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2Eagle333
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2008 8:24 am
Posts: 222
PostPosted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 6:10 am 
 

Xlxlx wrote:
I wouldn't call that review "LOL" though. I'd just say it's pretty poor, in all respects, but I don't find it funny.

I suppose that you could call going into a pseudo-philosophical dissertation on how death is not the end because heavy metal fans were not meant to be born on earth poor reviewing practice.

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Morrigan
Crone of War

Joined: Sat Aug 10, 2002 7:27 am
Posts: 9527
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 5:20 pm 
 

For Nightwish - Imaginaerum:
Quote:
Short and sweet review:

The music is excellent, the vocals are excellent, the songs are excellent, Finland in general is excellent. this is their best work in a long time and in a world with shitty pop songs and he-who-shall-not-be-named (Bieber), it is a treat for the ears and mind to hear great music from a great band!


:durr:
_________________
Markeri, in 2013 wrote:
you can debate the actual date that metal began, but a fairly agreed upon date is 1969. Metal is almost 25 years old
Extreme_violence wrote:
Why Iron maiden is there? It's very far to be metal than a lot of some metal band.

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Xlxlx
May contain traces of nuts

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 5356
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 7:45 pm 
 

Is what Morrigan just posted a review or a YouTube comment?
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 7:53 pm 
 

Loving the monumental irony in referring to Nightwish as a glimmering beacon of hope in "a world with shitty pop songs". :lol:
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Guitarpro77889 wrote:
which ones are mainstream cuz i will stop listening to them

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Subrick
Metal freak

Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:27 pm
Posts: 5801
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 8:05 pm 
 

Xlxlx wrote:
Is what Morrigan just posted a review or a YouTube comment?


Most likely both.
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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 4015
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 3:07 pm 
 

Xlxlx wrote:
Is what Morrigan just posted a review or a YouTube comment?

Let's not resort to insulting the YouTube community by attributing this to them. Even they have standards.
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Xlxlx
May contain traces of nuts

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 5356
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2012 6:20 pm 
 

No Zelk, they don't. Have you read YouTube comments? This look like it's straight out of that wretched cesspool of dead brain cells.
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Earthcubed wrote:
I wish I had a black hole and an infinite supply of B83 atomic bombs, each time letting the heat barely rub against all of you before sucking it back with a black hole so I could slowly nuke the previous page over and over again for all time.

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In
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:41 pm
Posts: 208
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2013 3:41 pm 
 

Xlxlx wrote:
No Zelk, they don't. Have you read YouTube comments? This look like it's straight out of that wretched cesspool of dead brain cells.

The YouTube comments section is where intelligence goes to die.

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Nightgaunt
I'll Swallow Your Soul

Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2004 9:50 pm
Posts: 6240
PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 3:38 am 
 

I reckoned you humans would enjoy this one. Staffers probably recognize that the band itself is sort of an (unintentional) running gag in site history.

For Emerna's Mortem Animalium:

Quote:
The End. Mortem Animalium. In the name of the last slip, for the last sense had died. "Mortem Animalium" is just one of the Emerna's masterworks which recorded in 2007. You will hear about "Mortem Animalium" more in the future and it depends on your sense. When you don't have explanation from out of something you will go inside it. If my explanation about "Mortem Animalium" is in fiction then I get the deliriums of Emerna. I'm just envisioning until I reach the depth of brutish. Then we're starting with a beam, what are you want to reach for? "A Lengthening Ray" is not all that you are looking for, the internal serenity of this opus is bring you the base of luck and that eternal truth doesn't matter whether is a lie or a symphony of pain. "Esoteric Digression" absolutely makes destruction and I will notice that at the end. The rebellious rhythm of the opus is not related to your feelings and maybe this fiction won't be endless. If the tradition is that you search the nothingness then it is going to be destructive. "Ambiguous Delirium" takes you to depth of somewhere that you can't find anything except: absurdity, and just absurdity! This is something that let you submit the animus in front of the truth. It's not important that "Conclusive Evidence" make the cancer of mind but vanity is the important part. To overtake a vision … a love … a god … an outlet and maybe another nil. Sometimes and just sometimes, this fear of naught and sometimes worship of something like love or even enormous and sometimes searching the existing in absence and sometimes the desire of nocturnal sorrow … The whole or none for that continual sudden and a maze in the name LIE to prove the vapidity. What I told about destruction, is going to the end here. To where that nothingness, absurdity, fiction and false, destruction and the glory mix with each other and then, the "When I Die" will arise. No follow except reaching hate. This silence with Mortem Animalium is just another manifest to improve another Nihil (Nothing).
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home
PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:20 am 
 

Nightgaunt wrote:
Staffers probably recognize that the band itself is sort of an (unintentional) running gag in site history.

