Are you saying that to me, or to him?

I love Dark Moor, I never said that they're a clone band, I just said that they're not the most original band.

Him

Pardon, I have never heard the band, but according to the review it is a clone band. Anyway, if it is inaccurate, it is definitely blitzworthy.

What about the two I posted? They're still around.

The first one is gone. A MI member wrote the second, so I'm loathe to delete it.

Yeh, Dan said he wants to rewrite that one...ya might wanna hurry up on that, Danny boy.

I remember writing that one after a bowl or three...I would've deleted it myself. I guess I'll rewrite it....

Fair enough.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=465#3804

This one is still around. It has one sentence devoted to the music. "This is a heavy paced metal album, with raunchy guitar work and terrific vocals."

hahahahah

Delete it, please, just delete it.

The genius posted it on another board
http://www.metal-archives.com/board/vie ... php?t=4352

Here one that I think just sucks pretty bad. Too much opinion and not enough description.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=16510#5547

<edit> and not to mention its 4 sentences long.
GONE-thank you

For Slayer's "Show No Mercy"

A Great Debut - 98%
Written by EmilyMaddox on April 6th, 2004

This album kicks some serious ass from start to finish. It has all the right ingredients: a good drummer, good guitarists, and a lethal bass/vocalist. Tom Araya has relatively harsh vocals. He also provides good bass throughout the album. The lyrics are, well, Satanic. Then again it is a black metal album. Anyway, an album this well put together is very rare for a debut album. The album has many tracks that will later become classics. These tracks include “Evil Has No Boundaries,” “The Antichrist,” and “Black Magic.” Jeff Hanneman and Kerry King, the two lead guitarists write the lyrics and music for all the songs.

With a debut album this good, one can only imagine what they will become with time. This album is perfect for all Slayer fans!


Its a bit deceptive, because it seems decently written, but there is little (if no) information about the music. Let's see, harsh vocals, satanic lyrics, classic tracks. WOW, total genius!

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=207#7810

She also referred to it as black metal.

What the fuck, I already rejected that! Fuck I hate resubmitting cocksmokers who don't get the message first time round

For Cradle of Filth's Midian...

Big mistake... - 0%
Written by Cannile on May 11th, 2003


Man, I can't believe I bought this album. This is one of the worst albums I own. Weak guitar playing, extremely weak bass playing, bland drumming, and HORRIBLE squeeling. Cradle of Filth isn't even "hard-hitting." Dani Filth is by far the worst vocalist I have ever heard, he squeels like a little girl being sodomized. If Cradle of Filth is considered black metal (I don't consider them), then they are a disgrace, period. It makes me sick when these dumb nu-metal fans come up and are like "COF rules, man! If you don't like them then you don't like metal!" I say "fuckyou little kid, go rape dead animals and be a vampire you mallgoth piece of shit! COF is a complete disgrace to metal, any band is a disgrace when they tour on Ozzfest." Cradle of Filth is a horrible band. DO NOT BUY ANY OF THEIR ALBUMS, I'm warning you now.


Is it just me, or does this not satisfy the guidelines? o.o

I say we delete it all but that.

Works for me.

At least it was somewhat literate.

the lost album - 91%
Written by Glass_Casket on April 7th, 2004


This is Chimaira's lost CD and easily their best effort thus far, forget The Impossibility of Reason.. This albums fucking owns. The only downfall is the lyrics which seem to be Chimaira's calling card so to say. But everything else is good. Mark Hunter doesnt "try" to sing that much in this CD and his growls are usually top notch.

The CD starts off with "This Present Darknes" and after the long intro of about a minute or so it kicks in to a fury.. good song... next up is a demo version of "Painting The White To Grey" which in my opinion completely blows away the Pass Out of Existence one... then it goes to "Divination" pretty good song, nothing really memorable. Next up another demo from PooE, the song "Sphere" which is also better in demo form. Then we go to "Lend A Hand" which is one of Chimaira's strongest efforts thus far. Next up is "Empty" which is a slower song, even by Chimaira's standards... overall, a good song. And then there is "Silence" which is my favorite Chimaira song. ever. and a must listen to whoever says theyre a Chimaira fan... and finally, the CD ends with what i like to call a joke song called "Satan's Wizard" its a live song with Mark Hunter doing back up vocals and some dude with a squeeky voice that makes a random hair metal band sound masculine.

very good CD.



I say nuke this. The only thing this person does is mention the song title and talk about how good the song is.

I'm not sure any of these are blitzworthy yet but take a look here:
http://www.metal-archives.com/userrevie ... Azazel2000

Notice any pattern I have a feeling that, if given time, the whole IM discography will return an average of 100.0% if he carries on.

EDIT: That Rock in Rio review is pretty shitty. States the obvious, doesn't describe any of the songs or performance. Kill it?

Delete them all.

Here we have the most nukeable review in the history of the world:

An epic masterpiece from Filth - 97%
Written by mercyfulfate666 on April 7th, 2004


Cruelty and the beast is an epic classic from Cradle of Filth. After this album filth started to change their sound so I guess you could call this the last classic filth album. The songs are epics with excellent guitar playing and screeching vocals with classic drumming. It is a concept album and tells the story of the countess Elizabeth. You don’t need to listen to the album all the way through to enjoy it and this story is kind of complex. This album is classic from its first three seven minute epics to the final seven min. epic at the end.
Once Upon Atrocity- This is just an incremental track to start the album.
Thirteen Autumns and a Widow - This is probably one of the best Cradle of Filth songs of all time. It starts out slow and then gets heavy with excellent riffs and tempo changes. The song has some many riffs and it still flows together so good its insane. This song is a classic.
Cruelty brought thee orchids- This is another epic like the song before but just a little weaker but still a classic.
Beneath the Howling Stars- this is another epic songs with complex riffs and classic drums. This is like the first two but slower.
Venus in Fear- this is another instrumental track that consists of Dani's screaming vocals and the female vocalist moaning.

