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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 8802
Location: United States

Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 4:17 pm

Ok thanks a bunch Gunther.

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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home

Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2012 5:30 pm

GuntherTheUndying wrote:

brain hammer wrote:

Not sure where to post this...but a lot of the new reviews I see here are poorly written, full of needless profanity, and come across like they were written by over anxious 14 year olds just discovering metal for the first time. That recent "Born Too Late" review comes to mind...

Gotta post links bro.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... tAbominae6

It is pretty shit, and reads like it was written by a 12-year-old who tried really hard to be UltraBoris. That being said, I don't think it's horrible enough to justify deleting...it's just as crappy as half the other reviews on the site.

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Guitarpro77889 wrote:

which ones are mainstream cuz i will stop listening to them

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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 3093
Location: United States

Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 2:11 am

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... doGoatKill

You would never guess from this review that there's a 13-minute instrumental track and most of the music is ATG-worship riffs. The guest appearances are pretty obvious too, since they stand out a lot. Doesn't say much about the music, and what it does isn't much beyond the really percussive production.

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 8802
Location: United States

Posted: Sun Feb 19, 2012 2:32 am

PseudoGoatKill's one of the horrible old school reviewers. Classy cunt, that one.

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Lord_Jotun
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Sep 13, 2003 5:02 pm
Posts: 2098
Location: Italy

Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 6:04 pm

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Marduk/Panzer_Division_Marduk/2925/Killer_Clown

Killer_Clown wrote:

Another Fake "Masterpiece" - 0%

"Panzer Division Marduk".

What should I say first of all! If you are not a big fan of Marduk in their middle ages, it is literally forbidden for you to listen to this album. There is absolutely nothing to do, if you want to keep your money, time and ears intact. Second thing I want to mention (if you did not understand me) is that here we can see the obvious case of absolutely uninteresting, even boring, unintelligent, average music without any underlying reason, any meaning, any purport.

But there's something else I can't stand and ,of course, I will never accept it in the works of such band like Marduk. Why was it necessary to sing about World War II, to sympathize with national socialism and even nazism. It is absolutely stupid to sing about it, if you don't announce yourself as NSBM. That's the third reason, why I reject this album.

As I said before, musical part here means nothing. And I am really surprized, how "this" can be appreciated by the big number of people. If people really really want to hear some true/raw black metal, they can easily switch on in their CD players or on computer, for example, Setherial, Dark Funeral or 1349. There are even too many members of the given style.

"Panzer Division Marduk" gives you nothing. Maybe fast passages, brutal blastbeats and scream vocals can bring some pleasure, but not in this case. Thank "God" that the horrible years have passed and this band has recorded masterpieces like "Rom 5:12" and "Wormwood" but, unfortunately, we cannot forget this pretty terrible bullshit they played after "Opus Nocturne". Just avoid this one!

...the hell is this? Almost not a single word describing how the album sounds like, somewhat confusing word choices and sentence construction... and apparently if you wrte songs about WWII you're supporting national socialism and nazism, and if you do so without announcing yourself as a NSBM band, it's a no-no, and constitutes legitmate grounds for panning your record.

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 8802
Location: United States

Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 6:05 pm

I was considering putting that one here, too. When I read it, I couldn't help but notice all the mistakes in regard to actually knowing the language. Guying by his profile, he's a 14 year old Russian. Who knows how much of that review was processed through a translator.

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gomorro wrote:

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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2191
Location: United States

Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 7:02 pm

MalignantThrone wrote:

Yea, it's a little juvenile...ok a lotta juvenile, but it meets the requirements. Lame? Yea. Deletion-worthy? I'm voting no.

Lord_Jotun wrote:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Marduk/Panzer_Division_Marduk/2925/Killer_Clown...the hell is this? Almost not a single word describing how the album sounds like, somewhat confusing word choices and sentence construction... and apparently if you wrte songs about WWII you're supporting national socialism and nazism, and if you do so without announcing yourself as a NSBM band, it's a no-no, and constitutes legitmate grounds for panning your record.

I have trouble with Killer_Clown.

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Ismetal wrote:

GuntherTheUndying IS THE GAY NUMBER 1, HE DOESNT LIKE TO READ THE TRUTH, SO I THINK THIS PAGE IS FOR GAYS WHO WANTS TO READ MESSAGES LIKE "I LOVE MY BAND", "THEY ARE MY LOVE"

Thrashpit
Last FM

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 8802
Location: United States

Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 3:44 am

I think this one is iffy: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/C ... /46/Djavul

"Plodding" and "boring" are the guy's keywords for the entire review. Short and reads like a first impression. It's like when you see a band page, go on youtube to hear the band, and then find out that they aren't what you thought they played and post your thoughts on the board.

