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TheStormIRide
Jesuscop

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 669
Location: Altoona, PA
PostPosted: Sun Sep 23, 2012 12:54 pm 
 
GuntherTheUndying wrote:
But in retrospect I was in a terribly bad mood yesterday


That makes me even happier that you accepted my Witchcraft review then! Especially with the bad mood!
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 3070
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2012 10:30 pm 
 
These are pretty bad.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/R ... agon_Tears
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... 0389/Snxke
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... /anacrusis
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kingnuuuur
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Apr 24, 2008 3:35 pm
Posts: 2080
PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2012 11:06 am 
 
Suggestion: why don't you keep a list of users who are known to have previously had a number of nuke-worthy reviews? The overwhelming majority of Snxke's reviews fall within this category without a shadow of a doubt. Go check them out.

EDIT: OK maybe I've exaggerated a bit, but at least check the reviews on the second page.
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Pale_Pilgrim
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Mar 25, 2009 4:01 pm
Posts: 859
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2012 5:51 am 
 
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Crepuscularia/Infinity_in_Souls/120817/

^ The reviewer only discusses one song by one band for a multi-band split.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Crepuscularia/Buried_And_Forgotten/106576/

^ Terrible formatting, bad grammar. It is the only review for it, admittedly. Actually, I've been listening to this album for some time and will review it myself very soon.
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oneyoudontknow
Cum insantientibus furere necesse est.

Joined: Sun May 21, 2006 6:25 pm
Posts: 5050
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 1:08 pm 
 
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/I ... safeinside
has cross-references to the review that had been written earlier:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/I ... mAcerfeltd
(which has some strange line of reasoning as well ... the aspect of the drummer)
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TheMirroringShadow
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:04 am
Posts: 37
PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2012 6:22 pm 
 
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/F ... metalvixen
This one just isn't up to par with the other reviews or even metal-archives general standard of review guidelines. I suggest you look over this one once more.
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Ilwhyan
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 5035
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 1:51 am 
 
Indeed.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... metalvixen

With 12 reviews, his is somewhat obsolete.
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Metantoine
Prince of the Black Sun

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 6307
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 2:03 am 
 
It was pretty bad, indeed.
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Ilwhyan
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 5035
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 2:17 am 
 
This is also a somewhat obsolete old review:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/N ... _Of_Terror
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Thiestru
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:18 am
Posts: 792
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2012 2:38 pm 
 
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/P ... Thrasher53

This review has irritated me for a while, because it's total plagiarism of UltraBoris's 'Master of Puppets' review. I don't know if you moderators consider that sufficient grounds for deletion, but I definitely think it should be zapped.
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 4314
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 10:40 am 
 
I've always personally hated that review (when it was new I had a draft of a review for Painkiller claiming it killed doom metal using similar fucktarded reasoning), but it's been long standing from long before I was a mod, and I don't see it going anywhere. As dumb and misguided and propaganda-y as it is, you really can't tell me you don't walk away knowing exactly what the music sounds like.
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Ilwhyan
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 5035
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 12:46 pm 
 
Describing one of Pantera's tough guy hardcore albums is incredibly easy though, a child could write a review for Vulgar Display of Power.
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Thiestru
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:18 am
Posts: 792
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2012 12:47 pm 
 
That may be, but since I already knew what the music sounded like before I read it, how can I say? It isn't the propaganda-iness (heh) that bothers me; it's that it's a complete ripoff of a previous review. It's like he copied and pasted the original one, then changed some names around as needed. But if you say it stays, I accept that, and will just continue avoiding it as I did before. ^_^
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SXIII
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2004 12:28 pm
Posts: 19
Location: Belgium
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 9:14 am 
 
Found a guy that added a review for the band Monads: http://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Monads/3540334090
User: http://www.metal-archives.com/users/RickySoWhat

Link to the review: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... ickySoWhat

