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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
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Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 7:39 pm 
 

For instance, this first paragraph is impossible to understand, and it's pretty much "purple prose". You know unnecessary flowery writing. Look it up if you still don't get it. You can also use an online dictionary to help you, I use this one.
Stigmath wrote:
Starting the journey from “Origin” and followed by subsequent, almost immediate pouring into “Silence of Death”, this literal move bears much more sense than anything else that may seem apparent on this album; it ignites the imagination and tunes it the certain way, getting the listener prepared for the rest of the work. Everything deserves dying and must not afford to go the other way.


This could use a bit of grammar work as you have a bit of wrongly applied words. I think the Mod's advice to proof read it with someone more versed in English would be a good idea.
Stigmath wrote:
The music of Ataraxie on their second full-length album, being a fair exposition of the whole spectrum of heaviness and evilness known before, continues demonstrating an ascetic approach to doom metal in terms of the instrumental package: a well admirable atmosphere on this album also has been created without any synth/keyboards involved, only vocals, guitars, bass and percussion.

The comparison with the precedent album is unavoidable and must have sense, in order to assess the band and the amount of work they have done. The more agile debut full-length “Slow Transcending Agony” showed their clear vision of how the doom metal song should sound like. Tampering the listener with the amount of thick moderate tempo doom/death metal, quite occasionally slowing the time-frame down very nearly to the funeral narration, Ataraxie though did not entirely present their own face, their very musicality and the talent they do possess. Notwithstanding the mentioned, band demonstrated the tendency to progress and the ability to develop unique sound and style, giving a very promising augury regarding their next work... and the next work even had exceeded several very particular expectations.


Try to give a bit more musical description by describing the actual music. If it's fast or slow, how it progresses from A to B, what riffs are good and bad, where are the highs and lows. More of that and less of "flowery descriptions" of how the music sounds so dark. You can use that but when it's too much it turns into... "purple prose". The following paragraphs suffer from the same problem, they need more description of the actual music.
Stigmath wrote:
The funeral doom metal, built strictly on a basis of dry, heavy as hell, guitar sound and the pounding rhythm section, after the short intro “Origin” starts shedding its poison. The approaching next song “Silence of Death” tends to stab the listener with darkness so mercilessly and uncompromisingly that limbs begin to shiver uncontrollably and fear enslaves the posterior moves, so deep and terrifying atmosphere these guys are creating on this track. Growls and particularly the neurasthenic screams should be awarded a special attention, because they do create or even do contour the main musical “canvas”, adding contrast and playing with grey tones, mixing everything up with the pitch black darkness of mind’s unsoundness. The composition itself is very neatly done and the required accents and transfers are very craftily arranged that following the track progress attracts the listener and delivers him a true pleasure. Vocal changes reflect the total disaffection of the first face with the whole world which surrounds him, so emotionally Jonathan expresses the inner experience, that shifting towards the faster drums figures so finely shows the peaks of accumulated aggression’s release. They are just sparks, but supplementing and completing up the whole palette so nicely.


I get what you're trying to say but you could just simplify your writing and say things more simply instead of trying to sound poetic. When you have enough ability with the language you can strike for poeticism, but when you lack that "flow" you should try and keep things as simple as possible.
Stigmath wrote:
Speaking about originality, a little bit of resentment (after a given times of this listened) is dwelling around it. The album starts very uniquely and finishes more as a conventional piece of work, more as a classical one, as has been already mentioned above. However, the listening ears of yours truly wanted the continuation of that darkness started on "Silence of Death" and developed on “Walking Through the Land of Falsity”, but was not destined to hear that. Finding the roots of the band’s music, it is very likely that a big influence here is Evoken, following similar directions and somehow repeating the way of riffing (but guitar sound of Ataraxie is really amazing here), but colouring them individually. In other words, the influence becomes more apparent while moving across the album towards the end, and that became the biggest disappointment here. However, that disappointment may be strictly subjective and obviously should not be lapped up by an impressive reader or a supposed listener. All in all, the heaviness and the strong compositional talent are the main positive sides of the band. There is just a need to keep on developing the ideas for a longer time (hopefully until the end of the album). And of course, bilingual lyrics of the album add another positive point here.
All of this makes “Anhédonie” one of the best releases back in 2008 among the genre.

