People ranting about how much they hate a certain nationality, then asking me if I have a girl and then where she comes from, only for it to be revealed that she's one of the hated ones...

Last year I had the most awkward thing happen to me in a presentation I was doing for this piece of software I had developed for my university course with a few other classmates. This had been ongoing for pretty much the entire year, and this was the final presentation we had to do in front of figures from industry and the bigwigs in the department. I was stuck with the task of preparing all the data to feed into the program, and I also had to speak through the demonstration of our software, so I was up really late the night before mocking up some data for the program. When I finished doing all my preparation for the talk and making the fake data I just went to bed, not bothering to actually check the validity of the information because hey, it looked exactly like the file I had changed it from except with slightly different numbers! And I was tired!

So when we do our presentation, which was already a disjointed disaster because the people we were collaborating with didn't bother to practice with us, we get to my part and I begin walking the audience through how the software operates. We read in the information, which is fine, and show them a couple of pieces of data and the different views, which is fine. Except when we move to some data like, five or six records down the road, we get a big "UNHANDLED EXCEPTION" popup on the projector. There is no describing how red I turned, and had to restrain myself from uttering "Well, fuck...". So I basically try to salvage the presentation by trying to move onto the next part of the demonstration, which continues to bring up more and more unhandled exceptions. Eventually I decide to make a move and show off some functionality that isn't reliant on the data that was read in, but my confidence, which was not particularly high to begin with because while I am a reasonable speaker I am still very shy and reserved in nature, is completely shot. Once we finish off our presentation I scurry back to my seat, and once the rest of them were done I run over to the catering table to have about four or five beers before walking home in a hurry. The reason for me wanting to get out of there wasn't just because of how the presentation went, but also because the part which was throwing the unhandled exception was a component of the program I had written entirely and I obviously neglected to test some very rudimentary shit and I had therefore made an idiot of myself on an indescribable number of levels.

Considering my social clumsiness, and the fact that I'm too drunk to continue my research anyway, I might as well contribute.

The past week has offered not one, but two, cringeworthy moments. The first one occurred at the end of a seminar. As everyone was packing up and starting to shuffle towards the door, one of the guys - a friend of a friend, generally nice if a bit awkward - started talking to me about the class and his research. Just as I was getting up, I reached for a book on the desk it in that urgent, over-eager way that comes with not wanting to forget something important; at the same time, people were trying to walk past behind us, causing the guy I was speaking to to move inwards. I was half listening while trying to cram my stuff into my overfull bag, and wasn't really paying attention to where he was standing. So, naturally, instead of the book, I ended up grabbing his crotch. I didn't even realise until a few moments later, but, short of apologising - and how exactly does one do that? - I had no idea what to do, so ignored it. At first I thought he didn't notice anyway, until I realised that he had started being awfully friendly. Walking me to the library, to class, grinning strangely, etc... I sincerely hope that's just my imagination. Guys surely know that women don't come on to them by grabbing their privates, right? Here's hoping he doesn't think it was intentional.

The second moment of fabulousness happened just a few hours ago. I was in a clothes shop, trying on a corset. I needed someone to tighten the laces and, thinking that the store was empty except for the saleswoman, headed out of the changerooms to ask her to help me (wearing nothing on top besides the half-done-up corset). Being wonderfully helpful, she did help me, without a single judgmental glare while I paraded in front of the mirror like a vain idiot. It was only as I turned around, having twirled like a silly schoolgirl, that I saw the two big, burly deliverymen grinning at me as they were waiting by the cash register. They'd heard and seen everything, from the extended discussion about whether to wear underwear with the corset, to the saleswoman lacing me in like in a bad 19th century cartoon, to my checking out my own cleavage. Aaargh. Why didn't I see them earlier? They were wearing fluoro workvests, for goodness' sake...

If the guy you talk about is gullible enough, then I'd say there might be a possibility he thinks you wanna screw him. Maybe you should clarify it was an accident.

I was headed for an awkward moment of my own when I took you to be a straight male. I didn't figure it out until part way through the corset story, which was really raising my confusion .. even through the following quote:



Oddly, and fortunately for some, this isn't entirely true. My friend's roommate is a kid's art teacher into the Xicano art movement, is virtually constantly getting hit on, and my friend (while being obviously pissed off by the unfairness of the information) told me that "chicks'll just come up and grab his cock." He pouted about that for a couple minutes afterward.


Edit: that roommate in question is pretty much one huge awkward moment for me. He's pretty committed to being anti-white people and because of my shaved head and the fact that I always show up there in black for one reason or another, he just wouldn't talk to me at all, perpetual cold shoulder. I tried an experiment and wore a black knit skull cap that I have for breezy nights and he brightened up immediately. Later on I took it off and he was back to being sullen and dismissive. It's a pretty annoying atmosphere to be in.

I grew into a habit of pretty much blurting out whatever ridiculously catchy song I had stuck in my head, but this was before I got into Metal, so no weird shit like "I Cum Blood".
One day, I blurted out that I had "Another One Bites The Dust" stuck in my head, while my mum was watering some flowers. Her father's flowers at the cemetary, to be precise. I felt like such a dick.

Good grief, I had no idea this was possible. I may actually have to bite the bullet and talk to the guy next time I see him That conversation's going to be a bundle of laughs... "Hi there! This class is a doozy, isn't it? Say, do you remember that I reached for your crotch last week?..."



To prevent any such future awkward moments, yes, I am female, hence the corset story. It would have had to have been a truly impressive corset to give me cleavage if I were male...

