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Rasc
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2010 9:19 am
Posts: 205
Location: Brazil
PostPosted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 10:44 am 
 

Should this guy be given a driving license?

We should print this kind of genius to put it in a portfolio. Classics.

WARGOATCULT!

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 3:38 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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MutantClannfear
Blank Czech

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 3624
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 3:59 pm 
 

:lol: I'd accept it. That's pretty great.
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Bicro
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Mar 27, 2010 1:21 pm
Posts: 88
PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 4:18 pm 
 

I agree, it's catchy. Best part would be you'd have to click through to get to it.

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~Guest 82538
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 6400
PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 4:29 pm 
 

That's actually brilliant! :D

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DarthVenom
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Sep 28, 2003 10:56 am
Posts: 673
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 4:43 pm 
 

Reminds me of some reviews I've read on sites with tenured reviewers. Like on Satan Stole My Teddybear, their review for Cattle Decapitation - To Serve Man just reads "This just blows."

That Entombed review isn't exactly up to MA par, but funny nonetheless. :-P

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MorbidEngel
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 9:37 pm
Posts: 1464
Location: New Jersey
PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 8:31 pm 
 

That one is good for the comedy factor alone.

Well played!
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R.I.P. Diamhea 1987-2018

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Occultcannibal
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon May 16, 2011 7:09 pm
Posts: 48
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Jul 17, 2014 11:12 pm 
 

I lied. This is the best fucking thread on this forum.
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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Jul 25, 2014 12:14 am 
 

"This is my third review for a Christian metal album. So far only Soul Embraced and Crimson Thorn have done it right. Extol almost had it, but Mortification fails to grasp the concept of playing music that secular music heads will love.

I know this will be very difficult for most people, but hang in there. Imagine that you're in a Christian church singing some hymms when suddenly a Christianized Glen Burton suddenly busts into the church and starts playing death metal riffs around the hymms that are being sung.

Oh and also imagine that Glen Burton is incapable of playing more than a few basic chords. Now that you have done that you can pretty much grasp how Triumph of Mercy sounds. The songs are essentially hymms with all of the instruments written around the vocals, and it gets very boring.

Oh, ToM has some catchy moments but they are very few and far between. For the money I spent, the album wasn't worth it."

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 5:41 pm 
 

Really under the gun today:

response to a preset rejection message for especially poor reviews:

Spoiler: show
Image


...and I asked this guy to flesh this one out a bit more, he kept ignoring and resubmitting the same draft, then blew his top!

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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MorbidEngel
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 9:37 pm
Posts: 1464
Location: New Jersey
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 1:06 pm 
 

"Stay secretary!"

OK, umm, what?
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R.I.P. Diamhea 1987-2018

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2Eagle333
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2008 8:24 am
Posts: 275
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2014 3:29 pm 
 

I think they're implying that they should phone home from the green zone.

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~Guest 178973
Veteran

Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 5:11 pm
Posts: 3047
PostPosted: Sat Aug 02, 2014 6:41 am 
 

I would like to take a moment to thank you for your work in keeping this thread alive, Diarrhea. Don't know about anyone else, but you, Diarrhea, ought to be applauded. Thank you, Mr. Diarrhea.

P.S. I assure you, Diarrhea, your poetic virtuality (that's a word now, shut up!) is just fine.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 5:05 pm 
 

Old death/blakc that don't need reviews:

Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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~Guest 282118
Argentinian Asado Supremacy

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 8300
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 5:21 pm 
 

"(...) just Necrosound (....)"

"(...) becoming(more) older (...)"

"(...) more death tan black (...)"

"(...) ´cause their music is from the band to the band, not for the crowd, real underground."

Damn.

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 5861
Location: 717
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 5:29 pm 
 

Quote:
this records was conceived in 1990, but recorded until 2014 taken directly from the demo


:| So did this take 24 years to record or is the recording 24 years long?
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Metal_Detector
Reticular Modular Unit

Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:15 pm
Posts: 2176
Location: Japan
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 5:44 pm 
 

A single drum, ladies and gentlemen. Any more just wouldn't be Necrosound.
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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 5861
Location: 717
PostPosted: Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:54 pm 
 

Metal_Detector wrote:
A single drum, ladies and gentlemen. Any more just wouldn't be Necrosound.


Spoiler: show
Image


Necrosound!
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Rykov
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:52 pm
Posts: 454
PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2014 3:30 am 
 

Quote:
His guitar work will surely impregnate those old enough to remember South American metal of the late '80s.

