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Verd
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Feb 12, 2011 9:37 pm
Posts: 38
Location: San Marino
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 7:49 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/N ... sto/39313/

please, edit that hansi kursch (helloween), my eyes are bleeding

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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 6360
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 7:50 pm 
 

Verd wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Nepal/Manifiesto/39313/

please, edit that hansi kursch (helloween), my eyes are bleeding

You can PM the author, or post in the review discussion thread. This, the review feedback workshop, is for a different purpose (read the original post).
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5192
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 10:36 pm 
 

Gabometal was banned many a moon ago, so contacting the author wouldn't do much to help.
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TheStormIRide
Jesuscop

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 898
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 11:00 pm 
 

Bastard... I much enjoyed your Manala review!
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BoxCar Willy
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 6:05 pm
Posts: 18
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 10:08 pm 
 

Can I just speak my mind for a second?

Do Reviews even get proofread here? Or is it just whatever submitted gets accepted?

Because it seems that on any album with more than a few reviews there's a large chunk that absolutely atrocious. Like, "how did you pass 4th grade english" bad. I know there's room for improvment in writing, and that we all start somewhere, but dear god...

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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8579
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 10:16 pm 
 

Feel free to point the bad reviews in the appropriated thread instead of being really helpful here.
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Obscurum
Emperor of the Shadows

Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2012 2:23 am
Posts: 378
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 11:00 pm 
 

BoxCar Willy wrote:
Do Reviews even get proofread here? Or is it just whatever submitted gets accepted?

All potential reviews are proofread. I don't know this personally as I'm not a mod, and the review queue is only visible by them, but I'm gonna make an assumption that more reviews are rejected than approved.
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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 4698
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 11:41 pm 
 

It should also be noticed that not everyone writing reviews is a native English speaking person.
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Inspector_Satan
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:48 pm
Posts: 566
Location: Living in the cosmic nod
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 11:37 am 
 

My first review. Any comments or suggestions?

For Primitive Man's album Scorn

Spoiler: show
Having been a fan of frontman Ethan McCarthy's project Clinging to the Trees of a Forest Fire for a while now, my anticipation for this release was sky high especially after the release of "Visceral" in 2011, which saw them incorporating elements of funeral doom into their usual brand of frenzied "funeral grind." Over the 16 and some odd minutes of it's runtime the band seamlessly jumps from a crawl to a full on assault, tied together by their unique riffs and note choices. Scorn is a natural continuation of that sound, yet retaining the same unyielding commitment to anti-consonance.

The first thing that caught my attention about this release is just how massive everything sounds. Bass and guitars are downtuned and loud, and both possess a rich fuzzy distortion that really serves to emphasize the low end and really rounds out their sound. Drums are punchy and full bodied and sit perfectly in the mix. Ethan's vocals have always been one of the major standout factors to his work for me and he's honestly never sounded more at home here, his caustic shrieks cutting fiercely through the dense atonal sludge of the riffs driving home the intensity of the work.

As mentioned before, Scorn is heavy. REALLY FUCKING HEAVY. Much of the album is spent somewhere between a drunken stagger and a punishing crawl which works quite well for them. Tracks begin and end with noise as would befit any grind act. The dissonance of their riffing when given some proper breathing room tends to yield an unsettling effect, which is often bolstered by the inclusion of feedback or fret noise in the more sparse passages. That's not to say the album is all set at that pace, in songs like the title track and Antietam will explode out of nowhere into a brief but furious crusty charge, adding to the urgency of it the music settling back down. The most impressive part of it all and the thing that will likely add to its staying power are the way they can carve impossibly catchy riffs with a clever ear for unconventional melody. The song Rags fades out with a haunting arpeggiated chord progression laid down over a bed of feedback. The 9 minute epic Antietam's middle section's got a nasty grooving hook that gradually reduces in tempo as if it's falling apart before breaking completely down into noise. The sum of all it's parts work well together and keep the album interesting throughout.

This is an excellent first effort for the band and I look forward to whatever the future holds for them.

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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
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Location: Québec
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 12:00 pm 
 

That's good, there's enough musical description but it wouldn't hurt to include some more. I would approve this!
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Inspector_Satan
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:48 pm
Posts: 566
Location: Living in the cosmic nod
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 12:12 pm 
 

Appreciate it, I started paring it down once I realized I just kept repeating myself. Really opened my eyes to how limited my active vocabulary is haha

Edit: I'll send it to the queue, I may go back and touch it up if I keep writing reviews

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EspadaNegra
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:51 am
Posts: 1
Location: Puerto Rico
PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 3:39 pm 
 

I wrote a review that has been rejected twice, however Im posting here before fixing it yet again to really understand the criteria being used, for future reference.

At the end of the review, I write that the reviews I post on metal archives were originally worked for an independent internet radio show I do. So, I thought that wouldnt be a bad thing. However, when it was first turned down, I was told to make it clear that it was I who reviewed it on the show. So I did. It was rejected a second time, on grounds that the past rejecter had told me to refrain from this kind of promotion. I was told that it would be sufficient to just say "originally written for X". However....

Without getting into why it is frowned upon to promote a heavy metal show that reviews heavy metal on a review on this site, I wrote a review two months ago that got accepted and had that promotion how I originally wrote it, even with the ambiguity that the rejecter for the second review had noticed and told me to correct.

So, at the end, I am having a review being rejected for something that my other review has and was accepted. I find this inconsistent. So, either you should tell me to also fix my first review, or see my first review, accepted by a moderator, as a precedent that I can promote my show on a review (which was reviewed originally on the show, and the written version are just the exact points discussed on said show).

Any clarification on this is appreciated.

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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8579
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 3:47 pm 
 

Yeah, if you wrote "originally written for X" and the review is acceptable based on our standards, everything should be fine...
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Christopher_Schmid
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2009 2:05 pm
Posts: 23
Location: Iran
PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 12:50 am 
 

This review rejected twice few years back. May i ask someone to look at it and edit it so i can submit it again. I 'll be appreciate it.


==========
Abandon - In Reality We Suffer

If there is any doom thing a metal fan would need to have in his/her collection, it's this album. Aside from the spellbound artwork, some moments in album make it hard to breath. I believe most Doom metal fans have forgotten exactly what made us despise pop culture. The evidence would be properly found in nowadays scene where hundreds of one man bands have nothing to contribute but the very banal imitation of old school factors such as cliché riffing and screams which are rather pretentious in the new suit. The point I'm trying to make is old school music has personality. This personality has root in the habit of doing a dozen rehearsals, while a lot of recent acts are recorded by a PC and you have problem finding original bands which are still playing in full, a drummer, one on bass, two guitars and the vocal whose role is no dimmer than others. Abandon is one of those original bands which know how to take advantage of the mentioned unity. The music I'm talking about is in no way made up! It comes truly from heart. Each instrument is played ingeniously and also heard self-sufficiently. The drum work shows what is in the drummer's mind that is anger, boredom and hate for the useless beings. Fast double kicks are not played often but here and there they remind me of mighty disEMBOWELMENT. Who says doom metal should not sound harsh, angry and furious? It's the essence of metal music to be stormy and unhappy.

"Trauma Is The Trigger" the second track of the album is preceded by the creepy and self-defining intro which together pave the path for what's to come. Sadness flows in with the first burst of the drum and heavy guitar riffs. Two minutes of drone like riffs get suffocated by grind beatings which remind us of the traditional way of making a decent song regardless of the style. The slow, brooding riff turns into some fast paced action. The first thing that someone will notice upon hearing it is the vocals. The first thing I thought when I heard it was that the vocalist was in pain. The type of pain is somehow philosophical here. You can find the associations in the lyrics and also the creepy artwork. The drums are perfect here. They are created with a rather death metal mood. That is fit to the anger within the text in which you're to drown.

