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kampfplatz666
Sturmbannführer Borat

Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2008 10:17 pm
Posts: 509
Location: Vatican City
PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 3:05 pm 
 

"The contents of your review are acceptable, but it is poorly formatted and difficult or annoying to read. Please see the following list of possible problems, correct those you find in your review and then resubmit your work."

That is the problem with my review. I thought it would be fine, but well it showed why the english is not my first language and I use it from time to time. Probably there are bad expression that automatically translated from spanish to english without knowing if they fit or exist.
And here it is, if some of you with more use of english can help me it'll be appreciated!

This is it:
--------------------------
“Muchas gracias por estar acá… hay mucha gente que considera mi propuesta como oscuras ideas del nacionalismo, y es porque no son argentinos…”

This great live album was released in 1997 on tape and CD via the DBN label. My first contact with this was in tape, at the end of the nineties, that god knows where is it now.

This album contains songs from the two previous full lengths (and some covers here and there) recorded live, along several cities and towns of Argentina, with Walter Martinez on drums. He was not indeed the best drummer Almafuerte had but, compared with the current and rather slow Bin Valencia, his work may be remembered as pretty good.
The album’s start is a great speed metal song 'De los Pagos del Tiempo' (‘Of the Meads of Time’) with lyrics by José Larralde, the great Argentine poet and leading figure in the (true) national folklore with seventy-three years behind his back . The vein is outlined in the album with that song: most songs are in the approach of the classical speed / heavy metal.
Advancing a little there’s a great… sort of cover, a heavy song with lyrics of a tango called 'Desencuentro', pretty nice stuff indeed. A nice double pedal bass-drums is heard in next songs like ‘Buitres’ ('Vultures') and 'Por Nacer' (some sort of ‘To born’), hymns that nowadays seem forgotten for this band (considering their last live performances excluding all these old songs). I must add here that the following cover song ‘Mal Bicho’, of the retarded and populist pop/rock band Los Fabulosos Cadillacs, re-transformed into heavy metal was pretty damn annoying and kills the great mod left mainly by those two hymns mentioned earlier.
Advancing more than half of the album is seen a certain presence of folk songs on acoustic guitars as 'Moraleja' or the very good 'Zamba de Resurreccion', with a great tango(!) inbetween: ‘Ayer deseo, hoy realidad’, originally a traditional heavy metal song of Hermetica now transformed pretty well into a tango. The live part of the album ends with 'Dijo el droguero al drogador', one of the two or three Almafuerte’s most heavy songs that are around (with a strong presence of double-bass drums and two or three great solos in the same song).

The next two songs are studio outtakes and are there mainly as bonus tracks. The last one is quite interesting and it’s somewhat reminiscent of Motorhead, in a good way.

The lyrics need mention since are clearly hearable, and they’re very good, sometimes brilliant in their reflections and use of several figures, dealing with life struggles to Argentinean patriotism, an aspect that in this band will be accentuated with time, and pretty well, fortunately. It's clear that an important part of the appeal is lost for those who don't understand spanish but the music is still powerful anyways.

This work is an excellent compilation of songs that they almost don't play live by these last years and, of course, deserved being released in an album. Personally I am not very keen of live albums, but this one is very good, clearly mandatory for fans of Almafuerte and also for others fans of speed / heavy metal.
And I'm not giving it all points just because, like I said previously, I found the cover ‘Mal Bicho’ uninteresting and almost of bad taste.
-----------------------
Thanks for your time.
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"If I take death into my life, acknowledge it, and face it squarely, I will free myself from the anxiety of death and the pettiness of life - and only then will I be free to become myself."

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Ice_As_Steel
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 28, 2010 12:51 am
Posts: 663
PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 4:15 pm 
 

Board advice: there is a sticky for helping with reviews.

Reveiw advice: always press the enter key twice inbetween paragraphs so there is one full line left blank between paragraphs.

How it should look:

Quote:
“Muchas gracias por estar acá… hay mucha gente que considera mi propuesta como oscuras ideas del nacionalismo, y es porque no son argentinos…”

This great live album was released in 1997 on tape and CD via the DBN label. My first contact with this was in tape, at the end of the nineties, that god knows where is it now.

This album contains songs from the two previous full lengths (and some covers here and there) recorded live, along several cities and towns of Argentina, with Walter Martinez on drums. He was not indeed the best drummer Almafuerte had but, compared with the current and rather slow Bin Valencia, his work may be remembered as pretty good.

The album’s start is a great speed metal song 'De los Pagos del Tiempo' (‘Of the Meads of Time’) with lyrics by José Larralde, the great Argentine poet and leading figure in the (true) national folklore with seventy-three years behind his back . The vein is outlined in the album with that song: most songs are in the approach of the classical speed / heavy metal.

