| Reviews for Waking the Cadaver's Perverse Recollections of a Necromangler |
| Put the cadaver back to sleep for everyone's sake - 0% |
| Written by Trilogique
on July 4th, 2009
|
| I'm having a hard time writing this because what I just listened to was quite possibly the worst music I have ever experienced. Here we have another run-of-the-mill deathcore band doing what they do best: suck. Who would have thought a band could have been as bad as Emmure? I sure as hell didn't, but we have a case in point right here: Waking the Cadaver. I'm a reasonable man. I'll listen to any band I haven't heard before no matter the genre. Now I almost regret my open mindedness. The headache only got worse as I progressed through this misogynist bullshit even to the point I had to stop the music. I had enough. Let's start off with the vocals. What the fuck is this guy doing? His vocal range is atrocious and saturated in banality. The guy sounds like he sandpapered his throat then proceeded to choke on a ball of wet cat hair. He continues to show how much of a fucking idiot he is by filtering his vocals through a bong. A BONG, FOR GOD SAKES. I've seen some feeble attempts to be original, but this takes the cake. Even those one-hit-wonders you hear on the radio who modify their voice six ways from Sunday with Autotune sound better than this piece of shit. Not to mention he's easily one of the worst lyricists ever. He tries SO hard to write vile and grotesque lyrics (which I think is pretty fucking retarded and a sorry excuse for lyrics), but he fails miserably. But wait! It gets worse. He raps. That's right. He takes his already laughable lyrics and makes them worse by using ABAB rhyming. Pathetic. I thought I was listening to metal, not rap. Next up is the guitar. It's so downtuned it's almost inaudible. To make matters considerably worse, they ride the 6th string like it's a gargantuan penis (sorry for the toilet humor). I don't own a guitar, but I can sure as write a more coherent riff than these guys. They need to chug-chug-chug their way out of the fucking music business along with their windmill-dancing pals. The chug-a-long bullshit is way past its mark and it's time for some other stupid trend. I'm sick of hearing it. I'm biased towards drums because they really add power to the songs, but all the drummer does on this album is fit in with the chugging. Rather than showing his technical prowess (to be honest, I don't think he has any), he fits nice and snug with the uninspired guitar work. When the drummer isn't doing his third beat breakdown extravaganza, he's blasting away for no reason. I like blast beats when they're used properly, but this stupid fucker forces the blast beats like someone trying to relieve themselves via defecation. When they're not transitioning from breakdown to breakdown they're throwing in short blast beats. I've come to the the conclusion that this guy has no endurance or he's a shitty song writer. Or both. Yeah, most likely both. As for the bass... what bass? Must be awesome being the bass player. Amidst the plethora of bad musicians, this dude has it the easiest. He can play whatever the fuck he wants and no one will notice. Hell, this guy could put down his instrument in the middle of a song (I hate to even call it a song) and go wank to scat porn. After all, you can't hear the bass and the lyrics really show they love their scat! The breakdowns are so consistent I have taken the initiative to avoid -core music for a long time. It's aberrant that these dolts can't play for shit; they abandon their riffs within seconds then immediately jump into another stupidity-induced breakdown to show their "BR00T4LITY!!!" This album is nothing more than a 30 minute headache. Uninspired riffs, over-the-top-and-forced gore lyrics (you're not Cannibal Corpse; you're a fucking joke) and half-assed drumming. I've seen farting more coherent and interesting than this trash. In conclusion, this is easily one of the worst bands to shit on the music industry. Talentless hacks like these pieces of shit shouldn't even be allowed to touch an instrument let alone write an album. We're all tired of the slamcore bullshit that resides in the metal community. No one wants to buy your putrid garbage let alone listen to it. If you like Waking the Cadaver, you don't deserve your birthright to listen to music. A word of advice to WTC: abandon your br00tal attitude, abandon your instruments and disband your band, then proceed to go home and never consider writing music again. Fuck WTC, fuck their fans and fuck this deathcore shit that everyone seems to get their dick in a knot over. I'm going to go listen to The Jonas Brothers now because they write better music than these arrogant chumps. PS: I hate The Jonas Brothers. |
| A waste of plastic - 0% |
| Written by TheSunOfNothing
on May 17th, 2009
|
| I cannot stress how bad this record is. It lacks any posotive elements, and in fact, the only album I have ever heard that is in fact worse than this is Six Feet Under's infamous "Graveyard Classics 2". Now, before I begin, I'll start by saying this is my first 0% review. I really wanted to use it on something that deserved it, and this did. So we begin... The guitars are easily one of the weakest points of this album. I lack the ability to understand WHY these guys have 2 electric guitarists. The only thing they ever play is on the first...maybe...4 frets in varying patterns. They copy Devourment's trademark "slam riff", and mix it with Job For A Cowboy's infamous "breakdown". What we get is what I like to call a "slamdown" (the notes of a slam riff but the pattern of a breakdown). Imagine just how bad that would be. There are also some fake grind parts in which the drummer blasts away. He is the only person you can