Was Necroticism even influential? That's 1991. Swedeath was already in full swing by then.

Here's one for Rotting Christ's Sanctus Diavolos: http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/R ... Ambivilant

There are two other early reviews that, for their length, are ok. This one however says very little, and the length of it is even worse.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... 81/morbert

Might want to check this one out, too. There isn't even any musical description in that first paragraph, and only a handful in the second. Very short, very vague, very cut-worthy. Doesn't put up any defense at all. Reads more like a forum post than a review.

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gomorro wrote:

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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1356
Location: United States

Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2012 5:54 pm

GuntherTheUndying wrote:

I have trouble with Killer_Clown.

His reviews are generally abysmal only because of his terrible, godforsaken, horrendous, baneful, cut-your-nuts-off-with-a-rusty-saw-blade English. Everything else is good, but his English is the stuff of nightmares. Maybe get another mods' input on this one?
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I think this guy had about twenty reviews dangling from the beginning of the queue about three weeks ago. God, I cringe when I see this guy's stuff waiting to be looked at, 'cause I just can't do it.

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Idrownfish
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:04 pm
Posts: 65
Location: Brazil

Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 12:59 pm

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... orks/1670/

Review by Nightcrawler (wall of text).

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 3411
Location: Duncansville, Pennsylvania

Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 1:15 pm

Idrownfish wrote:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Angra/Fireworks/1670/

Review by Nightcrawler (wall of text).

At least he pushed the Enter key several times. It could be worse.

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 8802
Location: United States

Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 1:50 pm

Idrownfish, that review is very descriptive and straightforward. Aside from the spacing issue between paragraphs, it's pretty good. At least enough to stay. Not exactly wall of text, either. That's be if it there were no breaks at all for a long while.

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gomorro wrote:

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Idrownfish
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Apr 16, 2010 9:04 pm
Posts: 65
Location: Brazil

Posted: Sat Feb 25, 2012 3:39 pm

I see, I posted it here because well, Fireworks has many reviews already, and they all deal with both the album's problems and virtues pretty well.

Bu wathever, that review is good enough to stay indeed.

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StinkyPenis
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2011 11:36 pm
Posts: 348
Location: Bangladesh

Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 7:05 pm

http://www.metal-archives.com/users/danbedrosian

I don't like this guys negative reviews. Mostly its his Slaughter review. I mean, he said Toxic Holocaust wasn't a modern thrash band. What does that mean? I am perplexed by that statement.

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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2191
Location: United States

Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2012 7:08 pm

You can "not like" his negative reviews all you want, but they're perfectly acceptable.

Idrownfish wrote:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Angra/Fireworks/1670/

Review by Nightcrawler (wall of text).

OzzyApu wrote:

Agreed with Ozzy, review stays.

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Ismetal wrote:

GuntherTheUndying IS THE GAY NUMBER 1, HE DOESNT LIKE TO READ THE TRUTH, SO I THINK THIS PAGE IS FOR GAYS WHO WANTS TO READ MESSAGES LIKE "I LOVE MY BAND", "THEY ARE MY LOVE"

Thrashpit
Last FM

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 3411
Location: Duncansville, Pennsylvania

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 12:47 am

Zelkiiro wrote:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Nightwish/Imaginaerum/316252/rcr12013

He doesn't describe the album much at all; rather, he spends far more time talking about previous albums while being really vague about the album being reviewed.

Zelkiiro wrote:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Mystic_Prophecy/Ravenlord/318311/Axelinger

Not only is it short, it's very light on description. Just by this review, I'd have no idea what this album sounds like, except for "Cookie Monster range" vocals and "overbearing and droning" music.

These two still need to be looked at. As mentioned, both reviews are scant in terms of detail, and seem to be little more than short diatribes.

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 8802
Location: United States

Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 1:39 am

My Feb 20th post in this thread has three reviews that still need to be looked at. A mod's decision on the Hail of Bullets review on the last page (iirc) also needs to be taken.

I think Gunther has been lone wolfing the thread for the past week or so already.