Advancing a little there’s a great… sort of cover, a heavy song with lyrics of a tango called 'Desencuentro', pretty nice stuff indeed. A nice double pedal bass-drums is heard in next songs like ‘Buitres’ ('Vultures') and 'Por Nacer' (some sort of ‘To born’), hymns that nowadays seem forgotten for this band (considering their last live performances excluding all these old songs). I must add here that the following cover song ‘Mal Bicho’, of the retarded and populist pop/rock band Los Fabulosos Cadillacs, re-transformed into heavy metal was pretty damn annoying and kills the great mod left mainly by those two hymns mentioned earlier.

Advancing more than half of the album is seen a certain presence of folk songs on acoustic guitars as 'Moraleja' or the very good 'Zamba de Resurreccion', with a great tango(!) inbetween: ‘Ayer deseo, hoy realidad’, originally a traditional heavy metal song of Hermetica now transformed pretty well into a tango. The live part of the album ends with 'Dijo el droguero al drogador', one of the two or three Almafuerte’s most heavy songs that are around (with a strong presence of double-bass drums and two or three great solos in the same song).

The next two songs are studio outtakes and are there mainly as bonus tracks. The last one is quite interesting and it’s somewhat reminiscent of Motorhead, in a good way.

The lyrics need mention since are clearly hearable, and they’re very good, sometimes brilliant in their reflections and use of several figures, dealing with life struggles to Argentinean patriotism, an aspect that in this band will be accentuated with time, and pretty well, fortunately. It's clear that an important part of the appeal is lost for those who don't understand spanish but the music is still powerful anyways.

This work is an excellent compilation of songs that they almost don't play live by these last years and, of course, deserved being released in an album. Personally I am not very keen of live albums, but this one is very good, clearly mandatory for fans of Almafuerte and also for others fans of speed / heavy metal.

[Don't start the paragraph/sentence with "And"]

I'm not giving it all points just because, like I said previously, I found the cover ‘Mal Bicho’ uninteresting and almost of bad taste.
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Naught
Metal newbie

Joined: Sun Apr 04, 2010 10:49 am
Posts: 44
PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 4:23 pm 
 

Before I begin, I would like to mention that you should provide an English translation of the phrase that introduces the reader to your review.

kampfplatz666 wrote:
“Muchas gracias por estar acá… hay mucha gente que considera mi propuesta como oscuras ideas del nacionalismo, y es porque no son argentinos…”


A fair majority of the contributors and users of the Encyclopaedia Metallum speak English as their native tongue or as a secondary language. Furthermore, the Encyclopaedia Metallum is an English-based database, hence it is advised for you to submit your future compositions entirely in English, or as precise to the language as possible.

Otherwise, a few formatting issues which I encountered throughout your writing, is instead of placing two spaces in-between paragraphs, only use one space as how I implemented within this very post. Moreover, you neglect to properly break off your ideas into additional paragraphs when needed. Most writers often begin a new paragraph when they introduce an entirely different argument or view-point. Within your writing, I discovered several fresh perspectives being introduced, without properly formatting them in their own paragraphs.

kampfplatz666 wrote:
This album contains songs from the two previous full lengths (and some covers here and there) recorded live, along several cities and towns of Argentina, with Walter Martinez on drums. He was not indeed the best drummer Almafuerte had but, compared with the current and rather slow Bin Valencia, his work may be remembered as pretty good.
The album’s start is a great speed metal song 'De los Pagos del Tiempo' (‘Of the Meads of Time’) with lyrics by José Larralde, the great Argentine poet and leading figure in the (true) national folklore with seventy-three years behind his back . The vein is outlined in the album with that song: most songs are in the approach of the classical speed / heavy metal.


The sentences which I underlined signify completely differing sentences and ideas. When you introduce a new idea into your writing, ensure that you begin another paragraph to introduce your vision to the reader (once you have efficiently elaborated upon your argument, that is). I additionally noticed that you incorporated a single space before you concluded the sentence with any grammatical tool (e.g. commas, periods, and/or semicolons). Always place a period after each sentence, without a space.

kampfplatz666 wrote:
The album’s start is a great speed metal song 'De los Pagos del Tiempo' (‘Of the Meads of Time’) with lyrics by José Larralde, the great Argentine poet and leading figure in the (true) national folklore with seventy-three years behind his back .


Also, avoid including mundane symbols such as "(!)" within your writing. To my knowledge, additions as such do not fall under proper English grammar conventions. If you wish to place emphasis on a particular word or phrase simply italicize it. In addition, avoid placing spaces before and after including a "/" in your writing.

Otherwise, the musical analysis is succinct enough to be accepted on an adequate level, however, always begin new ideas with a new paragraph, and pay careful attention to how you include grammatical symbols. Furthermore, include English translations when necessary.