Strongly recommended to anybody, for whom “doom metal” is not just a bunch of empty words.


Others could add more things but I really think that you could make the same review with less words and make it much better and more concise. More musical description and less poetic leanings, more content and less aesthetic descriptions. Give it a try, it gets better with practice! ;)
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Stigmath
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2009 3:44 pm
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PostPosted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 8:28 pm 
 

androdion
Thanks a lot for reading and for your comments! I will modify it accordingly.

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androdion
Metal freak

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PostPosted: Fri Nov 23, 2012 8:55 pm 
 

No problem. You don't need to take my advices literally and change everything the way I think it would be fine. The pointers I gave you are more for you to realize how it can be improved. But it will have to be your style of writing in the end and not mine, OK?! ;)
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Stigmath
Mallcore Kid

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 24, 2012 1:26 am 
 

Hey, come on, of course it won't be "that kind of" taking your advices literally.
Thanks again ;)

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Kritik
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Oct 30, 2012 11:09 pm
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Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2012 6:21 pm 
 

I had correct my review since the last week, can someone see if my correction are good?
Thanks for your time in advance!

This new progressive metal band from Spain is giving us a performance that merits our attention. They actually had all their vocals in Spanish.

The album starts with an introduction with synthesiser that is quite calm and atmospheric. It was really just an intro thought, because after a minute, it was finished. We are then catapulted into what could be described as a power metal song. The drums are tight, and the guitar play is somewhat complex and interesting. After a little solo of guitar accompanied by drums, we hear the voice of the singer. A clear, powerful and emotional voice is what I heard from this singer. This shows me that he is quite talented. Finally, even if the vocals are in Spanish, it was fitting the music well.

The singer's baritone voice sounded more serious than in the first song. A good example about this was the second song that was more into heavy metal and had some influence of the Spanish folk music. I had to say that the chorus was a bit on the pop side but was also not boring at all and added only some variety to this song.

The third song of the album returns to the power metal genre, but is slower than on the first song of the record. Many guitar riffs make this part of the song looks more overwhelming than it actually is. The biggest surprise is that all of these notes will give a good atmosphere in the end.

For those who love bass, the fourth song named “Distopia” is mostly oriented on that instrument and adds many variations. It is also the first progressive metal song of the album. While the album was progressive because of the difference between the songs, we have here a song that was progressive by itself. I had to mention the singer for the performance he gives in this song that made me understand the sadness of the song even if I don’t understand the language. This was the first big highlight on the album.
After that, we had many other great songs with all their own identities, but the album was still able to sound coherent. We have some solo of bass that in itself isn’t that common in metal band in general. We have a great variety of riffs played by the guitar while having many variations on the drums side. There is also many styles and many types of vocals, even some death growls present in the title “Lagrima de Sangra” and one other song. I let you discover where by yourself. Even some influence of polka can be heard in “El Poder Del Silencio”.

The last song named “Ars Nova” is clearly the best of the bunch and is putting this album on the level of excellence. It’s started with a solo of piano, that gives intensity and a bit of drama, quickly followed by synthesiser with eerie atmosphere. After that, discordant guitars and synthesisers play just for going back to some sinister piano. The guitar returned with a more relax tempo and fell again to some heavy tempo. After, we are granted another atmospheric synthesiser with one of the most interesting use of a guitar in the genre. I will stop there to not spoil too much, but like I already explained here, this last song is really like the cherry on a cake of an already more than very good album.

For the last word, I recommend this album to fan of authenticity, varied and emotional metal. It is also more for the progressive metal fans than the rest. It’s clearly interesting for a first offering from a band that hasn’t had the possibility to publish one of their albums in a professional studio before.

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Pr0nogo
Metal newbie

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2012 4:52 pm 
 

Would anyone care to tell me how I did with this?

Aeon's back. I mean, uh, black.
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Stigmath
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2009 3:44 pm
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 11:51 am 
 

Kritik wrote:
I had corrected my review since the last week, can someone see if my corrections are good?
Thanks for your time in advance!
[/b]

Check it once again. To me, a lot of phrases are built quite simply, with a strained sense and some grammatical/syntactical mistakes in them .