"Somnabulistic" is played as if we are watching a real battle. It has a very clear and warm sound. Some people may argue on the titles. Some believe a doom metal album should not contain fast drums and double kicks make it hard for a Doom metal fan to enjoy the music he/she is interested in. But don't waste your time thinking about these inappropriate judgments. Metal is flexible music and this album is a perfect example of the mentioned flexibility. In the beginning "Somnambulistic" starts with high tempo, passing every second you'll descend into the abyss they are creating. The drumming is damn good although relatively basic. Every instrument can be picked out easily but be prepared to go beyond this separation and seek the unity within. In my opinion this is an awesome track and I cannot think of anything wrong with it.

"In Reality We Suffer" is another highlight. It starts with monotonous minor chords dressed in grey distorts. Here the vocals are but fucked up! I assume they are mad at something, you may know what I mean. Melodies keep adding up, and will be stuck in your head. At 3:20 distorts give place to clean chords, but that is short remedy; they are not supposed to give it a rest. The one thing I've always loved about this band was their ability to be both technical and enjoyable. Evidence of this can be found in almost 20 minute of this masterpiece.

I am not one that cares about labels that much. This album may get titles like "Doom", "Sludge Doom" or even "Grind…" The thing is these guys are making pure sound and each song flows perfectly into the next, making it an undeniable Doom metal album.

Creating such album was a serious effort and should be regarded as a demanding path to comprehend complexity buried in simplicity. Cohesion of structure is what they should be proud of. All songs are promising a revolutionary feel.

To sum things up, if you're tired of piles of shit, pick this up..

Recommended to the weary …
==========
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4780
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 10:15 pm 
 

Christopher_Schmid wrote:
This review rejected twice few years back. May i ask someone to look at it and edit it so i can submit it again. I 'll be appreciate it.


The first paragraph and the last three say nothing about the album you are reviewing, rather they're a distracted overview/soapboxing about the perceived state of music. The parts about songs tend to be more of a walkthrough than an evaluation, reviewing, or wrap-up of the album as a whole, it isn't helpful to say "there's an intro, then this kind of riff, then a fast riff...". Focus on writing about the music and the album as a whole, and avoid gushing qualitative praise, fanboyism in reviews isn't enjoyable to read nor is it very helpful.

Expand on this type of description:
"It has a very clear and warm sound."

Avoid walkthroughs of the songs, simply stating "this happens...." and also try to not to focus so much on what the style should and shouldn't be, but talk about what it is.

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Christopher_Schmid
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2009 2:05 pm
Posts: 23
Location: Iran
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 1:01 am 
 

Zodijackyl wrote:

Avoid walkthroughs of the songs, simply stating "this happens...." and also try to not to focus so much on what the style should and shouldn't be, but talk about what it is.


Thanks for the tips! I think a get it now
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GuitarNick
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2013 11:19 am
Posts: 1
Location: Greece
PostPosted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 2:45 pm 
 

I would appreciate some help regarding my review-writing correctness since I'm making some grammatical mistakes, especially when it comes to punctuation. We do use commas more often in Greece and I think that's why I keep making such mistakes. Anyway, here's my review :

I am a new member to Amorphis' legacy. At first I listened to some of their new songs. I can't say I was disappointed because I really dug some of their recent work. But then again, I found out about The Karelian Isthmus. The thing is that, although I listen to many tons of metal, I do not listen to black or death except some specific bands (for example Rotting Christ) or songs. Somehow yet, I was truly absorbed by this album.

At first I heard the intro - Karelian Isthmus - and then the great, the epic, the one and only, The Gathering. For a new death metal listener I must say they impressed me. I was taken aback and listened to this song over and over again. It was just a matter of time for me to discover the rest of the songs, wich are great too.

Their dark, abysmal and unbearable heavy riffs combined with the slow tempo drums and the original and brutal voice are just perfect. A slow demonic music for the fans of the kind. It gets fast too with nice drumming and picking but again, it doesn't go far from death metal. A lot to ask but they made it. The epic melodies blend excellently with the darkness of their music. You really can't help but be mesmerised by their gloomy excellency. Their ancient sounding melodies are taking you back in time where Scandinavian warriors were chanting the hymn of Karelia in the frozen battlefields. At least that's what I like to think, although many of the songs talk about Celtic mythology ( Exile of the Sons of Uisliu ). Not even a single solo though, but that's very usual for bands of that kind.

The one thing that you gotta admit anyway for this album is originality. Considering the year of publication one can understand that they did their own unique thing, meaning that they accomplished something that even today's black or death bands can't - originality. It seems common nowdays to listen to songs such as Black Embrace but it really isn't. Of course, the vocals have much to do with it. The brutality and the growls come out so naturally it's like Koivusaari didn't even try! Regarding the lyrical themes it is just what it needed to be. Dark themes talking about wars and - strangely - Celtic mythology rather than Scandinavian and religion. Grail's Mysteries' lyrics are really special in their own way, they depict a coronation of an ancient king of Cornwall, a man grown to be a king, grown to be a wild boar. It's like you're there! Moreover, they definitely put some thought in " Lost Name of God " and " Misery Path " proving that they ain't just some angry guys screwing around.

Generally, the whole album is flowing easily. The auditor feels like he's travelling on a drakkar watching all of these mythological stories and epic battle scenes unfold in front of him. It surely got cohesion as a whole effort while much care seems to have been given in the continuity of the songs, meaning that if it weren't for the gaps you wouldn't precisely understand where a song ends and where the next begins.

A special album not to be missed by the fans of the genre. Place it in your stereo, turn it up and dive into the battlefields! Only one question is not answered yet : where are those Amoprhis? In the beginning of my review I stressed out that the new Amorphis are nice, but I surely wish that we could have more of this. What can I say, those are Amorphis' Mysteries! Even Tales from 1000 Lakes isn't like Karelian Isthmus. A one of a kind!

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RazorDick
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Jan 18, 2007 7:34 pm
Posts: 127
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 3:29 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/H ... on/151504/

This is my first review. I feel I could have done better. Can somebody give me an opinion on it?

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Goran
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2003 8:32 pm
Posts: 136
Location: Belgium
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:01 pm 
 

So, can anyone give me a clue why this was rejected? Please tell me it's not the conciseness or final sentence.

Quote:
Whoa. I suspected something brutal for sure, but the amount of technical prowess surpasses everything on this album. Simply put, Monumental Torment is to be classified along bands like Origin, Braindrill, Viraemia, Spawn of Possession, etcetera. Love those? Then this is for you – otherwise, skip it.

There, that was the conclusion up front. The drums are programmed, but even though some gravity blasts are extreeeeeeme, the sound and grooves are convincing. The relentless display of guitar proficiency is quite jaw-dropping, granted your mouth or anus don’t snap shut when hearing sweeps sounding like a Nintendo 8-bit MIDI tune. A good thing that, occasionally, there’s a brief focus on some chunky chords.

But even without that and despite all the high-speed chaos, there’s a constant rhythm that – believe it or not – allows for headbanging in the midst of this musical hurricane. Respect for the skills, both technical and compositional.

