Re: Noctir's recent batch of piss 'n vinegar

I've never understood what issue some people have with Eld. It's not substantially different from Vikingligr Veldi or Frost imo, not enough to warrant such excessively negative opinions about it anyways.

I once tried to write a review for Eld and could never get past a few sentences. It's one of those albums that, musically, I have no definitive opinion on. I don't know whether I like it or dislike it. It's one of the band's albums that is just "there" but yet to me that doesn't qualify it as forgettable either. Weird, weird record.

That actually sums up every Enslaved album after Frost and before Below the Lights. I don't dislike them, but it's hard to find anything spectacular about them. Arve Isdal then shows up, they release Below the Lights and Isa, and somehow Enslaved are able to sum up what the hell that transition period was trying to accomplish.

Back to the Ulver reviews, I just read the "Nattens Madrigal" (which is by far my favorite Ulver release). It's not a poorly written review, and a lot of the arguments make sense (except he went a little overboard with the Darkthrone comparisons), but he states explicitly:



So he thinks is an average to less than average album: 40-50 percent perhaps? Bam, 20 percent. Whoever stated that the scores are hyperbolic, you're dead on.

And while I'm back on an Ulver kick, the single greatest review for "William Blake's the Marriage...":

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Ulver/Themes_from_William_Blake%27s_The_Marriage_of_Heaven_and_Hell/3642/oneyoudontknow

oneyourdontknow: That was the single greatest interpretation of the combined works of the literature and music I've read to date. Thank you!

That's probably been the most annoying part of his reviews for me: the constant, wanky namedropping of other, superior bands who are having their sublime & original work ground up into an easily digestible paste for the masses. I get that comparisons in reviews are inevitable, but it gets really annoying to see him jerking off all the ANUS-approved 2nd Wave albums in every single lukewarm or negative review.

3PiecesOsSilver's review for Leviathan's Tentacles of Whorror should probably get nuked:



Really short, poorly written (including grammatical errors), and includes factual errors (the drums were not programmed).

That review looks like it took all of 5 minutes to write.

Shit, totally meant to post that in Oven Fodder, oops.

I refuse to read anything written by someone with the ignorant, presumptuous username of "Rap_is_crap"

However much you hate Noctir's iffy reasoning and mediocre descriptions, I think his assesment of Sargeist's development in the Lair of Necromancy review is extremely apt. It put m thoughts on the matter into (crudely expressed) words.

Says the user with the username "the american god". Ziisös...

How about nicely and politely considering whether or not your stuff is worth posting, and then 85% of the time shutting the fuck up?

Noctir's opinions seem odd to me. He thinks Graveland's Thousand Swords sounds awful, but I really think it sounds perfect for what Darken was going for.

You're with the rest of us then!

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Gods

2. No.

This piece of information does not change my point in the least. Actually, the effect is the opposite.


And this, children, is generally how you get on watchlists. Please note the amount of drool on the monitor, and the forehead's 30 degree deviation from vertical.

Enough of this. If you want to spew bullshit, do it somewhere else, such as the FFA, or, preferably, metal-reviews.com. There are threads for more or less serious discussions, and this is one of those, even if some comedy is allowed.

Enough of what? The big bad moderator deciding that I'm not worth his time because I happen to have been reading a Neil Gaiman novel when I made the account?

I hope someone realizes that you, sir, happen to be the problem here. You have a problem, not me. You can feel free to debate me on why you feel "Rap_is_crap" actually has something interesting to say, or why I shouldn't judge him because of his username (which would be ironic, since you seem have done the same to me just because of where I was born - or the fact that I like Neil Gaiman).

Or you can, you know, continue being a power-tripping curmudgeon. Put me on your "Watchlist" because apparently I've been pegged as a problem even after the moderator is the one who started the altercation.

Your choice, dude. If you really want to settle the issue I suggest we do it privately. If you care about the thread so much, probably shouldn't muck it up with a lengthy argument.

After the long and awkward silence lifted... Did anybody else get a chuckle out of this line on blackslime's Savage Messiah review?

Holy crap, we have a badass here! Make room, people, whatever he does will likely look like kangaroos mating! Dude, you're a very special snow flake. Try to avoid melting, that would be a shame.

I have no intention to "settle" anything with you, but if your idea of a worthy post is a sentence that basically just insults someone's username, I predict a short and sweet posting career for you on this board; that is NOT a post worth anyone's time or trouble, and if you disagree, that is and will be your own problem. That is not what this thread is for, and I detect quite a bit of belligerence and problems with authority in your posts. I'm almost psychic like that, and I read between the lines, you know. And that's why I'm power-tripping here.

And you want me to make a choice? My choice is to tell you to shut up and post only relevant, polite stuff on this thread in the future. And elsewhere. That way we could still be best friends forever, you know.