hear in such parts. The vocalist deserves a paragraph of his own. He sings in the standard deathcore "pig squeal" vocal style, that has recently been, for the most part, done away with. He also does some Randy Blythe-esque death grunts at times, and sings through a bong at the beginning of "Type A Secretor". Wow, this guy has talent! Later in "Type A Secretor" he actually sounds like he's constipated. Wow. I would, however, say he's better than Ollie Sykes or that fucktard from Annotations of an Autopsy. His vocals get really old, REALLY fast. Every single song sounds exactly the fucking same. The sole song that I think contains anything even close to good is "Blood Splattered Satisfaction", which, while a horrible name for a song, supplies us with some almost decent grinding and contains most of the albums death grunted vocals, which are okay at times, that is, until the song goes half-speed...no comment on that part. I'd say that if anything, this is funny. Mostly because it's actually not a joke, and all the Italian samples in the last few songs. Also, I like laughing at the band for filling up 0:53 of our lives with the sound of the band members hitting the bong. In fact, I think that song is better than when the band members are making a half assed attempt to play music! I don't think this album can serve any other purposes, as it's not brutal, interesting, technical, whatever. This is officially 26:30 of my life I'll never get back. |
| And people actually listen to this garbage? - 4% |
| Written by IWP
on September 19th, 2008
|
| Oh my god damn fucking ears! That's one of the first things going through my mind while listening to this pile of garbage from Waking the Cadaver. This album is absolute shit! There is no other way to put it. There is hardly anything here that makes this band's "music" even tolerable more to less enjoyable. From the extremely annoying pig squeals, to the very long breakdowns, to the drumming. There isn't much here to qualify this as music. It's more like noise that is passed off as metal just because it's 'br00tal" sounding. This is typical in the deathcore scene which is quickly rising in popularity as of late. You get some buff looking jackass who goes on the microphone and does nothing but "BREE BREE!! UHH UHH!!" the whole time. Add to that by adding a guitarist or two who do little to no solos, and just play down-tuned chugs the whole time which are passed for as heavy riffs. Don't forget to add a drummer who goes into random blastbeats and other random forms of wankery, and there you have it! You got yourself a deathcore band! Job For a Cowboy is the band responsible for starting this horrendous music. Though ironically, they stopped playing it and went to straight up death metal, because even they realized that the monster that they have created was ugly and horrible, and just like Dr. Frankinstein did to his creation, abondoned it all together. This, however, did not go without consequences. Since it's creation, deathcore has been rising tremendously in popularity, and every scene kid who ever dreamed about being br00tal hopped aboard the band wagon. Waking the Cadaver are one of those that hopped the bandwagon, and are thus playing typical shitty deathcore "music". They do not sound much different then your run of the mill band either. The singer, when he's not squealing like a pig, sounds like someone trying very hard to suck the rest of a milkshake out of a straw. Add to that, and you get your typical chugging and breakdowns from the guitarist, yeah real original guys! However, I'll admit, the drummer here is pretty talented. He is pretty technical here, and is about the only member in this band who has any amount of talent whatsoever which is where the four points I've given this album came from. Pretty much every song on here sounds exactly the same. I can't really differentiate the songs from each other. Pretty much every song has the same formula. They're either playing as fast as they can, or they slow down drastically in time for a cliche breakdown. Blood Spllattered Satisfaction probably stands out the most as it's not quite as horrible as the rest of the album, and the drummer shows off some of his talent. However, knowing that, it's still a pretty shitty song. Chased Through the Woods By a Stranger also stands out, but not in a good way. I often refer to it as the shreaded wheat song. Seriously, listen to the one part in the breakdown. It does kind of sound like he's saying "SHREADED WHEAT!!! SHREADED WHEEAAAAT!!!" Look for the interpretation video on youtube if you have no clue what the fuck I'm talking about, it's hilarious! At least it's more entertaining than anything this album has to offer. In conclusion, incredibly shitty pig squeal vocals, and downtuned chugs do not equal a true metal album, nor does it qualify as music. Well technically, this is music,.... hardly. Though it isn't really enjoyable music. In fact, it's some of the most shitty music you'll ever hear. I don't even see how scene kids can enjoy this steaming file of feces. Hell, listening to this almost makes me what to listen to St. Anger. At least that album was unintentionally funny. This, however, has nothing, not even humor value, though the pig squeals do tend to make me chuckle a bit. If you want to listen to real death metal, get yourself some Death or Atheist. Hell, get Possessed's Seven Churches album first, because that's where it all started. Please, if you want to call yourself a true music fan, do yourself, and your fellow peers a favor, and don't support this band. Don't buy this album, don't even own a copy of it, as it may stink up your precious collection of actually good music. Instead, just download it, scorn it after listening to it, and then delete it entirely from your hard drive. I'm glad I downloaded this piece of shit excuse for music, because if I even had to pay a cent for this, I'd chuck it right back at the clerk at my music store the next day and demand a refund. Congratulations, Waking the Cadaver. You win the prize of possibly creating the worst album ever made in history! Give yourself a cookie! |