Pr0nogo wrote:
Would anyone care to tell me how I did with this?
Aeon's back. I mean, uh, black.

but it was accepted, what's more?!
Easy-to-read review, if just in few words. Maybe 5 times for the word "brutal(ity)" is a bit too much, but the record justifies it. Good review, and I became interested to get to the Aeon's back closer!
The one thing I didn't like is the "recommended tracks", that immediately creates a subjective vision for the reader before he will drop by the record (if such a case takes place), but first, the album has to be accepted as a whole, and then maybe the reader=listener will decide about the best or the weak parts.

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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 12:32 pm 
 

Pr0nogo, it's not an entirely poor review, but it gets quite weak towards the end. There are a couple of problems you should focus on in your future reviews.

Firstly, there's quite a lot of redundancy in this passage:
Quote:
The drum tracks are, for the most part, tastefully brutal (assuming that isn’t a contradiction); Arttu’s skill set revolves around beating the fuck out of his drum set, which is fine in my book – as long as it’s done right. Aeons Black is more proof of what I’ve been saying all along: you can beat the fuck out of shit and be productive, as long as you beat the fuck out of it the right way. Aeon, or more specifically, Arttu, definitely did it the right way.

I think it would suffice that you said the drums are tastefully brutal, and that the drummer's approach is extremely intense and violent which works when done right. There's no need to reiterate that beating the fuck out of drums can sound good if it's done right, and that Aeon's drummer does it right. The first sentence already implies that, even if it's not as explicitly stated.

Quote:
The guitar fills are a bit more nonchalant, a bit less varied, than the rest of the band’s sound.

What are these guitar fills? Describe, elaborate.
Quote:
guitar’s
It's guitar's or guitars', or you could also say "props up the guitar sound".
Quote:
the bass itself doesn’t exactly stand out or make itself known. It’s best described as the unsung worker of a big ol’ Broadway production. Or a roadie. Nobody gives a fuck about him, even though he does a big service to the band. Yeah, I just called a band member a roadie. Oh well.
More unnecessary reiteration. The point of your analogy becomes clear, there's no need to say it over and over again. The last couple of sentences in the above quote also give an air of very unprofessional writer, as they're not particularly humorous (to me), and they're quite irrelevant.

Quote:
It shows that the band has talent when it comes to forming songs, but more than a few songs feel like they were built around chugging. Though some passages may be technically proficient and melodically pleasing, some of the needless blandness of the record is entirely due to the guitars.
This isn't very well written. I'm not very good at describing what's wrong with it, but you should've rather written it something like this: "It shows that the band is talented in songwriting. However, more than a few of the songs feel like they were built around chugging."

"Needless blandess" is not a good expression, you should think of a way to work around that.

Quote:
instead of being there for the hell of it (no pun intended, har har)
:nono: No lame humour, please.

Quote:
That’s not to say that they take away from the sheer power of this record – they don’t.
That "they don't" is, again, unnecessary reiteration.

Quote:
Aeons Black is a very brutal, very vicious, and very powerful release that should be recognised as such it’s just nice to hear something more than boring brutality.
The bolded parts are poor writing. The first is unnecessary, and the second should be written more elegantly and preferably in its own sentence.
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Pr0nogo
Metal newbie

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 1:20 pm 
 

Thanks for the feedback. A few of the things (mostly humour) is just how I write reviews, mostly because I write for a specific audience and I know what they like to read. I'll work on the more objectively-poor aspects that you mentioned.

I also don't know how I let "guitar's" slip. Fuckin' Word must have a hidden autocorrect feature.
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MalignantThrone
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 4:19 pm 
 

Pr0nogo wrote:
Thanks for the feedback. A few of the things (mostly humour) is just how I write reviews, mostly because I write for a specific audience and I know what they like to read.

Don't get too full of yourself, now. There's certainly an audience for humourous reviews but I think everyone reading your reviews would agree that being immaturely enthusiastic about metal stereotypes (I can't think of many other good examples of this right now, but one would be saying "for Satan's/Odin's sake" instead of "for God's sake", and I suppose overusing the word "brutal" would count as well) isn't very funny at all. On the contrary, to me it gives off a vibe that the reviewer is still hung up on metal's stereotypes and outward appearance, and hasn't learned to simply accept the over-the-top themes and imagery as background elements.
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Metantoine
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 4:41 pm 
 

"A specific audience" :-D You're not BastardHead or Autothrall, dude.

