Encyclopaedia Metallum: The Metal Archives

Message board

* FAQ    * Register   * Login 



Reply to topic
Author Message Previous topic | Next topic
caspian
Old Man Yells at Car Park

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6414
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Tue Dec 31, 2013 10:51 pm 
 

Thought this could be a little laugh.

Let's do an award ceremony for particularly good and particularly awful reviews/reviewers from 2013.

Here's the categories. Let's make it a top 3 of all of these:

1) Best reviewer
2) Best single review
3) Best individual line


and the booby prizes
1) Worst reviewer
2) Worst single review
3) Worst attempt at humour.

PM me your top 3 of all of these categories, and lets see what transpires. Can't think of a top 3? That's fine, just put your fave (or least fave). I'll only bother putting it up if there's sufficient interest, but yeah, could be good! Have at it!

edit: Imma give this thread a week before I'll tally up the results.
_________________
https://kybaliondoom.bandcamp.com/album/poisoned-ash big ugly death doom by and for big ugly dudes

https://strangercountry.bandcamp.com/al ... the-chebar new album! Power shoegaze? Dream-doom???

Top
 Profile  
lord_ghengis
Still Standing After 38 Beers... hic

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 5953
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:09 am 
 

If only I paid enough attention to who wrote stuff. People should namedrop a bunch of busy writers this year so I can stalk them, all I can think of currently is one for worst.
_________________
Naamath wrote:
No comments, no words need it, no BM, no compromise, only grains in her face.

Top
 Profile  
Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 12:11 am 
 

It took me a while to put this together and I still feel like I'm missing a lot of things, but here's what I came up with anyway. The worst reviews are cop-outs because all of the truly worst reviews I rejected or deleted. Actually, BH's "Mysterium" review should probably be listed as one of the worst rather than that third one, so if caspian wants to tally that change after I already sent the PM, go for it.

Top
 Profile  
caspian
Old Man Yells at Car Park

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6414
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:54 am 
 

thanks for the votes zodi, but let's leave it just for PM's mmmkay, for anonymity and so that no one's votes influences others, cheers
_________________
https://kybaliondoom.bandcamp.com/album/poisoned-ash big ugly death doom by and for big ugly dudes

https://strangercountry.bandcamp.com/al ... the-chebar new album! Power shoegaze? Dream-doom???

Top
 Profile  
MutantClannfear
Blank Czech

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 3624
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 4:05 am 
 

Use the PMs, people! Jesus Christ, don't post your nominations in the thread.
_________________
Korpgud wrote:
Imagine Texas Chainsaw Massacre but without any suspense, only constant chainsawing.

Top
 Profile  
Thumbman
Big Cube

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:47 pm
Posts: 4473
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Jan 01, 2014 1:41 pm 
 

This is a cool idea, PM sent.
_________________
last.fm

Top
 Profile  
caspian
Old Man Yells at Car Park

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6414
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 10:56 am 
 

I liked this idea but noone really gave a shit about it. Only got 4 PMs which is way too small a sample size, sorry bros
_________________
https://kybaliondoom.bandcamp.com/album/poisoned-ash big ugly death doom by and for big ugly dudes

https://strangercountry.bandcamp.com/al ... the-chebar new album! Power shoegaze? Dream-doom???

Top
 Profile  
GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2833
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 11:29 am 
 

Not so fast, I just found this thread!
_________________
Ismetal wrote:
GuntherTheUndying IS THE GAY NUMBER 1, HE DOESNT LIKE TO READ THE TRUTH, SO I THINK THIS PAGE IS FOR GAYS WHO WANTS TO READ MESSAGES LIKE "I LOVE MY BAND", "THEY ARE MY LOVE"

Obligatory Last FM Link

Top
 Profile  
caspian
Old Man Yells at Car Park

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6414
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:06 pm 
 

I'd still need at least 10 pms to make this worthwhile.
_________________
https://kybaliondoom.bandcamp.com/album/poisoned-ash big ugly death doom by and for big ugly dudes

https://strangercountry.bandcamp.com/al ... the-chebar new album! Power shoegaze? Dream-doom???

