Why'd the Irishman drown?



What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?



How do you make spaghetti?



What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Mainstream movies like this are trying WAAAAAYYYY to hard to be funny. A 12-year old Shane Dawson fan would fine this funny.

Ooooh, jokes time.

I walked past a blind man this morning, swinging his guide-dog around by its tail
"Why are you doing that?" I said
"Oh, I'm just having a look around."

http://metantoinemagicalrealm.blogspot. ... demon.html

My interview with Bedemon \m/

People should be thankful for such moments of hilarity.

By the way: A man is driving down a lonesome road. Suddenly he sees a red man standing on the street. He stops his car and asks what he's doing there. The red man says "I'm the red gnome and I want a Twix!". The man discovers that he actually does have a Twix in his glovebox and gives it to him, then drives away. After one mile he sees a yellow man and again stops his car. "I'm the yellow gnome and I want a Mars!". The man gives him a Mars and continues his journey. Next he sees a blue man, stops and says "I bet you are the blue gnome and want a Snickers!". The blue man: "Wrong, I'm the police and I want your license."

A pedophile, a rapist, and a priest go to a bar.

He orders a drink.

I have an oldun but a goodun:

An old man had been working in a brewery for 30 years. One day he fell into one of the vats of beer and drowned. Because the old man had been a loyal employee for so long, the owner of the brewery took it upon himself to personally deliver the bad news to the old man's widow. When she heard how he had died, she broke down into tears. "Did he suffer?" she asked. "I don't think so," said the owner of the brewery. "He got out a few times to use the bathroom."

Here are some bad jokes I just made up:




What did the honey farmer say to the honey comb with loud buzzing noises inside?


How many different voices did the schizophrenic hear in one hour?


What did the can say to the can opener?

Those are all terrible slayerhatesusall

They're about on par with yours, Marty . Except the leper one, that was gold.

A dyslexic walks into a bra

I LOVE YOU

HEY GUYS I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT COMES AFTER FOREVER!
Nightwish.

Nah, the release of Wintersun's Time will come after that.

There's a new Kiss record?

ok, one from me, too:

What is white and disturbs you while having diner?

Colour me not interested in seeing this. I had no idea this Shane Dawson character existed, he's makemebad35 level of shit.

Serj Takian wants funding for his new CD project, a classical symphony called "Orca"
I'd much rather fund a new System of a Down album.

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World for the retard generation. Joy.

It has Johnny knoxville in it. So no matter how bad that movie is going to be, it automatically gains my approval.

these jokes gave me cancer
congratulations!

What do promiscuous hispanic horses eat?

More Yeasayer loot in the mail today. I'm a happy camper.

does anyone have an opinion on cassettes? My opinion -

Positives - rare releases go for extraordinarily good prices

Negatives - sound deterioration over time loss of fidelity, tape getting tangled and ruined

I buy a tape when A) it's only released on tape b) I loved the album so much I want it on multiple formats | case in point - skagos ast, deteriorate rotting in hell (seriously amazing overlooked old school death metal).

By the way, honeycrisp apples are in season (have been for a while). Get them while you can! I eat them every day for lunch and dinner!

Cut yer damn nails.

I will likely be doing that soon because there's a bunch of assorted art gunk under them that refuses to go away, but generally I keep them long-ish. I shape them though; they look plenty presentable normally.

That's the only reason I buy them.

Gonna miss seeing Anaal Nathrakh by ten days. Fuck university. :/

I've missed Cannibal Corpse, Bastardfest, a heap of other cool bands...

BUT NEXT YEAR, SHALL RULE.

Crick's hands look 60 years old.

This is true of practically every musical format, though. If anything, between CDs, cassettes and vinyl records, tapes are the cheapest to acquire and even the rarest tapes won't blow a hole in your pocket like LPs and CDs will (a few months ago, I picked up an original cassette copy of Gorguts's debut for a whopping $7).

I like tapes for the very concise method of packaging - the way the tape is stored inside of the case, with very little room to spare, is cool - but the smallish artwork is definitely a downside. I mostly buy them because they're dirt-cheap or because a certain release was only released on tape. Overall, they're probably my least favorite of the big three forms of physical presentation for music, but I still like them a fair bit and don't have any major beef with them.

Eating ordered pizza, drinking whine, soon unboxing my lego mindstorms set. What a day, I say!

I know, it's only a spelling mistake, but still.

Tears flowing down my cheeks, ready to be licked up by my sad ,sad tounge just waiting for their salty taste to unfold in the gaping hole I use to consume the bitterness of existence each and every day. Yes, that's what my life is all about.

Huh, looks like I got a little harsh there. Then again, that's a better day than I would have. Ever.

No, that was harshness on my part! I apologize for revealing my darkest secret in such an open and unprepared environment.

Yeah, it's weird. I have like three times the lines on my palms as a normal person as well. I think I must have touched someone and sapped their life to look as youthful as I do.

That's just another reason why university is great.

So my girlfriend is homeless now, that's pretty great. I live at home so I can't take her, none of her friends or family will either. I dropped her off at the train station today. She had one backpack full of clothes and ten dollars. Nobody was coming to pick her up, that was her destination. It's pretty much impossible for me to focus on anything right now, this sucks so goddamned bad.

A sad day. RIP Nicholas Ivie.

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/10 ... -news?lite

I feel very bad for you, BH. I can relate again because I have a girlfriend, but she's richer than me so in that regard I can't see her ever being homeless. I had a friend who was homeless for 8 months and I couldn't do a thing about it. His lifestyle and mine don't mix so I couldn't take him in to my dorm / parents home.