Alright, I'll share one... This one happened about 5 hours ago in my class. We were all bored, doing nothing, listening to music. I was extremely bored because I must have gone through at least 6 albums throughout the day (I literally had 3 classes where I slept the entire time, slow day.)

Anyone, I decide to pull up M-A to see how my trade posts are going, nothing eventful. So, naturally, I turn to the tavern and see this thread.
With few chuckles and smiles in between, I began thinking about my experiences. But then, this girl noticed me smiling to myself and asked me why I was, so I take off one earphone, and read the post that Calusari posted. Suddenly, the girl starts cracking up, but not at what Calusari wrote. Everyone was staring at me, I was louder than I had thought.

The best part?
I read: "I was half listening while trying to cram my stuff into my overfull bag, and wasn't really paying attention to where he was standing. So, naturally, instead of the book, I ended up grabbing his crotch." like mentioned before REALLY loudly.
So thanks for the giggles, And I don't blame you, even though it was awkward as all fuck, the girl and I are talking more now.

Awesome! Glad my clumsiness has been of service. They don't call me the goddess of love for nothing...

Random women grab my crotch all the time. It's not akward unless you make it!

Also, I believe Metantoine talked to you about joining a facebook group. I'm a part of that group if that somehow helps the cause, haha.

Shuuuuusssssssh, it's an invitation only group! Markov is one of our black sheeps, by the way.

haha! .. Depending on the size of the moobs.

Making myself look bad:

1) This has to be my worst. After finishing playing dodgeball in gym class, this eccentric black kid walked up to another guy with a couple dodgeballs in his hand and soberly told him, "I'm gonna put my junk in your trunk." Apparently focused on being an immature, pathetic ass with no sense of self-awareness, I said "dude, that sounds pretty gay," to which he said "who, me? Oh," promptly walking away. Confused at his lack of reaction to what I'd said, I heard an a chuckle next to me and turned to see a guy who was pretty amused. "You know that guy's gay, right?" Feeling like the biggest fuck-up tool on the planet, that's when I promised myself never to use the word gay as an insult ever again.

2) One day, my English teacher asked us to write a journal entry listing our favorite movies. My particularly interesting list included everything from Chasing Amy to Brazil to, my eventual downfall, Cannibal Holocaust. So me and everyone else turned it in. About a week later he was reading over them right after picking up an unrelated essay. After many moments of silence, he suddenly exclaimed in a half-exasperated, half-laughing tone, "Cannibal Holocaust!" Amazed that anyone else would pick that movie and not even stopping to think it could have been my list, I had to ask, "wait, who picked that?!" "You did," he replied, looking amused. Dead silence. Everyone staring. "Oh," I said.

About 15-16, getting a physical. Nurse asked, in her thick Russian accent, for me to drop my pants. I reply, with ear to ear grin, "aren't you gonna buy me dinner first?" She looks at me, eyes glowing like the fires of hades, and storms out. Five minutes later, a new nurse enters and asks me to drop my pants. I do not repeat joke.

I use to go to a youth group, as it was the only way I could see my girlfriend. I remember bullshitting with one of her friends outside after it was over one day. The usual stuff.. "Wanna hear a funny joke? Women's rights"... "I will kick you in the nuts"... "Oh yeah? Well I'll rape your dad!"... After that, she ran off without saying a word. I wondered what the big deal was... Then my girlfriend told me that her dad had died three months ago. Eesh.

I learned a valuable lesson that day. Only threaten sodomy on those that you know are alive..

I don't think I've told this story here at MA, so I figure this is about as awkward as they come and thus should be shared.

When I was 14 or 15 (I can't even remember anymore, I feel so old), my family took a vacation to San Deigo. While we were there, we decided that being 70 degrees and raining for fifteen minutes every day just wasn't festive enough and therefore we should go visit Mexico, as Tijuana was only a few minutes drive away. First off, has anybody ever been to Tijuana via America? You park your car before crossing the border and then walk into Mexico, you know what the security is? A turnstyle. We looked over and saw that in order to reenter America you had to go through a gigantic glass building and a three mile long line. This discrepancy gave me a hearty chuckle. Anyway, our first order of business was to stock up on some Coca Cola, since word 'round the campfire is that you shouldn't drink the water in Mexico, so we bought a dozen bottles and carried them around with us for nourishment throughout our day.

Well after a full day of swindling second-rate bootleg swag from dirt poor street vendors, we decided it was time to head back home. The four of us waited under the Mexican Sun (which is WAY hotter than American sun, let me tell you) for an hour or so before we finally got inside that monstrous glass building. The customs guards asked us to put all of our stuff on the conveyor belts so they could go through the x-ray machines and whatnot to make sure we weren't smuggling in cocaine or midget luchadores (which my mom wouldn't let me take home for some reason). I was carrying the plastic bag full of the drinks we purchased earlier in the day, and figured there was no need for a beverage to go through the scanner, so I carried it with me as I walked through the metal detector. One particularly brutish and stern looking officer shot a piercing gaze at me and commanded "What's in the bag, son?".

Without even thinking I just smiled really wide and said "Coke".

I instantly froze in my tracks and came within a micron of shitting my pants in sheer terror. The guard apparently recognized that reaction as that of a kid who was horrified that some ex-marine was about to get to third base with my gravy chute, so he just cracked a smile and told me to go on through. Yeah thankfully at least a few of these guys don't take everything completely seriously, otherwise I'd've lost my buttginity.

I actually laughed out loud ^

Deeper and deeper we go.