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Quite possibly the greatest black metal album EVER - 0%

GoatDoomOcculta, February 25th, 2007

The above is indeed true if you replace "greatest" with "most embarassing", "black metal" with "horrendously shitty metalcore faggotry" and, of course, "Quite possibly" with "Without a doubt". To say that this band is pathetic would be like saying that The Berzerker's drummer is simply just fast. I don't even know where to start describing this horrible excuse for an EP - it has absolutely no redeeming qualities to it whatsoever. This ranks up there with Black Chariot (you know, the band of 15 year olds where they took "grim" pictures outside one their houses and Halloween decorations were plainly visible) in terms of shittiness. If the fact that their bassist (now out of the band for some reason) is from Job For A Cowboy, and that the drummer is from The Black Dahlia Murder isn't enough reason in itself not to listen to this shit, how about the fact that the pianist (what the fuck?) Ashley Jurgemeyer is a self-proclaimed emo (she said "scene girl"...)? Holy fucking shit... Anyway.

This EP starts out with the track "In A Buried Heart", and, as the name implies, it is a disaster right from the beginning, with lots of annoying tremolo picking that fades back and forth to pointless displays of technical "talent". But that's what we've all come to know and love from MySpace bands, isn't it? Lots of annoying chugga chugga riffing, an annoying faux-symphonic sound by Miss Emo, and some decent drumming. The song, I suppose, is supposed to sound dirge-like. This is only apparent if you concentrate very hard on it. It fails. Miserably.

Tracks 2 and 3, "Like Carrion Birds" and "The Conqueror Wyrm", aren't bad music so much as they are annoying as hell. And they just plain suck, for that matter. The keyboard inevitably always sounds thrown in simply for the sake of being able to call the music "symphonic" or even "progressive", which this certainly is not. Think Emperor, mixed with Draconian, with a hint of Marduk at times, topped off with lots and lots and lots of annoying Killswitch Engage and Black Dahlia Murder stupidity, thus killing anything the band may have had going for them if any of the members did not have rather extreme cases of Down Syndrome.

Watchtower is a boring track, to say the least. The songwriting, as always, is uninspired, but with this song Abigail Williams has managed to redefine the word "boring". The stupid attempt at sounding symphonic is here yet again, as are the boring drums, and the lame guitar repetition, but what really takes this track to new levels of patheticness is the fucking vocalist. He's incredibly annoying throughout the entire album, yes, but hearing him in Watchtower just makes me want to stab my fucking ears out. I can't stress this enough - he is so very very VERY bad. There are no words to accurately describe how lame he sounds. All. The. Time. But with a stage name like Ken Sorceron, you really shouldn't be expecting much, I suppose...

This website mentions a 5th track "Procession of the Aeons (Exclusive Demo)", which my copy of the EP, for some reason, does not have on it. As crushing as it is to me to miss an exclusive demo (what the hell is that, anyway?), especially one good enough to convince another reviewer to score this EP an 88%, I'm quite sure that it sucks beyond reason just like the rest of Legend does.

I do not recommend this piece of shit to anyone at all. These shitheads make even Slipknot seem good.

0/100 - worst album ever.