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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 12030
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 11:15 pm 
 

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Horrible review! Cumdumpster!
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caspian about CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
?????????

Metantoine's Magickal Realm

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 7730
Location: Pennsylvania
PostPosted: Tue Jul 16, 2013 10:19 am 
 

A thoroughly insightful and analytical interpretation, I would say.
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I've written a fantasy novel. It's 145,000 157,586 184,899 words long!
It's also going to be the first part of a trilogy!
Currently seeking an agent willing to touch this massive doorstop.

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mad_submarine
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2011 5:33 pm
Posts: 29
PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2013 6:25 am 
 

Zodijackyl wrote:
Image

:tinfoil:


I bet the guy is a huge fan of Papa Roach and thinks Avril Lavigne is punk rock.
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http://sixthfromthesun.blogspot.com/

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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2013 10:35 am 
 

Image

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DreamOfDarkness
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2012 4:09 pm
Posts: 271
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2013 10:46 am 
 

The review itself isn't even that bad, but the band/music... I didn't know such ridiculously crappy nazi music existed (including the terrible puns).

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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 12030
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Sun Jul 21, 2013 1:40 am 
 

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Bagpipes, guys.
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caspian about CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
?????????

Metantoine's Magickal Realm

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xexyzl
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:38 pm
Posts: 265
PostPosted: Sun Jul 21, 2013 3:03 am 
 

Well, I'm not going to accuse him of dishonesty. There are most certainly bagpipes on that album.

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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 1:26 pm 
 

Image

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XcKyle93
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 7:04 pm
Posts: 419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 7:38 pm 
 

Zodijackyl wrote:
Image

Dude, Ride the Lighting by Metalicker is a superb album.
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PhilosophicalFrog wrote:
the neckbeard stereotype is annoying. I mock Amon Amarth some times and I'm incredibly handsome and have sex a lot.

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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Jul 29, 2013 4:46 pm 
 

"The Indonesian death metal scene has always been regarded as the best scene, after the Japanese and Russian death metal scene (at least, according to my observation in an Indonesian metal website)"

Spoken like a true 13 year old Indonesian.

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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10857
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2013 6:33 pm 
 

Image
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Lair of the Bastard: LATEST REVIEW: In Flames - Foregone
The Outer RIM - Uatism: The dogs bark in street slang
niix wrote:
the reason your grandmother has all those plastic sheets on her furniture is because she is probably a squirter

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MutantClannfear
Blank Czech

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 3624
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2013 6:50 pm 
 

This just in: if you do something that isn't common in a genre, no matter how well it's executed, it's a weak point of the album.

And, lol, "we can have a great Atmosphere." :lol: It reads like someone mixed motivational quotes with a black metal review.
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Korpgud wrote:
Imagine Texas Chainsaw Massacre but without any suspense, only constant chainsawing.

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Brutality_Junkie
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2013 6:04 am
Posts: 102
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2013 7:57 pm 
 

Zodijackyl wrote:
"The Indonesian death metal scene has always been regarded as the best scene."


:nono:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrjwaqZfjIY

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Metal_Detector
Reticular Modular Unit

Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:15 pm
Posts: 2176
Location: Japan
PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2013 8:20 pm 
 

MutantClannfear wrote:
It reads like someone mixed motivational quotes with a black metal review.


YES WE CAN have a great atmosphere. YES WE CAN preform heartwarming blastbeats. YES WE CAN summon Satan in his infinite wisdom... :P
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I use lots of adverbs when I get excited.

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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 3:18 am 
 

Spoiler: show
Image

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Maniac Matis
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2013 12:49 am
Posts: 452
Location: A Portal To Nowhere
PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 3:22 am 
 

:lol:
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BastardHead wrote:
I want to print out this thread and wipe my ass with it.

Under_Starmere wrote:
Unng. I'm ThRoBing

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Filosofuck
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Apr 28, 2013 6:19 am
Posts: 75
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 1:12 am 
 

Zodijackyl wrote:
Image

That's much better than this drivel.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/P ... Zodijackyl

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MutantClannfear
Blank Czech

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 3624
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 1:39 am 
 

Filosofuck wrote:
That's much better than this drivel.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/P ... Zodijackyl

I'd make a drinking game where I go through your post history and take a shot every time one of your posts contributes damn near zilch to the discussion at hand, but I'm afraid it'd knock me dead halfway through.
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Korpgud wrote:
Imagine Texas Chainsaw Massacre but without any suspense, only constant chainsawing.

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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 12030
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 2:00 am 
 

He had something better to do...elsewhere.
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caspian about CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
?????????

Metantoine's Magickal Realm

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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 35187
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2013 3:43 am 
 

Don't worry, if you call him out, you're the one who has no life. Even though he's the one posting retarded shit.
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Fictional Works - if you hated my reviews over the years then pay me back by reviewing my own stuff
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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2833
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Aug 04, 2013 4:39 pm 
 

Spoiler: show
Image
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Ismetal wrote:
GuntherTheUndying IS THE GAY NUMBER 1, HE DOESNT LIKE TO READ THE TRUTH, SO I THINK THIS PAGE IS FOR GAYS WHO WANTS TO READ MESSAGES LIKE "I LOVE MY BAND", "THEY ARE MY LOVE"

Obligatory Last FM Link

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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 2:45 pm 
 

Image

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MutantClannfear
Blank Czech

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 3624
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 2:50 pm 
 

"Segeror's Voice [...] has this sort of it's on melody in the song"

...You mean like... singing? :o
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Korpgud wrote:
Imagine Texas Chainsaw Massacre but without any suspense, only constant chainsawing.

