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Napero
GedankenPanzer

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:16 pm
Posts: 8558
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 1:03 pm 
 

Family Guy, the animation world's finest finalist in the battle to replace Seinfeld...

Which, of course, equals being as funny as coughing your nuts out through the back of your neck.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 2217
Location: At the bottom of the lake
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 1:06 pm 
 

Right .. and one will go through similar things to avoid either one.
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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2653
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 6:01 pm 
 

Napero wrote:
Family Guy, the animation world's finest finalist in the battle to replace Seinfeld...

Which, of course, equals being as funny as coughing your nuts out through the back of your neck.

That legitimately made me cackle out loud. :lol: Fuck, my sides!
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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 6707
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 5:56 am 
 

the newest raving fanboy review of Bathory's Nordland wrote:
Bathory is a band turly deserving of the accolades that is bestowed upon it. The pure genius of it's creator Quorthon has gone on unrivaled since the release of their self-titled debut. Not one but TWO awesome genres, black metal and viking metal, were spawned form this single musician. 'Nordland I' is what I believe was that point in history when Bathory released their magnum opus, the single album Quorthon found his true sound. This when Bathory became more than what it was. This is the true viking metal album.


First of all, "turly". Secondly, I find it somewhat weird that someone would consider this to be "true viking metal" (as if to imply that Hammerheart, Twilight of the Gods et al weren't "true" examples of that style). The review itself ain't so hot, a bit Engrish-y, with a fair few spelling mistakes especially when there's several other reviews expressing similar sentiments.

As a side note, I should feel that I think the legitimacy of "Viking metal" as a subgenre is somewhat iffy. But that's an argument for another day. :)
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droneriot
RETIRED

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
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Location: Germany
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:13 am 
 

This is the first time in at least over a year that I looked at a ConorFynes review, but I had to check this one since "Iron Maiden" is one of my all time favourite albums, and oh my, I wish I hadn't... :ugh:
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Metantoine
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Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 11:51 am 
 

He's one of the worst acceptable reviewer.
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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 6707
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:21 pm 
 

Eh, it's not as shite as Noktorn's review. :P
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 19334
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:24 pm 
 

Liking stuff from before you were born makes you a trendy hipster!
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dystopia4
Thumbman

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:47 pm
Posts: 3568
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:34 pm 
 

In Noktorn's review:
Quote:
Iron Maiden doesn't feature nearly enough slams to make it into my personal collection of favorites; there's a complete lack of wiggerisms in the lyrics, and gravity blasts are all but totally absent.


I know that he's (sort of) joking, but this still cracks me up.
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Metal_Detector
Reticular Modular Unit

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:39 pm 
 

I actually think Noktorn's review of the album was good even if I completely disagree with it and find his notion that the album isn't very 'metal' highly silly.

Conor Fynes brought, however, nothing to the table. Per usual.

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dystopia4
Thumbman

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:47 pm
Posts: 3568
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 1:53 pm 
 

In terms of his actual ability to write I don't think ConorFynes is that awful. But his opinions are often silly or redundant. His reviews aren't well-thought out and he often makes minor factual errors. Also, it seems like most of his reviews are first impressions and he only listens to each album once, which is particularly lame. I mean, sometimes an album is so blatantly awful or generic that you don't have to listen to it more than one or two times, but this is usually not the case. I may have not gotten into some of my favourite metal albums if I only listened once and based my opinion on just one listen. Eh, at least he started giving his reviews titles.
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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2653
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 10:12 pm 
 

He knows his reviews are scorned 'round these parts; he started adding titles after many reviewers, especially ConorFynes, were criticized for not using actual titles, instead using "ARTIST X- ALBUM Y" for every goddamn review. The fact that he still writes reviews after being so heavily criticized on a fairly regular basis is actually quite amazing in its own little way, I guess. And he has 600 reviews...wow.

I'm personally not a fan myself (I won't read his reviews, usually), but not as ravenous as others are. Still, I can see and perfectly understand why his work is under constant fire.

As markthevictor once said, he's autothrall's retarded echo.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9880
Location: Seattle, United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 10:16 pm 
 

GuntherTheUndying wrote:
And he has 600 reviews...wow.

When he pumps out reviews like this http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/R ... ConorFynes (reported in the oven fodder for suckage), then it's not much of a feat.
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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 10:19 pm 
 

Like watching paint dry. I've sent it to the infinite void of lost reviews.

