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I_Am_Vengeance
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2005 1:11 pm
Posts: 1668
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 7:22 pm 
 

Why'd the Irishman drown?

Spoiler: show
He was practicing river dance


What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Spoiler: show
A Paraplegic in a house fire


How do you make spaghetti?

Spoiler: show
Hit a leper with a tennis racket


What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Spoiler: show
Keep the Tip


:boo:
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Metalfuckingrules
The Ralph Wiggum Monologue

Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2012 3:25 pm
Posts: 380
Location: Buried somewhere....
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 7:25 pm 
 

Mainstream movies like this are trying WAAAAAYYYY to hard to be funny. A 12-year old Shane Dawson fan would fine this funny.
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Ancient_Sorrow
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2011 2:10 pm
Posts: 2194
Location: Scotland
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 7:25 pm 
 

Ooooh, jokes time.

I walked past a blind man this morning, swinging his guide-dog around by its tail
"Why are you doing that?" I said
"Oh, I'm just having a look around."
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8784
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 7:37 pm 
 

http://metantoinemagicalrealm.blogspot. ... demon.html

My interview with Bedemon \m/
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inhumanist
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2011 5:09 pm
Posts: 4339
Location: 50 Forts Along The Rhine
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 7:39 pm 
 

kingnuuuur wrote:
Complaints were filed that day.

:grumble: People should be thankful for such moments of hilarity.

By the way: A man is driving down a lonesome road. Suddenly he sees a red man standing on the street. He stops his car and asks what he's doing there. The red man says "I'm the red gnome and I want a Twix!". The man discovers that he actually does have a Twix in his glovebox and gives it to him, then drives away. After one mile he sees a yellow man and again stops his car. "I'm the yellow gnome and I want a Mars!". The man gives him a Mars and continues his journey. Next he sees a blue man, stops and says "I bet you are the blue gnome and want a Snickers!". The blue man: "Wrong, I'm the police and I want your license."
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CorpseFister wrote:
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Last edited by inhumanist on Thu Oct 04, 2012 7:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Mistereyedee
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2012 2:54 am
Posts: 153
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 7:39 pm 
 

A pedophile, a rapist, and a priest go to a bar.

He orders a drink.


Last edited by Mistereyedee on Thu Oct 04, 2012 8:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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failsafeman
Digital Dictator

Joined: Wed Sep 01, 2004 8:45 am
Posts: 9636
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 7:50 pm 
 

I have an oldun but a goodun:

An old man had been working in a brewery for 30 years. One day he fell into one of the vats of beer and drowned. Because the old man had been a loyal employee for so long, the owner of the brewery took it upon himself to personally deliver the bad news to the old man's widow. When she heard how he had died, she broke down into tears. "Did he suffer?" she asked. "I don't think so," said the owner of the brewery. "He got out a few times to use the bathroom."
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slayerhatesusall
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2008 7:45 pm
Posts: 1809
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:08 pm 
 

Here are some bad jokes I just made up:




What did the honey farmer say to the honey comb with loud buzzing noises inside?
Spoiler: show
Oh you beehave!


How many different voices did the schizophrenic hear in one hour?
Spoiler: show
None, he took his meds.


What did the can say to the can opener?
Spoiler: show
Nothing, cans don't talk.
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I_Am_Vengeance
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2005 1:11 pm
Posts: 1668
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:11 pm 
 

Those are all terrible slayerhatesusall

:ah-ha:
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Necroticism174
Kite String Popper

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 pm
Posts: 4940
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:15 pm 
 

They're about on par with yours, Marty ;). Except the leper one, that was gold.
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bronxeel
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:58 am
Posts: 430
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:44 pm 
 

A dyslexic walks into a bra

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Suffersystem
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2011 2:31 pm
Posts: 922
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:50 pm 
 

slayerhatesusall wrote:
Here are some bad jokes I just made up:




What did the honey farmer say to the honey comb with loud buzzing noises inside?
Spoiler: show
Oh you beehave!


How many different voices did the schizophrenic hear in one hour?
Spoiler: show
None, he took his meds.


What did the can say to the can opener?
Spoiler: show
Nothing, cans don't talk.


I LOVE YOU
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CorpseFister wrote:
Also, that vocal recording pic confirmed what I suspected: SLK records shirtless in a sweaty caveman-like delirium. You can almost hear the man stink in the recordings.

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Suffersystem
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2011 2:31 pm
Posts: 922
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 9:56 pm 
 

HEY GUYS I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT COMES AFTER FOREVER!
Nightwish.
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Xa'ligha - Lovecraftian Dark Ambient
CorpseFister wrote:
Also, that vocal recording pic confirmed what I suspected: SLK records shirtless in a sweaty caveman-like delirium. You can almost hear the man stink in the recordings.

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iAm
Wastelander

Joined: Tue Nov 20, 2007 12:18 am
Posts: 5630
Location: West of the Duwamish due South of the Sound
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:02 pm 
 

Suffersystem wrote:
HEY GUYS I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT COMES AFTER FOREVER!
Nightwish.