Originally written for and published on www.corazine.com
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:56 pm 
 

It's probably mostly for the conciseness, yes - or to be more accurate, the lack of in-depth musical description. You don't say much about elements such as melodies, rhythmic patterns, song composition, structural complexity, vocals, drum techniques, and so on. None of these are absolutely *necessary* in your review, but you should seriously consider adding more description to your review. Ideally, a review should tell me what sets a band apart - or what doesn't - from its peers. In your review's case I could apply that paragraph's worth of description you wrote to all five of the bands you mention near the beginning, word-for-word. Tell your readers what makes Monumental Torment unique, what they do different, what they could have done better.
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dystopia4
Veteran

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:47 pm
Posts: 3497
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 6:47 pm 
 

RazorDick wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Hellvetron/Ceremonial_Crucifixion/151504/

This is my first review. I feel I could have done better. Can somebody give me an opinion on it?


Pretty good for a first review. While you do a pretty good job at describing the production, there should probably be more about the individual components - there is very little description of how the guitar operates and a bit more mention of how the individual components interact would be nice. This is a hell of a lot better than my early reviews.

@Goran - Besides the aforementioned need for more musical description your review really is much too barebones. It really is not much more than a little blurb. Generally I would recommend the average paragraph being at least 5 sentences. I'm not familiar with the band you're reviewing, but if applicable maybe add a bit about the band's history and how this release builds upon (or fails to build upon) previous releases.
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wrathchild_88
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Mar 14, 2006 4:16 pm
Posts: 300
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Thu Mar 07, 2013 8:27 am 
 

This is my first go at reviewing so let me know what you think... I've tried to encompass every element to review and I think it's turned out fairly well but I'm not really the literary type. I think I should have stuck with a style I'm more familiar with/knowledgeable about (thrash, basically). But you know, gotta try something new. Opinions please!

Spoiler: show
Abyssal - Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius

Translation: For the Lord knows those who are his.
In 2012, it was safe to say that I was blown away by this new band and their debut album “Denouement”. Not even one full day into 2013 and we are delighted to hear that there is a new album seemingly out of the blue (much like the first – I can't find out much information on the band at all). “So soon?!” I swooned. The album is available on their bandcamp page, which does allow for you to put in a value of '0' to be able to download it. [Since I first wrote this, the minimum value has been upped to £2, which is still pretty good]. Which is good for me, and I'm sure many other people with very little money. Anywho, after getting over the initial thought that my favourite band from 2012 have released an album so soon in 2013 for me to get hooked on it for the whole year, I actually listened to it.

There are some subtle differences between this album and their debut. The production I think is not as good, or should I say, clear – the problem being that there are times when everything seems to just mesh together into what sounds like thousands of mechanical bees are trapped in a freight container. Maybe the wall of sound is what they were going for, but I'm sure there are riffs in there somewhere trying to be heard through the huge fuzzyness of the guitars. But it's also true that I need some better headphones. The drum work is fantastic and suits the atmosphere at all times whilst being nicely varied throughout. It's fair to say that the vocals are not a very important part of the Abyssal sound – they're quite deep gutterals and are quite low in the mix too. They do fit the style though, I think any more importance placed on the vocals would detract from the sound slightly. As for the lyrics, I'm not usually one to look at lyrics, but the themes here appropriately dystopic and oppressive and beautiful in their own way.
“Thriving in this fertile miasma
My pores moistened with entropic pestilence
Humid yet inert
Potent and directionless
Awaken”
The first few lines of the album in “The Tongue of the Demagogue” give you a good picture of what you're in for with this album. Meanwhile, the album cover of what seems to be a few spiders webs down a tunnel or cave or in a shed for all I know. This black and white cover is maybe apt, but not a great album cover by any means.

Overall, while the riffs are as good and varied as they are on “Denouement” with pretty much every style or playing you could thing of (Abyssal being listed as Death/Black/Doom gives you a clue), they don't seem to gel together as consistently to create the separate songs. A notable exception being “A Sheath of Deceit” although it's extremely abrupt ending annoys me every time I hear it. The band have stepped further into a more crushingly doomy soundscape – ever more fitting from a band called Abyssal and we're sinking further and further down into oblivion while being able to steer clear of 'style over substance'. I could never profess to being into doom at all really – especially not the extreme stuff. Occasionally the album wanders into this sort of territory and I start to zone out. There are always well thought out riffs to be heard or sufficient amounts of fuzz in the slower sections but sometimes requires a little more concentration to appreciate than I'm used to with most metal these days.

The pacing of the album isn't too bad, it's quite dynamic in it's variation between blasting and droning and sometimes even some softer moments - “the Headless Serpent” emphasises this perfectly, but I find myself starting to zone out towards the end of the album, with a six minute song and three 8+ minute long songs ending the album. This section unfortunately contains the immense (in both length and hugeness of sound), yet somewhat tedious instrumental “Created Sick; Commanded to the Well” in the middle of it. The closer “The Last King” however, it should be said, is fantastic and I think slightly more reminiscent of something off “Denouement”. Clocking in at 59 minutes, there's quite a lot to take in and the album my have benefited from cutting down the length of a couple of songs just to keep everything nice and tight. Abyssal have succeeded again in creating an oppressive, helpless, yet not quite melancholy atmosphere for our aural pleasure - as if someone had willingly entered the gaping void and had already accepted what they were in for. I'd probably jump in if the opportunity arose and I can't wait for their next instalment.

I've heard this band mostly compared with Mitochondrion and Portal (among others, but those are the ones I've listened to). I can't say I'm a fan of either – especially not Portal – but I can't say that I'm convinced there's much of a resemblance at all but I can say that if you like either of those bands you'll probably like this. Not being in to them myself, I'd say that if you're into death and/or doom or anything with a massive oppressive atmosphere then you'll enjoy this.

88/100

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johnny english
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2013 8:21 am
Posts: 4
Location: six feet under
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 4:26 pm 
 

Hi! Sorry for bothering you guys but i would like to ask some advices on how to improve my review.
It was rejected few days ago because of "too many grammar issues". I checked this text many times before submit it, i also asked my friend who's fluent in English to proofread it for me.
The text looks fine imo and unfortunately after all verifications my friend and i still can't find those serious grammar issues.
Could anyone please take a look at it and tell me what's wrong with it?
Thanks in advance for your help!


Fear Factory - The Industrialist:

Spoiler: show
Mechanize was pretty strong comeback, however not perfect or mind-blowing and it’s definitely is not going to be classic like Demanufacture or Obsolete. The main problem of Mechanize is that mostly it doesn't even sound like FF. It is more like Divine Heresy with some industrial samples and Burton’s vocals. When Dino returned in FF he basically became the only songwriter, but thanks to Gene Hoglan who partially saved new Factory from the same problems which were in DH and brought freshness with creativity. So after the decent return fans expected the second album to be at least as good as the first one. Unfortunately on 'The Industrialist (TI)' Dino was a main songwriter. Gene and Byron left and Dino with Burton decided that they are fine with themselves and nobody else.

My first impressions after listening were more-less positive, but the more I listened to it the less did I enjoyed. First thing that catches ones eye is that most of the tracks are monotonous and immemorable. In the end i thought to myself "Holy shit! This is unbelievably dull!" I had a strong feeling that the music wasn't coming from the heart and was written just for radio and loyal hardcore fans. TI are missing something major: any sort of feeling and emotion. This is without a doubt the worst FF record along with Transgression. And while Transgression suffered from a lack of production and in fact was just a half-finished record, TI has a lot more noticeable flaws. I can describe it in a few words like "Commercialized lifeless garbage" or "Castrated Mechanize".

From the beginning "TI" is trying to sound like the classic FF, as similar to their earlier sound as possible, but unfortunately not in a good way. In fact it's really hard for me to even call this album “new” because more than a half of its material is just recycled throw-aways from their previous records. "TI" is an excellent example of self-copying style. It has a few good ideas here and there, but mostly they are mixed with tons of fillers and cliches. Dino's riffs are predictable, monotonous and faintly discernible no matter how many strings he has on his guitar. Also it's another proof that Raymond and Christian were important parts of the band and their absence affects quality of songwriting here even more than it was on Mechanize. I'm not going to make track-by-track review but nevertheless, i will describe few of them.