Also, I agree with everything MT said.
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Pr0nogo
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 7:05 pm 
 

http://www.globaldomination.se/staff/profile-of-pr0nogo
http://www.metal-observer.com/articles.php?lid=1&sid=3

It's not that I haven't accepted them as background elements, it's that I'm basically required to overuse 'penis' and 'fuck' in most of my reviews. It's highly encouraged.
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Last edited by Pr0nogo on Tue Dec 04, 2012 7:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Metantoine
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 7:09 pm 
 

OHHH! Considering GD is one of the worse metal review site on the internet and that MO has Conor Fynes and Kluseba, it says about your "audience".
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Pr0nogo
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 7:12 pm 
 

...It says what? Finish your damn sentence. Penis.
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Zodijackyl
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 7:23 pm 
 

Kritik wrote:
I had correct my review since the last week, can someone see if my correction are good?
Thanks for your time in advance!


Reads more like a walkthrough than a review. You say a little bit about each track but never really give a good explanation of what the album as a whole sounds like. The description of the first song could describe just about anything, minus being sung in Spanish.

Try to elaborate on these descriptions:

"The drums are tight" - What are they doing? Playing a standard backbeat? Following the guitar? Syncopating? Are they prominent, or mostly in the background, or do they weave in and out?

"the guitar play is somewhat complex and interesting" - What is interesting about it? What does the riffing sound like? Is there riffing, or is it playing chords to accompany a lead vocalist? What's so complex about it? Timing? Speed? Melody?

"I recommend this album to fan of authenticity, varied and emotional metal." - I have no idea what you mean by this. I can't match that statement to any music I have heard, the words don't correlate to describing music as a whole very well - the latter two can be used with more description, but without going into detail, they're very ambiguous. You follow it up by saying it is for prog metal fans, which doesn't say much about a prog metal band other than suggesting that it's not good enough to interest people who aren't fans of the style, which seems to be the opposite of what you were saying in the rest of the review.

Stigmath wrote:
but it was accepted, what's more?!


Writers should always seek to improve, striving to be much better than "acceptable".

Pr0nogo wrote:
Would anyone care to tell me how I did with this?


You break it down into a few performances but you hardly talk about the music as a whole. You say a lot about the drumming that could pretty much be guessed by the style, but you don't say much about the guitar riffs, or the music as a whole (beyond the first paragraph). The descriptions of the vocals and the paragraph starting about the guitar fills are the strongest parts, but I feel like the most important parts - the guitar riffs and the sound of the album as a whole, are missing, but you could describe them well if you did write about them. The best description in there is that the vocals have a "frightening and commanding presence", it really gives me an idea of what they sound like. I think you focused too much on specifically what the drums are doing ("Plenty of blast beats, snare hits, and double bass kicks") than how they fit into the music.

MalignantThrone wrote:
hasn't learned to simply accept the over-the-top themes and imagery as background elements.


Very insightful, as the review basically makes me expect that it sounds like "modern" death metal circa 2005. Maybe I'm associating those descriptions with what I most hear them used to describe.

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Metantoine
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 7:39 pm 
 

Pr0nogo wrote:
...It says what? Finish your damn sentence. Penis.

The last word of your post is a pretty good summary of my train of thought. Case closed.
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Zodijackyl
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 7:59 pm 
 

androdion asked for feedback on his Ataraxy reviews in the discussion thread, which has seen redirected so I'll post here.

The review of the EP is less vivid than the review of the full-length - it does make it seem like a meaty appetizer as you said in the latter review. I get an idea of what it sounds like, like upbeat Asphyx stuff (i.e. the song Deathhammer) mixed with something a bit eerie like Adramelech, but I am left wondering about the eight minute track at the end. I get a feeling of the album, but it seems like it's missing part of it. The descriptions are sufficient to describe it within the realm of the OSDM revival, but your review of the full-length contrasts that it can be done much better.