Not only do I think it is very badly written, it is clearly a case of bashing. He only talks about one song on the album, blames the band for all kinds of nonsense. Strangely enough, he still gives a 62% score. If you read it, you'd hardly even expect 20%.
What bothers me most is the fact that he felt the need to create the account purely for that review. You'll see he hasn't done anything else with his account. After that, he took the effort to vote down every single similar band, and I think he did this with a second account as well.
Here's the link: http://www.metal-archives.com/users/RicardoAlprazolam

'RickySoWhat' and 'RicardoAlprazolam'. Does it seem like a coincidence? I can't be sure, but this second account was also made to write one (again bashing) review for another Belgian band Alkerdeel: http://www.metal-archives.com/bands/Alkerdeel/99066

If I read the 'Intelligence and decency' rules on MA, this guy seems to wipe his ass with those rules. It could be just me, but I thought I'd put it here and check some reactions of some other members.
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 2:32 pm 
 
SXIII wrote:
Not only do I think it is very badly written, it is clearly a case of bashing. He only talks about one song on the album, blames the band for all kinds of nonsense. Strangely enough, he still gives a 62% score. If you read it, you'd hardly even expect 20%.

Wait, what? Sure, it's a mediocre review, and he only discussed one song in particular, but I can discern what the music sounds like based on what he wrote. Also, he criticized it a lot, yes, with what are ostensibly (I myself have never heard the album) very valid points to be made. He says it's a bland album, and in my opinion a bland album with a stellar production job would earn something around that range. Honestly, the fact that you would consider a review like this to be "bashing" leads me to believe that you're allowing your own high opinion of the band to cloud your judgement.

EDIT: Oh, wait. It's your band. Well, still, my point stands.
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SXIII
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2004 12:28 pm
Posts: 19
Location: Belgium
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 2:42 pm 
 
Yeah, it is. I'm not here to deny that, but that's not my main motivator.
As I concluded my post:
Quote:
It could be just me, but I thought I'd put it here and check some reactions of some other members.


...and that's all I'm doing. :)
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Metantoine
Prince of the Black Sun

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 6307
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 2:47 pm 
 
Oh, well, it's your band. :ugh: Even if the review would suck hard (it's not the case), I wouldn't seriously listen to your complaints, truly the opposite of objectivity. The fact that you didn't mentionned you were in the band at first makes that a bit clear.
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SXIII
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2004 12:28 pm
Posts: 19
Location: Belgium
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 2:55 pm 
 
OK. Fair enough.
Apologies for not mentioning it. Won't make a big thing out of it.
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TheMirroringShadow
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:04 am
Posts: 37
PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 7:37 pm 
 
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... /16625/Zze

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/O ... th/719/Zze

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... e/7976/Zze

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/N ... n/7419/Zze

All of this guy's reviews suffer from a severe case of grammar errors and formatting problems.
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oneyoudontknow
Cum insantientibus furere necesse est.

Joined: Sun May 21, 2006 6:25 pm
Posts: 5050
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 6:14 am 
 
These reviews are from 2004 ... different times ...
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Lane
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 09, 2002 11:54 am
Posts: 110
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:16 am 
 
If my Antiquus review does not describe the music, then here's even worse one for Belladonna's 'Spells of Fear'. It says: "Actually, I wouldn't even call this music at all!". So maybe there's no need to describe it?!

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... OfDarkness
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oneyoudontknow
Cum insantientibus furere necesse est.

Joined: Sun May 21, 2006 6:25 pm
Posts: 5050
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 5:47 pm 
 
http://www.metal-archives.com/users/Cur ... en_reviews
pretty thin review.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 8768
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2012 7:43 pm 
 
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... 3666/Snxke

Case of being outdated as hell. Guy probably spit the review out under a minute.

"This CD is among the nicest, sloppiest and goriest death metal albums in terms of artwork and production. The production is nice and clear but given enough juice to splatter the gore with...giving the ears an aural treat that is not often gifted upon us in metal."

