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androdion
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 4784
Location: Portugal
PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 3:29 pm 
 

Empyreal wrote:
It's just not anything that's worth complaining about. It's one adjective used in a sentence that doesn't even affect the rest of the review, and so it just seems like needless bitching and moaning. Eh.

Eh, point taken. ;)

Metal_Detector wrote:
It's a verb. :lol:

But I do agree with your point, Empyreal. Many of these things might be ignored if a different reviewer wrote them, or merely laughed at. There's a vitriol towards ConorFynes that's so strong it almost makes me uncomfortable. After all, many of you would be in the same boat as he if you wrote nearly as much as he does. I know I would. :boo:

Actually I would have the same reaction no matter who would write such a thing, because as I read it it made no sense at all. But since I've been proven wrong I have no trouble in admitting that it was an unnecessary post. I don't care about who's name's on the review as long as it's well written, and when it isn't it could be Autothrall, Empyreal, ANA, etc. If bullshit is written then I cringe, simple as that. ;)

On your second account, if someone writes too much of little quality maybe he should write less and emphasize the qualitative aspect of his reviews, as Necro said before me.
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Metal_Detector
Reticular Modular Unit

Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:15 pm
Posts: 1884
Location: Forgotten In Space
PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 3:51 pm 
 

True, true.

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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 6549
Location: Fortress Northallerton, North Yorkshire
PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2012 4:50 pm 
 

Shadespawn's review of Accept's [i]Metal Heart wrote:
Overshadowed by other giants of the time, such as countrymen "Running Wild", "Deep Purple" or the mighty "Judas Priest", Accept lack many aspects here that should deliver the goods in a powerful and impressive fashion, or simply should satisfy. Let's take a closer look at what's going on here.


Really poor phrasing there. It makes it sound like he's saying Accept, Running Wild, Deep Purple and Priest were all from the same country.
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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 12:46 am 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
Gutterscream, I'm sorry you had to approve all those CF reviews.


It was either that or learn to master the slide whistle. It was a close race, but....
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Necroticism174
Kite String Popper

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 pm
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Location: Canada
PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2012 12:51 am 
 

The world weeps at the thought of the blistering slide whistle solos it could have had.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
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Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 12:27 am 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... 9/TheBlash

This is a horrible review. The American band sounds 'americanized'? What a shock, what an absolute revelation! And he thinks there's something wrong with American music? Maybe if you only listen to the radio. What an idiot.
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Necroticism174
Kite String Popper

Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2009 6:46 pm
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Location: Canada
PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 12:47 pm 
 

What the fuck...He bashes the album, mostly with the shittiest justifications ever (most of which don't even actually apply to this record, and without actually describing the music in any way) and then still gives it an 80%.
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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 4012
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 12:53 pm 
 

Necroticism174 wrote:
What the fuck...He bashes the album, mostly with the shittiest justifications ever (most of which don't even actually apply to this record, and without actually describing the music in any way) and then still gives it an 80%.

Stockholm Syndrome, clearly. He's been held captive by Symphony X's most badass album ever, and though he can point out perceived faults, he can't help but be merciful in his criticism.
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xexyzl
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:38 pm
Posts: 236
PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 2:39 pm 
 

Snort. Honestly I think 80% is extremely generous for that snoozefest.

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:24 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/N ... terTheDark

Now, I like this album just fine, but WHAT?!
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Napero
GedankenPanzer

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:16 pm
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Location: Finland
PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:25 pm 
 

Zelkiiro wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Nightwish/Once/39218/WishmasterTheDark

Now, I like this album just fine, but WHAT?!

Your point being...?
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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:29 pm 
 

Napero wrote:
Zelkiiro wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Nightwish/Once/39218/WishmasterTheDark

Now, I like this album just fine, but WHAT?!

Your point being...?

I'm inclined to claim factual inaccuracy for saying songs like "Higher than Hope" or "Dead Gardens" are any good, but that's just my opinion. I'm just iffy on someone giving a 100% to an album that's clearly not perfect.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:46 pm 
 

That guy sucks at reviewing and has some very iffy opinions, but at the same time I don't see how "Higher than Hope" is a bad song. I like that one.
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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:49 pm 
 

Empyreal wrote:
but at the same time I don't see how "Higher than Hope" is a bad song. I like that one.

It's the snail's-pace tempo and clashing key signatures during the chorus that really bother me. It doesn't help that the sample in the middle doesn't seem like it fits in.
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xexyzl
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:38 pm
Posts: 236
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 4:16 am 
 

His opinion may be wrong, but he articulated why he loves a crappy album much better than this guy did http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/T ... ashibatune

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
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Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 10:01 am 
 

Funny I glanced at the recent reviews this morning and "What the fuck"'ed at both of the recent reviews posted here. Gut reaction.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 10:01 am 
 

Regarding Shogun: What is with these Engrish reviews getting accepted? It is generally disheartening.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9699
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 11:32 am 
 

Diamhea wrote:
Regarding Shogun: What is with these Engrish reviews getting accepted? It is generally disheartening.

The review is awful. And...

