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TheOldOne
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2011 11:05 pm
Posts: 755
Location: Stalling at the present time
PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2012 7:50 pm 
 

Just out of interest, is that, erm, term enough to warrant a rejection?

EDIT: Well I can't argue with that :lol: .
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Last edited by TheOldOne on Tue Jul 17, 2012 10:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8961
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2012 7:52 pm 
 

If the review was any good it would be an important subject to discuss, but the review is absolute shit :)
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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 5146
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2012 8:16 pm 
 

Suffocation review wrote:
AND AN EVEN BIGGER PLUS IS TERRANCE IS HOBBS IS BLACK not being racial or prejudice in any way if you're wondering, and mike smith also the same race as him...so its like an oreo mix of brutal death metal in a way to me on this record lol

Pure gold! :D
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lord_ghengis
Metal freak

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 5404
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:02 am 
 

Tony, I love you. I'm glad that Suffocation review has now had a chance to be immortalised, it is fantastic.
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DarthVenom
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Sep 28, 2003 10:56 am
Posts: 611
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2012 3:48 pm 
 

So very happy that this thread is back from the dead. I wonder if anyone who had their stuff posted here has since improved and actually become a really good writer, or if they just came, dashed a tiny shitstain upon the world, and proceeded to vanish back into the ether.

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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 6556
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 6:55 pm 
 

TheOldOne wrote:
Just out of interest, is that, erm, term enough to warrant a rejection?

EDIT: Well I can't argue with that :lol: .

Hardly anything to discuss there, I doubt there are many with sufficient intellect to submit a passable review, who would openly use the term in said review.
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8961
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 7:44 pm 
 

Crappy.

Image
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 8:36 pm 
 

est1978 wrote:
What else can I say about Blizzard Of Ozz? Well, a lot. But I won't bore you with more UNNECESSARY details

Aaaand that's where you went wrong. :lol:
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which ones are mainstream cuz i will stop listening to them

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Metal_Detector
Reticular Modular Unit

Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:15 pm
Posts: 1887
Location: Forgotten In Space
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2012 9:17 pm 
 

Amazon-esque.

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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 9:58 am 
 

Another good one, this time for Annihilator's All For You thanks to RoddyVendetta:

I can not judge the album negatively, because it is very good perhaps leave behind Waking the Fury one of the best albums in that time and some bands changed the Thrash with the modern trends (groove) , is acceptable, another view is that its line up changes a lot, I liked the technique Randy Black on drums, surely was anything this album, I do not want to talk about the past, All for you is a great album. Dave Padden is a great vocalist is not uncommon to find albums like this, something melodic, gentle album, All for you perhaps is an example of soft and slow, Dr psycho has a blues intro with voice quality and fineness of Padden fury in the choir, Demon Dance a very good song, good intro , are not rhythmic, The One is a beautiful ballad perhaps corny, and the remaining songs have good rhythm ,Both , Rage aboslute with symphonic sound, not by chance hear cries of long duration and the instrumental the Sound of Horror reminded me of something similar to Slayer South Of Heaven song is a great album but I can not judge the only Padden vocalist is vocalist nothing else , and if Joe Comeau was still the sound would not change a sound like the last album.
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HouseSpiders
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:05 am
Posts: 396
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:09 am 
 

What's the point in embarrassing these users?
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japc
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Apr 30, 2004 10:35 pm
Posts: 502
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:23 am 
 

HouseSpiders wrote:
What's the point in embarrassing these users?

Well, it's fun.
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HouseSpiders
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:05 am
Posts: 396
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:33 am 
 

Yeah, I agree, and some of the reviews have been hilarious. If the reviewer was obviously being stupid deliberately then a post in here should be okay, but if a reviewer was actually trying to write a review, there's no need to name and shame them, it's mean.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9879
Location: Seattle, United States
PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:37 am 
 

Believe me, we don't pay attention to the reviewer as much as you think. We read and we get a kick out of it, and whoever wrote it doesn't matter anymore. Only classics like "Grains in her face", "Occaz the frangins!", "what a sex!", and that Goatfago reviewer are the type that get ridiculed.
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japc
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Apr 30, 2004 10:35 pm
Posts: 502
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:41 am 
 

HouseSpiders wrote:
Yeah, I agree, and some of the reviews have been hilarious. If the reviewer was obviously being stupid deliberately then a post in here should be okay

You mean they aren't ?
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HouseSpiders
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:05 am
Posts: 396
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:44 am 
 

I think most of them are, but I'm sure there are a few reviewers in here that were actually trying, and it just seems mean to name and shame people. If it does turn out that every reviewer here was just somebody being silly, then fine, ignore my posts and carry on with this topic. If you make jokes, you can take jokes.
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vacca wrote:
"Pointwhoring is no fun. Pointwhoring endangers the life and happiness of millions. It must stop. We appeal in particular to the youth of today, stop the madness. There are better things in life."