| What. - 0% |
| Written by MutatisMutandis
on July 19th, 2008
|
| Comprised of a pentagram of the douchiest scene wiggers society's membrane has to offer, Waking The Cadaver have taken the clown sperm-encrusted crown as metal's most mind-numbing act and simultaneously, sucked the deathcore bar down to a subterranean level. If you remember that episode of South Park where Britney Spears survives a shotgun suicide attempt and returns to the stage, my interpretation of this album is built off the same premise - just replace Britney with the recent Dying Fetus lineup, obliterate their bonces from the jaw up, and throw them their instruments. The end product sounds as retarded as that description would lead you to believe, and I say that as an avidder of such aural cowplop as Gronibard, Meatshits, and Eyetofuk. In other words, this may be the album that pushes humanity into it's ultimate recession. Where to begin? The drumming would accent your local high school's death metal band nicely, and the vocals are an unfortunately atypical stream of lifeless inhales, a style becoming notorious for losing all semblance of actual patterns. Neither are contenders however, to the guitarwork. What the fuck? There are like, six recognizable riffs on this whole fucking album, and the rest is just big fluffy slams where the band completely dismantles the starving, skeletal framework they cued in with and all the test-tube primates in mesh shorts richochete off one another in the pit. I'm serious, the only riffs on the album are so mindlessly simplistic, the arbitrary blastbeats are the only thing that seperates them from being breakdowns themselves! If that's not enough, the only thing more "brootal" than the breakdowns is the breakdowns WITHIN the breakdowns. And the meta-breakdowns. And the resulting breakdowns whenever the band decides to cool off after "breaking it down". I can't go on any longer, though. I've got stomach cramps and a shitload of things I should be doing in this review's stead. Perverse Recollections Of A Necromangler is not only the worst metal album of the decade, but one of the worst I have ever heard, ever. I'd rather set off a fire extinguisher in my ass than sit through this diluted piece of hardcore scat porn session again. I may have rewarded this band a single digit rating, but sadly, they had to include that moronic interlude where they display how "relateable" and "down to earth" they are by recording a bong session. "HA HA HA! These guys are smoke bud! Just like me an' my pals when my parents are outta town!" Get fucked, you New Jersey cunthole pollution suckers. |
| Possibly the worst album ever? - 3% |
| Written by Osiris_Bane
on June 11th, 2008
|
| So, this is my first review for the Encyclopaedia Metallum. I wanted to review a truly incredible album for my first review, an album I love dearly. Instead, I have chosen to spew venom about this auditory abortion. This album, ludicrously entitled "Perverse Recollections of a Necromangler", is an insult to all forms of music ever to exist. Waking the Cadaver are "slamming gore groove", as their myspace declares, from the anus of the United States, AKA, New Jersey. New Jersey has oft been the butt of many jokes, and is considered an unpleasant place to live. I now firmly believe that the unfortunate condition of New Jersey was preemptive punishment for this group of retarded apes posing as musicians. I could rip into them for numerous idiotic qualities, but that really is not important. They could be the dumbest group of fucktwats on earth, but I could tolerate it if they produced good music. Unfortunately, what they produce could hardly be called music. Let's break it down (HA HA I MADE A FUNNY) track by track: 1. Intro. This is a clever title, and a clever track. Of course, here, I'm substituting the word "clever" in place of "stupid ambient noise" in the second case, and the words "dull and insipid" can be substituted for "clever" in the first. It seems to consist of a series of noises that sound like a gun being cocked, a bunch science-fiction-movie doors opening, the sound of flesh ripping, and then a bunch of gunfire and screaming to a soft, "atmospheric" background. This is by far, the single best track on the album, and is the sole reason I am giving it a 3%. This electronic sound effect track bleeds into the next. 2. Always Unprotected. Oh man, now there's a sustained guitar chord.... AND WE'RE CHUGGING ALONG! The guitar in this song is extremely simplistic, and not in a good way. About half-way through, the guitars start to do a sort of breakdown, which continues through the rest of the song, and, indeed, the album. When the vocalist kicks in, we are "treated" to a long string of incomprehensible pig squeals that rapidly become maddening. Supposedly, the songs on this album have lyrics. I can tell you, even while reading the lyrics and listening to the music, I could not decipher them. I tried. I tried really hard. But what they have written sounds nothing like what the fucktwit vocalist is squealing. About half way through this track, for a few seconds, the vocalist proves that he isn't entirely incompetent and belts out a few lines in a mediocre death grunt, but then immediately descends back into the insufferable pig squeals. The bass.... exist. Somewhere. I'm sure. There's a bassist in the band, anyway. I don't know what, if anything, he is playing, but he's there. The