Nah, the release of Wintersun's Time will come after that.
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iamntbatman wrote:
If the U.N. flew a bunch of C130's over Syria and rained down boxes of Thin Mints, they'd be standing in a giant circle hand-in-hand singing like goddamn Whoville residents within an hour.

I hate music

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bronxeel
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:58 am
Posts: 430
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:23 pm 
 

There's a new Kiss record?

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grauer_mausling
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Dec 20, 2009 8:00 am
Posts: 1780
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 1:36 am 
 

ok, one from me, too:

What is white and disturbs you while having diner?

Spoiler: show
...an avalanche
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volutetheswarth
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2011 8:37 pm
Posts: 1349
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 5:09 am 
 

Metalfuckingrules wrote:
Mainstream movies like this are trying WAAAAAYYYY to hard to be funny. A 12-year old Shane Dawson fan would fine this funny.

Colour me not interested in seeing this. I had no idea this Shane Dawson character existed, he's makemebad35 level of shit.

Serj Takian wants funding for his new CD project, a classical symphony called "Orca"
I'd much rather fund a new System of a Down album.

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darkeningday
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Aug 23, 2004 1:20 pm
Posts: 2006
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 6:10 am 
 

Metalfuckingrules wrote:
Mainstream movies like this are trying WAAAAAYYYY to hard to be funny. A 12-year old Shane Dawson fan would fine this funny.

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World for the retard generation. Joy.
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henkkjelle
Veteran

Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2011 3:54 pm
Posts: 3137
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 7:56 am 
 

darkeningday wrote:
Metalfuckingrules wrote:
Mainstream movies like this are trying WAAAAAYYYY to hard to be funny. A 12-year old Shane Dawson fan would fine this funny.

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World for the retard generation. Joy.


It has Johnny knoxville in it. So no matter how bad that movie is going to be, it automatically gains my approval.
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Marag
Veteran

Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 8:55 pm
Posts: 2660
Location: down there where chaos prevails
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:25 am 
 

slayerhatesusall wrote:
Here are some bad jokes I just made up:




What did the honey farmer say to the honey comb with loud buzzing noises inside?
Spoiler: show
Oh you beehave!


How many different voices did the schizophrenic hear in one hour?
Spoiler: show
None, he took his meds.


What did the can say to the can opener?
Spoiler: show
Nothing, cans don't talk.

these jokes gave me cancer
congratulations!

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dontlivefastjustdie
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2009 3:16 pm
Posts: 2114
Location: Hotlanta, USA
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 9:11 am 
 

What do promiscuous hispanic horses eat?
Spoiler: show
Jorge
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Crick
Despised by 17 Corners of the Universe

Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2008 6:11 pm
Posts: 6205
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 12:11 pm 
 

More Yeasayer loot in the mail today. I'm a happy camper.

Spoiler: show
Image
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The_Beast_In_Black wrote:
Hehe, foreskins.

Under_Starmere wrote:
Hehe, hole.

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metaldiscussor666
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2012 9:09 pm
Posts: 560
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 12:18 pm 
 

does anyone have an opinion on cassettes? My opinion -

Positives - rare releases go for extraordinarily good prices

Negatives - sound deterioration over time loss of fidelity, tape getting tangled and ruined

I buy a tape when A) it's only released on tape b) I loved the album so much I want it on multiple formats | case in point - skagos ast, deteriorate rotting in hell (seriously amazing overlooked old school death metal).

By the way, honeycrisp apples are in season (have been for a while). Get them while you can! I eat them every day for lunch and dinner!
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Aeonblade
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2008 1:11 pm
Posts: 1448
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 12:28 pm 
 

Crick wrote:
More Yeasayer loot in the mail today. I'm a happy camper.

Spoiler: show
Image


Cut yer damn nails.

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Crick
Despised by 17 Corners of the Universe

Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2008 6:11 pm
Posts: 6205
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 12:33 pm 
 

I will likely be doing that soon because there's a bunch of assorted art gunk under them that refuses to go away, but generally I keep them long-ish. I shape them though; they look plenty presentable normally.
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The_Beast_In_Black wrote:
Hehe, foreskins.

Under_Starmere wrote:
Hehe, hole.

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Dragunov
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Dec 29, 2004 6:34 pm
Posts: 2342
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 1:02 pm 
 

metaldiscussor666 wrote:
A) it's only released on tape


That's the only reason I buy them.
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HamburgerBoy wrote:
Chugging DURDURDUR is more metal than airy lelelelelelelelleele.

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Hircine
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Jul 20, 2008 6:13 pm
Posts: 934
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 1:17 pm 
 

Gonna miss seeing Anaal Nathrakh by ten days. Fuck university. :/
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Wolfgong wrote:
By the way I am straight and male and get a kick outta tricking chicks to get into their pussy

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Bezerko
Vladimir Poopin

Joined: Tue Nov 28, 2006 2:50 am
Posts: 4806
Location: Venestraya
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 1:22 pm 
 

I've missed Cannibal Corpse, Bastardfest, a heap of other cool bands...