Last edited by HouseSpiders on Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
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japc
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Apr 30, 2004 10:35 pm
Posts: 502
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:48 am 
 

See your point.
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home
PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 12:53 pm 
 

Goddammit, oogboog 2.0, no one's being "disgraced" here. The users that submit these reviews tend not to hang around the actual community (and it's not because they've been ridiculed; most of them probably don't even know that this thread exists), and even if they did and they saw this thread, well, better to let them know that their review was laughably bad than to let them try submitting 50 more that are equally horrible.
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Guitarpro77889 wrote:
which ones are mainstream cuz i will stop listening to them


Last edited by MalignantThrone on Fri Jul 27, 2012 12:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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oogboog
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:09 pm
Posts: 867
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 12:56 pm 
 

Actually, a lot of these "reviews" are hilarious. Most of them I would make fun of myself. The people that make themselves look stupid are the ones I don't care about.
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8961
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 1:02 pm 
 

MalignantThrone wrote:
Goddammit, oogboog 2.0, no one's being "disgraced" here. The users that submit these reviews tend not to hang around the actual community (and it's not because they've been ridiculed; most of them probably don't even know that this thread exists), and even if they did and they saw this thread, well, better to let them know that their review was laughably bad than to let them try submitting 50 more that are equally horrible.

This. And it's fun for us, the mods.
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HouseSpiders
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2011 7:05 am
Posts: 396
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2012 1:11 pm 
 

OK fine, a laugh is good. :)
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vacca wrote:
"Pointwhoring is no fun. Pointwhoring endangers the life and happiness of millions. It must stop. We appeal in particular to the youth of today, stop the madness. There are better things in life."

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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5463
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:14 am 
 

I really wish this review was acceptable, because this guy is fucking hilarious.

ohbloodyhell, for Fear Factory - The Industrialist wrote:
[An exercise in speculative hypotheticals]

Dino: I’m running out of pizza, and my weight is going down, so that’s not good. I need to make some money, bud.

Burton: OK, I’ll come over and talk to you.

Dino: Yeah, but bring some pizza, please. I’m starving and the toilet is overflowing, so bring a plunger.
Burton: Alright.

(Later, at Dino’s house [of pizza and overflowing toilets]
Burton: I heard that some bands are firing everybody so they don’t have to share any of the money. I think if it’s you and me, we can share the money just between the two of us and maybe you can have more pizza.

Dino: Great idea! More pizza and hamburgers for me! Do you think I’m getting too fat?

Burton: No, people like you because you are fat, Dino. Here, eat some pizza.

Dino: Wait, but what about the drums and bass and stuff?

Burton: Drum machines and studio technology, my pizza-loving friend!! Let’s use a drum machine and have friends help us layer the living daylights out of the next album.

Dino: (stuffing his face) Cool. What do you think I should do with my guitar parts?

Burton: Forget it, play a chugga-chugga riff, like you do when you play with one hand and eat pizza with the other. Then, we will loop that riff and add some machine-robot sounds for “atmosphere”. People will say it’s “genius”!

Dino: Ha ha ha! You’re right! I like looping, drum machines, studio tricks and pizza, especially pizza.

Burton: Well, pizza lover, let’s just say that you are not known for being a gifted guitar player.

Dino: (putting french fries and cookies on his pizza) What about your vocals?

Burton: Ah, whatever. Auto tune everything. Just bark like a dog and then scream and let our friends edit this stuff with their computers and add layers to make it sound robotic and let’s leave it at that.

Dino: (licking some cheese that fell on the floor) Yup, anything that we can use as an excuse to tour! Who should we hire for drums and bass?

Burton: Don’t worry about it. Let’s find a couple of desperate suckers who will be fooled into thinking they will make good money as hired hands. Just don’t tell them anything. We’ll fire them at the end of the tour.

Dino: (putting some pasta and hot sauce on his pizza) OK, I like the plan. Let’s call the album “The Industrialist” and let’s use drum machines and let’s program the hell out it in the studio. I will chugga-chugga with my guitar and you scream and I think that will be enough.

Burton: Yup, yup. Nobody pays attention anyway. It’s all just drunk Pantera and Soulfly fans at the shows. I just need to remember to tell them that they are the best fans in the world, that they rule, tell them to move, to mosh and tell them to keep drinking and eating pizza and we’ll be alright.