drummer is at least somewhat competent, able to play basic blast beats, but not for very sustained periods, and switches to slower drumming for the breakdown that 80% of the song consists of. I'm wondering if they chose to make their album a 23 minute break down because their drummer can't actually play anything more than relatively slow breakdown beats. The next track is- You know what? Fuck it. This album isn't worth a track-by-track review. All the songs by Waking the Cadaver are just 2 and a half to three minute breakdowns, punctuated by frantic but ultimately inane guitar playing and shitty blast beats, while the vocalist imitates a pig burying its face in a trough, squealing noises that don't even come close to resembling actual words. Once in a while there's some decent death grunts, which are actually comprehensible, use real words, and should appear more often. I might've given the album a 7%, or even a 10% if he had. Again, the bass is pretty much non-existent for the entirety of the album. I believe I may have heard it somewhere in "Raped, Pillaged and Gutted", and somewhere on one of the last tracks, but it may have been my imagination. Let's take moment to discuss the lyrics. Now, while I have no problem with a little misogyny in my death metal, I am not a misogynist, and figure that most bands (IE, Cannibal Corpse), don't really take themselves too seriously. However, I am under no such impression from WTC. The first half of most of their songs are rap lyrics, which eventually move into something resembling death metal lyrics. Examples of their horrendous lyricism can be seen everywhere, but here's some choice selections: "Countless nights getting twisted extreme illicit substance inhalation. Fuck...I'm craving some penetration because hoes, let me tell you, i do it unprotected like its my occupation, and guaranteed your pucking up your lips for a spraying." -Always Unprotected "All night on this bitch I release my piece. Yes. Yes. I am the man. And I will kill when I can. You can try to run. Burt you're done. Run. Gun to your head. One more sound and you're dead. Kick in your teeth. With my cock piece." -Chased Through the Woods by a Rapist I've known 13 year olds who write far better lyrics than this fucking drivel. This is an embarrassment to music everywhere. But once again, it doesn't really matter what the lyrics are, as all that can be heard for 90% of the songs is "SQUEE REEE WEEE RRR RRR RRR SWEEEEE!" There are clips at the beginning for "Pigtails Are for Fucking" and at the beginning and end of "I Know the Insides Of Women" of two Italian men talking about guns. These add nothing to the album, but I don't suppose they detract. Samples never really bothered me. In fact, on this album, the samples may be the best part, because while they occur, we are spared the vocalists horrendous pig squeals. Further dragging the album down is the track called "Interlude" (again with the amazingly clever titles!), which is just under one minute of the band taking hits off a bong and coughing. It adds nothing to the album other than to say "HAY GUYS WE'RE STONERS AREN'T WE FUCKING COOL!?" In short, this album is nothing more than about 20 minutes of incomprehensible pig squeals, musicianship that even an amateur player could top, juvenile, retarded, rap-esque lyrics, and a lot of tough guy posing. The impression I get from this band is it's a bunch of virgins with four-inch penises trying desperately to appear tough. To top it off, they even look like complete assgoblins. Waking the Cadaver should never, ever enter a recording studio or pick up an instrument ever again. What they have produced is a crime against music, and they should commit suicide and their label should cease releasing albums by any band, because they apparently have no idea what music is. What's worse is that these goddamned fuckshits are on tour in Europe, and, even more distressing, is that they have a fan base. Yes. People like this shit. Granted, it's generally fiteen-year old wiggers and Hardcore/scene kids who want to look tough and be "WINDMILLING PIT NINJAS OMG", but they still are giving WTC the impression that they are good musicians and should continue to make music. For the record, I enjoy deathcore. I, in fact, do have extremely diverse taste in music, and I enjoy many bands that people would consider shitty. But even I despise WTC. |
| I wish this cadaver had never been awoken... - 23% |
| Written by All_Of_Life_Decays
on May 11th, 2008
|
| Firstly, I'm going to get some facts straight. I like deathcore. I like appropriately used breakdowns (if it's good enough for Aborted, Suffocation and Dying Fetus, it’s good enough for me). I even tolerate (again, appropriately used) pig squeals. And yet I cannot bring myself to listen to this album again. Its pathetic ineptness is altogether embarrassing, both for them and for whoever actually spent money on this. This is the most pathetic death metal release I've heard in a very long time. Fortunately, it's just the kind of thing for a good old fashioned diatribe. Firstly, let's talk initial impressions. I borrowed this from a friend out of a kind of morbid curiosity at whether or not they would have improved since the EP, so my priorities may be different from someone buying it commercially, but I saw the cover art and groaned. It's not what you'd call subtle. The track titles are similar; the kind of thing stoned teens giggle about between eating and becoming greasier with each passing moment. The disk is in, and fuck knows what the common-or-garden ambient intro was actually of, because after multiple listens I still had no goddamn clue. It leaks through into first proper track "Always Unprotected" which, after the remnants of the intro have disappeared, launches