For the full-length: You pair ambiguous, somewhat abstract descriptions with unambiguous descriptions to bands, making both of them very effective. A few different types of descriptions are woven throughout the review, with each supporting and supplementing the others to make them all highly functional. The descriptions are vivid, never wandering too far without reinforcing both the details and the whole picture. Literal descriptions, reference points, and alliteration are combined very gracefully. Consider how your Dawn review had a long section of alliteration and abstract description that was ambiguous and wandering on its own - you have that here, but spread throughout the writing where you'll explain it in plain terms too, and provide a reference to reinforce what you're saying. It's interesting to read from start-to-finish. You begin with a strong but concise background, then you explain it very well. Perhaps the conclusion could be a bit more decisive, but otherwise this one is very good.

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androdion
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2012 10:15 pm 
 

I'm glad you could give me some feedback after our rather long conversation on the other thread.

I've written the review for the EP in two takes, mostly rewriting some parts that weren't as fluent or congruent with the rest of the text as I intended. However I should already know for a fact that ideas flow only momentarily and that something should be completed at once. I still believe it's a cool review, probably dropped a bit to describing all tracks and cramming it all in two paragraphs, but I tend to do that with demos and EPs which have a short amount of tracks.

The album was made with a fresher head and a machine better oiled due to having taken a bit of the rust out with the review for the EP. It's actually pretty cool now that I read it, concise and allegoric at the same time and with little bullshit in it.

I have to say that I actually enjoyed the challenge of trying to do things differently, and arguably better. I always enjoy a challenge and as I said before I have high standards and a will to continue evolving. I guess I should thank you somehow for stinging me in the ass. Just don't get used to it, eh. :-P
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Subrick
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 4:55 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/T ... 71/Subrick

My newest review, just put up today. Any words on it would be most appreciated.
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Pr0nogo
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PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2012 5:15 pm 
 

Here's a review I wrote while keeping in mind the feedback I received from my Aeon review.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... 63/Pr0nogo

Do tell.
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Pr0nogo
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PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 2:30 pm 
 

Nobody wanted to touch that one, so here's a negative review. http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... 57/Pr0nogo

/e

Try this positive review if it tickles your fancy. http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... 82/Pr0nogo
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Zodijackyl
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2012 8:37 am 
 

Subrick wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Testament/Dark_Roots_of_Earth/341071/Subrick

My newest review, just put up today. Any words on it would be most appreciated.


First, watch out for editing/grammatical errors!

"The only genuinely not necessary song on the record Is the nearly 8 minute Cold Embrace, which is both the slowest and most melodic song on the album. It's both kind of out of place in the sea of hard hitting thrashers and not a very interesting listen and I recommend to just skip it on repeated listens of the record as a whole."

1. "unnecessary"
2. errant capitalization
3. If that's a list of three things, there should be commas, but you state "both" so you should change that to "so" or "thus" to mark it as the conclusion of that sentence.

Also, you later mention "Native Blood" as the lead single - True American Hate was the lead single.


OK, on to the review itself. The first paragraph could be trimmed down a lot, you don't need to name off all the thrash revival bands, the whole thing could be reduced down to one, maybe two sentences to frame what you're saying in the next paragraph. The next paragraph is exactly what you should be going for with the prefacing - brief but on-point commentary about the band and what they've been up to. You're making the right points here and you're doing it well, but you really don't need to name drop other bands before it - I'd guess that anyone who doesn't know what the thrash reunions and revival are might be missing the point you're making there anyway.

"Right out of the proverbial gate with Rise Up, the band shows that they can still make you bang your head as if up from the dead, pummeling the listener with fast yet thick riffs and face smashing drumming."

This sentence seems off - the descriptions are on par with a 2004 review ;) You do a good job describing the music accurately for the rest of this lengthy paragraph, but this is a weak hook compared to the rest of your writing. You could come up with something better than that!

One other thing I would reconsider is the run-down member by member towards the end - I used to do this, but it really doesn't add much to the review. Try mixing the commentary in and noting each member's performance where it stands out. Doing so separately really seems to diminish the point of it, it reads more like an afterthought than a key part of the review. You should also be able to pick out Greg Christian's bass playing - he follows the guitars closely and it fills in the low end of the sound, which is very common in thrash, and of course it's almost flawlessly blended in during production, as is common these days.