This is the extent of anything hinting at what the album's material sounds like, and it stinks.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... 5529/Snxke

This one, too. Snxke sucks. Just... the following is the ENTIRE review.

I like this... - 70% wrote:
This is hardly "death metal album of the century" but it's certainly unique and is taking Barnes out of the "we are just another band" category. This record is making them stronger as an act, without a doubt. I think that this album has many strong, and catchy numbers while trying to break the typical death metal mode that others have been locked into pointlessly for a lifetime.

The lyrics are still Barnes, aside from his stupid attempts at political commentary...don't look to this CD for intelligent thought.

Overall, I'd say that this record is well produced, well played (the drumming is vastly improved) and the songwriting unique. Don't look to this for the traditional SFU platter of Obituary meets Sabbath death music or the best of double-bass hammering death-grind but it's an interesting CD and worth a listen.

http://www.sfu420.com



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ancientorder
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2012 7:38 am
Posts: 159
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 1:19 am 
 
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/N ... ses_Priced

Just another review where the writer has something (personal) against Anselmo and it affects enough to give it a poor rating because of it.
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Metantoine
Prince of the Black Sun

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 6307
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 1:25 am 
 
Nuked.
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kingnuuuur
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Apr 24, 2008 3:35 pm
Posts: 2080
PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2012 1:54 am 
 
OzzyApu wrote:
This one, too. Snxke sucks. Just... the following is the ENTIRE review.

I've already pointed out that most of his reviews are nuke-worthy, but it seems that no one bothered to check them out.
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Kveldulfr
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Feb 16, 2012 12:01 pm
Posts: 1294
Location: Chile
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 10:17 am 
 
While many of this guy's reviews suffer from the same, I post this one cause it has some factual errors and it's aimed primarily to bash the album, with a very ambiguous - if nonexistent - description of the music IMO:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/U ... 609/Noctir

- Lacks creativity: how many bands were doing that at the time, especially in Norway?

- Jumping into the bandwagon cause black metal was 'popular'? Ulver started in 93 doing an even weirder mix of folk and black, when black metal wasn't exactly that well known and just a few of bands had released their debut albums - many did it 1 year after when Ulver already had Bergtatt written; so 'capitalizing on the 'norwegian hype' sounds completely unfounded.

Also stating that Ulver was 'ripping off' other norwegian band it's simply ridiculous, where? Garm's clean vocals? the flute intro? the female vocals? the classical guitar interludes? the piano midsection of Capitel III? not even the riffs are the same as Burzum, Darkthrone, Immortal, Mayhem or Emperor; there's a folk quality on them that makes them easily different from the 'coldness' and darkness of the rest.

"It seems clear that, even if these guys had tried to make a real Black Metal record, they possessed too little knowledge or passion about it, other than ripping off their peers" I even doubt if this guy knows about the existence of Nattens Madrigal*

Looks like this guy dislike the album cause it's not 'true norwegian black metal' instead of the nature of this album as an standalone body of work. Also, Bergtatt is misspelt on the review.

Btw, his Enslaved reviews are terrible too.

He does, and bashed the album too.

pd: Mixing elements that do not belong together? I guess there's an entire sub genre of black metal that would have a word about it.
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 4314
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 11:53 am 
 
It's a very negative review for an album he really, really hates. He describes the music, he gives his reasoning, he wanted to get a rise out of people and he succeeded. The reviews are fine, they aren't going anywhere, please stop crying about it, the lot of you.
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Poisonfume
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2011 7:26 pm
Posts: 807
Location: Greece
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 6:00 pm 
 
Would this review be considered weak enough? I didn't find it very insightful.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/E ... ell/53366/
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androdion
Veteran

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 2984
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 6:13 pm 
 
Mods tend to leave single reviews pass even though they might be substandard, unless it's really horrible which this one probably isn't.
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Rodman
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Aug 24, 2011 10:15 am
Posts: 129
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:37 am 
 
