...Yes, I know perfectly what you are talking about. However, your review sucks half a kilometer of monkey penis, so it should be blitzed. I guess you are "to" stupid to understand.

Hmm seeing that I am only half mexican that story is fucking gay. I only know how to speak english and that is all. I have no accent and I will never have one. I bet you are some hic faggot who lives in a trailor park. And may I ask you one thing. How the fuck do I type like a mexican?

And another thing, I am not stupid.

If anything, BJP is French (and I'm not sure which I would rather not be - that, or Mexican, but that's beside the point). You type like a Mexican because you have made the classic mistakes of confusing "there" with "their" and "have" with "of." I called you stupid, first because you are, and second to mock your use of the word "to" instead of "too."

Now quit bitching and write a better review.

Why bash the French? I'm not French anyway, son. I happen to be a hearty mix of Lebanese, German and Irish.

Watch me care.

Yes, I do admit I do get "there" and "their" confused. I just never got what the difference bewteen the two words are.

There - used to indicate an unspecified, usually distant location. Also used as a pronoun for an aforementioned location.
I went to the park.There I saw a dog.

Their - used to indicated ownership by a nonsingular amount of people/things in the third person.
They have a dog.Their dog is black.

They're - contraction used to replace the phrase "they are."
They're fat and lazy.

And now I thank you.

Wooo 1000th post!!!!

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=6745#8499



Nuke, please.

Actually, most of this guy's reviews can go.

http://www.metal-archives.com/userrevie ... idPreacher

Geez, notice the recent trend in which the name aptly describes the user. Its kind of creepy.

BJP, your review hardly honors the 100% that you gave to this album.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=3408#471

Your point is? Short and concise, not great, and I plan to redo that and the Awaken the Guardian review in the future.

FuneralReaper's review of that album was absolute shit. You should look at his instead.

You can stop heckling me now.

Will SOMEONE just stop accepting that Killswitch kids reviews???

FunrealReaper and Dragons_Tears are alot worse than that one, which really isnt so bad. I'd say fix it up alittle but other than that its a so so review.

Reviews for The Black Dahlia Murder's A Cold-Blooded Epitaph:

nice..... - 88%
Written by killswitch on April 10th, 2004


This is Shadows Falls' first release with singer Brian Fair of Overcast fame, and he is an excellent addition to the band. This is pretty metal, well there are definitely some black metal influences (but no keyboards). Lots of chugga chugga and synchronized guitar riffs with the odd solo thrown in, and even a few breaks into accoustic guitar with singing over top. Fair has a pretty amazing voice, going from the lowest growels, to screams, to a good singing voice. I have yet to witness their live preformance but I can imagine that it would be an incredible show. Fourty-six minutes sounds like a fairly long time for a CD, but it goes by really quickly. This isn't just good music, it is also entertaining just listening to it. The lyrics are pretty good too which was a surprise. I was expecting to read a bunch of weird death shit that I wouldn't be able to understand, but these are good and they actually make sense. Shadows Fall bring you the best elements of all types of rock and roll. No dragged out breakdowns, but still very dance floor approved. Century Media has picked up a winner in Shadows Fall, I can see them becoming extrememly successful in all kinds of metal scenes, and definitely in the hardcore scene. Very solid, very powerful. I like it!

----

Dumb cunt.

This is worse than dropping your soap in prison, whoever accepted this.
http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=14304



Twice as long as his other review, yet it's shittier.

Yet it describes the music well.

I'm serious here.

I think any review below 20% or above 85% should have a longer review than 21-84. If you're calling it one of the greatest or worst albums of all time, you should go into detail why you think so.

Is the person who accepts Killswitch's reviews actually reading them?!?!

Judging from the Black Dahlia Murder one, no. It seems like a mod(s) should re-read the rules for accepting a review.

in satan we trust - 90%
Written by Apophis on April 12th, 2004


There are people, you know who you are, that have ridiculed Dimmu Borgir supposedly because of their music but actually because they are probably the biggest selling active band associated with black metal (discounting Mayhem).
That quite simply is a lousy excuse.