To further assist your writing endeavors, I will take the effort to format the review for you. However, be certain as to take heed of my suggestions, and attempt to include them in your English-composed reviews.

kampfplatz666 wrote:
“Muchas gracias por estar acá… hay mucha gente que considera mi propuesta como oscuras ideas del nacionalismo, y es porque no son argentinos…” (Always strive to provide a reliable English translation following any foreign phrases and/or excerpts.)

This great live album was released in 1997 on tape and CD via the DBN label. My first contact with this was in tape at the end of the nineties, that god knows where is it now. (Avoid placing additional commas when unnecessary; only include them when you are providing an additional idea into your sentence and/or creating a list.)

This album contains songs from the two previous full lengths (and some covers here and there) recorded live, along several cities and towns of Argentina, with Walter Martinez on drums. He was not indeed the best drummer Almafuerte had but, compared with the current and rather slow, Bin Valencia, his work may be remembered as pretty good. (I corrected this particular paragraph by including a comma and separating your following sentence to begin a new paragraph.)

The album’s start is a great speed metal song "De los Pagos del Tiempo" ("Of the Meads of Time") with lyrics by José Larralde, the great Argentine poet and leading figure in the (true) national folklore with seventy-three years behind his back. The vein is outlined in the album with that song. Most songs here are in the approach of the classical speed/heavy metal.
Advancing a little there’s a great cover: a heavy song with lyrics of a tango called "Desencuentro"; pretty nice stuff indeed. A nice double pedal bass-drum is heard in the following songs, "Buitres" ("Vultures") and "Por Nacer" (some sort of "To born")--hymns that nowadays seem forgotten for this band (considering their last live performances excluding all these old songs). I must add here that the following cover song "Mal Bicho", of the retarded and populist pop/rock band Los Fabulosos Cadillacs, re-transformed into heavy metal was pretty damn annoying and kills the great mood left mainly by those two hymns mentioned earlier (Throughout this paragraph, I corrected a few syntactical mistakes that would otherwise muddle the meaning of your writing, as well as correcting your usage of quotation marks.)

Advancing more than half of the album is seen a certain presence of folk songs on acoustic guitars as "Moraleja" or the very good "Zamba de Resurreccion", with a great tango in-between. "Ayer deseo, hoy realidad", originally a traditional heavy metal song of Hermetica now transformed pretty well into a tango. The live part of the album ends with "Dijo el droguero al drogador", one of the two or three Almafuerte’s most heavy songs that are around with a strong presence of double-bass drums and two or three great solos in the same song. The next two songs are studio outtakes and are there mainly as bonus tracks. The last one is quite interesting and it’s somewhat reminiscent of Motörhead, in a good way. (Again, I amended your usage of quotation marks, as well as removing the parenthesis that was incorporated at the conclusion of this paragraph. As I mentioned earlier, try to provide an English translation of the song/album titles for our English-speaking readers.)

The lyrics need mention since are clearly audible, and they’re very good, sometimes brilliant in their reflections and use of several figures, dealing with life struggles to Argentinean patriotism--an aspect that in this band will be accentuated with time, and pretty well, fortunately. It's clear that an important part of the appeal is lost for those who don't understand Spanish but the music is still powerful anyways. (I corrected a few capitalization mistakes (e.g. "spanish" to "Spanish"), as well as connecting your arguments with the inclusion of an em dash.)

This work is an excellent compilation of songs that they almost don't play live by these last years and, of course, deserved being released in an album. Personally I am not very keen of live albums, but this one is very good, clearly mandatory for fans of Almafuerte and also for others fans of speed/heavy metal. In addition, I'm not giving it a perfect score just because, like I said previously, I found the cover "Mal Bicho" uninteresting and almost of bad taste. (I re-formatted your paragraph to incorporate your concluding sentence, which in turn, allows the review to successfully reach an adequate, satisfying conclusion.)


Therefore, if you submit the corrected review (while removing the comments which I emphasized in bold), its format should be acceptable to warrant an inclusion into the Encyclopaedia Metallum.

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failsafeman
Digital Dictator

Joined: Wed Sep 01, 2004 8:45 am
Posts: 9636
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Jul 20, 2010 4:25 pm 
 

Just want to interject here that starting a sentence with "and" is OK when using a more informal tone, but starting a whole paragraph with it is probably a bad idea. Follow Ice_As_Steel's and Naught's advice. Otherwise please use the available resources on the board, rather than starting a new topic.
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Seriously, why ban me??????? That topic had nothing wrong with it! Theres something wrong with you i can tell you! You're immoral banning of my account! Anyways, i'm creating my own metal arcives.

http://extrememetalencyclopedia.webs.com/

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