Care to elaborate?
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Guitarpro77889 wrote:
which ones are mainstream cuz i will stop listening to them

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Xlxlx
May contain traces of nuts

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 5356
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:03 pm 
 

MalignantThrone wrote:
Nightgaunt on Enerma wrote:
Staffers probably recognize that the band itself is sort of an (unintentional) running gag in site history.

Care to elaborate?

Yeah Nightgaunt, we'd like to know too.

As for the review itself, one particular line captured my attention; "I'm just envisioning until I reach the depth of brutish". The depth. Of. Brutish. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!
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Earthcubed wrote:
I wish I had a black hole and an infinite supply of B83 atomic bombs, each time letting the heat barely rub against all of you before sucking it back with a black hole so I could slowly nuke the previous page over and over again for all time.

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oogboog
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:09 pm
Posts: 865
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:08 pm 
 

Xlxlx wrote:
As for the review itself, one particular line captured my attention; "I'm just envisioning until I reach the depth of brutish". The depth. Of. Brutish. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

Well...
Quote:
When you don't have explanation from out of something you will go inside it.

That seems even more esoteric.
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wrath of poo wrote:
but not sub-genes of death metal ( like grindcore and black metal).

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Xlxlx
May contain traces of nuts

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 5356
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:23 pm 
 

Yeah, but when it comes down to it, the entire review reads like something made by a part time philosopher with brain damage.
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Earthcubed wrote:
I wish I had a black hole and an infinite supply of B83 atomic bombs, each time letting the heat barely rub against all of you before sucking it back with a black hole so I could slowly nuke the previous page over and over again for all time.

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 4015
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jan 06, 2013 4:19 pm 
 

Xlxlx wrote:
As for the review itself, one particular line captured my attention; "I'm just envisioning until I reach the depth of brutish". The depth. Of. Brutish. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

You know, when you plunge into brutish in order to reach its depths. Or something.

IT'S TOO DEEP FOR ME, MAN.
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Pr0nogo
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Jan 12, 2012 12:20 am
Posts: 85
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 2:55 am 
 

You must have plunged too deep.
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Derigin
Anthropophagus

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 2493
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sun Jan 13, 2013 4:06 pm 
 

For Virus Bélico's "Envenedados":
This Kills the Metal wrote:
The song is very good, the initiative of composing these songs, helping society and culture to open their eyes and wonder about the state of religion, and to keep alive the essence of rebellion against the establishment.

Music is an aggressive metal, along with the voice. That still does not stop the metal.

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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8662
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 4:26 pm 
 

Image
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Jonpo wrote:
I'll ALWAYS prefer flashing girls in the park though. That's just more my style.

Metantoine's Magickal Realm
Last.fm
Halberd (doom/death)

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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 4787
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 4:48 pm 
 

I wonder if the submitting user will get your sense of humour... :D
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Azmodes
Ultranaut

Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2007 10:44 am
Posts: 5811
Location: Gradec, Austria
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 4:50 pm 
 

That's the moderator notes, not the actual rejection message.
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Quote:
One Too Many Camel was rejected on the basis that it was not metal.

Last.fm | Collection

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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 4787
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 4:51 pm 
 

Erh... :durr:
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8662
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 4:56 pm 
 

I hope he'll get my rejection message since he wrote 2 reviews like this one. These people are funny, at least check 1 or 2 approved reviews before submitting yours, fuck!
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Jonpo wrote:
I'll ALWAYS prefer flashing girls in the park though. That's just more my style.

Metantoine's Magickal Realm
Last.fm
Halberd (doom/death)

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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 4787
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2013 4:59 pm 
 

Funny fact is that the song that was playing here while I posted was Ghoul's "Numbskull". :p
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8662
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Wed Jan 30, 2013 7:23 pm 
 

I was bludgeoned by short blurb Engrish reviews!
Image
Image
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Jonpo wrote:
I'll ALWAYS prefer flashing girls in the park though. That's just more my style.