Overkill - Bloodletting

Quote:
OverKill's best offering - 99%

Most people think 'The Years Of Decay' or 'Horrorscope' as the best OverKill album (so far!). I agree that those records kick some serious ass, but do you know what those records don't have that 'Bloodletting' has? Dave Linsk! And the kick-ass song material this one has!
The album blasts off right away with the ass kicking Thrasher 'Thunderhead', this is OverKill at it's best; fast, heavy, grooves of DD Verni and Tim Mallare, great guitar riffs and solos by Dave Linsk and an aggressive vocal effort and vague lyrics by Bobby 'Blitz' Ellsworth ("life was but a simple dream of doing what was right"). But there's a lot of variation on this album too. Facing the fast and heavy Thrash of 'Death Comes Out To Play' and 'My Name Is Pain', there is also more melodic stuff like 'Bleed Me' and even ballad-like stuff like 'Blown Away' (which is actually too heavy to be a ballad but the structure and the emotion are the same). And then there is 'What I'm Missin''...simply one of the best OverKill tracks ever made. Fast, heavy, but also melodic and with a catchy chorus and lots of solos. In 'I, Hurricane', the band also gives a more modern twist to their new found Thrash sound. Refreshing and a great song in deed!
To be short, any fan of modern Thrash should get this record and the old school fans might even like it too. Twenty years of OverKill and still records of this quality...that is either a miracle or something the band deserved!


http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/O ... ting/1967/
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 3070
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 9:47 pm 
 
"I just found out about Sepsism recently and I'm soo fucking glad I did. This is pure fucking brutal,Grinding Death insanity. Sepsism beats the fuck out of you nonstop for 35 minutes. The production is very thick,clear and punchy. The drumming is amazing with killer fills,blasting and double bass work. Their overall sound kind of reminds me a little of Dying Fetus mostly because of the vocals which go back and forth from a deep guttural growl to a high shrieking Metalcore scream. The lyrics are sick too with the song "The Bitter End" being about a drug crazed murderer who only kills while intoxicated. Fans of Dying Fetus,Pig Destroyer and true Brutal Death Metal will eat this release alive(or dead) and come crawling back for more and more."
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... ottingCunt

You might want to look at his other reviews too.



This review has one sentence about the music and I don't even know what a "freightload of kingsize records" sounds like.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... 80/Apophis


Eep.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... Sportswear

You might want to check out this guy's reviews, I'm not sure where the line is drawn but I'm pretty sure this is more like Crappy Diem than acceptable:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/C ... Sportswear
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/7 ... Sportswear
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enigmatech
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2011 9:57 pm
Posts: 304
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 10:41 pm 
 
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... xicparadox

This reviewer spends the entire review trying to convince you that Death Breath are not death metal but are some form of punk instead. I don't have any idea what the guy is talking about, I have heard some songs from the album and it sounds like real death metal to me.
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androdion
Veteran

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 2984
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2012 10:27 am 
 
Those are pretty bad indeed, and the Sepsism one is actually the best of all of them. That Death Breath review is annoying as hell.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 8768
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 19, 2012 12:48 pm 
 
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/I ... asinmaiden

Reading this review sucked. Awful attempt at humor throughout the entire thing by a reviewer that's known for his poor writing. Minimal musical description in favor of trying to get a comedy thing going. Kill it.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/I ... /super_bum

This one is trolling / contradictory / incorrect as hell.

1) The riffs are very much within the realm of metal.
2) the guy's forced attempts at calling the music pop rock have no weight.
3) the example he uses, "Moonshield", has no differences in formula that every other song on the album uses.
4) he calls this music pop rock but then in his Colony review he refers to the music as hard rock, which is actually backwards considering that The Jester Race is heavier / more metal in every aspect (for melodic death metal) compared to the clean leanings of Colony.
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Atrocious_Mutilation
KITTY SO PUFFY

Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 4:51 am
Posts: 1638
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2012 3:23 am 
 
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/M ... /valgalder

I have no idea how this review got accepted. The reviewer is hardly reviewing the music and merely giving it pointless praise for reasons he hasn't explained in the review itself.
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Ilwhyan
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 5035
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2012 9:16 am 
 