The review has some rough edges and a lot of on-point writing, try to smooth it out a bit and it will highlight the good parts of your writing.

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Zodijackyl
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2012 8:52 am 
 

Pr0nogo wrote:
Here's a review I wrote while keeping in mind the feedback I received from my Aeon review.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... 63/Pr0nogo

Do tell.


You're writing a lot about each individual instrument, but very little about the music as a whole. A lot of the commentary on each performance seems redundant, but you don't elaborate enough on some points. The guitar/bass production is bad? How does that affect the music? Is it really ill-fitted with the drumming/vocals, or does it mesh together like grind tends to? You started talking about how the album as a whole sounded, but didn't really finish that point. Obviously you liked the album enough to give it a favorable rating, but you need to elaborate on each point about the album as a whole a lot more than you did.

Pr0nogo wrote:
Nobody wanted to touch that one, so here's a negative review. http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... 57/Pr0nogo


You seem so focused on the fact that it's a metalcore record that I'm not inclined to take the overall assessments at face value. You could delve further into what they're doing, explain their formula, and draw some better comparisons than being bland and generic.

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Pr0nogo
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:38 pm 
 

So something like http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... 82/Pr0nogo is a step in the right direction, but I need to elaborate on how each individual instrument meshes with the rest of the album, and how the album sounds as a whole.

I couldn't focus on anything with the Constancy review, actually. I could barely concentrate on the album because of how bland and generic it was.
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 1:42 pm 
 

Pr0nogo wrote:
So something like http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... 82/Pr0nogo is a step in the right direction, but I need to elaborate on how each individual instrument meshes with the rest of the album, and how the album sounds as a whole.

I couldn't focus on anything with the Constancy review, actually. I could barely concentrate on the album because of how bland and generic it was.


It's just a personal pet peeve, so don't take this as gospel, but one of my least favorite things is the "every instrument gets a paragraph" format. To me it's no different than a track-by-track, only replacing the tracks with members or instruments. It's dull as hell to read and manages to not give a very "big picture" view on the album, instead reading like an instruction manual or assembly instructions.
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Pr0nogo
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2012 12:20 am
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 2:22 pm 
 

How would you disseminate your writing, then? Would you focus on the big picture only, and not how each instrument effects the mixing? Do you have an example of such writing?
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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 2:41 pm 
 

That would be unreasonable. However, writing in meticulous detail about the characteristics of the third smallest tomtom's timbre is unnecessary unless it's very crucial to the atmosphere, composition and general sound of the album.

Unless it's a crucial element, avoid describing it in excess. This applies to everything.
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 2:56 pm 
 

Well you can go on about how each instrument affects the mixing, there's nothing inherently wrong with that, I just personally detest that particular format, because it feels to me like too much time is being spent on collecting the pieces to build your Lego Millennium Falcon and less is being spent playing with it. A piece by piece reconstruction of the album does technically do its job as a review in a certain sense, but it's the kind that is painfully boring to read and generally doesn't give more than the most cursory glance at what the album contains. Like I said, it's a personal quibble of mine, but I much prefer seeing the greater arc of the album.

It's all about what you're most comfortable with and what you feel you're best at, but most respected writers here avoid set formulas for that reason, they manage to sap your natural voice right out of your writing, which is why I'm not much a fan of that particular style.
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 01, 2013 3:06 pm 
 

You integrate it into writing about the big picture when it's an appropriate place to mention it. I found that writing a lot about each instrument wasn't a good way of getting a point across - it's an easy perspective from which to break down the music, but it generally misses the point of giving a reader the picture of what an album sounds like. Most of the time I don't even mention the bass, as people know what to expect if the bass isn't mentioned in a review - you know what you're getting. The same, to some extent, goes for drumming - I think it's more important to mention how it fits in with the music than what the drummer is doing, but unless something stands out, it's not something that'll be missed from a review if you don't tell me that a death metal album has a lot of blast beats and double bass.