BUT NEXT YEAR, SHALL RULE.

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failsafeman
Digital Dictator

Joined: Wed Sep 01, 2004 8:45 am
Posts: 9636
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:13 pm 
 

Crick wrote:
More Yeasayer loot in the mail today. I'm a happy camper.

Spoiler: show
Image

Crick's hands look 60 years old.
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antonthereaper wrote:
Seriously, why ban me??????? That topic had nothing wrong with it! Theres something wrong with you i can tell you! You're immoral banning of my account! Anyways, i'm creating my own metal arcives.

http://extrememetalencyclopedia.webs.com/

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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:21 pm 
 

metaldiscussor666 wrote:
Positives - rare releases go for extraordinarily good prices

This is true of practically every musical format, though. If anything, between CDs, cassettes and vinyl records, tapes are the cheapest to acquire and even the rarest tapes won't blow a hole in your pocket like LPs and CDs will (a few months ago, I picked up an original cassette copy of Gorguts's debut for a whopping $7).

I like tapes for the very concise method of packaging - the way the tape is stored inside of the case, with very little room to spare, is cool - but the smallish artwork is definitely a downside. I mostly buy them because they're dirt-cheap or because a certain release was only released on tape. Overall, they're probably my least favorite of the big three forms of physical presentation for music, but I still like them a fair bit and don't have any major beef with them.
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Guitarpro77889 wrote:
which ones are mainstream cuz i will stop listening to them

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why
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 170
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:28 pm 
 

Eating ordered pizza, drinking whine, soon unboxing my lego mindstorms set. What a day, I say!

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oogboog
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:09 pm
Posts: 866
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:31 pm 
 

why wrote:
Eating ordered pizza, drinking :nazi: whine :nazi: , soon unboxing my lego mindstorms set. What a day, I say!

I know, it's only a spelling mistake, but still.
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wrath of poo wrote:
but not sub-genes of death metal ( like grindcore and black metal).

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why
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 170
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:37 pm 
 

oogboog wrote:
why wrote:
Eating ordered pizza, drinking :nazi: whine :nazi: , soon unboxing my lego mindstorms set. What a day, I say!

I know, it's only a spelling mistake, but still.


Tears flowing down my cheeks, ready to be licked up by my sad ,sad tounge just waiting for their salty taste to unfold in the gaping hole I use to consume the bitterness of existence each and every day. Yes, that's what my life is all about.

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oogboog
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:09 pm
Posts: 866
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:39 pm 
 

Huh, looks like I got a little harsh there. :oh shit: Then again, that's a better day than I would have. Ever.
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wrath of poo wrote:
but not sub-genes of death metal ( like grindcore and black metal).

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why
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 170
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:45 pm 
 

oogboog wrote:
Huh, looks like I got a little harsh there. :oh shit: Then again, that's a better day than I would have. Ever.


No, that was harshness on my part! I apologize for revealing my darkest secret in such an open and unprepared environment.

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Crick
Despised by 17 Corners of the Universe

Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2008 6:11 pm
Posts: 6205
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 5:28 pm 
 

failsafeman wrote:
Crick's hands look 60 years old.


Yeah, it's weird. I have like three times the lines on my palms as a normal person as well. I think I must have touched someone and sapped their life to look as youthful as I do.
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The_Beast_In_Black wrote:
Hehe, foreskins.

Under_Starmere wrote:
Hehe, hole.

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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 6590
Location: Fortress Northallerton, North Yorkshire/ Varese, Padania
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:04 pm 
 

Hircine wrote:
Gonna miss seeing Anaal Nathrakh by ten days. Fuck university. :/


That's just another reason why university is great. :)
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5335
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:27 pm 
 

So my girlfriend is homeless now, that's pretty great. I live at home so I can't take her, none of her friends or family will either. I dropped her off at the train station today. She had one backpack full of clothes and ten dollars. Nobody was coming to pick her up, that was her destination. It's pretty much impossible for me to focus on anything right now, this sucks so goddamned bad.
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oogboog
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:09 pm
Posts: 866
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:47 pm 
 

A sad day. RIP Nicholas Ivie.

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/10 ... -news?lite
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wrath of poo wrote:
but not sub-genes of death metal ( like grindcore and black metal).

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9793
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:47 pm 
 

I feel very bad for you, BH. I can relate again because I have a girlfriend, but she's richer than me so in that regard I can't see her ever being homeless. I had a friend who was homeless for 8 months and I couldn't do a thing about it. His lifestyle and mine don't mix so I couldn't take him in to my dorm / parents home.
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gomorro wrote:
Yesterday was the birthday of school pal and I met the chick of my sigh (I've talked about here before, the she-wolf I use to be inlove with)... Maaan she was using a mini-skirt too damn insane... Dude you could saw her entire soul every time she sit...

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