Still, the time and effort to churn out 600+ reviews is amazing...at least in terms of quantity.
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Akerfeldt_Fanboi
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Jun 01, 2008 12:07 am
Posts: 45
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 11:58 am 
 

I actually chuckled a little bit at RageW's review of TSoP. He openly criticizes Chuck's soloing as sloppy; dude must have never seen a single live performance of Shannon's... I've never heard the guy nail ANYTHING live. I still think it's funny that Chuck went from Paul Masvidal to Andy LaRocque to two nobodies.

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Necroticism174
Kite String Popper

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 pm
Posts: 4997
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 6:17 pm 
 

I can never take RageW seriously anymore. His opinions are stupid and he's not really a good reviewer.
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 6:41 pm 
 

Necroticism174 wrote:
I can never take RageW seriously anymore. His opinions are stupid and he's not really a good reviewer.

umad deathlover
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RageW
Marisa's Harlot

Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2008 11:44 am
Posts: 839
Location: Colombia
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 8:17 pm 
 

Necroticism174 wrote:
I can never take RageW seriously anymore. His opinions are stupid and he's not really a good reviewer.


I use Evil Chuck's fanboys's tears as lubricant for my masturbation sessions. This one will be a particularly satisfying one~
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RapeTheDead
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2010 10:48 pm
Posts: 470
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 8:26 pm 
 

dystopia4 wrote:
OzzyApu wrote:
While I would consider this Grave's best album in recent years, I still really like RapeTheDead's negative one for As Rapture Comes. Lays out his points very well, and I do agree in part.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/G ... apeTheDead


Wow, had no idea he was doing reviews. The writing quality of that review was really, really high. Judging by that review as well as his Gris review I just checked out, he should do it more often.


Wow! Casually scrolling through this thread and seeing that made my day guys (you too Tony, I didn't forget you), thanks a lot :) Always feels good to get praise. As you might be able to see by the posting date of my reviews I tend to write infrequently, but I am planning to review Eparistera Daimones soon because I want to bring up a few things that all the gushing reviews on this site seem to conveniently forget. Hell, if I'm feeling ambitious, I might just review everything Tom Warrior ever did, might be interesting to look over his whole discography and see how it evolved. However, with my track record, "planning to write soon" could mean anything from "It'll be up next week" to "I might have it up before thanksgiving" :P

Also what's wrong with RageW's reviews? At least with the Death ones he wrote he does tend to insult them a little too much but his writing's pretty clear and gets to the point and I don't disagree with his stance on Death either haha.
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Necroticism174
Kite String Popper

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 pm
Posts: 4997
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 9:05 pm 
 

I can understand having problems with the song construction, but he says there's NO RIFFS, and compares Chuck's vocals to Dani Filth, which is just silly. (oh look, cause it's high pitched). That and he gives it an 8%. I'm sorry, I'm not a Death fanboy at all but 8%? At worst, that album is maybe a 60-65% if you really want to take it down a notch. But 8% reeks of just wanting to bring the score down.
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
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Location: A step closer to home
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 9:10 pm 
 

I've never understood the argument of "this person just wants to lower the album's average score". Who are you to tell someone how much they dislike an album, anyways?
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8965
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 9:17 pm 
 

I agree, Necro. And RageW is a huge fan of Jpop, he should be familiar with silly stuff.

MT, there's people saying "the average score for this review was too low, so I gave it a 100%", I reject these reviews when I see them. It wasn't the case with RageW's review, but this album truly doesn't deserve less than a 50% in my opinion.
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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 9:22 pm 
 

I was never a huge fan of Death, but even their worst material was always at least competent on the level of "these guys actually know how their instruments work."

Anything below a 40%, for me, would require the band members be playing their instruments like they're wiping their ass with them.
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Necroticism174
Kite String Popper

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 pm
Posts: 4997
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 9:28 pm 
 

Yes, unless of course you wanted to be "controversial"/ lower the average.
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lord_ghengis about Vomitory splitting up wrote:
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CrushedRevelation
Devil's right hand

Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2005 8:47 am
Posts: 5072
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 10:10 pm 
 

I think it's high time I got my ass into gear and did some reviews... and then have it mercilessly torn asunder by you lot :grin:
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 19334
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 10:40 pm 
 

Later Death isn't anything I'd rate higher than an 85 or so, but RageW's reviews come off as pretty posturing and immature like some of my old ones used to be. Just seems like he's trying too hard.
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5473
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 11:43 pm 
 

To those who bitch about the scores being too low: The albums range from 0% to 100%. Every album, all the time. The only exceptions are that there are to be no reviews under 90% for the first two Mercyful Fate albums lest I find those people and poop on them.