Let's start from song God Eater - the most interesting and unusual tune on entire record. This one has the potential, it could have turned out as a grandiose, epic masterpiece but it never happened. First minute is really reassuring but after that it's getting monotonously to death: chorus, repeating Dino's riff, again same chorus where Burton trying to sing clean, repeat - all of that plus sluggish drums leave not many chances and God eater devoured himself. The other (bonus) tracks are Timelessness II and Blush Response. Timelessness II is acoustic version of the Timelessness and Blush Response is some kind of remix which reminds stuff from Remanufacture. These tracks are nothing extraordinary and both pretty mediocre.

Also i would like to bring attention to some examples of self-copying on that album. 'Difference Engine' is basically re-recorded 'Hi-Tech Hate' with elements of 'Smasher/Devourer' and 'Acres of Skin'. 'Depraved Mind Murder' mostly based on main riff from 'Slave Labor' with some stuff from 'Digimortal' and 'Mechanize'. As for 'New Messiah', the beginning of song extremely reminds me 'Hi-Tech Hate' plus 'Act of God'. And title track 'The Industrialist' is the combination of 'Oxidizer' and 'Fear Campaign' with beginning from 'Christploitation'. I can go on but i think you got my point - too much of old re-written stuff here. A pretty brutal cover of Landfill (Pitchshifter) the only tune on the whole record which i could listen without intention to turn it off or to fall asleep.

Through all the years, Burton's vocals never developed at all and it is very noticeable on Industrialist. Moreover, clean vocals devolved and now comparing to other modern metal clean singers such as David Draiman, Wayne Static, Corey Taylor or even first DH singer Tommy "Vext" - all these guys can make clean type vocals much better than Burton does, he is definitely not at their level of professionalism, unfortunately. Thus, i don't really understand why it is a big deal around him, in my opinion he is pretty overrated. I've seen the band many times live, watched tons of youtube videos, the DVDs - that guy just can't do the clean vocals live. The only reason why he sounds passable on the records because of all these voice processing technologies like auto-tune etc. Despite of all those limitations, i think he did a great job on the "original line-up" records, even on Archetype plus some parts on Mechanize. Honesty and passion with which he used to sing on those early records - that's, i believe, the main reason why listeners love him so much. The main problem of new album is absence of the passion behind what he sings. From my point of view, the main reason why Burton is a vocalist on “TI” is because FF needs to release another album and it is just like a routine for him. All his tricks are old, choruses sound flat, annoying and soulless, harsh vocals are just nothing special. It's hard to explain how terrible some of those clean parts sound, it's more like some drunkard cowboy at the bar doing karaoke.

This album seems to be a sort of conceptual, about robot who becomes smart. But it won't be a concept only because you called it like that, there should be a strong fundamental behind all this. Burton became pretty limited as writer with all this lazy lyrics, even more obvious than album name itself -The Industrialist. Are they serious? I bet next one will be something like “The new industrial metal album by D. Cazares and B.C.Bell about machines etc.” Obsolete, Demanufacture, Digimortal - these three are the pure, strong concepts and the newest one is just an immature, limp and directionless. There are so many good themes and ideas in Sci-Fi which could be used by FF and it's sad that they can't write about something really new, fresh and inspired. While attentively reading lyrics i had a feeling that 90% of it is about religion, hate towards religions, governments, society and other trivial stereotypic bullshit, while some texts include random, pointless and meaningless phrases. "The Industrialist story" which Burton wrote in the booklet is OK, but only for a cartoon movie. It's really a simple story by average skill writer and it can be described in one sentence: automaton suddenly begins to think like human, accidentally meets others but less smart robots, talk to them, blah-blah, then he walks around and finds another automaton, they become pretty good friends, then those two quickly finds their so-called “creators” speaks with them little bit, after killing them they talk again, the end. Kids will love it but adult FF audience is surely tired from all this as well as me.

This time FF decided to abuse pro tools instead of usual work with a real drummer. All drums were made/programmed by Dino with a little help from John Sankey. It's actually nothing wrong with drum machine but only if you're using it smart! They failed with it on 'TI' - drum sound is so fucking boring, sterile, primitive, suffer from the same mistakes as Dino's riffs. This is the worst drum work FF ever had! By the way, Raymond used drum machine before, on Archetype (and even on Digimortal). Some tracks were fully composed in such way, but Ray actually played all that programmed parts on his kit as well. Then why they sound so great on those records? Well, maybe because he definitely knows better than a guitarist or vocalist how drums actually MUST sound! Also using drum machine instead of real drummer it's a cheap and lazy way out of paying someone and it brings no soul or style into the music - that's the biggest problem with it. The absence of Raymond's unique "stop-go" drumming, which was the key element of FF sound, affects the quality of drum patterns. Therefore Burt/Dino desperately tried so hard to imitate that kind of "stop-go" technique on TI. You can hear it on tracks TI, Recharger and New Messiah. These attempts to sound like Ray are just pathetic and clumsy, because substantially it's just a Ray’s parts/patterns rewritten with slight changes, only without any feeling. Dino and Burt must admit that they can't replace everyone in FF, especially guys like Raymond. Unless that replacement is Gene Hoglan, who with his technical skills and huge experience can at least partly replace distinctive Ray’s style.

The only person whom i cannot bash is Rhys Fulber. This guy probably is the only reason why you should listen to this record at least once. He fills those many empty places on the album with amazing samples bringing an atmosphere and at least some vibe. But why the hell did he made that nine minute track Human Augmentation?? I guess when musicians don't have enough good material, such unnecessarily long track could become good filler. It could be cut to 3 minutes without any losses in quality.

Summary, i can't say that i hate TI, but i definitely don't like Bell's and Cezares attitude towards the band members and songwriting as well, because to say that Fear Factory is only (!!!) singer and a guitarist is too fucking ignorant. It's not completely bad record and if one can pretend that never heard any other FF songs before, this one can probably be sometimes enjoyable. But personally for me, TI is a pitiful attempt to sound again important, trying to ensure everyone that FF is still a strong band and even better than ever, but obviously it is not like that. Being afraid of losing the pitiful remnants of fan base, they left no room for any kind of experimentation or imagination, they simply didn't dared to push the boundaries. This is a 100% "fanboy" oriented record, probably for non-picky listeners who expect FF doing absolutely the same formulaic shit on every album. But let's just face the facts - Dino and Burt completely ran out of new ideas and only exploit their previous achievements. I'm pretty sure that TI could have been much diverse if they had at least Gene Hoglan involved in songwriting process. Unfortunately, they chose the most unoriginal, outdated way to use the old proved formula to release albums every 2 years and according to Dino the new one is expecting in 2014. As to me this is a great example of the situation when quality is sacrificed to quantity.

So why did i gave 20%? A few nice and most important new riffs, interesting solos and of course fine work of Rhys Fulber. That's it! In conclusion, while writing this review, i accidentally found on Youtube songs called “Ammunition” and "My Grave" from Transgression sessions. These two are on the same excellent quality as well as the stuff from Mechanize or Obsolete, and that fact that they was written by two people who aren't a part of FF any longer and according to Burton "absolutely not important" makes me extremely sad.

This is my first review btw)).

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Peroy
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Feb 21, 2013 5:44 am
Posts: 360
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 4:56 pm 
 

johnny english wrote:
Hi! Sorry for bothering you guys but i would like to ask some advices on how to improve my review.
It was rejected few days ago because of "too many grammar issues". I checked this text many times before submit it, i also asked my friend who's fluent in English to proofread it for me.
The text looks fine imo and unfortunately after all verifications my friend and i still can't find those serious grammar issues.
Could anyone please take a look at it and tell me what's wrong with it?
Thanks in advance for your help!


