It's time for another edition of BastardHead Embarrasses Himself and Tells the Internet About It!

So today my boss comes up to me and says that the sump pump behind the dishwasher in our events kitchen isn't working, he has a bad shoulder and thus wouldn't be able to get out of the small enclosed area the pump resides in, so it's my job to go check it out. I have to stress that the little cubby hole I had to climb over the dishwasher to get to is maybe the size of a refrigerator , like 3'x3' if that, with several pipes from the sump underground coming up and into the walls and ceiling. I climb into this little cramped area and begin taking off the restraints on the backflow valve. I ask my boss if any sewage is going to shoot up at me, he says "probably not". I take off the bracket and backflow, the two connecting pipes just sat there idly, looks like I'm gonna be fi-PSYCHE! OLD GREASE RUNOFF THAT'D BEEN FESTERING FOR MONTHS IS NOW ROCKETING OUT OF THE PIPE BELOW ME AND COMPLETELY FUCKING SOAKS ME. My boss stopped himself from laughing long enough to unplug the pump (why neither of us thought to do this beforehand is anybody's guess).

I climb out of the tiny crevasse, sopping wet with months old food sewage, the stench is completely overwhelming. There is no way to describe this smell if you haven't experienced it firsthand, it's utterly wretched. I have a really weak stomach, but managed to laugh it off instead of barfing my balls out. I take a side door outside to go back to the shop behind the bowling lanes so as to avoid the customers (high school classes come in to bowl (many of them all-girl classes), as such the center was full of 17/18 year old girls), only to find that the big full body suit I had planned on wearing in lieu of my sewage drenched clothes had gone AWOL. I had nothing to change into for the drive home for my now urgent shower. I decide that since it's against the law to drive naked, I'll just have to tough it out. I walk out the side door again and this time head for my car. After a few steps I started to get grossed out by the squishy sensation between my toes, so I took off my socks and shoes. I then decided there was no social taboo for a man to be shirtless, so I also took off my shirt. I turned the corner of the building and saw all the high school kids filing out of the building towards their buses. Of course, every last one of them is staring at the hairy, barefoot, shirtless, bearded man (in the middle of December) charging towards them. I realize how creepy I look, so I decide to explain my situation. My tact explanation came out more like "I'M COVERED IN SEWAGE!!", causing around a hundred teenage girls to either laugh or scream and scurry onto the bus as fast as they could.

My life is incredible.

My best friend, his long time girlfriend (5 years) and I planned an end of the summer, last hurrah before back to the books sort of vacation to the Bahamas circa 2000. Friend decides to drop out of college and move back home and "oh, by the way, I can't make it to the islands next week." Seriously, who does that? Long story short, a girl, a guy, sharing a hotel room and a couple gallons of rum on a tropical island. It was kind of inevitable. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Longer story short, 9 years married, 2 kids and he's still my best friend (yeah, there was a couple of years of intense weirdness there but small price to pay right, especially when he's paying most of it, yeah I'm a dick).

Moral of the story: your insipid and tardy bro-yalty just cost you your happy ending. Might as well give up now and go find your chair at the end of the bar. And you can go ahead and start looking for a liver donor while you're at it. It's inevitable.

But, I don't know what to do. We both decided to bury it...but that's just gonna sit with me forever. Fucking, fuck, fuck. This is quite a pickle.

Old chicks seem to love guys with long hair, at least in my experience. Had one hitting on me in a bar during the summer. She ended up dragging me off to her van for a shitty blowjob while the husband watched.

Why am I imagining Under_Starmere in a Puritan outfit?

So apparently a DNA molecule has been directly photographed for the first time.
Thought that was pretty cool. Quite an ingenious method, too.

Well....time for Sad Lilly Pad [Frog] stories. Opposite of BastardHead's Hour of Power!

Oh, black metal...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZt3ihr3h7c&feature=plcp

"Fuckin' Ashes" at the end cracked me up pretty hard.

My best friend, his long time girlfriend (5 years) and I planned an end of the summer, last hurrah before back to the books sort of vacation to the Bahamas circa 2000. Friend decides to drop out of college and move back home and "oh, by the way, I can't make it to the islands next week." Seriously, who does that? Long story short, a girl, a guy, sharing a hotel room and a couple gallons of rum on a tropical island. It was kind of inevitable. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Longer story short, 9 years married, 2 kids and he's still my best friend (yeah, there was a couple of years of intense weirdness there but small price to pay right, especially when he's paying most of it, yeah I'm a dick).

Moral of the story: your insipid and tardy bro-yalty just cost you your happy ending. Might as well give up now and go find your chair at the end of the bar. And you can go ahead and start looking for a liver donor while you're at it. It's inevitable.

Orchid mantises are fast!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO9yRSxTSTU

Not my video, but I recorded a few with my cellphone of my orchid mantises catching fruit flies. They are really quick!

You mean hilarious.

North Korea is ridiculous.

EK: Here’s my question about those comments. Romney was promising the very rich either a huge tax cut or, if you believe he would’ve paid for every dime and dollar of his cut, protection from any tax increases. He was promising financiers that he would roll back Dodd-Frank and Sarbanex-Oxley. He was promising current seniors that he wouldn’t touch their benefit. How are these not “gifts”?

CF: Let me be clear that I’m not defending any of them. But I think the way it works — and I think Romney’s comments were very telling in this regard — there are two differences in the mind of this class. First, they’re absolutely convinced that they’re not asking for special privileges for themselves. They’re convinced that it just so happens that their self-interest coincides perfectly with the collective interest. That’s where you get this idea of the “job creators”. The view is that to seek a low tax environment or less regulation, that’s not special pleading for yourself, it’s not transactional politics. It’s that this set of rules is the most conducive to economic growth for everybody. It will grow the pie. Now, it also happens to be an incredibly convenient way of thinking. If you’ve developed an ideology that what’s good for you personally also happens to be good for everyone else, that’s quite wonderful because there’s no moral tension.

Amorphis singer Tomi Joutsen has very long dreads. Terrence Hobbs of Suffo has smaller dreads.

In Flames singer... Oh right, you said no nu metal. Besides he has probably cut those off by now. The last thing I saw about him was his shirt that said [LINK]IN FLAMES.

The vocals alone made me crack up!
"ASHEUUUHS"

One day I was headed into the grocery store to get some painkillahz and a new tube of bengay when some girlscouts asked if I wanted to buy some cookies! I whipped my head towards them so fast my neck bones made a gross snapping sound and my bloodshot eyes immediately filled with tears! "Can't you see I'm on a diet!?" I screamed, voice cracking, and began bawling uncontrollably! I had checked my BMI recently and discovered that 30,000 pounds of solid muscles put my 18 ft frame several tons overweight!

Mantids can pounce?!