To those who say he tries to hard: I'd much rather have that than him not trying hard enough.

To RageW himself: Yuk it up, spotlight and attention feels good, doesn't it?


In short, you all lose.
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 5016
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 11:50 pm 
 

BastardHead wrote:
To RageW himself: Yuk it up, spotlight and attention feels good, doesn't it?

In short, you all lose.


Discourage him from writing reviews and encourage him to write a new Prajna album, then we all win.

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Metal_Detector
Reticular Modular Unit

Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:15 pm
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2012 11:59 pm 
 

Zodijackyl wrote:
BastardHead wrote:
To RageW himself: Yuk it up, spotlight and attention feels good, doesn't it?

In short, you all lose.


Discourage him from writing reviews and encourage him to write a new Prajna album, then we all win.


Now this is the best post on this page. Andres, obey. :)

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RageW
Marisa's Harlot

Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2008 11:44 am
Posts: 839
Location: Colombia
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 12:38 am 
 

I have it all written down already, I just haven't had a chance to record it :(
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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 6707
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 7:00 am 
 

Zelkiiro wrote:
I was never a huge fan of Death, but even their worst material was always at least competent on the level of "these guys actually know how their instruments work."

Anything below a 40%, for me, would require the band members be playing their instruments like they're wiping their ass with them.


What a strange rating system you have. Quite bafflingly in fact, as music can, of course, be well-played and awful.
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5473
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 11:23 am 
 

See: 70% of all tech death bands.

Over time I've basically just adopted droneriot's system of "below fifty is bad, above fifty is good, it's all a matter of degree within that". If I find an album is just okay but nothing memorable it'll end up somewhere between like 45-60ish, depending on my mood/the little things about the album.
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8965
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 12:07 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/T ... Psychology

Great review of The Wretch by T_P, there's only one sentence that doesn't make a lot of sense.

Quote:
This and the debut album from Premonition 13 should be enough to hold Saint Vitus fans over until they finish that album they've been working on...


Maybe it was written before Lillie - F-65's release and he forgot to fix it when he the review was submitted. Anyway, the content is good, hopefully T_P will see this comment or I'll PM him.
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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2653
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 4:46 pm 
 

ANationalAcrobat's take on Rage For Order continues to show why he's one of the site's top reviewers, methinks.
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Metal_Detector
Reticular Modular Unit

Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:15 pm
Posts: 1887
Location: Forgotten In Space
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 4:51 pm 
 

GuntherTheUndying wrote:
ANationalAcrobat's take on Rage For Order continues to show why he's one of the site's top reviewers, methinks.


Yep, it seems like the better reviews nowadays tend to be the ones I disagree with. :grumble: Though the pedestal I once kept that album on has far lowered the last couple of years and I've accepted that it's practically 1/3 filler. The second half kinda loses it, imo.

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 4130
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 2:15 am 
 

ANationalAcrobat wrote:
Zelkiiro wrote:
I was never a huge fan of Death, but even their worst material was always at least competent on the level of "these guys actually know how their instruments work."

Anything below a 40%, for me, would require the band members be playing their instruments like they're wiping their ass with them.


What a strange rating system you have. Quite bafflingly in fact, as music can, of course, be well-played and awful.

The music may, indeed, be awful, but if it's still being played competently, then that's at least one good thing on the album. As long as there's anything good at all, whatever it is, no matter how basic it is, it cannot be deserving of a 0%.
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home
PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 2:32 am 
 

Zelkiiro wrote:
The music may, indeed, be awful, but if it's still being played competently, then that's at least one good thing on the album. As long as there's anything good at all, whatever it is, no matter how basic it is, it cannot be deserving of a 0%.

Name an album you would give a score below, say, a 20%, then.
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droneriot
RETIRED

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 5245
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 3:27 am 
 

I'm with Acrobat. A turd sandwich can be prepared by a five-star master chef, it'll still be a turd sandwich.
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 6:05 am 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/F ... almahSlays

Some guy, couldn't read his username because the drool in his review was dripping over it wrote:
In fact this is one of the only albums I can listen to straight through with out skipping a track or stopping.

Nota bene, peeps: people with ADD dig Fallujah.
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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 6707
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 6:10 am 
 

GuntherTheUndying wrote:
ANationalAcrobat's take on Rage For Order continues to show why he's one of the site's top reviewers, methinks.


Thanks! I've written a grand total of 2 reviews this year! I promise to do some more before the summer's end.
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