Fear Factory - The Industrialist:

Spoiler: show
Mechanize was pretty strong comeback, however not perfect or mind-blowing and it’s definitely is not going to be classic like Demanufacture or Obsolete. The main problem of Mechanize is that mostly it doesn't even sound like FF. It is more like Divine Heresy with some industrial samples and Burton’s vocals. When Dino returned in FF he basically became the only songwriter, but thanks to Gene Hoglan who partially saved new Factory from the same problems which were in DH and brought freshness with creativity. So after the decent return fans expected the second album to be at least as good as the first one. Unfortunately on 'The Industrialist (TI)' Dino was a main songwriter. Gene and Byron left and Dino with Burton decided that they are fine with themselves and nobody else.

My first impressions after listening were more-less positive, but the more I listened to it the less did I enjoyed. First thing that catches ones eye is that most of the tracks are monotonous and immemorable. In the end i thought to myself "Holy shit! This is unbelievably dull!" I had a strong feeling that the music wasn't coming from the heart and was written just for radio and loyal hardcore fans. TI are missing something major: any sort of feeling and emotion. This is without a doubt the worst FF record along with Transgression. And while Transgression suffered from a lack of production and in fact was just a half-finished record, TI has a lot more noticeable flaws. I can describe it in a few words like "Commercialized lifeless garbage" or "Castrated Mechanize".

From the beginning "TI" is trying to sound like the classic FF, as similar to their earlier sound as possible, but unfortunately not in a good way. In fact it's really hard for me to even call this album “new” because more than a half of its material is just recycled throw-aways from their previous records. "TI" is an excellent example of self-copying style. It has a few good ideas here and there, but mostly they are mixed with tons of fillers and cliches. Dino's riffs are predictable, monotonous and faintly discernible no matter how many strings he has on his guitar. Also it's another proof that Raymond and Christian were important parts of the band and their absence affects quality of songwriting here even more than it was on Mechanize. I'm not going to make track-by-track review but nevertheless, i will describe few of them.

Let's start from song God Eater - the most interesting and unusual tune on entire record. This one has the potential, it could have turned out as a grandiose, epic masterpiece but it never happened. First minute is really reassuring but after that it's getting monotonously to death: chorus, repeating Dino's riff, again same chorus where Burton trying to sing clean, repeat - all of that plus sluggish drums leave not many chances and God eater devoured himself. The other (bonus) tracks are Timelessness II and Blush Response. Timelessness II is acoustic version of the Timelessness and Blush Response is some kind of remix which reminds stuff from Remanufacture. These tracks are nothing extraordinary and both pretty mediocre.

Also i would like to bring attention to some examples of self-copying on that album. 'Difference Engine' is basically re-recorded 'Hi-Tech Hate' with elements of 'Smasher/Devourer' and 'Acres of Skin'. 'Depraved Mind Murder' mostly based on main riff from 'Slave Labor' with some stuff from 'Digimortal' and 'Mechanize'. As for 'New Messiah', the beginning of song extremely reminds me 'Hi-Tech Hate' plus 'Act of God'. And title track 'The Industrialist' is the combination of 'Oxidizer' and 'Fear Campaign' with beginning from 'Christploitation'. I can go on but i think you got my point - too much of old re-written stuff here. A pretty brutal cover of Landfill (Pitchshifter) the only tune on the whole record which i could listen without intention to turn it off or to fall asleep.

Through all the years, Burton's vocals never developed at all and it is very noticeable on Industrialist. Moreover, clean vocals devolved and now comparing to other modern metal clean singers such as David Draiman, Wayne Static, Corey Taylor or even first DH singer Tommy "Vext" - all these guys can make clean type vocals much better than Burton does, he is definitely not at their level of professionalism, unfortunately. Thus, i don't really understand why it is a big deal around him, in my opinion he is pretty overrated. I've seen the band many times live, watched tons of youtube videos, the DVDs - that guy just can't do the clean vocals live. The only reason why he sounds passable on the records because of all these voice processing technologies like auto-tune etc. Despite of all those limitations, i think he did a great job on the "original line-up" records, even on Archetype plus some parts on Mechanize. Honesty and passion with which he used to sing on those early records - that's, i believe, the main reason why listeners love him so much. The main problem of new album is absence of the passion behind what he sings. From my point of view, the main reason why Burton is a vocalist on “TI” is because FF needs to release another album and it is just like a routine for him. All his tricks are old, choruses sound flat, annoying and soulless, harsh vocals are just nothing special. It's hard to explain how terrible some of those clean parts sound, it's more like some drunkard cowboy at the bar doing karaoke.

This album seems to be a sort of conceptual, about robot who becomes smart. But it won't be a concept only because you called it like that, there should be a strong fundamental behind all this. Burton became pretty limited as writer with all this lazy lyrics, even more obvious than album name itself -The Industrialist. Are they serious? I bet next one will be something like “The new industrial metal album by D. Cazares and B.C.Bell about machines etc.” Obsolete, Demanufacture, Digimortal - these three are the pure, strong concepts and the newest one is just an immature, limp and directionless. There are so many good themes and ideas in Sci-Fi which could be used by FF and it's sad that they can't write about something really new, fresh and inspired. While attentively reading lyrics i had a feeling that 90% of it is about religion, hate towards religions, governments, society and other trivial stereotypic bullshit, while some texts include random, pointless and meaningless phrases. "The Industrialist story" which Burton wrote in the booklet is OK, but only for a cartoon movie. It's really a simple story by average skill writer and it can be described in one sentence: automaton suddenly begins to think like human, accidentally meets others but less smart robots, talk to them, blah-blah, then he walks around and finds another automaton, they become pretty good friends, then those two quickly finds their so-called “creators” speaks with them little bit, after killing them they talk again, the end. Kids will love it but adult FF audience is surely tired from all this as well as me.

This time FF decided to abuse pro tools instead of usual work with a real drummer. All drums were made/programmed by Dino with a little help from John Sankey. It's actually nothing wrong with drum machine but only if you're using it smart! They failed with it on 'TI' - drum sound is so fucking boring, sterile, primitive, suffer from the same mistakes as Dino's riffs. This is the worst drum work FF ever had! By the way, Raymond used drum machine before, on Archetype (and even on Digimortal). Some tracks were fully composed in such way, but Ray actually played all that programmed parts on his kit as well. Then why they sound so great on those records? Well, maybe because he definitely knows better than a guitarist or vocalist how drums actually MUST sound! Also using drum machine instead of real drummer it's a cheap and lazy way out of paying someone and it brings no soul or style into the music - that's the biggest problem with it. The absence of Raymond's unique "stop-go" drumming, which was the key element of FF sound, affects the quality of drum patterns. Therefore Burt/Dino desperately tried so hard to imitate that kind of "stop-go" technique on TI. You can hear it on tracks TI, Recharger and New Messiah. These attempts to sound like Ray are just pathetic and clumsy, because substantially it's just a Ray’s parts/patterns rewritten with slight changes, only without any feeling. Dino and Burt must admit that they can't replace everyone in FF, especially guys like Raymond. Unless that replacement is Gene Hoglan, who with his technical skills and huge experience can at least partly replace distinctive Ray’s style.

The only person whom i cannot bash is Rhys Fulber. This guy probably is the only reason why you should listen to this record at least once. He fills those many empty places on the album with amazing samples bringing an atmosphere and at least some vibe. But why the hell did he made that nine minute track Human Augmentation?? I guess when musicians don't have enough good material, such unnecessarily long track could become good filler. It could be cut to 3 minutes without any losses in quality.

