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WaywardSon
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 1:48 am
Posts: 570

Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 2:24 am

Zodijackyl wrote:

This review is embarassing: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/H ... emonium_CC

tl;dr version

Anyone who uses the term "pretty beast" needs to have their genitalia removed with an axe.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... 77/Tureakh

I can understand someone who speaks English as a second language making a few linguistic mistakes in a review, but this has numerous flaws.

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colin040
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2007 6:00 pm
Posts: 4186
Location: Netherlands

Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 4:03 pm

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... ht/311259/

Really?

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henkkjelle
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2011 3:54 pm
Posts: 2277
Location: Netherlands

Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 5:11 pm

colin040 wrote:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Dreams_After_Death/Embraced_by_the_Light/311259/

Really?

they will introduce you into the outer space.

:scratch:

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Ilwhyan
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 5152
Location: Finland

Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 5:15 pm

Atmosphear.

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Metal_Detector
Reticular Modular Unit

Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:15 pm
Posts: 1739
Location: Forgotten In Space

Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 5:20 pm

My favorite is 'exelent.' That should be a band name! :lol:

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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home

Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 6:15 pm

kilerdrail is pretty horrible, whether it comes to writing reviews, filing reports for incorrect genres or making music.

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Guitarpro77889 wrote:

which ones are mainstream cuz i will stop listening to them

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droneriot
Hobo Sapiens

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 4824
Location: Germany

Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 8:20 pm

Mentioned this in the chatroom, but just to be on the safe side, I'll post it here as well:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/N ... 36960/Noyr

He didn't write that review himself. That's the singer of the band copying the review from some blog. Here's my tip: If you submit a 95% review for your own album, at least write the damn thing yourself!

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hells_unicorn
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 8:32 pm
Posts: 2195
Location: United States

Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 9:00 pm

droneriot wrote:

That album wasn't half bad, I wonder if the singer could have just contacted the original writer and asked him to open an account here and post the review, it wouldn't have taken that much effort and even if that didn't happen, there was enough fan boy reviews of the demo that that album would have a mega ton of praise in the next few weeks.

Just going a little too hard on the promotional side of things.

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Metal_Detector
Reticular Modular Unit

Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:15 pm
Posts: 1739
Location: Forgotten In Space

Posted: Sat May 12, 2012 9:04 pm

Yeah, pretty damn good album (as I'm listening to it now), but he should have done as H_U said.

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Ilwhyan
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 5152
Location: Finland

Posted: Sun May 13, 2012 3:47 am

I posted this on the previous page, but no action was taken. If there's no intent of removing it, I would like to hear some statement on that.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/N ... /Red_Beard

Red_Beard's review of the Nightbringer split. Only reviews Nightbringer's side.

His writing is of course terrible aswell.

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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home

Posted: Mon May 14, 2012 2:05 pm

This review is pretty bad. It feels like it should be part of a larger work, but on its own it's pretty void of description.

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Guitarpro77889 wrote:

which ones are mainstream cuz i will stop listening to them

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WaywardSon
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 1:48 am
Posts: 570

Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 8:15 am

It's fine considering the tape only has one song.

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You say you like circle pits? You say you like punk and hardcore? You say you hate your parents? Well this is the band for you!

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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home

Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 9:42 am

I get that one-song reviews get leniency for brevity, but this is literally the only descriptive content in the review:

Quote:

While “Nosferatu” has had a slew of pasty facelifts over the years, this version is the barest. Disappearing over time is its eerie, twilight-lurked intro, meanwhile appearing over time are more of the wildly chaotic solos that only sparingly see light of day here. It’s also the only time you’ll hear long lost drummer Harry Tyler curdle the song’s lyrics. Rhythmically all is intact, albeit more inexpertly executed, and the whole thing’s nestled behind one great pencil drawing that gives the song a pointy-eared face.

It reads more like a comparison to later versions of the song than a review, and honestly I have no idea how this version would even sound based on this description.

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Guitarpro77889 wrote:

which ones are mainstream cuz i will stop listening to them

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Diamhea
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 1200
Location: United States

Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 11:15 am

Why. Is. This. Back.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/O ... ehualiztli

It almost looks like he went through it and really, really tried to fix the problems, but it is still illegible.

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Thorgrim_Honkronte wrote:

Man I have always wanted to know since you've been here, is your name supposed to look like it says diarrhea(purposely done, I wonder)?