OzzyApu: he describes the tonal character of The Jester Race quite well. His statement that it's pop-rock is quite hyperbolic, but I don't think the review should be deleted because of that.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 8768
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2012 6:20 pm 
 
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/T ... 117/Guy123

This whiny reviewer is able to only puke this out for his musical description.
Quote:
The vocals have been thoroughly bashed, and what the bashers say is true. Emotionless, flat, monotonous, unintelligible. Why even have them? The alternation between harsh and calm styles is here in all its cliched glory. Scream then whine. Scream then whine. Scream then whine.

The guitar riffs are just kind of there. They don't do anything interesting, they bring no momentum to the songs, they're forgettable. The solos are played skillfully, yes, but they are there just to be there. Zzzzzz...

The rest is bashing the band, particularly the lyrics. Doesn't exactly do a good job besides bad summarizing. Lots of whining.
Spoiler: show
Quote:
Main Entry: triv·i·al
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin trivialis found everywhere, commonplace, from trivium
1 : COMMONPLACE, ORDINARY
2 a : of little worth or importance

In light of the above definition, Trivium is the perfect name for this band. Ordinary, bland, contrived, emotionless, insipid tripe of little importance that will be forgotten in a decade. "Oh but they can play their instruments well!" News flash: Every year music schools across the globe graduate thousands of guitarists whose chops would put this band - and 99% of metal bands - to shame. Most of them can't write anything very interesting though. Conclusion: skill is irrelevant to quality. If you defend a band by saying "well at least they can play," remind yourself it doesn't matter by telling yourself, "so can guitarist number 72 from Juilliard's class of '98." Get over it.

...

The lyrics. Good god the lyrics. It's probably for the best that we can't understand them. Sure many metal bands have bad lyrics, for instance Rhapsody's are over the top with cheese, and many death metal bands have brutal lyrics that are stupid written on paper - but that's the point! For brutal music you have brutal lyrics. For over-the-top epics, you write a fantasy epic about slaying enemies with your steel. The lyrics here are taken seriously, which would be OK if they were halfway decent. But they're just insipid and pretentious. They aren't even delivered completely. Most of the keywords of each line are screamed out - I guess you're supposed to interpolate the rest. For example, from the song "Pull Harder On The Strings Of Your Martyr" we have the line:

Pull Harder on the String of your Martyr

How is this line "sung"? "PULL!!!! HARDER!!! STRING!!!! MARTYR!!!" Great, makes lots of sense.

Speaking of this song, it may actually be the best thing to come out of this album. It was the inspiration for the now-infamous "BOAT! RUDDER!" parody video. For this I give this album a point.

Many of the lyrics are laughably whiny:

"Everytime I'm left alone
My misery begins to drown me
Tied by a rope of anxiety
Thrown overboard"

As for pretentious, the writers clearly intended for the lyrics to elicit a "whoa, that's so deep" response. Sometimes we have badly used 50-cent words. Can anyone actually read these lines aloud without laughing? You can tell they're supposed to be oh-so-deep:

"I am but a farce a satire of stability"

"Disintegration constituents to decompose of the parts
A malformation utopia systematic unity can't be achieved"

Trivium. (Plural is trivia.) Something of little worth. One has to wonder if this band is a cruel joke. If you could call your band "stupid crap" and still build up a huge, oblivious fanbase, it would be pretty funny, no?
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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2185
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2012 10:19 pm 
 
Atrocious_Mutilation wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Mournful_Congregation/The_Book_of_Kings/315981/valgalder

I have no idea how this review got accepted. The reviewer is hardly reviewing the music and merely giving it pointless praise for reasons he hasn't explained in the review itself.

Nuked.
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Last FM
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Markov
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2012 10:01 am
Posts: 397
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 3:50 pm 
 
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... oyer_6_6_6

Needs less history on the band and more information on the sound of the album.
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