Summary, i can't say that i hate TI, but i definitely don't like Bell's and Cezares attitude towards the band members and songwriting as well, because to say that Fear Factory is only (!!!) singer and a guitarist is too fucking ignorant. It's not completely bad record and if one can pretend that never heard any other FF songs before, this one can probably be sometimes enjoyable. But personally for me, TI is a pitiful attempt to sound again important, trying to ensure everyone that FF is still a strong band and even better than ever, but obviously it is not like that. Being afraid of losing the pitiful remnants of fan base, they left no room for any kind of experimentation or imagination, they simply didn't dared to push the boundaries. This is a 100% "fanboy" oriented record, probably for non-picky listeners who expect FF doing absolutely the same formulaic shit on every album. But let's just face the facts - Dino and Burt completely ran out of new ideas and only exploit their previous achievements. I'm pretty sure that TI could have been much diverse if they had at least Gene Hoglan involved in songwriting process. Unfortunately, they chose the most unoriginal, outdated way to use the old proved formula to release albums every 2 years and according to Dino the new one is expecting in 2014. As to me this is a great example of the situation when quality is sacrificed to quantity.

So why did i gave 20%? A few nice and most important new riffs, interesting solos and of course fine work of Rhys Fulber. That's it! In conclusion, while writing this review, i accidentally found on Youtube songs called “Ammunition” and "My Grave" from Transgression sessions. These two are on the same excellent quality as well as the stuff from Mechanize or Obsolete, and that fact that they was written by two people who aren't a part of FF any longer and according to Burton "absolutely not important" makes me extremely sad.

This is my first review btw)).


After reading the first sentence of your review, I highly doubt that your friend's fluent in English...

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johnny english
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2013 8:21 am
Posts: 4
Location: six feet under
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 5:38 pm 
 

Peroy wrote:
johnny english wrote:
After reading the first sentence of your review, I highly doubt that your friend's fluent in English...

well, he is not responsible for the content of review and my "style" of writing)) He said that it's pretty understandable, if not to be hypercritical.
While some sentences may indeed be pretty complicated, majority of them are quite simple. But i guess it also depends on the individual perception...

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Opus
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Sep 22, 2002 11:06 am
Posts: 1707
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 6:06 pm 
 

johnny english wrote:
ontent of review and my "style" of writing)) He said that it's pretty understandable, if not to be hypercritical.
While some sentences may indeed be pretty complicated, majority of them are quite simple. But i guess it also depends on the individual perception...

It's not about complicated sentences, it's about basic grammar. There are three grammatical errors in the first sentence alone, punctuation aside.

Mechanize was - A - pretty strong comeback, however not perfect or mind-blowing and it’s definitely - [is] - not going to be - A - classic like Demanufacture or Obsolete.
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halfformedfetus
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 2:12 am
Posts: 403
Location: the Matrix
PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:35 am 
 

Hey guys so recently i have decided to write my first review and sadly it got rejected, ha ha but that's ok obviously it needs more work, can i get some feedback on this?

General Surgery what a great band!
Considering they haven't been the most prolific band in the Death/Grind scene in terms of releases; they continue to do
nothing short of quality carcass inspired metal. "Like an Ever Flying Limb" is exactly that, every song screams carcass,
although the production could have been slightly dirtier for my tastes. It defiantly has a heavy atmosphere and
the pace of the EP is mid to fast; never failing to throw some awesome groovy head banging moments in, every song is catchy and memorable
i would recommend this EP for any fans of death metal and grind-core. Although it could have been slightly longer in length,
the two most memorable songs are Dark Cyanotic Hypostasis which has an extremely Necroticism era solo in it, i almost yelled plagiarism
and Ejected Viscous Mucus which mixes groove with some very fast blasting grab this next time you see it
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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 6360
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 2:14 pm 
 

Firstly, the text needs to be formatted into paragraphs without any extra returns.

This is how it should be formatted:

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Sed non risus eu lacus scelerisque dictum. Fusce ornare fermentum magna ut viverra. Sed tristique laoreet dui eget faucibus. Pellentesque vehicula sapien at erat suscipit id lobortis magna dapibus. Donec auctor tellus et velit feugiat sit amet bibendum sem venenatis. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Mauris et metus in dolor tempor adipiscing at eget elit. Maecenas aliquam rutrum diam ut consequat.

Etiam non mi nunc, eget euismod lectus. Integer quis tristique quam. Praesent sem neque, interdum sed posuere ac, placerat a libero. Vestibulum vel molestie dolor. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Morbi felis quam, varius a egestas a, malesuada nec quam. Donec congue convallis bibendum. Morbi dapibus ultricies purus dictum pulvinar. Maecenas mollis, purus at viverra rutrum, purus neque lacinia dolor, et placerat quam velit id massa.

Donec consectetur rhoncus neque in facilisis. Morbi laoreet, lectus sed tempus lobortis, urna sapien pulvinar purus, in feugiat ante urna sit amet turpis. Fusce in magna lectus. Aenean in arcu a orci dignissim porttitor ac et ligula. Nunc et ipsum vel tellus varius gravida a et turpis. Vivamus at ligula ut turpis luctus commodo eu eu felis. Donec commodo, tellus eu dignissim fringilla, risus felis placerat justo, rutrum placerat lectus est quis dolor. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus.


1. Two hits of enter between each paragraph so there's one empty line.
2. Let the paragraph format itself manually. Only add a line break when you change paragraps.

As for content, your review has way too little. You need to add more musical description. You also have to improve your spelling and grammar. Always capitalise the first letter of a sentence, use a spellcheck and avoid run-on sentences. Grammar or spelling need not be even nearly perfect for the review to be acceptable, but you have mispellings like "defiantly" instead of "definitely"; that's already quite bad. You also have very poorly paced run-on sentences that make your review difficult to read.

The keyword is putting the right kind of effort into it. I'm pretty sure I put more effort into writing this post than you did in your review.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 2022
Location: In the Open Sea
PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 4:20 pm 
 

halfformedfetus: Was that the whole review? What did the rejection note say?

If you compare it to most others that are up, you'll be able to see some obvious reasons it was rejected. Ilwhyan definitely covered it, and I'd only add that reading is one of the best ways to learn how to write. I don't know how familiar you are with the site, but any user's reviews can be looked up in a list all their own. The mods write well; Ilwhyan himself writes well, so you could do worse than to just stick to those, but I say pick an album you like, take in the word craft of a particularly good review for it, read something else by that person, etc. and link hop your day away. :) But don't submit the thing until you feel confident it says what you want it to.

My first review was pretty lame and got rejected. I've written a total of two. Though I've been writing for a while, I'd never written an album review before that. It's not as easy as it looks. My advice is scrap that one and start over.

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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8579
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 4:22 pm 
 

My rejection message simply said that that the review wasn't acceptable based on our standards. Reading 2 or 3 accepted reviews can obviously help to know why. Anyway, Ilwhyan said everything I wanted to!
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halfformedfetus
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 2:12 am
Posts: 403
Location: the Matrix
PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 7:06 pm 
 

Grave_Wyrm wrote:
halfformedfetus: Was that the whole review? What did the rejection note say?

If you compare it to most others that are up, you'll be able to see some obvious reasons it was rejected. Ilwhyan definitely covered it, and I'd only add that reading is one of the best ways to learn how to write. I don't know how familiar you are with the site, but any user's reviews can be looked up in a list all their own. The mods write well; Ilwhyan himself writes well, so you could do worse than to just stick to those, but I say pick an album you like, take in the word craft of a particularly good review for it, read something else by that person, etc. and link hop your day away. :) But don't submit the thing until you feel confident it says what you want it to.