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 8854
Location: United States

Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 11:16 am

Do the mods accept these kind of reviews just to get a laugh or rile up discussion about these idiot reviewers? Because it worked.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... /Crossover

Horrid fanboy reviewer that has nothing to cover about the album musically.

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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home

Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 11:19 am

I like how he consistently puts "progressive" in quotes, like he doesn't believe that progression in the musical sense is an actual thing.

But yes, it has the word "haters" in the review title; it must go.

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Guitarpro77889 wrote:

which ones are mainstream cuz i will stop listening to them

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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 16553
Location: Where the dead rule the night

Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 11:41 am

There are two negative reviews for that album and about 11 positive ones, so I'm not sure where the super defensive stance comes from...and yeah anyone who says "haters" needs to be shot.

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henkkjelle
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2011 3:54 pm
Posts: 2277
Location: Netherlands

Posted: Tue May 15, 2012 12:37 pm

The title "Go eat a bag of dick" is actually a reverence to the song "a ziltoidian rapture" by Devin Townsend. Bad review though.

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Dave_o_rama
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2011 11:54 am
Posts: 489
Location: United States

Posted: Wed May 16, 2012 10:34 am

This review only covers the Helloween side of the Helloween/Running Wild/Hellhammer/Dark Avenger split:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Helloween...enger/Death_Metal/45188/Wra1th1s

And to make matters worse, it just trashes the Helloween side, with barely any musical description, just comparisons to the same tracks on the Walls of Jericho.

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hippiedrow, on the new Skeletonwitch album wrote:

I remember back when Beyond the Permafrost came out. I was eating a lot of Asian wok-style foods, so now whenever Skeletonwitch is mentioned I get the pleasant taste of noodles in my mouth.

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CrimsonFloyd
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Feb 29, 2004 7:19 am
Posts: 372
Location: United States

Posted: Sun May 20, 2012 7:44 pm

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Marduk/Panzer_Division_Marduk/2925/Killer_Clown

I have no idea why this was accepted. Doesn't describe the music at all, has bad grammar and the album has 17 other reviews.

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Azmodes
Dweller of the Styrian Depths

Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2007 10:44 am
Posts: 3858
Location: Graz, Austria

Posted: Sun May 20, 2012 7:53 pm

http://www.metal-archives.com/report/vi ... 7/show/all
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... _III/5889/

Not familiar with the band/album, I'm posting this here for evaluation. Maybe the review can be nuked in any case.

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 2495
Location: Bedford, PA

Posted: Sun May 20, 2012 8:29 pm

CrimsonFloyd wrote:

Are you kidding? Who the fuck cares about the music? They support nationalist socialism! They automatically deserve a zero!

...

People need to do their fucking research sometimes.
:brick:

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Marag wrote:

MorbidPentagram wrote:

transcore

The fuck is "transcore"? Tranny core?

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Ilwhyan
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 5152
Location: Finland

Posted: Mon May 21, 2012 5:01 pm

Dauði Baldrs

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... gstondrive

Very subpar. Bad spelling and language, minimal description. There is no shortage of reviews for the album, not even of positive ones (there would still be autothrall's, droneriot's and hells_unicorn's).

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Metantoine
Prince of the Black Sun

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 6561
Location: Québec

Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 2:39 am

I nuked Panzer Division. As an history student, I was quite ashamed of this review. Is Hail of Bullets and God Dethroned NS bands now? Damn, Killer Clown is lame.

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severzhavnost wrote:

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Metantoine's Magickal Realm: Latest review: Cauchemar - Tenebrario
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 8854
Location: United States

Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 11:08 am

Tony, you better check out the Strapping Young Lad - City review by Crossover I posted. That thing is atrocious.

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Metantoine
Prince of the Black Sun

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 6561
Location: Québec

Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 12:18 pm

Burzum and SYL were both nuked.

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severzhavnost wrote:

Even now, the song "More than a Feeling" reminds me of the day my Ottawa Senators traded away Marian Hossa.

Metantoine's Magickal Realm: Latest review: Cauchemar - Tenebrario
Last.fm

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 8854
Location: United States

Posted: Tue May 22, 2012 4:08 pm

This one by Gutterscream doesn't exactly say anything about the music. He also wrote it in a weird way... and what's with that period at the very end? http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/R ... ower/4717/

This Cattle Decapitation review by the abysmal Shadow0fDeath is short and without the necessary information to keep such a review around. Just comparisons to the debut album, but not a real way that'd let listeners know the differences besides "overpower". Also, "vokills" are :ugh:

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Metantoine
Prince of the Black Sun

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 6561
Location: Québec

Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 1:05 am

I rejected the Cattle Decapitation review, the standards of the site are much higher now.