Top
 Profile  
iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 11421
Location: Tyrn Gorthad
PostPosted: Tue Jan 07, 2014 11:52 pm 
 

PM sent earlier today.
_________________
Nolan_B wrote:
I've been punched in the face maybe 3 times in the past 6 months


GLOAMING - death/doom | COMA VOID - black/doom/post-rock

Top
 Profile  
Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 8854
Location: Yorkshire
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 5:17 pm 
 

Yeah, caspian, keep this open - it's not like you've got anything better to do, you dolescum cunt. I'll spam it in the FFA, too!
_________________
Uncolored wrote:
non 80's wodos members are enemies of teutonic beatles hairstyle thrash

Top
 Profile  
tomcat_ha
Minister of Boiling Water

Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 8:05 am
Posts: 5570
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 7:05 pm 
 

i'd like to submit myself for the category of best review of necro schizma album in the past year.

Top
 Profile  
theunrelentingattack
Not yet ready for a custom title

Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:18 pm
Posts: 1417
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:07 pm 
 

tomcat_ha wrote:
i'd like to submit myself for the category of best review of necro schizma album in the past year.


Is winning by default, really winning? :)
_________________
"You do not deserve to claiming a metal "

Top
 Profile  
Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 8854
Location: Yorkshire
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 8:08 pm 
 

Tomcat'll take whatever he can get.
_________________
Uncolored wrote:
non 80's wodos members are enemies of teutonic beatles hairstyle thrash

Top
 Profile  
tomcat_ha
Minister of Boiling Water

Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 8:05 am
Posts: 5570
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:31 pm 
 

the 2nd category i'd like to win is: "guy who maybe should stop reviewing but he isnt really bad either so i dunno"

Top
 Profile  
OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 10821
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2014 10:40 pm 
 

tomcat_ha wrote:
the 2nd category i'd like to win is: "guy who maybe should stop reviewing but he isnt really bad either so i dunno"

Only I can win this.
_________________
gomorro wrote:
Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

Top
 Profile  
Frowning_All_The_Time
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Dec 02, 2012 4:03 am
Posts: 51
PostPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2014 5:49 am 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
tomcat_ha wrote:
the 2nd category i'd like to win is: "guy who maybe should stop reviewing but he isnt really bad either so i dunno"

Only I can win this.
Nah, you single-handedly rekindled my interest in W.A.S.P, a band I'd forgotten about and hadn't played for years

Top
 Profile  
Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 10:41 pm 
 

Can you add a booby prize for the most use of unnecessary hyphens? That is the one that I'm sure I will win.
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

Top
 Profile  
oneyoudontknow
Cum insantientibus furere necesse est.

Joined: Sun May 21, 2006 6:25 pm
Posts: 5343
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 4:57 pm 
 

and where are the results?
_________________

My website which contains reviews as well as interviews:
https://adsol.oneyoudontknow.com
My podcast:
https://adsolmag.bandcamp.com/

Top
 Profile  
Napero
GedankenPanzer

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:16 pm
Posts: 8817
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 6:28 pm 
 

Patience. It's caspian, you're guaranteed to see a beautiful analysis of the result in March.

Of 2016.

Maybe.
_________________
Chest wounds suck (when properly inflicted).
-Butch-

Top
 Profile  
caspian
Old Man Yells at Car Park

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6414
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 4:17 am 
 

caspian wrote:
I'd still need at least 10 pms to make this worthwhile.


I got five. Sample size not big enough! I don't think this sub forum is thriving anywhere near as much as it used to. So yeah, didn't bother with it.
_________________
https://kybaliondoom.bandcamp.com/album/poisoned-ash big ugly death doom by and for big ugly dudes

https://strangercountry.bandcamp.com/al ... the-chebar new album! Power shoegaze? Dream-doom???

Top
 Profile  
oneyoudontknow
Cum insantientibus furere necesse est.

Joined: Sun May 21, 2006 6:25 pm
Posts: 5343
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 7:56 am 
 

Sad to see such a low participation. (I did not join in as well ... so, sorry about that)
_________________

My website which contains reviews as well as interviews:
https://adsol.oneyoudontknow.com
My podcast:
https://adsolmag.bandcamp.com/

Top
 Profile  
Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 3:49 pm 
 

Well, here's my votes for anyone who was interested.