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KerberosOfHades
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 12:40 am
Posts: 485
Location: New Zealand

Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:37 am

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... rs/109695/

The sole review for this split was written by the guy behind Drunemeton - shouldn't the fact that he's partially reviewing his own music mean this needs deletion?

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Metal_Detector
Reticular Modular Unit

Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:15 pm
Posts: 1729
Location: Forgotten In Space

Posted: Wed Feb 29, 2012 1:42 am

KerberosOfHades wrote:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Drunemeton_-_Aryanas_-_Murdergoat/Aryan_Warmongers/109695/

The sole review for this split was written by the guy behind Drunemeton - shouldn't the fact that he's partially reviewing his own music mean this needs deletion?

I love how he gives it a 30 and recommends that people not get something he made quite a chunk of. Interesting sales tactic...

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John_Sunlight
Comrade!

Joined: Tue Apr 20, 2010 4:41 am
Posts: 4224
Location: United States

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 9:49 am

There's no hard and fast rule against reviewing your own music. He's upfront about it and seems to be giving his honest feelings about the music, rather than merely his honest feelings about himself.

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Azmodes
Dweller of the Styrian Depths

Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2007 10:44 am
Posts: 3725
Location: Graz, Austria

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:30 am

GuntherTheUndying wrote:

Idrownfish wrote:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Angra/Fireworks/1670/

Review by Nightcrawler (wall of text).

OzzyApu wrote:

Agreed with Ozzy, review stays.

Just a FYI, I reformatted the review a bit.

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Painkiller1349
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Jun 16, 2011 1:45 pm
Posts: 172

Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 12:35 am

This was painful to read.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... gabalgabow

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Grave_Wyrm wrote:

OzzyApu wrote:

couples were at the front talking to each other and cuddling - at a BEHEMOTH show!

Behemoth brings the snuggle.

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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2191
Location: United States

Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 12:48 am

John_Sunlight wrote:

There's no hard and fast rule against reviewing your own music. He's upfront about it and seems to be giving his honest feelings about the music, rather than merely his honest feelings about himself.

Yea, the review itself isn't a testament of glory, but at least he's honest about his work. That's pretty noble, at least I think.

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Ismetal wrote:

GuntherTheUndying IS THE GAY NUMBER 1, HE DOESNT LIKE TO READ THE TRUTH, SO I THINK THIS PAGE IS FOR GAYS WHO WANTS TO READ MESSAGES LIKE "I LOVE MY BAND", "THEY ARE MY LOVE"

Thrashpit
Last FM

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androdion
Veteran

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 3022
Location: Portugal

Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2012 9:25 pm

Painkiller1349 wrote:

This was painful to read.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... gabalgabow

It's a decent review apart from the (lack of) formatting.

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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home

Posted: Sun Mar 04, 2012 10:12 pm

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/I ... 888/Plague

It might be passable, but goddamn is it short.

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Guitarpro77889 wrote:

which ones are mainstream cuz i will stop listening to them

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bronxeel
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:58 am
Posts: 312
Location: United States

Posted: Mon Mar 19, 2012 10:26 am

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... es/300723/

This told me nothing about the music.

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AcidWorm
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:37 pm
Posts: 1825

Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:13 pm

I'm surprised that was accepted so recently bronxeel. No musical description at all apart from "ok song"

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Necroticism174
Kite String Popper

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 pm
Posts: 4237
Location: Québec

Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 11:37 pm

Whatever happened to Crappy Diem?

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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home

Posted: Sat Mar 24, 2012 6:27 pm

Necroticism174 wrote:

Whatever happened to Crappy Diem?

From what I remember of an old thread asking that same question, the quality of reviews generally improved to the point where rejected reviews were generally subpar, but not Babelfished, fanboyish, or otherwise extremely, laughably bad. I believe I recall Nightgaunt saying that the current state of the review queue failed to regularly yield the horrid stuff that would have done Crappy Diem justice. Lemme see if I can find that thread.
Okay, I found the thread, and despite what I remembered, the reasoning seems to actually be a combination of the thread's resident mods failing to regularly post in it, and the review queue basically coughing up nothing new in terms of, well, crappiness. According to Nightgaunt, it basically became a series of obvious rehashes: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=65810

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Guitarpro77889 wrote:

which ones are mainstream cuz i will stop listening to them

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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 3093
Location: United States

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 2:29 pm

There are 18 reviews for Arsis' "A Celebration Of Guilt" and several of them are really bare and don't say much of anything.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... ilt/38061/

