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Nochielo
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:20 am
Posts: 1513
Location: Puerto Rico
PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 11:38 am 
 

Thank you so much for replying, Necroticism. This is indeed meant to be longer, this you see is the exposition. I'm still working on it, usually my poems are between 2 and 3 notebook pages (I enjoy the feel of writing on paper) so it is still very much incomplete. I am very influenced by Shakespeare verse in general and my favorite poem is Poe's The Raven (real mainstream, I know), both of which are quite intricate and I do my best to recreate that feel. Emotional coldness and incredible longing are very much intended, I'm so glad it came across. I will post more work as soon as I'm confident with it, meanwhile thanks to all who took to the time to read.

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The_Orphanizer
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 4:13 am
Posts: 1431
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 4:56 am 
 

I can put together words and sentences well enough, but I've yet to find a creative bone in my body. I just started this earlier today, and will likely expand on it (at least, that's what I always tell myself :P). It's entirely expository at this point, but I want to attach an actual story and characters to this because I never do and I'm interested in seeing the product. I rarely share the fictional bits I write, so some honest feedback would be really appreciated, seeing as how I never really get any.

Spoiler: show
He never could adjust to the quiet of the vacuum. It was as familiar to him as thinking, and still he saw it as totally foreign and unnatural. He didn’t know whether his love of hearing enhanced the strangeness of the event, or whether the oddity of it had cultivated his appreciation of hearing. In spite of spending the majority of his life in the soundless void of space, he couldn’t rid himself of the unsettling, surreal sensation which veiled every silent moment.

The cataclysm before him now would have once sent such incomprehensibly tremendous physical sensations through his earthbound predecessors that they probably would have collapsed, both physically and mentally, in total hysteric dysphoria. On Earth, seismic and sonic pressure would have forced all surrounding atoms to collide and tear with ferocious intensity – rupturing ear drums, and flaying skin from flesh. The flash would have exponentially dwarfed a solar flare, permanently burning shadows onto nearby surfaces. The planet’s great oceans which once bathed its surface would have vaporized instantly; its forests would have incinerated as insignificantly as a wad of paper in the bombing of Hiroshima. In place of mountains, once towering and stoic – perhaps the most singular and universally perceived natural symbols of strength and solidity – would be endless plains of glassed earth. The atmosphere which would have allowed these phenomena would have become totally unstable and destructive, engulfing the entire planet in flames; or it would have been blown molecule by molecule into interplanetary space. In either case, 6 billion years of inhabitability would have been effectively terminated by a sort of cosmic neutering from which recovery would be impossible.

But none of that could happen here. From here, the most enormous and destructive event ever seen or theorized by a conscious being may as well have been the dropping of a leaf to the ground. Virtually immeasurable quantities of superheated matter were ejected from the once great hypergiant. The stellar fragments glowed and drifted outward in a manner that might be (with not a little naïveté) considered tranquil.

Behind the self-adjusting photosensitive pane, the glare was tolerable; still, his eyes burned. The pervasive nothing before him acted as a buffer to both his tactile and aural senses. The sight of the hypernova was – to drastically understate – only an intangible image, but that didn’t prevent him from jumping.

The spectacle, coupled with his understanding of the event, caused his mind to actualize sensual stimulation where there could be none. Unable to stand his ground against the blast which he would never feel, he crumbled under the weight of his own body. He trembled uncontrollably in the awesome horror of the explosion. It was the closest he could imagine to being in the presence of God, and was, as far as his understanding allowed, a religious experience.

Across the gulf of material-less space, the transmission of sound was impossible. The cosmic silence penetrated every facet of his thought and being, and deafened his ears and mind. The only sound to be heard was that of his weeping.
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Nochielo
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:20 am
Posts: 1513
Location: Puerto Rico
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 10:43 pm 
 

This is interesting stuff, Orphanizer. The images are clear and powerful, the language is complex but without becoming an obstacle and there is a feeling of depth to the character(?) that beckons to the reader. The way the cosmic event is portrayed is "ethereal" if you will, as if it happened in a dream but urgent enough as if it was very, very real, which is a very interesting approach.

I command you to get off your procrastinating ass and finish this.

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fetalfeast
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2009 1:08 pm
Posts: 1573
Location: Logan, UT
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 11:06 pm 
 

I've had a -very- general idea in the back of my mind for a while.

In my town, there's a road that's embedded in the local folklore as being the "haunted" road. Everyone's got a story about it, and everyone likes to tell tall tales about things they've done down the road. It certainly earns its eerie reputation: Most of the roads in my isolated area have eventually been paved, but this road is isolated, devoid of (occupied) houses, and only paved on either end. It's nearly canopied with forest and overgrowth, is extremely dark even during daytime, and the land on either side is always said to be owned by some obscure former resident that lives in another state(it changes with who you ask). I've had some strange experiences there, which I won't get into in this thread- the relevant info is buried somewhere in the "strangest things that's ever happened to you" thread from days of old, go dig it up.

Anyway, I'd really like to write something about said road and I'm torn between going one of two ways:

1. A work of fiction describing either an unidentifiable horror, conspiracy involving the town, or something along those lines that is down the road, and a deliberate effort to cover it up.