The music the band makes, whilst definitely not "black metal" in the normal sense, creates a more all-round almost cinematic atmosphere instead of the easier run-of-the-mill option of the by the book mindlessness and histrionics employed by the likes of Cradle Of Filth.

Interestingly, it's down to this creative soundscape that has made Dimmu more 'acceptable' to the larger media, with their music featuring not just in the trailer but in the Hellboy movie itself, as well as approval from the cult figure Abbath Doom Occulta, of Immortal, himself.

The ironic thing about this album is the overall use of an actual choir and orchaestra along with the reknowned drum skills of Nick Barker, who's services were, post-tour, deemed surplus to requirements.

Open-minded music fans will love this.
People who use the word "true" far too much and in relation to music.... can just 'Burn in hell'!
--------------------------------------------------------------

This review says nothing about the songs at all.

Thats one shitty n00b rantview. But he does point out that Dimmu Borgir is approved by cult figure Abbath Doom Occulta. Hahaha, what a joke.

OMFG, that one stinks harder than used toilet paper. Flush it down the drain please.

I'm nuking the ones that don't follow the guidelines and I read his carefully. If it's blatant, it wasn't me.

review link

I've heard nothing but nonstop mallraving about this god damn album since it came out. What the hell is so great about it? City all out fucking DESTROYED. When I heard SYL were coming out with a new album I was totally thrashed. I eagerly awaited it's release. I didn't exactly expect another City, but I expected something that at least sounded like it was from the same planet. Before the album was actually released, the local metal shop here got a bunch of promo copies in, so I snagged one and eagerly stuck it in the car stereo. Right from Consequence my face went . That same face I made the first time I heard Load...or Risk. First thought: "What the fuck is this?" BUT...I still had hope...maybe it was just a shitty opening song. But by the time Last Minute came along, I was depressed. That kind of depression die hard In Flames fans felt when they heard Cloud Connected. I hate this record so much, I'm not even going to bother picking apart each song. All I have to say is that if you loved City, and you're expecting something that sounds even halfway like City, DON'T BOTHER. Terria is more headbangable than this crap. Save your $14 and buy something good, like the new Dismember or Death Angel CDs.


Hmm, lets see. "People said this, but this sucks, I cried, wtf, this is better, this sucks and this is better." He just compares stuff and never really describes anything about it.

Your opinion sucks like an open window on a spaceship.

And this isn't a "rate my review" thread.

Ugh, Devin Townsend gives me stomach pains.

Another shitty review from the thirteen year old:

An overrated hunk of shit. - 20%
Written by AzzMan on April 15th, 2004


How this band got away with creating large masses of "SATAN! SATAN IS MY GOD!" with horrid vocals from none other then Mr. Benton, boring repetitive riffs via our friends Eric and Brian Hoffman, and *gasp* GOOD drumming from Mr. Asheim. Frankly the only one who I should be calling by name is Asheim, as he's the only one here who deserves any sort of respect for his output on this album.

The basis of song structure seems to have been thrown away except for "Verse-chorus-verse-bridge-chorus" in a few cases here, but it dosnt stop the tracks themselves from being the same in every way.

Now lyrics are never something I cared about, and I deemed satanism in songs "just for show" and usually it is. But here they seem to throw themselves at it so hard, that not only does it cease to be cool or differnet, but becomes stale, stupid, repetitive and shows the band really needs to go to church. Now most "tr00" Bands would protest that they ARE satanic. Good for them. That dosnt stop the lyrics here from being so blunt that you can't bear to hear them come out of Benton's horrible mug.

I can stand all of two songs on this record- the second track and third, Sacrificial Suicide and Oblivious to Evil respectivly. The bridge space on Sacrificial seems to fit well and comes off good for headbanging, and Oblivious dosn't fit with the rest of the trash.

Music wise, the guitars structure the same thing, with no interesting riffs or sounds, and no actual good solos, while the nigh noticable bass comes off as chuggy. Benton's vocals, again, could be worse but overall don't show any talent he might have held. The drumming, though, the drumming is very nice. The double bass filters into everything quite well, builds on what semi-riffs there are, and accents this album to not be TOTAL shit.