Very short, very 2004-ish reviews. Not a lot about the music beyond saying each piece is good and one or two brief comparisons. Nothing that isn't said better in other reviews.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... iseryDeath
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... 1/Rockburn
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... HeirToRuin
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... 1/wooder32
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... 1/danyates (This one is particularly bad: "If you're into Death, At the Gates, Kreator, Sodom, or basically ANY METAL, you will love this as much as I do.")
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... 8061/asmox

Lots of wandering comparisons, very little about the music.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... ses_Priced

This one is a brief commentary on the music without a lot of description, not sure where the line is drawn for quality/brevity/variety.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... isanthrope

Terrible writing, really terrible writing. In addition to the writing being terrible, the first half is prefacing, and the conclusion throws in some more awkwardly worded biographical information. Very little about the music other than how much this guy loves it.
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/A ... Deathrash1

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 8802
Location: United States

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 2:31 pm

I always thought that album was padded beyond belief when it came to reviewers. That last one you listed is atrocious.

Spoiler: show

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gomorro wrote:

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Ilwhyan
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 5035
Location: Finland

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:02 pm

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... 05/vorfeed

A blatant track-by-track with crappy formatting that also seems like it was written in five minutes.

"mournful screams establish a mournful mood"
"Not recommended." (given a rating of 70%)

The only worthwhile piece of information is the comparison to the earlier album.

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Desperta_Ferro wrote:

I'm so with Ilwhayn. Thunderbolt fucking slays, only Satan, no faggy forest shit

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AcidWorm
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:37 pm
Posts: 1825

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:55 pm

Here is a weak Falkenbach review for an album with many reviews.

Spoiler: show

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/F ... i.../2868/

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DodensGrav
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 6:45 pm
Posts: 223
Location: United States

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:58 pm

Ilwhyan wrote:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Bilskirnir/Atavismus_des_Glaubens/20905/vorfeed

A blatant track-by-track with crappy formatting that also seems like it was written in five minutes.

"mournful screams establish a mournful mood"
"Not recommended." (given a rating of 70%)

The only worthwhile piece of information is the comparison to the earlier album.

Hardly worth deleting. There's also clear effort and knowledge behind the content, not just some promo review. Are you mad because you want to lower the album's score with your 15% review?

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Metal_Detector
Reticular Modular Unit

Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:15 pm
Posts: 1729
Location: Forgotten In Space

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 6:07 pm

DodensGrav wrote:

Are you mad because you want to lower the album's score with your 15% review?

Exactly what I was thinking. :lol:

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 2446
Location: Bedford, PA

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 11:30 pm

Just a typo I caught, but

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/E ... esmoker666

'The first track is "Seven Angels"...'

'"Seven Angels" is the third and final track on the album.'

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MorbidPentagram wrote:

transcore

The fuck is "transcore"? Tranny core?

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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
Posts: 2785
Location: A step closer to home

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 11:47 pm

All the tracks on Earth 2 sound the fucking same anyways, so he might as well be correct.

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Guitarpro77889 wrote:

which ones are mainstream cuz i will stop listening to them

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Ilwhyan
Metal freak

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 5035
Location: Finland

Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 3:56 am

DodensGrav wrote:

Are you mad because you want to lower the album's score with your 15% review?

I could hardly care less about the average score, I merely for wish metal-archives to have higher standards for reviews than that. There's no clear effort; the piece was obviously written quickly without proof-reading, and the analysis is wanting. The formatting is an eyesore and breaks site rules, the writing is atrocious, and the review is made obsolete by others for the release.

My review is 17%, not 15%.

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Desperta_Ferro wrote:

I'm so with Ilwhayn. Thunderbolt fucking slays, only Satan, no faggy forest shit

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 3411
Location: Duncansville, Pennsylvania

Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 10:37 am

I'm more concerned by the fact they consider a 70% "not recommended." I gave a similar score to Krypteria's newest, and there are plenty of tunes on that album that I love, and I would totally recommend it to fans of the subgenre.

You know what album I would label as "not recommended"? Their previous, My Fatal Kiss. What's the score I gave to an album I would classify as "not recommended"? 26%.

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oneyoudontknow
Cum insantientibus furere necesse est.

Joined: Sun May 21, 2006 6:25 pm
Posts: 5051
Location: Germany

Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 10:39 am

^ makes me think of this:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/ ... Out-Of-Ten

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