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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Aug 07, 2013 6:17 am 
 

Image

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Necroticism174
Kite String Popper

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 pm
Posts: 5352
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Aug 07, 2013 2:20 pm 
 

Probably the best review ever written.
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theposaga about a Moonblood rehearsal wrote:
So good. Makes me want to break up with my girlfriend, quit my job and never move out of my parents house. Just totally destroy my life for Satan.

http://halberddoom.bandcamp.com/releases

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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10857
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Wed Aug 07, 2013 6:46 pm 
 

I genuinely think that review is awesome.
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Lair of the Bastard: LATEST REVIEW: In Flames - Foregone
The Outer RIM - Uatism: The dogs bark in street slang
niix wrote:
the reason your grandmother has all those plastic sheets on her furniture is because she is probably a squirter

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~Guest 302292
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2012 1:03 am
Posts: 135
PostPosted: Wed Aug 07, 2013 11:28 pm 
 

That almost brought a tear to my eye, honestly.

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IntoNevermore
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2010 11:31 pm
Posts: 1153
Location: Venezuela
PostPosted: Fri Aug 09, 2013 10:37 pm 
 

Ok, I would like to share a conversation with him, it seems like a nice guy.
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theposega wrote:
pressingtoplead13 wrote:
what those bands do is water it down

so you perfectly understand why people don't like the shit

Last.Fm|Twitter|Youtube Channel|Facebook

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xexyzl
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:38 pm
Posts: 265
PostPosted: Fri Aug 09, 2013 11:38 pm 
 

That was amazing. I'm going to go check out that band right now.

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~Guest 171512
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:18 am
Posts: 2099
PostPosted: Fri Aug 16, 2013 5:57 pm 
 

That review really should have been accepted. Especially because, holy shit, this Validor band is actually some damn good shit.* You've got to admit the review did what it set out to do.

*Except for the questionable vocals.

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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:50 pm 
 

Image

DISGRACE THE MEXICAN METAL!

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~Guest 282118
Argentinian Asado Supremacy

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 8300
PostPosted: Sun Aug 18, 2013 4:30 pm 
 

What in the name of hell is a "monkey beat"?

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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 35187
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Sun Aug 18, 2013 5:27 pm 
 

It means the drums on the album aren't drums. They're some guy beating a monkey with a stick.
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~Guest 282118
Argentinian Asado Supremacy

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 8300
PostPosted: Sun Aug 18, 2013 5:33 pm 
 

So, they sound like "OOK OOK AAACK AAAAACK OOK OOK OOK" then? :-P

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MutantClannfear
Blank Czech

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 3624
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Aug 18, 2013 5:54 pm 
 

Maybe that's Mexican slang for the thrashy "tupa-tupa" beats?
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Korpgud wrote:
Imagine Texas Chainsaw Massacre but without any suspense, only constant chainsawing.

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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 10:26 pm 
 

This one's sitting in the review queue with this passage quoted in the rejection reason, I don't care to read through it again but I referenced it to give someone an idea of the type of crap that sits in the queue because I would rather not spend my time reading it. :P

"Just awesome. Or the poetic tale of the senselessness of war in For Whom the Bell Tolls, complete with such poetic lines as "Shouting gun, on they run through the endless grey. On they fight for they are right, yes but who's to say?” I actually randomly texted the lyrics to that song to a friend of mine who doesn't listen to music at all, and he just replied with that's scary. Scary indeed Andrew. And the badass biblical lyrics of Creeping Death are just so inspiring and fun to sing along with: "I! RULE THE MIDNIGHT AIR! THE DESTROYAAAAA!" Try not to scream too loud while jamming in your car...."

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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 12030
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Wed Aug 21, 2013 3:13 am 
 

For Vektor's Outer Isolation:

"I really enjoy the thrash sound but i feel like the growling vocals are a little different compared to the thrash style. Although I do think it sounds different and I have the album on right now, I can honestly say that I am listening through it. Guitars are good but vocals can be a bit better. But still worth listening to."

Written by a dude named KingJosh lol.
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caspian about CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
?????????

Metantoine's Magickal Realm

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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 12030
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Mon Aug 26, 2013 7:50 pm 
 

Here's a special about Running Wild tonight! I liked how he linked the same shitty intro for all of them.

Spoiler: show
Image

Image

Image

Image
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caspian about CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
?????????

Metantoine's Magickal Realm

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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Sep 01, 2013 2:30 pm 
 

Image

edit: this one too
Image

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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 12030
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 4:47 pm 
 

For Pantera's Cowboys from Hell, the dude is also an American, quite sad :(

"wow !! I've got to say pantera is one of my favorite bands and when it comes to pantera you have to no cowboys from hell . this is defiantly my favorite album of pantera . because you can't go wrong with the heaviness of domination or the serenity of cemetery gates . sleep is defiantly simple but come on its an incredible song and is made up by shattered and psycho holiday and for real heresy just makes me want to scream. clash with reality is pretty sweet and for the rest of the album all i can say is great job."
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caspian about CHAIRTHROWER wrote:
?????????

Metantoine's Magickal Realm

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