Dino: (putting jalapeños, pickles, refried beans, rice, chicken wings, pineapple, bacon, some dog food and tuna on his pizza) Awesome plan! I like it! I like it more than this pizza!! No wait, that’s not true, man.

Burton: OK, Dino, you look tired. Go to sleep, have some pizza and we’ll go loop some guitar chugga-chugga tomorrow.

Dino: Ah, ok, I think that if we wor…(snoring. fell asleep with a pizza slice on this mouth).

The End.


Not an acceptable review but holy shit this had me laughing. He had another one for the new Gojira where the three American Idol judges judged it but that wasn't saved. It's a shame these aren't acceptable, because this dude is full of gold.
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8961
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:16 am 
 

Sorry that I rejected the Gojira one, I'm tired and forgot to save it!
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lord_ghengis
Metal freak

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 5404
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:17 am 
 

Hmmm, needs more pizza jokes.
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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 11:51 am 
 

Reminds me of a Napero skit, but Nappy would've surrounded it with an actual review.
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dystopia4
Thumbman

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:47 pm
Posts: 3564
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 12:15 pm 
 

My favourite part is:
Dino: (putting jalapeños, pickles, refried beans, rice, chicken wings, pineapple, bacon, some dog food and tuna on his pizza) Awesome plan! I like it! I like it more than this pizza!! No wait, that’s not true, man.

Man, I'm betting the Gojira review was really, really funny.
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japc
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Apr 30, 2004 10:35 pm
Posts: 502
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 12:19 pm 
 

I hope it was funnier.
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8961
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 11:41 am 
 

Image
:fuck:
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5463
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 4:06 pm 
 

To be fair that is twice as long as the initial review I rejected a few weeks ago :lol:
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Necroticism174
Kite String Popper

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 pm
Posts: 4996
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 4:48 pm 
 

That reminds me of that guy who's review was simply ''good''.
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lord_ghengis about Vomitory splitting up wrote:
They were a band who understood music needed more explosions.

http://www.last.fm/user/TheEndTimeRiff
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8961
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 9:20 pm 
 

Good evening, 2 for the price of 1 tonight! Enjoy! I feel a little bad for making fun of these though...

Image
Image
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RageW
Marisa's Harlot

Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2008 11:44 am
Posts: 839
Location: Colombia
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 9:25 pm 
 

I don't. Fuckin' spics.
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DodensGrav
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 6:45 pm
Posts: 223
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 2:03 am 
 

i hated them hate of death.
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Grave_Wyrm
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2012 5:55 pm
Posts: 2217
Location: At the bottom of the lake
PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 10:32 pm 
 

I didn't even know Death Magnetic existed. o_O I'm confused.
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Call_From_The_Tower
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Mar 07, 2008 3:31 am
Posts: 523
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 8:30 am 
 

"I even hated them hate of death" is marvellous.

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TheNiceNightmare
Veteran

Joined: Thu Dec 18, 2008 5:11 pm
Posts: 2992
Location: Sweden
PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 8:40 am 
 

Nothing in here will ever be marvellous until we see another "grains in her face," or something to top that.
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Necroticism174
Kite String Popper

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 pm
Posts: 4996
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 3:43 pm 
 

Such genius only happens once every hundred years.
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lord_ghengis about Vomitory splitting up wrote:
They were a band who understood music needed more explosions.

http://www.last.fm/user/TheEndTimeRiff
http://halberddoom.bandcamp.com/releases

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Ecliptik
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jul 29, 2006 4:58 pm
Posts: 505
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 4:03 pm 
 

TheNiceNightmare wrote:
Nothing in here will ever be marvellous until we see another "grains in her face," or something to top that.


What's the deal with that one? I've seen people reference it a lot but I have no idea what it is.

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DarthVenom
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Sep 28, 2003 10:56 am
Posts: 611
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 4:05 pm 
 

Ecliptik wrote:
TheNiceNightmare wrote:
Nothing in here will ever be marvellous until we see another "grains in her face," or something to top that.


What's the deal with that one? I've seen people reference it a lot but I have no idea what it is.


A wonderfully bizarre "review" for Dunkles Gebet's Demo 1 that was rejected a long time ago:

Quote:
No comments, no words need it, no BM, no compromise, only grains in her face.

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Ecliptik
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jul 29, 2006 4:58 pm
Posts: 505
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2012 4:16 pm 
 

That was the entire review? That's just fantastic.

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