I guess it's supposed to be "ironic."

I'm fully capable of empathy and using that capability I have concluded that I wouldn't be offended in even such cases. It just doesn't seem like something that should have any capacity to offend any more or less rational grown-up person. But, I guess you can't know for sure before you really have gone through it. That was my point. Just trying to be diplomatic and shit.

Bolt Thrower's "Honour" from Honour Valour Pride is a ballad, right?

We're telling really bad jokes here?

Jews should never get offended by any jokes.

We'll just tell Obama to send them or their kids off to war. Or cause another financial collapse! OH CREATE A WORSE COMMUNISM!

Also, haven't listened to HVP in a long-ass time...gonna give it a spin now.

Edit: Come on now gents, be honest. You meet a beautiful girl, you get her back to your place, and discover these:



Continue....or stop?

Terrible jokes?

Well...

I'm waiting.

Gah! There are still no plans to air it over here and I don’t want to wait for the DVD release.

Back To Earth was weak but still, I can’t help being excited for more Red Dwarf.

So after wearing my Yeasayer shirt all day and driving home listening to nothing but Yeasayer, my copies of Odd Blood and Fragrant World arrived in the mail three weeks early.

Thank you, life.

A drunken farmer stumbles into his house and up the stairs into the bedroom, waking up his wife, Roseanne. She sees the farmer with a sheep under his arm. The farmer says, “This is the pig I’ve been fucking when youre not around.” The wife stares and then says, “That’s not a pig you idiot. It’s a sheep!” And the farmer says to the wife, “Shut the fuck up! I wasn’t talking to you"

What's yellow and can pass through wallls?

What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.

Have you heard about the explosion at a cheese shop in France?
The area is covered in De Brie

Two fish are in a tank.
One says: You drive and ill man the guns!!

Two cannibals are talking on the phone:
"I don't know, I just really don't like my step-mother"
"So just eat the noodles!"

The difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted!

There was a man who said,
"I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late"

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen.
It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places"
The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore."

WAKA WAKA WAKA

Two parrots sat on a perch. One said to the other: "do you smell fish?"

How do you make a Kleenex dance? You put a little boogie in it.

Today a young man on acid realised that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves.

Here's Tom with the weather!

I thankfully have never had a single major problem with any computer I've owned (or that my family has owned when I lived with them, now that I think about it.) I've gotten BSOD'ed maybe once or twice but that's it, and the comp I built 3 years ago was running perfectly when I sold it (as opposed to my friend, he built his around the same time and had to replace the video card after a year.)

I admittedly realized I shouldn't get cocky on account of this and have recently taken pains to backup all my music projects in several locations...

I decided i'm going to drop out of my college algebra class today. It's been 5 weeks of absolute torture and I've been not going to classes, because I can't even sit through them.

Bill Hicks <3

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. His alcoholism is destroying his family.

What does a nosy pepper do?

Probably just me, but the mods remind me of my teachers.

A man enters a bar through the window, the bartender shows him the door.

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?

I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

Ok, I'm done here.

I'm back. How many of you didn't know I was gone for a couple of days.

Also, what did I miss?

Puns, two liners, racism, Eternal Winter getting banned, plagiarism, the Presidential debates, I revealed my Jewish heritage, and Morrigan and Hellblazer posted pictures of themselves, also as it turns out ShaolinLambKiller is not a giant man, but a super sexy lady, those pics were just a front.

I already know what Morrigan and HellBlazer look like
Also, he's lying about his Jewish heritage. He wears a prosthetic nose in his pictures because he's psychotic.

Indeed, I am. It's why I take pictures of me in a wig, dresses and makeup with my dick tucked between my legs and send them to Necro.

I just want him to love me. Why did he leave MFR? Why am I always alone?

Lies! all because of me!

Feels good being back at the univ, booze, sexy girls, cool people 'n shit.

It rubs the lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose again.

God, I wish I was. I hate being holed up in my empty place all the time. I miss the buddies, chicks, alcohol, fun...I'm so bored it's not even funny.

^ same. I'm converting it to writing...boredom is no good.

Video Games here. I've actually gotten way into Sim City... To the point where I make custom buildings in 3dsmax and photoshop(which uh never end up working).

Oh and booze. I guess it isn't all bad though, the girls here are as bored as I am if you know what I mean

It's supposed to be jelly and jam. It makes more sense then peanut butter.

Holy shit, Tuska 2013 will have Bolt Thrower and King Diamond!

Drunk man enters taxi, tells the driver "central station". Driver: "We ARE at central station!" Drunk man gives him 10 bucks; "no need to hurry that much next time."

Am I too late? I always am.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? "See you next month." *Is pulled off stage by a cane*

Edit: Ooh, look at that. I'm a Metal Newbie. I feel slightly less out of place now.

Nice gotcha

This reminds me of the time when I was on a plane as it entered a zone of very strong turbulence. Amidst the shaking and the rumbling, we suddenly heard some thumping footsteps and the next thing we saw was the shadow of a flight attendant sprinting to the back of the plane like a madman trying to outrun an RPG. The lights were still out, everyone became anxious, babies started to cry and shit quickly started to feel really uncomfortable, and some people were expecting oxygen masks to drop down any second. A few moments later, someone in the back row saw the attendant coming out and asked him what the fuck was going on, and the guy said "Oh, no worries. I haven't had a shit in 3 days and all this rumbling just made my bowels move a bit."

Complaints were filed that day.