Metantoine's Magickal Realm
Last.fm
Halberd (doom/death)

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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 6407
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 11:26 am 
 

How unusual, only one spelling mistake! He even spelled 'progressive' correctly.
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Illusions Dead - death/black metal

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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8662
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 1:53 am 
 

One of the best Engrish review ever! A shame, this demo doesn't have any reviews :(

For Rotten Bitch - Who the Fuck Are:

"When i see the demo, i just think, "Crap, I just were wishing can hear this fucking demo, it's mi freaking time" , and begin to hear.

The demo begin with a slow guitar intro that have a pretty cool ambient, but nothing so admirable, then, the next song begin, called "Rotten bitch" is the Thrasher song from this demo, have a really good voice line that follow the main riff. The song is very long, so to the end of the song the riff change and the song turn a little bored...

The next song is called "Sentence to death" is like a slow heavy metal with some pitched voice,sometimes you think that the song is gonna to turn fast but, begin slow again, at least 'till the middle of the song, when guitar player begin to "Riffing" some thrash and the drum turn faster, and vocals are pitcher, the song finish with a littler guitar solo, and return to the slow part, isn't a good change.

The next song is called "Vision in fear" how the last track, begin with a slow guitar riff, like a slow NWOBHM, the bass sound pretty awesome is this track, cause you can hear it , you can hear it so high, then, the drums begin to play faster, and guitar goes thrasher. This song has a good riffing moments and the voice change in a moment.. there's a cut in the final stretch of the song and a new "Riff" if can call it like that, appear, and it fade away to ending.

The Last song is calles "Bubr's Theme, and begin with a pretty awesome intro riff, with a powerfull palm muting and a "little guitar intro solo" .. then the riff becomes faster and the drums appear, and becomes faster and faster with a awesome guitar solo, there's a cut and some laugh were heard and the song ends.

In general the demo is Pretty good, but, no too Thrash is more like a heavy metal with powerful thrash influences, and i want to highligh the vocals works, and guitar, 'cause the vocals are amazing in every song and becomes pitcher and powerful in everysong, and guitar made a pretty good riffs"
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Jonpo wrote:
I'll ALWAYS prefer flashing girls in the park though. That's just more my style.

Metantoine's Magickal Realm
Last.fm
Halberd (doom/death)

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Necroticism174
Kite String Popper

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 pm
Posts: 4899
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:56 am 
 

Best thing I've ever read.
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lord_ghengis about Vomitory splitting up wrote:
They were a band who understood music needed more explosions.

http://www.last.fm/user/TheEndTimeRiff
http://halberddoom.bandcamp.com/releases

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Xlxlx
May contain traces of nuts

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 5356
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 9:46 pm 
 

That piece really touched me. As in, it violated me.
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Earthcubed wrote:
I wish I had a black hole and an infinite supply of B83 atomic bombs, each time letting the heat barely rub against all of you before sucking it back with a black hole so I could slowly nuke the previous page over and over again for all time.

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mad_submarine
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2011 5:33 pm
Posts: 15
PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 11:29 am 
 

My reviews are pending for 2 weeks. Is this normal?
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5261
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 1:46 pm 
 

Sometimes, yes. The queue is very backed up right now and Metantoine and myself did a rambo run through it last night and only managed to wipe out about a third of it. Also, two things: 1) Asking why your reviews are taking a long time is pretty much a surefire way to annoy the mod team and may end up with us skipping over your reviews until the rest is done, and 2) If you review an album as well covered as Filosofem, chances are it'll take a lot longer since we've all read everything there is to read dozens of times about Burzum, and we don't always want to burn ourselves out again.

Long story short, be patient, we're always working.
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8662
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 2:08 pm 
 

Also, asking that in the Crappy Diem is very funny!
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Jonpo wrote:
I'll ALWAYS prefer flashing girls in the park though. That's just more my style.

Metantoine's Magickal Realm
Last.fm
Halberd (doom/death)

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mad_submarine
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2011 5:33 pm
Posts: 15
PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 5:41 am 
 

BastardHead wrote:
Sometimes, yes. The queue is very backed up right now and Metantoine and myself did a rambo run through it last night and only managed to wipe out about a third of it. Also, two things: 1) Asking why your reviews are taking a long time is pretty much a surefire way to annoy the mod team and may end up with us skipping over your reviews until the rest is done, and 2) If you review an album as well covered as Filosofem, chances are it'll take a lot longer since we've all read everything there is to read dozens of times about Burzum, and we don't always want to burn ourselves out again.

Long story short, be patient, we're always working.


