgle that seems to be pitch-shifted up most of the time, making him sound like some gorepterodactyl, which is a pretty cool thing to hear.

Particularly fun parts: 'This Fist' with its weird, super catchy and bright opening riff, opener 'Psychopathic Foreplay' with its massive grooves, and 'While I Unleash My Terror Upon Your Left Cuntlip', the most clearly death metal-influenced track, with dark, atmospheric riffing and aggressive drum programming. The whole side is like twelve minutes long, which probably goes a long way to keep it interesting, but I'd like to think it's just because the performance of these songs is really spirited and fun. A clean, bright production job elevates it from most of the bands in this style and makes it worth listening to. The insane hyperblasts are hilariously brutal and the riffing is solid, so this is the most musically solid of any of the bands on here. I like it a lot and it makes me want to get more stuff from this guy.

M.D.K.:

Coming off the heels of the best side of the split is probably the worst, from Brazil's M.D.K. The band plays a pretty conventional style of splattery, atonal goregrind stuff, like most of the material you hear from South America's goregrind scene. It's not terrible, but the songs lack structure and coherency, coming off more like noisecore attacks of random riffs and blast beats. The band never settles into a groove because none of the musicians are particularly talented and keep falling in and out of time with one another. The songs lack memorability, and overall I get the feeling that M.D.K. is sort of a 'fans only' band. They're probably good in the live environment; this is more of an 'experience' band than a 'music' band, I think. Overall, not terrible, but very conventional and not executed very well, making me generally skip these tracks.

Methadone Abortion Clinic:

'Dead Fuck (Just Like Her Mother)' happens to have the best sample ever employed in a grind song: some porn star saying "I wanna suck my daddies' DICKS today!" in a particularly spritely voice. I was playing this disc at a party and managed to time that sample right as there was a lull in conversation, prompting huge groans of revulsion from everyone there. It was delightful. Anyway, Methadone Abortion Clinic plays pretty straightforward drum machine goregrind stuff with a decidedly darker edge than most of the other bands on this release. Most of the riffs are atonal tremolo like the stuff you hear on M.D.K.'s side, but are written in a way that fits the rest of the music. There's a slam riff, amusingly enough, at the end of 'Irritable Down Syndrome' that I thought was funny.

It's not amazing, but it's okay music. It has the same problem that a lot of goregrind band's have: too much distortion that overwhelms what are actually pretty decent songs at the core. I like Methadone Abortion Clinic best when they're doing weird shit like the spacey, ambient part in the middle of the title track, but the more conventional material is all right too. If you've heard modern cyber/goregrind stuff, you've heard this: distorted (but not necessarily pitch-shifted) vocals over somewhat industrial drum machine and alternately chuggy or speedy, atonal riffs. Not super exciting, but fairly well done, putting it right in the middle of the split in both location and quality.

Obese:

Now this is cool; 'Facial Humiliation''s Cock And Ball Torture equivalent. Obese is probably the most death metal of the music here, much more focused on chugging than grinding, with an overall delivery reminding one of mid-era Cock And Ball Torture above all else, with similar riffing and gore-polka drum machine. The overly-distorted guitar really works in this case, with the big stupid chug riffs being made even more big and stupid through the excessive downtuning and noisiness. It's got lots of distorted, gurgly, almost Catasexual Urge Motivation-esque vocals, which are always a good thing. The originals of this side are quite solid, with fun, tight, stoner-influenced structures and riffs which never get repeated too much. What makes this side really awesome, though, is that it has the best track on the split.

Obese's cover of Pungent Stench classic 'Viva La Muerte' is a triumph for stupid goregrind everywhere. We all know that 'Viva La Muerte' is an awesome song on its own, but Obese actually manages to make it even more fantastic by adding huge amounts of (perfectly toned) distortion and pitch-shifted vocals. I don't know how it managed to work so well, but the combination of all those elements with the groovy riffs that we all know and love just works perfectly. I love this track to death and I play it at least once a day to rock the fuck out. A sloppy gurgle of "YEAH BABY!" is a shining moment in an otherwise dreary day, and if you don't want to actually buy this release, you should at least download this cover, which is an absolute orgasm of groove-riffing brilliance.

Uterus:

The split closes with Uterus, another cyber/goregrind band much like Methadone Abortion Clinic. This is a bit more conventional than that band, without any weird ambient sections, but it's also got better production and pretty cool, dark vocals and riffing. This is what M.D.K. would sound like if they were competent, American, and used a drum machine. The song structures are weird, without much reason about them, and generally with completely linear structures, but it goes with the darker, more evil sound the band seems to be going for. There are some pretty cool moments on this side: the strange tribal drumming in the beginning of 'Castration While Ejaculating', or the uptempo, grooving riffs of 'Dead Dumpster Hooker', but overall, it's really just another side of fairly conventional goregrind. I like it, but it's admittedly nothing very special or interesting. You won't remember much about this side except for the fact that it wasn't bad. Good, heavy guitar tone though!

The upshot:

I like this split a lot for various reasons. It's pretty varied; if I want something with real songwriting, I can listen to Anal Penetration, Obese, or Uterus, and if I just want noisy brutality, I can hear M.D.K. or Methadone Abortion Clinic. Each of the bands is unique enough in the context of the split to be worth listening to separately; I generally find myself listening to a side or two of this at a time since an hour is a lot to handle. This isn't really a metal release, so don't go into it expecting that; it's five random cyber/gore/porn grind bands doing what they do best: being really, really stupid and enjoying themselves while doing it. Try it out if you like this stuff, and if not, still buy it just for amusement. The layout is pretty hilarious and it's good party music when you time the samples correctly.