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severzhavnost wrote:

Even now, the song "More than a Feeling" reminds me of the day my Ottawa Senators traded away Marian Hossa.

Metantoine's Magickal Realm: Latest review: Cauchemar - Tenebrario
Last.fm

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hey
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Feb 07, 2008 6:41 pm
Posts: 1285
Location: United States of America

Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 6:41 pm

Is the recent review for Mortualia's s/t really necessary?

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Metantoine
Prince of the Black Sun

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 6561
Location: Québec

Posted: Thu May 24, 2012 7:00 pm

I asked Mindshadow to put more musical description in his review.

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severzhavnost wrote:

Even now, the song "More than a Feeling" reminds me of the day my Ottawa Senators traded away Marian Hossa.

Metantoine's Magickal Realm: Latest review: Cauchemar - Tenebrario
Last.fm

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droneriot
Hobo Sapiens

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 4824
Location: Germany

Posted: Sat May 26, 2012 4:04 am

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... lSonovHell

New Slayer review. Half a sentence of musical description at best. What does the album sound like? They went in a groove metal direction, that's all he tells us.

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Dave_o_rama
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2011 11:54 am
Posts: 489
Location: United States

Posted: Wed May 30, 2012 9:08 am

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Allegaeon/Formshifter/333035/RidgeDeadite

New Allegaeon review that barely covers anything at all, except for pointing out that the riffs are a hybrid of thrash and metalcore... :scratch:

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hippiedrow, on the new Skeletonwitch album wrote:

I remember back when Beyond the Permafrost came out. I was eating a lot of Asian wok-style foods, so now whenever Skeletonwitch is mentioned I get the pleasant taste of noodles in my mouth.

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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 16553
Location: Where the dead rule the night

Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 5:09 pm

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... ller_Clown

The longest paragraph in this very scant, badly written and uninformative review is about how the author acquired the album. Utter dog shit of a review.

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Metantoine
Prince of the Black Sun

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 6561
Location: Québec

Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 5:16 pm

I'm gonna nuke that, there's basically only 1 sentence of musical description. This reviewer is awful.

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severzhavnost wrote:

Even now, the song "More than a Feeling" reminds me of the day my Ottawa Senators traded away Marian Hossa.

Metantoine's Magickal Realm: Latest review: Cauchemar - Tenebrario
Last.fm

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hey
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Feb 07, 2008 6:41 pm
Posts: 1285
Location: United States of America

Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2012 6:40 pm

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/T ... sag_Asakku

It seems well-written enough, but there doesn't really seem to be any real discussion of the music itself beyond that it bares strong similarities to Dissection. If I hadn't already been familiar with Dissection, I'd have absolutely no idea what this band sounded like going solely off of the review.

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androdion
Veteran

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 3197
Location: Portugal

Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2012 6:44 am

It could minimally describe the Dissection sound a bit more to make the comparison more understandable, but as it is I don't think it will be nuked as it's the only less than positive review on the album. And it's well written actually.

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IX Leviathan
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Aug 05, 2011 10:09 pm
Posts: 724
Location: Nova Scotia

Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2012 12:36 pm

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Q ... Watchtower

Poor grammar, facts mixed up (i.e. Stephane Pare was not the vocalist on this album). There is musical description, but it's pretty lackluster. Overall not a very good review.

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Metantoine
Prince of the Black Sun

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 6561
Location: Québec

Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2012 3:12 pm

And Quo Vadis is not from Montréal....What a bad review!

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severzhavnost wrote:

Even now, the song "More than a Feeling" reminds me of the day my Ottawa Senators traded away Marian Hossa.

Metantoine's Magickal Realm: Latest review: Cauchemar - Tenebrario
Last.fm

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WaywardSon
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Apr 14, 2011 1:48 am
Posts: 570

Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2012 3:51 pm

All Canadian bands are from Montreal or Quebec. Its a known fact.

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You say you like circle pits? You say you like punk and hardcore? You say you hate your parents? Well this is the band for you!

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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 3260
Location: United States

Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 8:01 pm

This review is extremely short and there are several reviews before and after it that are much more descriptive.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/F ... 4508/s_o_m

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