off into the kind of blastbeat-riddled UBER BR00T4L section that they still fail to pull off. That said, the attempt is less pathetic that that of the EP, partially thanks to the drummer actually having the common decency to, y'know, be halfway competent this time round, rather than losing the beat every fuckmothering five seconds, which is always a nice thought. Unfortunately, the singer still has severe psychological and emotional issues, or at least that's the only justification I can think of for his ego allowing him to actually sing like that on record. He still sounds like a toad with throat cancer, and possesses all the vocal range of Stephen fucking Hawking. If anything, he's regressed past the standard he set in the EP, which is like saying Jorge "Hurley" Garcia has regressed past his standard he set in Lost Season 1 for sex appeal. I mean it, at least in the EP he had a repertoire of burping, pig squeeeeeeeel and a weedy mix of hardcore shout and death growl, whereas here the latter is "sadly" excluded in favour of more burps. Even then, Devourment-style full-lunged floor-shakers are out, weedy back-of-throat grumbles are in, and the piggies deserve credit for how much they actually sound like a piglet squealing, which, someone has neglected to tell WTC, is not a good thing. The Whitechapel/Misericordiam-style vocal walls of noise that piggies are supposed to be are best found elsewhere. But what is a WTC song actually made up of? Well, breakdowns mostly, and for a lot of bands, an inventive, blood-stirring 30-second breakdown within the context of a 3-4 minute song can make a song great, especially live. However WTC don't include breakdowns within the song structure. Breakdowns ARE the song structure, occasionally punctuated with the kind of faster sections mentioned above, afterthoughts at best, and are almost deliberately dull. Now for the interesting part. How does it compare to the EP? I'd like to take a moment to compare the two versions of "Chased through the Woods by a Rapist", a song infamous for it's astonishing ability to reduce nearby listeners and small children into fits of laughter, not least because of some truly heroic lyrical interpretations (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCBSX0XDSVI). The documentary intro is gone, probably because on a full-length there's no need for shameless space-padding. This is a track that suffers from the deeper vocals, although the mildly better drumming invokes less unintentional hilarity on the fast part. The guitars can still charitably be called boring and uncharitably called execrable, but fortunately due to the 90% breakdowns structure of the song, they're only playing half the time. The lowest point is the inventively titled "Interlude", which is a sound bite of the band smoking cannabis; it's like they're laughing at me for having been stupid enough to endure the album by making me listen to them having more fun than I did at any point throughout the entire CD. However, there is a reason why I have marked it past 20, a glowing score in comparison to the other reviews; something must have gone right during the song writing process because these songs are catchy, albeit in the same sense that leprosy is catchy. As much as I hate it, this is evidence that it doesn't fail on all accounts. However, this is still a terrible, TERRIBLE album. Everything that's good about death metal and deathcore is either horribly abused or missing entirely; I'd complain about the lack of solos, experimentation or variation but the album is over a lot quicker with them. It’s the kind of album that can only be attractive to horribly misinformed people with a gore fetish and no knowledge of the death metal scene. Maybe it’s for the kind of person who watches YouTube videos of pigs eating other pigs as porn, or who’s really creepily into meat tenderising; those are certainly the kind of person who make up this band. We don’t understand them, but hell, perhaps they don’t understand why we don’t enjoy rubbing raw mince on our genitals. |
| Makes me want to listen to Hellyeah - 5% |
| Written by Dasher10
on March 12th, 2008
|
| This is the absolute worst excuse for music that I've ever heard. Just how bad is it? It's bad enough that I have an incredible craving for Paramore right now. It's really that abominable. The entire slam death metal genre is pointless and this band just epitomizes everything wrong with slam death metal. Don't get me wrong, I love death metal. I just can't stand slam, and this band is the absolute slammiest band out there. So what exactly is wrong with this band, you ask? Let me say that they have some absolutely banal lyrics, subpar musicianship, and epitomize everything wrong with slam bands. I think that I'll start with the vocals. Don Campan sounds like he's either impersonating a pig, burping, or drinking a slurpee. This guy is the absolute worst vocalist that I've ever heard and this is coming from a guy who listens to a lot of death metal. Don Campan isn't just not as good as George Fischer, Mikael Stanne, or Devin Townsend, but he makes Chris Barnes, Frank Mullen, and Anders Friden look great by comparison and that takes a lot to do. This guy not only makes the absolute most incomprehensible grunts of all time, but he also overuses the stupid pig squeals that bands like Job for a Cowboy have made popular. They weren't good with JfaC, but the constant use of them here just makes them unbearable to listen to. If you don't believe me about this guy's vocals being impenetrable, then go do a search on Youtube and check out how many "interpretation videos" come up. I've never heard a worse vocalist in any genre and this is sadly typical of every slam death band. Then there's the drums. They're okay, but they're