Eh, point taken.


Actually I would have the same reaction no matter who would write such a thing, because as I read it it made no sense at all. But since I've been proven wrong I have no trouble in admitting that it was an unnecessary post. I don't care about who's name's on the review as long as it's well written, and when it isn't it could be Autothrall, Empyreal, ANA, etc. If bullshit is written then I cringe, simple as that.

On your second account, if someone writes too much of little quality maybe he should write less and emphasize the qualitative aspect of his reviews, as Necro said before me.

True, true.

Really poor phrasing there. It makes it sound like he's saying Accept, Running Wild, Deep Purple and Priest were all from the same country.

It was either that or learn to master the slide whistle. It was a close race, but....

The world weeps at the thought of the blistering slide whistle solos it could have had.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... 9/TheBlash

This is a horrible review. The American band sounds 'americanized'? What a shock, what an absolute revelation! And he thinks there's something wrong with American music? Maybe if you only listen to the radio. What an idiot.

What the fuck...He bashes the album, mostly with the shittiest justifications ever (most of which don't even actually apply to this record, and without actually describing the music in any way) and then still gives it an 80%.

Stockholm Syndrome, clearly. He's been held captive by Symphony X's most badass album ever, and though he can point out perceived faults, he can't help but be merciful in his criticism.

Snort. Honestly I think 80% is extremely generous for that snoozefest.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/N ... terTheDark

Now, I like this album just fine, but WHAT?!

Your point being...?

I'm inclined to claim factual inaccuracy for saying songs like "Higher than Hope" or "Dead Gardens" are any good, but that's just my opinion. I'm just iffy on someone giving a 100% to an album that's clearly not perfect.

That guy sucks at reviewing and has some very iffy opinions, but at the same time I don't see how "Higher than Hope" is a bad song. I like that one.

It's the snail's-pace tempo and clashing key signatures during the chorus that really bother me. It doesn't help that the sample in the middle doesn't seem like it fits in.

His opinion may be wrong, but he articulated why he loves a crappy album much better than this guy did http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/T ... ashibatune

Funny I glanced at the recent reviews this morning and "What the fuck"'ed at both of the recent reviews posted here. Gut reaction.

Regarding Shogun: What is with these Engrish reviews getting accepted? It is generally disheartening.

The review is awful. And...

"But the art is amazing and some mysterious girl on the cartridge."
What the hell does that mean?

I have no idea. I looked at all versions of the CD, as I assumed he was referring to the artwork on the CD (cartridge lol) itself. No cigar.

hells_unicorn on Powerwolf:



Pretty pompous and self righteous, undermining his own point by the use of 'gay', and although he has a point in that Powerwolf aren't supposed to be taken seriously...they don't make good music at all. But hey.

People who disagree with hells_unicorn are gay? Well fuck, I'm sold - sign me up for H_U's Opinions Monthly, I'm sworn against all that queer-ass shit.

Emp, I really wish you knew how to appreciate fun.

I know it's been a while since I've tried to employ ironic humor in a review, but this little opening paragraph, like Powerwolf, was not meant to be taken seriously, and the underlying point of the whole thing was that the fact was so obvious that stating it in excess of maybe a single sentence constituted a rigorous education in how to interpret humor in music (case and point GWAR). Furthermore, my target in this playful little rant was actually autothrall's review (and it was meant in good fun), and the subject was the gayness of the bromide, not the user. People have episodes you know.



Oh come on, did you even read what I was actually referring to as being gay, nowhere did I suggest such a thing lest I become a mere Ultraboris with a slightly better thesaurus? Man this is one tough room.



It's nice to see that someone here knows how to appreciate a joke (even a lackluster one) aside from good ole Napero and his highness sir Nightgaunt.

Have you ever considered a career in rap? Because you totally should.

You know, I actually floated the idea as a joke to my band's vocalist and he told me to forget it, because I'm literally the whitest man alive today. I never really pictured myself as a metal loving reincarnation of Beaver Cleaver, but who knows?

I'm not picking on you, I just took the opportunity to make a stupid joke. Truth is, I've never listened to Powerwolf, never read your review, have no idea what the band in question stand for, and your use of the word "gay" in your review really doesn't bother me either way. Carry on.

Is it me or is reading this guy's reviews sometimes like reading a book on quantum linear algebra?

http://www.metal-archives.com/users/TowardsMorthond

And where's this Shogun review? I can't seem to find it.

My comment about h_u's review was pretty hostile sounding and I was in a bad mood most of yesterday, but yeah I dunno, just thought it was a weird passage is all. And BastardHead is just pissed that I don't like Powerwolf, he isn't talking about your review.

Haha, yeah I actually have yet to read the review, I just find it unfathomable to like heavy metal and not get enjoyment out of Powerwolf because they're just so damn fun.

Ehh, they're just not that fun for me. They just come off as try-hard and often kind of annoying, and the riffs just aren't good. Kinda gets in the way of their whole comedy factor in my book.

In unrelated news, here's a rejection notice from Napero to some poor schlep about his review and its overabundant 'here's how I found this band/album' hoopla:
---------
I suggest cutting those parts to minimum and focusing on the album. You've got good stuff on the album itself, stick to that and forget your own history with it, unless it's VERY exceptional and involves violence, fractures, a lady, a couple of explosions, PG-13 sex, and a rubber camel.

Thank you,

Napero
---------
It looks like he took your advice, Nappy, with forest fires, artillery splintering trees right and left, a Peruvian nurse raped by a turtle, but no camel. JK.

InTheWoods79 has just stolen a review from mentalendoscopy!

Original review:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Abigail_Williams/In_the_Shadow_of_a_Thousand_Suns/205941/mentalendoscopy

Plagiarized version applied on Riul Doamnei's FATIMA:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Riul_Doamnei/Fatima/323979/InTheWoods79

Strangely, he forgot to replace Abigail Williams with Riul Doamnei in the opening lines...

This was a hilarious read, although for all the wrong reasons.

And on a much less stupid note, I want to give props to Empyreal for his brand new review for Vulvagun's Cold Moon Over Babylon. Really solid work there, comrade.

Apparently "trendy" is an antonym of "forgettable". Also, "haters on batteries"...

He got me at "BUGGER FOR MY SHITLENTINE". It actually took me quite a bit to realise which band he was talking about.

Napero, I admit it, the review as a bit Dry-ed out.

Yeah, you squeezed the juices out. It's not bad, just a bit too Amazon-esque.

Shoveled some dust on it and threw it back into the queue. Also the score has received a bite.

"Dear mr. x of band x,

I've been a huge fan of your awesome band since..."

Reviews written as if letters to the band or a certain band member annoy me to no end. It's just absurdly redundant. Overall I don't care in the slightest what the circumstances of your acquiring this album were, or what you thought of it seven years ago when you first heard it, or how the tape trading days were awesome, etc. It's considerate to mention if you suspect nostalgy might affect the given rating, etc, but lenghty background stories are incredibly pointless.

Speaking of redundancy, isn't it awesome when autothrall gives every cash-in compilation a very low rating and reminds us all how much he dislikes this idea whilst echoing a "get the albums instead" sentiments? I think the point has been made already, unless he actually persists in buying all these comps and feels a genuine need to vent his rage at every single one (which would be baffling and amusing).

I'd like a word filter on the word "haters", that'd be cool.