There's something beautiful in the simplicity and certainty of this one sentence.
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Acrobat wrote:
I MAKE A SPIT IN THE FACE OF ANTHRAX!

mastamonkeynutz wrote:
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2014 2:27 pm 
 

it worth listening
Spoiler: show
Image

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LeMiserable
Milhouse van Houten

Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2013 7:42 am
Posts: 567
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 10:41 am 
 

but it not worth reading
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tomcat_ha about me bashing BastardHead's musical taste wrote:
i would normally use the saying pot calling the kettle black but in your case its more like a black hole calling a kettle black.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 2:11 pm 
 

Zodi asked this guy to fix his grammar, and well...he wasn't having any of it:
Spoiler: show
Image
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Jophelerx
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 2:22 pm
Posts: 1462
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 2:53 pm 
 

That's beautiful.
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macmoney wrote:
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StainedClass95
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 04, 2014 4:14 am
Posts: 846
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 3:05 pm 
 

^ Are they many like this who get themselves banned after throwing a fit? That's even more a waste of his time than anyone else's.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 5:11 pm 
 

StainedClass95 wrote:
^ Are they many like this who get themselves banned after throwing a fit? That's even more a waste of his time than anyone else's.


I hope it doesn't become a trend, but yeah. Lots of these recently. Somewhat disconcerting. I can take the punches though, I'm a man.
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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StainedClass95
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jul 04, 2014 4:14 am
Posts: 846
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 5:50 pm 
 

It just seems so stupid, like I can visualize that guy making minimum wage his whole life kind of stupid.

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~Guest 282118
Argentinian Asado Supremacy

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 8300
PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2014 2:21 pm 
 

Wasn't aware that you could ruin people's opinions. Good to know.

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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2014 2:53 pm 
 

I like how the title of the review is "one of the best of gothic rock/metal" and he also uses "gothy" as an insult.

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Smoking_Gnu
Chicago Favorite

Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:22 pm
Posts: 4797
PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2014 3:34 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
Lots of these recently. Somewhat disconcerting. I can take the punches though, I'm a man.


You ought to share more of them here, then. :P
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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 7729
Location: Pennsylvania
PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2014 12:12 am 
 

Zodijackyl wrote:
I like how the title of the review is "one of the best of gothic rock/metal" and he also uses "gothy" as an insult.

I'm actually quite interested to know what he's trying to review, just to know what he considers to be "one of the best."
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2014 2:29 pm 
 

It was a Theatre of Tragedy album. I forgot which one exactly.

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 7729
Location: Pennsylvania
PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2014 7:38 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
It was a Theatre of Tragedy album. I forgot which one exactly.

If it ain't Velvet Darkness They Fear, the review is bullshit.
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I've written a fantasy novel. It's 145,000 157,586 184,899 words long!
It's also going to be the first part of a trilogy!
Currently seeking an agent willing to touch this massive doorstop.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2014 8:51 pm 
 

Zelkiiro wrote:
Diamhea wrote:
It was a Theatre of Tragedy album. I forgot which one exactly.

If it ain't Velvet Darkness They Fear, the review is bullshit.


I remembered the artwork. It was Aegis.
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 12030
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 5:11 pm 
 

Take that Andy Sneap!
Image
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?????????

Metantoine's Magickal Realm

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 10821
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 6:21 pm 
 

A Canadian actually wrote that?
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gomorro wrote:
Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

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TheStormIRide
Certified Poser

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 1842
Location: Brazildonesia
PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 7:30 pm 
 

I liked that Accept album : /
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POZERKILLER wrote:
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CF_Mono
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jul 08, 2010 5:21 pm
Posts: 1793
PostPosted: Fri Aug 15, 2014 7:34 pm 
 

Man that entombed review was priceless. Dear lord why have I neglected this thread?
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Don't worry about my opinion.

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rafa_hell
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:55 pm
Posts: 67
Location: Brazil
PostPosted: Sat Aug 16, 2014 10:01 pm 
 

Good lord, can't believe I never visited this thread, it's just... gold.

That Entombed one was pretty wicked

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 5861
Location: 717
PostPosted: Sun Aug 17, 2014 12:12 am 
 

The CD was so hot, that it melted right through my player. That's why I couldn't listen to it.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metal Sloth

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 3928
PostPosted: Sun Aug 17, 2014 12:13 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
Really under the gun today:

response to a preset rejection message for especially poor reviews:

Spoiler: show
Image

Are you a teacher, statesman?

:lol:
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