sometimes played out of rhythm which is unacceptable on a studio produced full-length and that only further proves that this band is a bunch of untalented hacks and don't deserve the fame that they've gotten recently. On the other hand, he can blast which would normally be a good thing, but his blast beats seem like they come at the absolute worst times in the songs given the terrible song structures which just makes the blasting seem random. There's also shitty guitar. This guy apparently can't solo and more importantly, he tires out so fast that he can't even play a riff for a sustained period of time. His riffs are kind of generic but they're over so fast as he descends back into the same chugging breakdowns that almost every single band to have come out in the last five years has been playing, except here - as in pretty much all slam death - the songs are built around the breakdowns, which happen to all sound exactly alike. And as for the bass... there is no bass! I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing since he's probably been edited out for a reason. And then there's the song structures. They may seem nonexistent at first glance but they are present to anyone who's read the lyrics. I actually like a lot of bands that totally abandon song structure like The Dillinger Escape Plan, and bands that use unconventional song structures like Dream Theater, but this is just a feeble attempt to utilize song structure since the lyrics could be fit into the music far more effectively than they are here. It's just a fine example of totally rushed songwriting that could have gone somewhere if the band actually took the time to actually write actual songs! Sadly, they're a slam band and that means that they basically write breakdowns and then some lyrics and riffs around them like every slam death metal band since Devourment. Slam death metal is truly the new nu metal for this decade where tons of untalented bands who are soon going to be playing this kind of crap except without the riffs to bridge the breakdowns. And don't let me get started on the immature lyrics. All of these songs are feeble attempts to write lyrics in the same spirit as early Cannibal Corpse that completely fail to accomplish anything except as laugh because they're such shitty titles. The actual lyrics completely suck as well and are more misogynistic than Waco Jesus and are filled to the brim with rape references since it's apparent that these guys hate women since no woman would actually do such losers who can't even make decent death metal. Oh, and it's not just an act, these guys are truly immature since they record themselves smoking weed in the studio and use a bong augmented grunt to start off the following song. They should just grow the fuck up and make quality music rather now that they're already famous. Slam death metal is totally inaccessible so any change in their sound would be selling out so they shouldn't change, right? Wrong. Leviathan, The New Black, Colony, Countdown to Extinction, and The Black Album are all sellout albums but they were still great. Changing to a type of death metal that doesn't totally blow ass would be selling out, but it would be selling out in the right way. If this is the absolute worst music that I've ever heard (I'm not even sure if it qualifies as music) then why am I giving it a full five? There are two reasons. Reason one would be that they're from the same state that I was born in. Reason number two would be the fact that it made me laugh the hardest that I have in a year. Congratulations, you guys suck so much that you've actually become funnier than Blackthrone. |
| HIlarious! - 10% |
| Written by skrapythecar
on March 9th, 2008
|
| Let me get this cleared up first off, the only merit to listening to this album is for a good hearty laugh! Cheers me up every time, but I'm not one who takes massive offense if something doesn't meet my "standards". Yeah, whatever, that was pretty crap, next! Onto the music, I have to say that this is the most incoherent amatuerish music I have ever heard of. I can literally just hit random notes on the fretboard and say I'm playing the "leads" on "Type A Secretor" and you wouldn't know the difference. I could bash any series of thoughtless "brutal" powerchords out of key, not to mention out of time and create my own necromangling album. These are the Fall Out Boy of death metal folks! Loved by thousands upon thousands (who you never see in any respectable metal/music community ironically) of kids and maybe even adults everywhere, yet failing to produce even one decent song. The intro to "Chased Through The Woods By A Rapist" is perhaps the highlight of the album, just bordering on not being total bull, until they break into yet another..... I don't even know what to call it. Just horrible, every song sounds the same. Yet they make me laugh so hard! The funniest part for me is when they're hitting the bong in the interlude, the at the start of the next track you get this gargly puke vocal that sounds just like he taking another hit! Or finally pulling a whitey and puking his guts out, ever notice how much these guys cough after a toke? The next funniest part is the rest of the album, the ultimate comedy for b-horror junkies. That's where the 10% comes in. Overall: - Bad music - Bad vocals - Bad concept - Good laugh |
| Dull - 5% |
| Written by MikeyC
on February 23rd, 2008