2. A compilation of the various stories people tell about the road, and maybe even a little investigation to learn more about it. I'd likely present it in an anthology style, and accompany it with some history. I'm leaning towards this option, mainly because I think it'd be really neat to document the folk tales of a small town and the unique culture shared among rural areas worldwide. Also, the community in question has a lot of pride for their area and I'd find a lot of people willing to tell really lively tales to pass down to their children. It just seems more fun.

I'd be curious to hear any input you folks might have. Would you read something like that? Like I said, it's not even in a development phase yet. If any of you are interested in this by chance, I'll be happy to share any developments I make on the project once I can get started on it.
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Nochielo
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:20 am
Posts: 1513
Location: Puerto Rico
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 11:26 pm 
 

I like the first idea more, however I don't like that "the townsfolk try to cover up something" plot. I'd prefer "the townsfolk have absolutely no idea what's going on either" take on things, but both ideas are cool and I would read both. However I can see how some may not share my enthusiasm for the "documentary", it seems far too niche.

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fetalfeast
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2009 1:08 pm
Posts: 1573
Location: Logan, UT
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 11:30 pm 
 

Nochielo wrote:
I like the first idea more, however I don't like that "the townsfolk try to cover up something" plot. I'd prefer "the townsfolk have absolutely no idea what's going on either" take on things, but both ideas are cool and I would read both. However I can see how some may not share my enthusiasm for the "documentary", it seems far too niche.


Yeah, I've thought of that too re: first idea. I agree, it would be difficult to get out of that niche for the second idea, but I hoped to tie it in to the idea of life in a small town so it'd appeal to a wider audience.

EDIT: My idea for the "cover-up" angle kind of stems from the reality of this area: It's one of those places where the same families have lived there continuously since the 1700s. It's an old Southern town with a lot of family money, and until recently it wasn't common to find outsiders, and you wouldn't make it there unless you married into the dominant families. Expanding onto that gave me the idea that the original settlers discovered something horrible in the area, and vowed to keep it secret. I suppose it's a bit cheesy, but I guess you never really realize these things until you flesh out those ideas in writing, no?
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Metantoine regarding Revolver Magazine wrote:
I prefer Hustler personally, there's less makeup.

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MARSDUDE
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Apr 29, 2005 8:17 pm
Posts: 1677
Location: Canardia
PostPosted: Sun Mar 03, 2013 12:20 am 
 

^^^Write both ideas, man. Boom-- companion stories!!

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The_Orphanizer
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 4:13 am
Posts: 1431
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:32 pm 
 

Thanks, Nochielo! :beer: I'm tossing some ideas around my brain meats to continue.

I know that was short, but did you find anything that you thought was poorly done?
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Nochielo
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:20 am
Posts: 1513
Location: Puerto Rico
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 11:18 pm 
 

No problem, man! I don't see anything in particular that's "wrong", because it's an exposition and it is very short, so I would not venture to say "do this or do that" because I don't have a grasp of what is really happening, what will come next or how you will approach it. I will hazard a guess and recommend being just a little bit less cryptic because it "hides" the flow of things. In other words, reveal a little more so that these sentences seem dependent on each other and not leave the reader entirely in the dark. The cryptic approach (to me, anyway) works a lot better when the reader is given all the information he/she needs to figure out the nuances in the story and making sure the reader knows this. However, it seems to me that you are detailing the events that will occur as the story unfolds (a retrospective introduction) so the exposition isn't meant to make sense on a first read. If this is the case, then ignore my criticism. I'm interested in this piece, keep us posted.

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Nochielo
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:20 am
Posts: 1513
Location: Puerto Rico
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 11:24 pm 
 

fetalfeast wrote:
EDIT: My idea for the "cover-up" angle kind of stems from the reality of this area: It's one of those places where the same families have lived there continuously since the 1700s. It's an old Southern town with a lot of family money, and until recently it wasn't common to find outsiders, and you wouldn't make it there unless you married into the dominant families. Expanding onto that gave me the idea that the original settlers discovered something horrible in the area, and vowed to keep it secret. I suppose it's a bit cheesy, but I guess you never really realize these things until you flesh out those ideas in writing, no?

This setting does provide enough for the plot you are considering and in light of this, sounds like a much better option than my idea. That "cover-up" concept you describe naturally leads into your second idea nicely, so I second MARSDUDE. If you are serious about it, try to write both, it is an interesting take.

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The_Orphanizer
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 4:13 am
Posts: 1431
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Wed Mar 06, 2013 1:28 am 
 

Nochielo wrote:
No problem, man! I don't see anything in particular that's "wrong", because it's an exposition and it is very short, so I would not venture to say "do this or do that" because I don't have a grasp of what is really happening, what will come next or how you will approach it... However, it seems to me that you are detailing the events that will occur as the story unfolds (a retrospective introduction) so the exposition isn't meant to make sense on a first read.

To be fair, I don't know what is happening/what is going to happen yet either. :D I feel like whenever I brainstorm, everything I come up with ends up completely forced, so I typically start writing and "flow" from that.

I see what you mean about things being a bit cryptic; I'll keep that in mind. As of now though, I don't see this portion being retrospective, but it should make more sense as things progress... I hope. :lol:
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