I used to run through each instrument, then the production, then wrap it up, and I don't think those reviews did a good job of describing the music. There are some dead points in writing where, as a reader, I want to skip to the next paragraph. You don't need to say something about everything. Here's some examples from my writing:

This review goes through point-by-point, but you probably don't get a good idea of what it sounds like based on the point-by-point.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... Zodijackyl

Here's one with plenty of technical descriptions of the instruments and the production, trying to say something about each thing one-by-one, rather than getting to the point about the whole and enhancing that with individual descriptions when needed.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... Zodijackyl

This review uses a variety of approaches to describe the music - comparisons, explanations, and some breakdowns by performance.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/F ... Zodijackyl

This one mentions the instruments briefly and ties them into the big picture.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... Zodijackyl

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orionmetalhead
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2006 9:54 am
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:51 am 
 

I usually spend a paragraph on instrumentation and return to it when it is highlighted in specific songs. For instance, I will give a general description of tones and such in one place and then, if there is a specific moment in a song that stands out, that reiterates those points and is worth mentioning by itself, I will then mention it again:

"Band x's spends a fair amount of time and effort to reinforce how talented their drummer is, even though he is rather average and his drums sound like plastic buckets with differing amounts and densities of viscous liquids contained there-in... _____ more instrumentation talk____

then a few paragraphs later... In "Fellating the Mormon Scum," the song tries several times to adjust it's awful bridges and transitions into something more than bits and pieces of haphazard songwriting however this is, once again, often done at the expense of Peter Slyfinger's pride which happens to plummet towards self-conscious tenseness when he beats his drums solo. _____ more talk about him masturbating alone to pictures of his freckled high school crush in the style of Bastardhead_____
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CrazyMecha
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2013 12:37 pm
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 12:05 pm 
 

I'm working on my first review. I don't know a lot of techincal stuff so I tried my best. This is just a draft of course but what do you guys think?

Edit: I re-read the first post. This IS a finnished review. Fixed some errors. Also, score would be 98%


Quote:
Whourkr Review
4247 Snare Drums

Whourkr is an experimental metal/ cybergrind band from France. If you’re wondering what I mean by “Cybergrind” it is when you take grindcore and then add electronic noises and drum machines. When I was first looking into this genre, I started with some of the top artists and one of them caught my attention. I saw the funny name, Whourkr and the silly artist picture and I just had to see what this was all about. Needless to say, I was blown away.

In their third full album, <i>4247 Snare Drums</i>, Whourkr have toned things down a notch or two from <i>Concrete</i>. That isn’t exactly a bad thing, but if you’re a fan of the weirdness from their last album you might be slightly disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, it’s their heaviest yet while still having that’s Whourkr charm, but at the same time it’s slightly “normal” sounding and thus easier to get into. Whourkr’s lineup also changed once again as Mulk comes along and introduces guttural growls similar to their debut <i>Naät</i>. He also plays the saxophone (more on that later) and apparently the bass (although this website doesn’t say so). Igorrr, the core of the band, handles the guitar, drums, and electronics.

The album kicks off with “Quadruple Plis de Peau” which has a calm intro but then quickly explodes into an audio assault. Other songs like ”Petits Poneaux” feature unexpected tempo changes and elements of glitch music along with moments where the drums become most prominent. The vocals may immediately catch your attention as they are digitally chopped up in ways you’d never imagine. Usually, he uses regular death growls, other times they are altered electronically the way a hip-hop artist would do that scratching thing with turn tables. I don’t know if that’s what they really did, but that’s certainly how it sounds. The lyrics are gibberish and random noises so don’t try to look them up (the way I did when I first discovered the band, looking like a fool in the process). Because of this, the vocals behave as an instrument that drives the songs along with the guitar. “Ostina”, however doe deviate with vocals as it features Öxxö Xööx , who uses opera singing. It’s one of the most unique tracks here because of that. On the entire album, guitars are mostly dirty death metal riffs that are sometimes electronically altered. Regardless, they always follow a catchy melody. Seriously, they will get stuck in your head, which rarely happens for me especially with more mellow tracks like “Polygroin”.