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| I like to think that I have an open mind when it comes to metal. I try to be welcoming with any new music that comes my way, no matter of the genre. This includes generally frowned upon genres like metalcore and deathcore. As it is, I do own some metalcore and deathcore albums that I enjoy very much and listen to regularly. None of them may be reinventing the wheel, so to speak, but they play with certain amounts of energy and innovation that deem them enjoyable. So, with that out of the way, I decided to check up on Waking The Cadaver's full length album, "Perverse Recollections Of A Necromangler." Okay, straight up, the name of the album should be enough to put anybody off. It sounds very, very clichéd in the brutal sides of metal, and it should already give you a small idea of the themes this band is going to touch. But don't judge a book by its cover, right? Okay, so what do you hear when you play this album? Innovation? Passion? Skill? An object of replayability? A big, whole-hearted NO on all counts. What we have here has got to be one of the worst deathcore albums I have ever heard. Now, like I said, I do like some deathcore a lot, but this album is steaming with monotony and unmemorable songs. There aren’t many recovering factors about this. So onto the music: What is there to say? Let's start with the drumming. Probably the best thing on the album, but that is not saying a great deal about its quality. The first 3 seconds or so on "Blood Splattered Satisfaction" isn’t too bad...until the rest of the instruments kick in, and then it sounds like every other bloody song. Now, this guy can play, I'll give him that. While he may not be the tightest, mechanical player I've heard, he definitely knows his way around a drum kit. But that does not exclude him from the negative aspects of this album. He adds nothing to the music, and when he blasts every now and again, it just sounds way too forced, almost like, "damn, we need some blasting here". The bass drums don't sound that great in the mix either, and his double-bass kicks aren't tight enough. Overall, he can play, but mixed in with everything else, it simply doesn't sound good. I can't tell you anything about the guitar riffs, because I simply can't recall any of them that were deemed memorable. I do know that there is a lot of chugging going on. I can tell you that. But where is the memorable chugging? There is not a single riff in this abomination that will make you think that this is a song to come back to, because it's catchy. None of it is catchy. I also can't remember a single solo in the album. If there were any, they must not have been any good. Bass? Oh, there's a bass player in there? Could've fooled me. Now comes the absolute worst thing on the album: Those vocals. I burped earlier today and it sounded better than the throaty, curdling screeches this guy is belting out. These are some of the worst excuses for vocals I have had to subject my ears to. Every now and again he will change his vocals to some deathcore growling, but it only lasts a short while and doesn't seem to fit anyway. Then he's back to his awful BREEEEE's. And what are the lyrical themes about? Rape? Degradation to women? Not only are those themes lost under the vocals, as nobody can understand a goddamn word this guy is saying, but those lyrical themes are old and lack any real substance or thought. Oh, and just in case that wasn't enough, he never, ever shuts up! Once he starts, he just goes crazy and bree's for the entire song. Every song. For this band to be even a little better, they absolutely need to kick this vocalist out, and get someone in that can actually do it properly. He is terrible. With all these bad musicians in the album, is it possible for it to be any worse? Yes. The breakdowns. Now, I'm not an avid hater of the infamous breakdown. In fact, I like them, and think they can enhance a song and make it much more memorable simply because of it. Waking The Cadaver not only uses breakdowns badly, but they use them absolutely everywhere. One breakdown leads into another, which leads into another, then maybe some blasting, then another breakdown...all behind the vocalist's incessant burping. Not one of the breakdowns are catchy, nor do they give the song a hook, or an edge. The interlude is an absolute joke. It's a very short track (not a "song") that is basically just them doing drugs and coughing. I believe it was put in there just to make the band seem a little more hardcore. Pointless and pretentious. Ironically, it is a welcome reprieve from the vocals and the uninspiring music in general, so I guess it could be a good thing, too. Towards the end of the album, there are some samples at the start of the songs. Take the one at the start of "Pigtails Are For Face Fucking." It's all about someone having a gun. "I'm gonna fuckin' shoot somebody, you know what I mean?" It means absolutely nothing, and is put there for seemingly no reason other than to differentiate it from everything else. There are a couple of others, including the outro of the final track, which are just as bad, if not worse. And this is the album. Everything about this album is so generic that it's not even worth a download. The drumming is the best thing on the album, and I'll give the album a 5 just for that, but even he is bad. The vocals are the stupidest excuse for vocals I have ever witnessed. Nobody should have this album, and this band, barring any extravagant style changes, should be forgotten quickly. And judging by the unremarkable music they play, it's only a matter of time. In short: Avoid this horrendous album. There are lots of so-called generic deathcore that I'd much rather listen to than this. |
| This album is better used as shotgun fodder - 1% |
| Written by MrVJ
on December 5th, 2007