"But the art is amazing and some mysterious girl on the cartridge."
What the hell does that mean?
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
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PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 12:00 pm 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
"But the art is amazing and some mysterious girl on the cartridge."
What the hell does that mean?


I have no idea. I looked at all versions of the CD, as I assumed he was referring to the artwork on the CD (cartridge lol) itself. No cigar.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
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Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 6:45 pm 
 

hells_unicorn on Powerwolf:

Quote:
That’s right ladies and gentlemen, the crazy Germans with their elaborate Gothic stage getups and pale ghostly faces are back and nobody takes them seriously. Next on action news at 10pm, water is wet. Seriously, anyone who uses that gay little “I can’t take them seriously” bromide in regards to a band like this needs to be subjected to 48 hours straight of nothing but GWAR albums until they learn that stating the obvious ought to get you a playful slap across the back of the head. But enough about everybody’s desire to claim a monopoly on judge, jury and executioner in all matters of what constitutes serious music vs. unserious music, there’s an actual decent album to talk about.


Pretty pompous and self righteous, undermining his own point by the use of 'gay', and although he has a point in that Powerwolf aren't supposed to be taken seriously...they don't make good music at all. But hey. ;)
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
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Location: A step closer to home
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 8:00 pm 
 

People who disagree with hells_unicorn are gay? Well fuck, I'm sold - sign me up for H_U's Opinions Monthly, I'm sworn against all that queer-ass shit.
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5254
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 10:11 pm 
 

Emp, I really wish you knew how to appreciate fun.
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hells_unicorn
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 8:32 pm
Posts: 2241
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 11:23 pm 
 

Empyreal wrote:
hells_unicorn on Powerwolf:

Quote:
That’s right ladies and gentlemen, the crazy Germans with their elaborate Gothic stage getups and pale ghostly faces are back and nobody takes them seriously. Next on action news at 10pm, water is wet. Seriously, anyone who uses that gay little “I can’t take them seriously” bromide in regards to a band like this needs to be subjected to 48 hours straight of nothing but GWAR albums until they learn that stating the obvious ought to get you a playful slap across the back of the head. But enough about everybody’s desire to claim a monopoly on judge, jury and executioner in all matters of what constitutes serious music vs. unserious music, there’s an actual decent album to talk about.


Pretty pompous and self righteous, undermining his own point by the use of 'gay', and although he has a point in that Powerwolf aren't supposed to be taken seriously...they don't make good music at all. But hey. ;)


I know it's been a while since I've tried to employ ironic humor in a review, but this little opening paragraph, like Powerwolf, was not meant to be taken seriously, and the underlying point of the whole thing was that the fact was so obvious that stating it in excess of maybe a single sentence constituted a rigorous education in how to interpret humor in music (case and point GWAR). Furthermore, my target in this playful little rant was actually autothrall's review (and it was meant in good fun), and the subject was the gayness of the bromide, not the user. People have episodes you know. :p

Quote:
People who disagree with hells_unicorn are gay? Well fuck, I'm sold - sign me up for H_U's Opinions Monthly, I'm sworn against all that queer-ass shit.


Oh come on, did you even read what I was actually referring to as being gay, nowhere did I suggest such a thing lest I become a mere Ultraboris with a slightly better thesaurus? Man this is one tough room.

Quote:
Emp, I really wish you knew how to appreciate fun.


It's nice to see that someone here knows how to appreciate a joke (even a lackluster one) aside from good ole Napero and his highness sir Nightgaunt.
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Razakel
Nekroprince

Joined: Wed Dec 06, 2006 8:36 pm
Posts: 4860
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 3:40 am 
 

hells_unicorn wrote:
nowhere did I suggest such a thing lest I become a mere Ultraboris with a slightly better thesaurus


Have you ever considered a career in rap? Because you totally should.

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hells_unicorn
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 8:32 pm
Posts: 2241
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:07 am 
 

Razakel wrote:
hells_unicorn wrote:
nowhere did I suggest such a thing lest I become a mere Ultraboris with a slightly better thesaurus


Have you ever considered a career in rap? Because you totally should.


You know, I actually floated the idea as a joke to my band's vocalist and he told me to forget it, because I'm literally the whitest man alive today. I never really pictured myself as a metal loving reincarnation of Beaver Cleaver, but who knows? :lol:
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
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Location: A step closer to home
PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:06 am 
 

hells_unicorn wrote:
Quote:
People who disagree with hells_unicorn are gay? Well fuck, I'm sold - sign me up for H_U's Opinions Monthly, I'm sworn against all that queer-ass shit.


Oh come on, did you even read what I was actually referring to as being gay, nowhere did I suggest such a thing lest I become a mere Ultraboris with a slightly better thesaurus? Man this is one tough room.