My first review was pretty lame and got rejected. I've written a total of two. Though I've been writing for a while, I'd never written an album review before that. It's not as easy as it looks. My advice is scrap that one and start over.


Thanks alot man! yeah i still have alot to learn! should have been paying attention in class other than drawing pentagrams and zombies :)
cheers for the feedback though appreciate it
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Grave_Wyrm
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 2022
Location: In the Open Sea
PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2013 8:52 pm 
 

You're welcome, bro. Hey, you won Morrigan's "best picture in the thread" award. I couldn't just leave you out in the cold! :)

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slayrrr666
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2011 4:47 pm
Posts: 193
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 10:30 am 
 

So, this has been rejected twice and it's been done in a style I've used before here without any rejection difficulty at all and I'm lost as to why it's not being accepted, so I would greatly appreciate any help.

The fourteenth offering from Finnish power metal heroes Stratovarius, “Nemesis” could very well be the crowning opus of their recent output and is certainly on par with their glory days in the mid-90s and is surely the strongest of the post-Tolkki albums the group’s released.

Opening track ‘Abandon’ starts off with a frenetic drum-beat opener that soon gives way to a soaring, rousing series of back-and-forth jabs as the band’s melodic dirge and Timo Koltipelto’s vocals swirl together in creating a rocking opener that sounds as good as the epics from their past, as the technical drumming and rolling grooves make an instant winner. The next track, first single ‘Unbreakable’ is surely appropriate of the fate as it’s a rather fine up-tempo but more melodic fare with some exceptional vocal melodies and a rather rocking pace that seems to be the band’s newfound style of uplifting melodic power metal rather than the classy symphonic approach of the past, though it does show signs of bringing back the spark of their olden days with a nice change-up into a more traditional fade-out at the end that’s quite impressive. Next track, ‘Stand My Ground’ is a little weak, with the band tending to revert to the uninspired melodic metal, devoid of the power they played in Tolkki’s last years, and despite the grand choruses and a potentially intriguing riff-work along the solo section it feels a little weak. This is thankfully rectified by the next two tracks, album highlight ‘Halcyon Days’ and ‘Fantasy,’ the former containing the band’s fastest work on the whole album with an awe-inspiring intro that thrashes away with joyful abandon and features the most traditional/old-school symphonic power-metal Stratovarius-like work on the whole album with its’ epic feeling, while the later is a melodic mid-tempo rager that thankfully never stays into the ballad medium the way it starts but gets a lot quicker when the band backing vocals kick in to create a fantastic feel of their new-found melodic power metal style.

The second half starts off strong with ‘Out of the Fog,’ a rocking mid-tempo but occasionally quicker-paced offering that sees the band really turning this more relaxed melodic power metal style into their own with a rather impressive and overall strong track that ranks with the bands’ best works including a frenetic drum pattern, some inspired riff-work and those soaring vocals they’ve honed incredibly well over the years. ‘Castles in the Air’ is an even-more relaxed song and almost feels as though it’s supposed to be a ballad only is a bit too fast to be one especially with the band’s backing vocals during the chorus giving off a more epic feel than most ballads and the greater degree of electronic instrumentation is another fine clue. Two similar songs follow, with ‘Dragons’ being the better of the two by the virtue of its grandiose imagery with the riff-work coming off as slightly more impressive and it’s solo a lot more imposing with the backing vocals giving it a grand feeling. The true ballad ‘If the Story is Over’ is the same story heard over and over in the genre’s ballads, if you’re into the kind of song played it’s quite enjoyable while those into the more rocking tunes it’ll feel quite lame and cheesy with its use of strings and laid-back feelings of sentimentality. Thankfully, the title track closes things out with an impressive return to the more rocking vibe of the rest of the album and generally has a strong, up-tempo vibe that gives off the epic feel of their old material quite well and ends the album on a strong note.

There’s not a whole lot here to dislike with this release, as it’s consistent, well-written with numerous strong hooks, leads and riffs, and contains a strong production job that gives everyone a great performance while maintaining the closest yet to the classy power metal sound and feel of their predecessor’s albums of the past. About the only flaw to be found within the work is the keyboards which are kept low and not really given a chance to shine as that keeps the band from reaching the symphonic grandiosity they enjoyed in the past, yet this also serves well with their more relaxed approach recently and definitely has some good points about it. While not quite at the level of their best works, this is still one of their better records and is clearly the best thing they’ve done without Timo Tolkki in the group, and ranks among the years’ top overall albums in the genre so far.

So, again, I've used this style in the past here without difficulty, I'd like to know what's wrong with this one. Thanks!
_________________
joppek wrote:
enigmatech wrote:
I don't consider Portal to be a death metal band, because I haven't heard their albums, and I'm not interested in their music


i don't consider gordon ramsay to be a chef, because i haven't been to his restaurants, and i'm not interested in his food

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Grave_Wyrm
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 2022
Location: In the Open Sea
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 4:18 pm 
 

It's almost impossible to read. For example, these are each one confusing sentence:

"The next track, first single ‘Unbreakable’ is surely appropriate of the fate as it’s a rather fine up-tempo but more melodic fare with some exceptional vocal melodies and a rather rocking pace that seems to be the band’s newfound style of uplifting melodic power metal rather than the classy symphonic approach of the past, though it does show signs of bringing back the spark of their olden days with a nice change-up into a more traditional fade-out at the end that’s quite impressive."

"This is thankfully rectified by the next two tracks, album highlight ‘Halcyon Days’ and ‘Fantasy,’ the former containing the band’s fastest work on the whole album with an awe-inspiring intro that thrashes away with joyful abandon and features the most traditional/old-school symphonic power-metal Stratovarius-like work on the whole album with its’ epic feeling, while the later is a melodic mid-tempo rager that thankfully never stays into the ballad medium the way it starts but gets a lot quicker when the band backing vocals kick in to create a fantastic feel of their new-found melodic power metal style."

Your review takes run-on into the realm of cross country, and it's chronic throughout. Look how much text is there and how few periods -- lots of commas with lots of "and"s. It's inundating. Try to read the review out loud, and you'll see what I mean. Also, your adjectives need to vary in order to not sound (be) monotonous. I couldn't follow the thoughts well enough to even comment on the content. There are spelling, grammatical, and formatting issues as well.

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slayrrr666
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2011 4:47 pm
Posts: 193
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 4:45 pm 
 

Okay, yeah, I see what you mean with that 'reading-it-out-loud' thing. I get to where I have a thought and I want to put it down, but it just comes out in one long sentence. I'll get on that.
_________________
joppek wrote:
enigmatech wrote:
I don't consider Portal to be a death metal band, because I haven't heard their albums, and I'm not interested in their music


i don't consider gordon ramsay to be a chef, because i haven't been to his restaurants, and i'm not interested in his food

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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 6360
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 4:50 pm 
 

Your reviews would definitely benefit if you wrote them in a process, not in one sitting. Write all your thoughts down as a long rambling, meandering piece if you must, but return to it the next day and fix every awkward bit you come across. If you just try to narrow down all the mistakes and poorly written parts in one sitting, you'll become blind to them. Give it a rest for a while and think about something else. Your brain will unconsciously work on it while you're occupying your consciousness with something else. Sleep in between session does wonders.
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"Behold, wizard, for the last time how the sun looks, for henceforth you will watch it with empty sockets!"
Illusions Dead - death/black metal

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slayrrr666
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2011 4:47 pm
Posts: 193
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Mar 27, 2013 10:24 am 
 

All right, will do. Thanks for the help, guys.
_________________
joppek wrote:
enigmatech wrote:
I don't consider Portal to be a death metal band, because I haven't heard their albums, and I'm not interested in their music


i don't consider gordon ramsay to be a chef, because i haven't been to his restaurants, and i'm not interested in his food

Top
 Profile  
slayrrr666
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2011 4:47 pm
Posts: 193
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Mar 31, 2013 3:17 pm 
 

Okay, from the let's-try-this-once-more file:

I've been popped for this review three different times (most recently because it was a 'track-by-track' review according to the rejecting mod with no other significant reasons given that would qualify for a rejection) so I figure that one more look in here would suffice before an official submission one more time. Given that information, what else can be done to this one before I submit it for a fourth time:


The fourteenth offering from Finnish power metal heroes Stratovarius, “Nemesis” could very well be the crowning opus of their recent output and is certainly on par with their glory days in the mid-90s and is surely the strongest of the post-Tolkki albums the group’s released under their newfound style of energetic yet melodic power metal.