Spoiler: show
1) Best reviewer
-Ilwhyan
-Gutterscream
-GuntherTheUndying

2) Best single review
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/F ... 27/Ilwhyan
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... uid_Braino
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/E ... TheUndying

3) Best individual line
"At least I don't get asked to buy beer by those without plastic wristbands anymore, I'm guessing because youngsters might think I'm a narc or something."
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... uid_Braino
"If Terri Schiavo were tasked with making an M.O.D. album appeal to Rancid fans, I'd imagine something as dismal as this release would be produced."
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/P ... /bitterman
"Metal Law have a name which is so clever and so approachable from a traditional metal fan standpoint that it's not surprising in anyway at all that they are from Germany and basically appeal only to people in Germany"
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... nmetalhead

1) Worst reviewer
-SirMetalGinger
-ViciousFriendlyFish
-meximetal95

2) Worst single review
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... eximetal95
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... etalGinger
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/I ... etalGinger
(I could really pick any review from either of these morons)

3) Worst attempt at humour.
-Title+first line of this review: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... iendlyFish
-Every goddamn Brainded Binky review
-The reference to Veil of Maya in BastardHead's Mysterium review: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... astardHead

Top
 Profile  
Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 12030
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 3:58 pm 
 

It's hard to make this forum alive sadly :( Many reviewers just doesn't post here. We could try to do that vote again and find a way to reach more people.

My votes:
Spoiler: show
Napero in every categories!
_________________
caspian about CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
?????????

Metantoine's Magickal Realm

Top
 Profile  
Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 4:33 pm 
 

I am a bit too late to this party, I am more active on this forum now but I hadn't really quite started reviewing again in earnest when this thread was made. I'll be here for the next one (if there is a next one...), I promise you that much.
_________________
nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

Top
 Profile  
BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10857
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 4:41 pm 
 

Zodijackyl wrote:
3) Worst attempt at humour.
-The reference to Veil of Maya in BastardHead's Mysterium review: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... astardHead


I'm totally okay with people thinking my jokes suck, that's just an accepted fact of life... but I referenced what where?
_________________
Lair of the Bastard: LATEST REVIEW: In Flames - Foregone
The Outer RIM - Uatism: The dogs bark in street slang
niix wrote:
the reason your grandmother has all those plastic sheets on her furniture is because she is probably a squirter

Top
 Profile  
Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 5:02 pm 
 

BastardHead wrote:
Zodijackyl wrote:
3) Worst attempt at humour.
-The reference to Veil of Maya in BastardHead's Mysterium review: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... astardHead


I'm totally okay with people thinking my jokes suck, that's just an accepted fact of life... but I referenced what where?


I thought it was a reference to this, though now that I listen to it again it's not the same wording.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=pl ... Ccqg#t=123

The only way of Beavis and Buttheading your way through riffing is dun-dun-dun-dunna!

Top
 Profile  
MutantClannfear
Blank Czech

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 3624
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 7:33 pm 
 

Zodijackyl wrote:

Hahahaha, that Suffocation review. "When I First listened to death metal, it was something new to me" :lol:
_________________
Korpgud wrote:
Imagine Texas Chainsaw Massacre but without any suspense, only constant chainsawing.

Top
 Profile  
OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 10821
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 7:41 pm 
 

^

Quote:
Now there is no way this album could have been in 1991 because the standard of death metal at the time was only at the level of the Florida scene.

Holy mother of fuck.
_________________
gomorro wrote:
Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

Top
 Profile  
lord_ghengis
Still Standing After 38 Beers... hic

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 5953
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2014 8:20 pm 
 

Haha I was confused as hell by that line too.
_________________
Naamath wrote:
No comments, no words need it, no BM, no compromise, only grains in her face.

Top
 Profile  
Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1083
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2014 12:25 am 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
^

Quote:
Now there is no way this album could have been in 1991 because the standard of death metal at the time was only at the level of the Florida scene.

Holy mother of fuck.


o_O :brick: :durr:
_________________
"Who's this again?" my brother asks as his exceptional jeep stereo explodes with sound.
"Lair of the Minotaur!", I say loudly.
"Glare of the Minotaur?"
"No, Lair...but that's a pretty damn good name too!".

Top
 Profile  
Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1083
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2014 12:26 am 
 

Yeah, I totally missed this thread as well. Shucks.
_________________
"Who's this again?" my brother asks as his exceptional jeep stereo explodes with sound.
"Lair of the Minotaur!", I say loudly.
"Glare of the Minotaur?"
"No, Lair...but that's a pretty damn good name too!".

Top
 Profile  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

  Print view
Jump to:  

Back to the Encyclopaedia Metallum


Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group