I'm not picking on you, I just took the opportunity to make a stupid joke. Truth is, I've never listened to Powerwolf, never read your review, have no idea what the band in question stand for, and your use of the word "gay" in your review really doesn't bother me either way. Carry on.
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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:18 am 
 

Is it me or is reading this guy's reviews sometimes like reading a book on quantum linear algebra?

http://www.metal-archives.com/users/TowardsMorthond

And where's this Shogun review? I can't seem to find it.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 18859
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:28 am 
 

My comment about h_u's review was pretty hostile sounding and I was in a bad mood most of yesterday, but yeah I dunno, just thought it was a weird passage is all. And BastardHead is just pissed that I don't like Powerwolf, he isn't talking about your review. :p
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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5254
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:35 am 
 

Empyreal wrote:
And BastardHead is just pissed that I don't like Powerwolf, he isn't talking about your review. :p


Haha, yeah I actually have yet to read the review, I just find it unfathomable to like heavy metal and not get enjoyment out of Powerwolf because they're just so damn fun.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
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Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:41 am 
 

Ehh, they're just not that fun for me. They just come off as try-hard and often kind of annoying, and the riffs just aren't good. Kinda gets in the way of their whole comedy factor in my book.
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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
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Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:54 am 
 

In unrelated news, here's a rejection notice from Napero to some poor schlep about his review and its overabundant 'here's how I found this band/album' hoopla:
---------
I suggest cutting those parts to minimum and focusing on the album. You've got good stuff on the album itself, stick to that and forget your own history with it, unless it's VERY exceptional and involves violence, fractures, a lady, a couple of explosions, PG-13 sex, and a rubber camel.

Thank you,

Napero
---------
It looks like he took your advice, Nappy, with forest fires, artillery splintering trees right and left, a Peruvian nurse raped by a turtle, but no camel. JK.
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SereFlower
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Sat May 28, 2011 4:19 am
Posts: 1
Location: Romania
PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:54 am 
 

InTheWoods79 has just stolen a review from mentalendoscopy!

Original review:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Abigail_Williams/In_the_Shadow_of_a_Thousand_Suns/205941/mentalendoscopy

Plagiarized version applied on Riul Doamnei's FATIMA:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Riul_Doamnei/Fatima/323979/InTheWoods79

Strangely, he forgot to replace Abigail Williams with Riul Doamnei in the opening lines...

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Xlxlx
May contain traces of nuts

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 5345
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 12:36 pm 
 

This was a hilarious read, although for all the wrong reasons.

And on a much less stupid note, I want to give props to Empyreal for his brand new review for Vulvagun's Cold Moon Over Babylon. Really solid work there, comrade.
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MalignantThrone
Vanished in the Cosmic Futility

Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 1:24 am
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 28, 2012 12:45 pm 
 

Quote:
Some idiots, haters on batteries that is, call LoG trendy and shit, and other call LoG forgettable. So really do make up your mind please, because last time I checked something can't be both black and white at the same time.

Apparently "trendy" is an antonym of "forgettable". Also, "haters on batteries"... :lol:
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Xlxlx
May contain traces of nuts

Joined: Sat Dec 24, 2011 2:16 pm
Posts: 5345
Location: Argentina
PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 12:40 pm 
 

MalignantThrone wrote:
Quote:
Some idiots, haters on batteries that is, call LoG trendy and shit, and other call LoG forgettable. So really do make up your mind please, because last time I checked something can't be both black and white at the same time.

Apparently "trendy" is an antonym of "forgettable". Also, "haters on batteries"... :lol:

He got me at "BUGGER FOR MY SHITLENTINE". It actually took me quite a bit to realise which band he was talking about.
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oneyoudontknow
Cum insantientibus furere necesse est.

Joined: Sun May 21, 2006 6:25 pm
Posts: 5309
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:09 pm 
 

Napero, I admit it, the review as a bit Dry-ed out.
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Napero
GedankenPanzer

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:16 pm
Posts: 8468
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:10 pm 
 

oneyoudontknow wrote:
Napero, I admit it, the review as a bit Dry-ed out.

Yeah, you squeezed the juices out. It's not bad, just a bit too Amazon-esque.
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oneyoudontknow
Cum insantientibus furere necesse est.

Joined: Sun May 21, 2006 6:25 pm
Posts: 5309
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:33 pm 
 

Shoveled some dust on it and threw it back into the queue. Also the score has received a bite.
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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 6403
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 5:14 am 
 

"Dear mr. x of band x,

I've been a huge fan of your awesome band since..."

Reviews written as if letters to the band or a certain band member annoy me to no end. It's just absurdly redundant. Overall I don't care in the slightest what the circumstances of your acquiring this album were, or what you thought of it seven years ago when you first heard it, or how the tape trading days were awesome, etc. It's considerate to mention if you suspect nostalgy might affect the given rating, etc, but lenghty background stories are incredibly pointless.
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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 6549
Location: Fortress Northallerton, North Yorkshire
PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:47 am 
 

Speaking of redundancy, isn't it awesome when autothrall gives every cash-in compilation a very low rating and reminds us all how much he dislikes this idea whilst echoing a "get the albums instead" sentiments? I think the point has been made already, unless he actually persists in buying all these comps and feels a genuine need to vent his rage at every single one (which would be baffling and amusing).

I'd like a word filter on the word "haters", that'd be cool.
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