Now, I haven't heard any other Deicide work, and I hated De-Christinize by the Deicide "Brother-band," Vital Remains, so I don't think I'm activly going to TRY and hear any more Deicide for a while. Everyone hails this as being an original headbanger. It's original, sure- it was one of the older DM albums. But other then that, it comes off as simple and not well thought out. I can see how some metalheads can see tons of potential in Deicide, but I however, cannot.

that not to bad

It's not a bad review.

It's decently written, it's just from the perspective of some prepubescent christ worshipping metal n00b.

Reckon so.

Deicide- s/t review

Classic Death Metal - 86%
Written by teucro213 on May 14th, 2003


Mmm...the Old floridian flavour still tastes good...
You never can get tired of immortal masterpieces like Blessed Are the Sick, Cause of Death, Piece of Time, Imperial Doom and...DEICIDE.
This overwhelming bunch of satanic anthems still displays eternal hate and evil brutality bashing every now and then the dirty name of christ and his shitty church full of bastards thieves.
You'll say: Stupid and typical stuff...bla bla...
Maybe, but who cares!! It's so funny and mixed with killer music.
Eric's riff in Blaspherereion simply rocks!
Highlight on this albums are:
Blaspherereion, Day of Darkness and the glorious Dead By Dawn.

This album was a killer when it came to life and still kicks.
This is classic stuff and that's all.

*Very cool artwork with some demons attacking a priest

Gone.

Unlike Shea , I realized that you posted the text of that guy's review. It says a lot that people didn't realize that was a review and not just a bitchfest.

Gone.

Haha, I wondered what the hell OSheaman's problem was. I guess I didn't put the reviewer and score on the top but at least put a review link and since this is the Oven Fodder thread... I just assumed he accepted it and felt insulted or something so I just waited for anyone else to agree with me instead of bitching. Thanks.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=1653#9043

Written by stickyshooZ on April 18th, 2004

I’m astounded that this album has received such praise. Since it’s gotten nothing but good reviews on this site, I thought this would be a band I’d HAVE to check out. When I listened, I was reminded of why I dislike most progressive metal. My reason is because most of progressive metal I’ve listened to is fucking boring, uninteresting, complete and utter dog shit. If this is progressive metal then where the Hell does the progressive nature of the music begin?

The songs start off, drag on and on, occasionally have a riff that is cool sounding, then quickly ends. This is nowhere near beautiful, as many people have stated. The songs don’t go anywhere; they just drag on with a simple and shitty rhythm. If they’re going to make their music in a simple manner they can at least make it sound good. This is why I don’t like many progressive bands.

They tend to try so hard to be different, unique, and complicated that they end up losing their vision of creativity and what sounds good. I don’t listen to a band because the riffs are complicated, I listen to a band if it SOUNDS good, and this does NOT sound good. It’s boring as all fuck, which only makes me wonder more and more why people praise this band so much. If the nature of progressive metal is to be more technical than the average metal band, then being boring isn’t a part of technicality, unless you suck. While I listened to this album I became anxious, impatient, and irritated because I was wondering when the Hell the songs were going to pick up and amaze me.

Bottom line: if you hate repetitive and boring music, don’t buy this album. The only Remedy Lane I’ll be walking down is the street that leads to the garbage dumpster, so I can remedy my mistake of having bought this piece of shit.


Ok this guy basically doesn't like progressive metal and knows little about it and just sets out to attack it, that is quite apparent from the intro. Besides, PoS can't even be considered a run of the mill progressive metal band. Plus he contradicts himself by saying they try to be different and complicated, but then later says they are simple.
Simple rhythms? hah, also what the hell is a shitty rhythm? He just uses lame and overused adjectives with words that describe the music which aren't all that abundant anyway.

Meh...this one's iffy. He describes the music (at least, from his standpoint), but it seems like this description could apply to about 300 different albums. I'll let someone who's heard the album field this one.

Agreed. This is the main weakness of the review IMO.