No problem, I appreciate it :) I just wanted to make sure that the system hasn't crashed or anything. Thanks again!
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8662
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 12:17 am 
 

Image
LOL
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Jonpo wrote:
I'll ALWAYS prefer flashing girls in the park though. That's just more my style.

Metantoine's Magickal Realm
Last.fm
Halberd (doom/death)

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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 12:41 am 
 

Ignoring the random reference to The Who shoehorned in...I like how it's his all-time favorite album "so far". He doesn't sound very confident of his preferences.
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Guitarpro77889 wrote:
which ones are mainstream cuz i will stop listening to them

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shouvince
Veteran

Joined: Sat Jan 22, 2005 9:11 am
Posts: 2712
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 9:47 am 
 

Clearly the guy doesn't know the difference between its and it's. But I suppose that's the least of his problems :P

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doomster999
Keeper of the Dreary Realm

Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2012 2:58 am
Posts: 655
Location: India
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:01 am 
 

Did he actually make a reference to The Who? No idea, the shit just went over my head. :o
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gomorro wrote:
Infact I use to have a relly hot friend from there but unfurtunetly the last party we have I was really wasted and grab her ass and it cause a huge problem. Her dad (that is a marine) wants to ripp my nuts... thinks are not the same...

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 4015
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 11:56 am 
 

I think he meant to review a different album and confused M-A with Amazon. ;)
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Anime Reviews every two weeks!
Artwork once or twice a year!
M-A reviews every leap year!
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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3360
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 12:16 pm 
 

Due to the lack of punctuation, for all we know he could have said "the who shit" calling The Who shit.

Or else he just walked into his living room and saw that someone took a shit on his couch.
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Oddeye wrote:
bug_man wrote:
a whole planet, made out of satan


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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 7528
Location: Innsmouth
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 3:08 pm 
 

Nightgaunt wrote:
I reckoned you humans would enjoy this one. Staffers probably recognize that the band itself is sort of an (unintentional) running gag in site history.

For Emerna's Mortem Animalium:

Quote:
The End. Mortem Animalium. In the name of the last slip, for the last sense had died. "Mortem Animalium" is just one of the Emerna's masterworks which recorded in 2007. You will hear about "Mortem Animalium" more in the future and it depends on your sense. When you don't have explanation from out of something you will go inside it. If my explanation about "Mortem Animalium" is in fiction then I get the deliriums of Emerna. I'm just envisioning until I reach the depth of brutish. Then we're starting with a beam, what are you want to reach for? "A Lengthening Ray" is not all that you are looking for, the internal serenity of this opus is bring you the base of luck and that eternal truth doesn't matter whether is a lie or a symphony of pain. "Esoteric Digression" absolutely makes destruction and I will notice that at the end. The rebellious rhythm of the opus is not related to your feelings and maybe this fiction won't be endless. If the tradition is that you search the nothingness then it is going to be destructive. "Ambiguous Delirium" takes you to depth of somewhere that you can't find anything except: absurdity, and just absurdity! This is something that let you submit the animus in front of the truth. It's not important that "Conclusive Evidence" make the cancer of mind but vanity is the important part. To overtake a vision … a love … a god … an outlet and maybe another nil. Sometimes and just sometimes, this fear of naught and sometimes worship of something like love or even enormous and sometimes searching the existing in absence and sometimes the desire of nocturnal sorrow … The whole or none for that continual sudden and a maze in the name LIE to prove the vapidity. What I told about destruction, is going to the end here. To where that nothingness, absurdity, fiction and false, destruction and the glory mix with each other and then, the "When I Die" will arise. No follow except reaching hate. This silence with Mortem Animalium is just another manifest to improve another Nihil (Nothing).


That one IS good. I feel like they just grabbed something off that Post-Modern Essay Generator, changed various nouns to song titles, then ran that through Google Translate back and forth through a couple languages.
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Lippyass Major wrote:
Getting a band inked into your skin permanently is always a sign of dedication and intelligence, and I have a lot of respect for the people who do it.


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mad_submarine
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2011 5:33 pm
Posts: 15
PostPosted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 12:06 pm 
 

MalignantThrone wrote:
Loving the monumental irony in referring to Nightwish as a glimmering beacon of hope in "a world with shitty pop songs". :lol:


This is officially the funniest thread here.
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caspian
Wanderer of the Wastes

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6101
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Sat Mar 16, 2013 9:50 pm 
 

yeah that Emerna one is the king of the page, those other "yeah man fucken good death metal!!!!" ones are cool but they aren't the bad reviews you remember. That emerna's up there with grains in her face..
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