Opening track ‘Abandon’ starts off with a frenetic drumming intro that soon gives way to a soaring, rousing series of back-and-forth jabs as the bands’ melodic sound, technical drumming, rolling grooves and Timo Koltipelto’s vocals swirl together in creating a rocking opener that sounds as good as the epics from their past and makes an instant winner. The next track, appropriate first single ‘Unbreakable’ is a rather fine up-tempo yet more melodic fare with some exceptional vocal melodies and a rather rocking pace that seems to showcase the band’s newfound melodic power metal style rather than the classy symphonic approach of the past, even though it does show signs of bringing back the spark of their olden days with a nice change-up into a more traditional fade-out at the end that’s quite impressive. Next track, ‘Stand My Ground’ is a little weak, with the band tending to revert to the uninspired melodic metal, devoid of the power they played in Tolkki’s last years, and despite the grand choruses and a potentially intriguing riff-work along the solo section it feels a little weak. This is thankfully rectified by the next two tracks, album highlight ‘Halcyon Days’ and ‘Fantasy’; the former being the band’s fastest work on the whole album with an awe-inspiring intro that thrashes away with joyful abandon which creates a real epic feeling in parts and is the most traditional/old-school symphonic power-metal Stratovarius-like song on the whole album. The latter, meanwhile, is a melodic mid-tempo rager that thankfully never strays into the ballad medium the way it starts but gets into a lot quicker tempo when the band’s backing vocals kick in to create another winner in their new-found melodic power metal style.

The second half starts off strong with ‘Out of the Fog,’ a rocking mid-tempo but occasionally quicker-paced offering that sees the band really turning this more relaxed melodic power metal style into their own with a rather impressive and overall strong track that ranks with the bands’ best works including a frenetic drum pattern, some inspired riff-work and those soaring vocals they’ve honed incredibly well over the years. ‘Castles in the Air’ is an even-more relaxed song and almost feels as though it could be a ballad but is a bit too fast, especially with the band’s backing vocals during the chorus giving off a more epic feel than most ballads and the greater degree of electronic instrumentation being another fine clue. Two similar relaxing, laid-back songs follow, with ‘Dragons’ being the better of the two by the virtue of its grandiose imagery with the riff-work coming off as slightly more impressive and it’s solo a lot more imposing with the backing vocals giving it a grand feeling. The true ballad ‘If the Story is Over’ is the same story heard over and over in the genre’s ballads, so if you’re into that kind of song it’s quite enjoyable while for those into the more rocking tunes, it’ll feel quite lame and cheesy with its use of strings and laid-back feelings of sentimentality. Thankfully, the title track closes things out with an impressive return to the more rocking vibe of the rest of the album and generally has a strong, up-tempo vibe that gives off the epic feel of their old material quite well and ends the album on a strong note.

There’s not a whole lot here to dislike with this release, as it’s consistent, well-written with numerous strong hooks, leads and riffs, and contains a strong production job that gives everyone a great performance while maintaining the closest yet to the classy power metal sound and feel of their predecessor’s albums of the past. About the only flaw to be found within the work is the keyboards which are kept low and not really given a chance to shine as that keeps the band from reaching the symphonic grandiosity they enjoyed in the past, yet this also serves well with their more relaxed approach recently and definitely has some good points about it. While not quite at the level of their best works, this is still one of their better records and is clearly the best thing they’ve done without Timo Tolkki in the group, and ranks among the years’ top overall albums in the genre so far.
_________________
joppek wrote:
enigmatech wrote:
I don't consider Portal to be a death metal band, because I haven't heard their albums, and I'm not interested in their music


i don't consider gordon ramsay to be a chef, because i haven't been to his restaurants, and i'm not interested in his food

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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4780
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Apr 02, 2013 11:16 am 
 

slayrrr666 wrote:
Okay, from the let's-try-this-once-more file:

I've been popped for this review three different times (most recently because it was a 'track-by-track' review according to the rejecting mod with no other significant reasons given that would qualify for a rejection) so I figure that one more look in here would suffice before an official submission one more time. Given that information, what else can be done to this one before I submit it for a fourth time


Avoid reviewing it track-by-track, because you repeat a very limited range of descriptions several times - mentioning that it is melodic, it's power metal, it's a certain tempo. You're saying very little about the album as a whole, instead using most of the review to talk about minute differences between tracks. Compare it to their other albums, to other bands, and talk about the music in general. There are too many wasted words and distractions from the important descriptions - removing a significant part of the review improves it, because it focuses more on the actual music. For example, if you polished these two paragraphs and wrote another describing the music on the album as a whole, this would be acceptable and quite efficient.

slayrrr666 wrote:
The fourteenth offering from Finnish power metal heroes Stratovarius, “Nemesis” could very well be the crowning opus of their recent output and is certainly on par with their glory days in the mid-90s and is surely the strongest of the post-Tolkki albums the group’s released under their newfound style of energetic yet melodic power metal. Opening track ‘Abandon’ starts off with a frenetic drumming intro that soon gives way to a soaring, rousing series of back-and-forth jabs as the bands’ melodic sound, technical drumming, rolling grooves and Timo Koltipelto’s vocals swirl together in creating a rocking opener that sounds as good as the epics from their past and makes an instant winner. Thankfully, the title track closes things out with an impressive return to the more rocking vibe of the rest of the album and generally has a strong, up-tempo vibe that gives off the epic feel of their old material quite well and ends the album on a strong note.

There’s not a whole lot here to dislike with this release, as it’s consistent, well-written with numerous strong hooks, leads and riffs, and contains a strong production job that gives everyone a great performance while maintaining the closest yet to the classy power metal sound and feel of their predecessor’s albums of the past. About the only flaw to be found within the work is the keyboards which are kept low and not really given a chance to shine as that keeps the band from reaching the symphonic grandiosity they enjoyed in the past, yet this also serves well with their more relaxed approach recently and definitely has some good points about it. While not quite at the level of their best works, this is still one of their better records and is clearly the best thing they’ve done without Timo Tolkki in the group, and ranks among the years’ top overall albums in the genre so far.

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slayrrr666
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2011 4:47 pm
Posts: 193
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Apr 02, 2013 12:15 pm 
 

Well, I thought I was reviewing the album as a whole because I'm saying what each track was like on the album to support my opening and closing arguments about the album (a style I have used here in the past without any difficulty) so this is a little new to me. I will take the critique into account though and I'll see what I can do with it.
_________________
joppek wrote:
enigmatech wrote:
I don't consider Portal to be a death metal band, because I haven't heard their albums, and I'm not interested in their music


i don't consider gordon ramsay to be a chef, because i haven't been to his restaurants, and i'm not interested in his food

Top
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