Oh come on. Dave Silver has talent. Maybe he didn't deliver on Savage Messiah's EP, but seriously. Blacky wrote a good 8% of the damn review in caps.

Not to mention he says that the "'well' played" rhythm section deserves 2% for both drum AND bass. That's retarded. This is such a blatant attempt to lower the overall score of the album.

Monolith of Inhumanity Full-length 2012 9 (97%)

lolwut?

^Yeah, I'm curious about that. I only have To Serve Man and I think it's crappy. Is Cattle Decapitation actually good now or is this the work of fanboys?

From what I can gather, that is their best album (though to be fair I don't know much else because I don't consider myself a fan), but the extraordinarily bloated score is likely the work of drooly fans. There are somewhere between zero and half of one reviewer in there that I'd normally trust based on name alone.

It must be fanboys. From what I know of them they're decent, but they can't have done anything to warrant a ridiculous average like that, which few metal albums deserve.

I've only listened to that album a few times, and while it's definitely good I don't think it's their best and not really deserving of a 97 average. The Harvest Floor has a much lower score in comparison, but at least in my eyes it is obviously the better album of the two.

Well, Metal Blade has a promo awaiting the TP promo list, so maybe I'll scrap it up and review it. Also, when did they become "progressive?" To Serve Man is just shitty death metal. Ah whatever, I'll see where the veggies take me.

I had the same debate here when there where only six reviews for the album. It seems that the trend to suck the monolith's dick continues, oh dear...

If you've listened to CD before then there's nothing new here. I'm not really at liberty to say if it's better or not because I've never enjoyed them to begin with.

The album's pretty good, but this is the same treatment that an album like Operation Mindcrime II got when it came out. Fans went "The sequel to OM!!!???" and they padded the hell out of the score. Then the real criticism came because at heart it's a garbage album. In this case, yes, fanboys are the only ones being vocal about this. That album isn't legendary whatsoever. It's enjoyable, but I myself wouldn't give it more than 84% or something.

I insulted his username? By saying that I wouldn't read anything because of it? Where is the logic in that? I didn't call the man an idiot or anything of the sort, I just took umbrage with his apparent view of hip hop (because I happen to like hip hop a lot) and said as much. Get over it. Jesus.

And I liked The Harvest Floor a lot. I tried the single from the follow-up and decided to pass. Seemed like it didn't go anywhere, whereas THF at least had some cohesion about it. Maybe I'll give it a second chance if it's score is really that high.

Get over it, man,

I used to think Cattle Decapitation were kind of a joke, but I really enjoyed Monolith Of Inhumanity, and that's coming from someone who isn't huge on death/grind.

I'd definitely recommend the album. Even if, in retrospect, my full score isn't very accurate as far as my take on the record is now, Monolith of Inhumanity is still an extraordinarily powerful beast of a record.

And hey, I managed to get my review featured on their website, so that's a plus (even if it's only there because it's dick-riding).

Yeah, okay. I'll bookmark some stuff off the album to remind me to give it a spin sometime soon.

Interesting, I didn't think the mods would implement this. But I'm sure it saves some time, as special attention can be called to the oven fodder either way.

Personally, I really enjoy Monolith of Inhumanity. I have not heard any of their previous stuff but that one is sticking to me like glue right now. Really awesome stuff. The critical reviews will come, though - they always do.

Maybe from you?

Probably not. I don't review much anymore and don't have the album. I was just really surprised by that average.

I didn't think so many people would love it that much either, to be honest. I'm sure there are other fans of the album - I just didn't think so many of them would review it, hah.

Aaaaand another one of Noctir's bad-tempered, "sorry but I don't like the idea of modern metal so I'll spit on them while they pass by" 0% reviews.

I should have stopped reading after the first sentence, which was some babbling about "true essence of Norwegian black metal", but I couldn't help myself not to be amazed at:

"With this record, the members of Emperor reveal themselves to be posers of the highest order. They began making generic death metal and that is what they returned to, once they were no longer hanging around the likes of Euronymous and Varg Vikernes."

"This album is filled with the sort of faux-progressive nonsense that easily impresses more simple-minded listeners."

I remember reading this type of stuff (if not exactly the same) in several other reviews recently submitted by the same user.

He seems to be repeating the exact same stance everytime he comes across a product even slightly resembling something "new", introducing a fresh approach to black metal. I understand his idea of black metal is not to evolve beyond the point of what sounds "dark and menacing" and I respect that, but come on ... 0-10% for every release that ever tried to push the boundaries of extreme/black metal and managed to have all its instruments heard in the final master?

Even moreso, he seems to be doing it just because these releases previously held too high of a rating for his grumpiness to endure.

It's getting old, so someone might have to pay attention eventually.

While many of the releases he reviews negatively are indeed terrible, I vehemently disagree with his retarded reasoning, especially his intense grudge against death metal.

Well, it seems like he has definitely achieved what he set out to do though.