The saxophone is used for solos. Some songs like “Gastro-equestre” start off with solos then get down and dirty later with crushing riffs and the occasional breakdown. Others like “Polygroin” build up to an epic ending where the sax is digitally chopped up with chugging guitars in the background complementing each other perfectly. The drumming Igorrr does is programmed but this isn’t just anyone using a drum machine. Like his solo work, he incorporates breakcore, (which is like jungle, hardcore techno, and IDM mixed together in a fast and complex style). The drums are one of the best parts of the album as they never do one thing for too long and always stay interesting. The bass does stand out but it’s hard to tell what it’s exactly doing, possibly because of the production (more later). The music is bass heavy, but that’s the inherent nature of electronic music. Electronics are present in all songs adding effects, creating atmospheric openings as in “Pachyderm Catapult”, or completely taking over, as in “Maximum Speed Limit Monotone Snare Audition”. No matter what’s going on, it all flows together, unlike <i>Concrete</i> which had sections where you could tell the band didn’t really know what to do. Pretty much, they traded off experimentation for a more put together album and it worked.

Here’s the bad part. The production for this album is bit weird. The vocals seem a bit high in the mix which isn’t exactly bad, since they behave like instruments, but I wish the guitars were louder. You can certainly hear the riffs, but they can get drowned out by vocals at times. The drums are a bit quieter than they should be too, which is too bad as they are the most refined part.

Overall, I love this album. It’s not perfect as the mixing could have been a bit different but it still has the perfect mix between metal and electronica with good vocals, memorable riffs, excellent and complex drumming, and avant-garde elements. It also Whourkr’s most “normal” album so far. If you want to see what these guys are all about, pick this up.


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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 12:44 pm 
 

Not bad for a first attempt! :thumbsup:

You may want to find yourself a catchy phrase to serve as the title, you know a small and catchy phrase that somehow relates to the review.

This part: "and apparently the bass (although this website doesn’t say so)" - just drop the side note and fill in a report on the album if the line-up isn't as it should.

And here: "Don’t get me wrong, it’s their heaviest yet while still having that’s Whourkr charm" - remove the possessive, it's a small thing but noticeable.

Other than that I'd say hit the queue.
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CrazyMecha
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Jan 30, 2013 12:37 pm
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 12:59 pm 
 

androdion wrote:
Not bad for a first attempt! :thumbsup:

You may want to find yourself a catchy phrase to serve as the title, you know a small and catchy phrase that somehow relates to the review.

This part: "and apparently the bass (although this website doesn’t say so)" - just drop the side note and fill in a report on the album if the line-up isn't as it should.

And here: "Don’t get me wrong, it’s their heaviest yet while still having that’s Whourkr charm" - remove the possessive, it's a small thing but noticeable.

Other than that I'd say hit the queue.



Thank you! I was afraid it was like, too detailed or something... Well, I fixed a few things and sent it in. Only time will tell now....

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Necroticism174
Kite String Popper

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 pm
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Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 10:23 pm 
 

Hey dudes, this is my second review ever: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/J ... 31/155129/


What do y'all think
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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2013 3:37 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... 44/Subrick

My newest review.
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PhilosophicalFrog
The Hypercube

Joined: Thu May 04, 2006 7:08 pm
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 10:13 pm 
 

I dug the review, Necro. Made me check the band out.
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Necroticism174
Kite String Popper

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 pm
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Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 11:01 pm 
 

Righteous, much thanks. D'you enjoy the band?
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
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Location: A step closer to home
PostPosted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 11:20 pm 
 

Just a reminder to everyone that your Internet boyfriend supporting your reviewing endeavours doesn't really count much for "feedback".
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Necroticism174
Kite String Popper

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 pm
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Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 11:25 pm 
 

Man, not only is envy a sin, but everyone and their mom has driven that joke into the ground. :thumbsdown:
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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 6482
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 1:19 pm 
 

Subrick, did you not read the original post?

Nightgaunt wrote:
Finally, don't be posting here if your primary intention is just to receive pats on the back for a review that you know full-well is a solid piece of work.


Your writing is solid enough, and since you didn't even specify any particular aspect which you would like to receive feedback about (eg. "do you think there's enough description", or "does my original, off-the-wall style work in this instance"), you're clearly just trying to get attention to your reviews. It's irritating, don't do it.
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