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| Here we have another one of those American "sensations" that have taken the metal world by storm. Waking the Cadaver are also one of those "brutal deathcore" bands that are so fucking popular these days. Honestly, the words "brutal deathcore" just sound like a conundrum, and I think they should cancel each other out and create some kind of fucked up black hole that would transport every single deathcore band to Planet Anal Rape so they'll get raped day and night by hideous monsters. Anyway, for music journalism integrity (hahah), I'm going to try and review this album fairly and put my already large hatred of the genre out of the limelight. "Perverse Recollections of a Necromangler" is the long-awaited debut from these New Jersey fuckheads and contains 11 tracks of pure brutal music... oh who the fuck am I kidding, I can't even be fair past the god damn introduction. My hatred for the deathcore genre is coming back full-swing, and I'm glad it is so I'm knocked out of this fake sissy reality that "deathcore" is a redeemable genre. I think gaybars all across the world can collectively thank Waking the Cadaver for giving them some nice slow tunes for their jukeboxes so the random patrons can dance with one another in a nice and happy environment. Why people go apeshit over this band is beyond me. I think it has something to do with the fact that most of my fellow-Americans are idiots and enjoy garbage like this. What makes this album suck so bad? Here's a top five list! 5. The vocals are the least offensive thing in this album, but they still outright suck, going from a terrible pig squeel to the hardcore growls that are now so common among shit music. 4. The drums do absolutely nothing to further the music, as this is completely riff based and boring as shit to boot. Of course there's the obligatory gravity blast once in a while to try and make you shit your pants, but overall just leaves you feeling limp and unsatisfied. 3. No bass. Enough fucking said. 2. The riffs are all the same and not in the least bit interesting to listen to. Hell, I think I've even spotted a few rip-offs from Colombia's own Amputated Genitals, and that alone warrants a shitty score. They all go from blazing fast to chuggalug to almost a grinding halt, which inevitably leads into my number one complaint about this shitheap. 1. Those fucking hardcore breakdowns. They fuck up the songs so bad that once you feel that you're even remotely enjoying a riff or portion of a song, these fucking failed abortions decide to throw in that AWESOME GROOVING BREAKDOWN so all the pitninjas can unleash their angst and feel mighty and powerful. Fuck these breakdowns so hard, they make "Perverse Recollections of a Necromangler" nearly unlistenable... not that it already isn't. They also try to play to the stoner crowd by having the track "Interlude" just be a sound of them doing bong hits and getting high. Hell yeah guys, I really want to hear fifty-three seconds of you faggots getting high, which then segways into "Type A Secreter", whose intro I bet they ripped off the Amputated Genitals (again!) song "Charred Neighborhood", yet somehow made it even more boring. I don't fucking know how Waking the Cadaver did it, or how they even got signed, but not even Divine Heresy and Job For A Cowboy combined could do a worse job than they did with this album. "Perverse Recollections of a Necromangler" is best suited as buckshot fodder, and hopefully the band will get hit with the ensuing shrapnel. Seriously, once again, fuck Waking the Cadaver and fuck this fake-ass "brutal deathcore". Ignore this band at all costs and listen to something more worthwhile. What the fuck Necroharmonic. What the fuck! |
| Shitty, but appealing - 38% |
| Written by NJustice4all5
on December 2nd, 2007
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| This is the first time I remember getting a headache when listening to music. Maybe it was just me? I wanted to check, so I put on some Digested Flesh...no headache. Then, I realized...it's just that Waking the Cadaver sucks. Maybe that's the point? The "long-awaited" debut from NJ's "slamming gore grove" (as they refer to themselves) band Waking the Cadaver is nothing short of shitty. Yet, it's appealing. I managed to get my hands on their new shit, just out of curiosity. I've been interested in them for about a year, now, since I've heard of them. Finally, I have closure. I can confirm that the music is pure garbage. One thing that struck me is that they are one of the many trendy bands today that negate their obvious "-core" influence. Reading a biography of theirs' on their website (wakingthecadaver.net) I see the lines "gore not core". If you're playing chugging breakdowns in your music (or shit) you have no right to use that phrase, unless it was sardonic, of course. The music is what one would expect of the common Deathcore band, except it's not as well-done. Bands like Suicide Silence and Despised Icon pull off the style much more gracefully than WTC--and with more meaning and feeling behind the music, for that matter. There really were no memorable breakdowns on the album. Most of the music is bland, at best. WTC sounds like an extremely watered-down version of Devourment and Digested Flesh. But, it sells. What WTC have here is a marketable product for today's underground scene. I already know all the "br00tal" kids are going to be all over these guys' nuts--'cause they already are. The more retarded your band sounds the more these stupid scene kids are going to love you. I suppose it's just these kids' way of rebelling (but, for some reason they're all the same). Music can be relentless, pulverizing, and brutal, yet enjoyable. But, WTC doesn't achieve this. Factors leading to this may include the shitty, annoying vocals, the boring drumming, and the uninspired song structures. All in all, give this piece of shit a listen, then listen to a REAL slamming brutal Death Metal outfit (i.e., Digested Flesh). You will hear how much shittier WTC really is. |