Desire in Violent Overture- This is another classic song with excellent riffs. Its sorter than the previous three epics but still is an amazing song.
The Twisted Nails of Faith- this is again another classic song with many tempo changes making this a complex song.
Bathory Aria- this is an eleven-minuete epic that consists of three different parts. The first part is slow and pretty short. The other two are about five minutes each and are similar so its hard to tell them apart.
Portraits of the Dead Countess- this is another instrumental track. Nothing special about this one.
Lustmord and Wargasm(the lick of Carnivorous Wounds)- This is another and seven minute epic and a great way to end a classic album. This is probably the heavyset song on the album because there are not many tempo changes.
Disc two- Limited edition contains a second disc with three songs and two covers. Venoms "Black Metal" which is a classic. It sounds much better than the original. Iron Maidens "Hallowed Be Thy Name." They did an amazing job with this, they re-created a classic and one of the best metal songs of all time. The other three songs are "Lustmord and Wargasm(the Relicking of the Cadaverous Wounds." it almost the same as the one on the cd. "Sodomy and Lust" which is a classic and finally “ twisting further nails (the Cruci-fiction mix." I have no clue what this song is it’s some kind of dance/techno mix and it’s not metal.
Overall this album is a masterpiece and all fans should get this now. This is a good place to start for new fans.

Ohhh, I am defunitily buyin dat one. Its clasuck.

Too much opinion?

Holy crap, that has to be the one worst song by song review I've ever seen!

It is classuck indeed.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=29857#3822

I think this one can go. Description of music is very minimal.

http://www.metal-archives.com/review.php?id=34456#3967

And this.

Chuck was a real loss to metal... - 99%
Written by AzzMan on April 9th, 2004


...and if you think I'm wrong, go back and fucking listen to Linkin Park. He evolved metal, he evolved the way people LOOK at metal, and if you say "its good he's rotting," you are a fool. He helped mold metal into a genre, that created more genres, and more music, and probably what your listening to right now. So respect.

But that isnt the point. The point is, this album fucking owns. Chuck did what come off as black vox for it, and proved he can shred with the best of em. The drumming is TIGHT as hell, and the riffs are awesome. So good, you don't mind if they get repeated, alot. If this album lacked solos, it wouldnt matter because of the well played riffs. The basslines are well put together, fit the music perfect, sound awesome, and not only that, but this isnt the kind of bass that you have to be listening for. Its there, it shows, and its good. What you should look at here, is the fact that this was the last album of a legend, and they left with one of the biggest "Bangs" ever. From start to finish, this baby will last you through the ages. Buy it if you haven't already. Truely touching, inspiring, and it really makes you reflect on the metal industry. And when you do that, you get more open to music in general.

R.I.P. Chuck, you will never be forgotten by your fans.

-----

Get rid of it now. It follows some guidelines, yes, but honestly it serves no purpose but sheer stupidity.


EDIT: In fact, all of "Assman's" reviews should be deleted.

I agree. I looked through this Assman's reviews and they are very shitty. His rating system is fucked too.

*checks Azzman's profile*

*looks at his age*

*looks at his notes*

*senses a LUEser* (GameFAQs)

UNDERAGE USER ALERT

Assman seems like the kind of guy where you would take your wang out and continually beat him over the head with it for jollies.

Not the WORST review I've ever read, but apart from the terrible grammar and spelling, the whole thing just plain sucks. I'm guessing it was written by someone whose first language is not English.


A few minor adjustments (in bold)

Kill. Crush. DESTROY:

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Total Bullshit - 5%
Written by Stormblast on April 10th, 2004


I have never heard a record as bad as New Found Power. It is complete mallcore and all the songs suck. Their is some good solos tho. Other than that, the vocals are very mallcorish and the drumming is overdone. Dimebag and Vinnie should of just left Pantera like it was and stopped making music. This messed up all the respect I had for them and now they go down in history as mallcore acts. For instance the song "Save Me" is complete utter shit and shouldn't even be held as how people are praising them. As with the review I just went straight to the point. Good thing this cd was a burnt copy in which I aquired from a friend. I would never spend my money on this piece of shit record.

---

As much as I hate this band/record this review is reeking of down syndrome.

Funny, I just read it and saw that the only positive review for that album is gone.

I AM THE NEW REVIEW NAZI!! FEEL MY UNHOLY WRATH!!

Especially you, killswitch. Your reviews suck almost as much as your taste in music.

Oh my god, thank you o'moderator, I was just about to point that out.

Also...

We need more negative Probot reviews....

Yes that is the way I made it. The album does suck and it should just stay. Leave it be and then you will understand why I made it like that.

What the fuck are you talking about (Learn english, I feel like I'm replying to Jackie fucking Chan or somthing.)? You wrote a fucking terrible review. Grim's glorious 5% rating is all we need, unless some doofus proclaims it to be the future of Metal or somthing.

I'm really glad that you've grown a testicle and a half and now vehemently defend yourself with pride, but sometimes YOU ARE WRONG. This is one of those cases.

Since you are to stupid to understand what I was talking about, "Leave it be" means to just let it stay.

We know what you're trying to say, but before I leave it be, let me say this:

You type like a mexican who once spoke english, got into a freak accident in his lowrider with some muchachas, forgot how to speak both english AND spanish, and then stole money to buy a computer.

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ANYWAY, OSheaman, please make the bad killswitch child go awaaaaaaaay!