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Aamu
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Fri Dec 19, 2008 11:19 pm
Posts: 29
PostPosted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 6:15 pm 
 

I find it a bit funny to have new thread for every piece of lyrical content so here is one for everyone to post their own lyrics and receive feedback.

If you consider this to be worse than all songs separated into individual threads, then by all means say it.

Ill start with the lyrics of first song from the upcoming first demo of my solo project Sarastus. They are ready, but comments can be usefull for future writings and as english isnt my first language im a bit blind for it. Musically we are talking about a mix of quite raw and athmospheric black metal and ambientish soundscapes with some little influences from classical and folk music.

Dirge

scarred mutilated woods
carved raped hills
do they cry mourn

the faint rattle
of dead leaves
and how the wind howls
frail yells of lament



in silence she awaits
for your roots
to reach sacred waters

and i drink the blood of earth
crystal iron wine
awakening
the dance of my ghost



sunfire
your soul burns
freezing moon by the nightfall
rejuvenates ash

somewhere
away from known world
i give birth
to a pair of wings


i shatter
and rain as blood
for life i give mine
into dry soil

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nex666
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Mar 18, 2009 12:36 am
Posts: 1078
Location: New Zealand
PostPosted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 6:48 pm 
 

They're actually good man, there's more meaning behind them than most torrid bullshit around here.

Some of the English is not quite right, but I mean that's not really much of an issue because the ideas are good...do you want tips on any of that or anything?

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TheUglySoldier
Metalhead

Joined: Mon May 12, 2008 3:44 am
Posts: 1664
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 9:26 pm 
 

Interesting lyrics, you've got a few really cool lines in there. "the dance of my ghost" is a great one.

I haven't got any of my completed lyrics on this computer, so I'll post some of mine up later.
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Sadness_for_Life
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2006 5:15 am
Posts: 382
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Tue Oct 13, 2009 9:38 pm 
 

Nice lyrics man. Simple and poetic. I got kind of an Opeth-ish vibe, not sure if that's what you're going for.

Here are some of mine
Quote:
Leprous rot expels cryptic soliloquies
Sarcophagus eyes snake-like in rapture
Trodden fields full of specters
Lament the waning moon

Ethereal breeze blows through ghastly, skeletal Willows
Pale faces locked in screams shift and meld;
as if a decrepit aggregate shrouded in death veils.

Rotten throats sing, in perverse close-harmony
Dissonant canticles reciting twisted blasphemies

Somewhere there's an ancient mummified princess
Awaiting her long dead Prince
Venomous drip from parted, peeling lips
Grey with Azrael's celestial touch
All it would take is one kiss.

Lock me in your armless embrace
Porous cavities suffocate; malodorous breath.
Suppurating pustules adorn barren flesh
Life runs red, in the sun's light; raining Roses
Mourning dew clings to stems, afraid to let go

Your touch is where flowers grow
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MorbidAJ
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Fri Oct 30, 2009 3:14 pm
Posts: 9
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 8:00 pm 
 

Sadness_for_Life wrote:
Nice lyrics man. Simple and poetic. I got kind of an Opeth-ish vibe, not sure if that's what you're going for.

Here are some of mine
Quote:
Leprous rot expels cryptic soliloquies
Sarcophagus eyes snake-like in rapture
Trodden fields full of specters
Lament the waning moon

Ethereal breeze blows through ghastly, skeletal Willows
Pale faces locked in screams shift and meld;
as if a decrepit aggregate shrouded in death veils.

Rotten throats sing, in perverse close-harmony
Dissonant canticles reciting twisted blasphemies

Somewhere there's an ancient mummified princess
Awaiting her long dead Prince
Venomous drip from parted, peeling lips
Grey with Azrael's celestial touch
All it would take is one kiss.

Lock me in your armless embrace
Porous cavities suffocate; malodorous breath.
Suppurating pustules adorn barren flesh
Life runs red, in the sun's light; raining Roses
Mourning dew clings to stems, afraid to let go

Your touch is where flowers grow


Rotten throat sing in perverse close-harmony is my favorite part....thumbs up man

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demisetheflesh
Metalhead

Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 8:20 pm
Posts: 511
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 6:03 pm 
 

They're pretty good, and these are some lyrics from my band's upcomming album.

"Unraveling the Twisted Concept"

it's just the principality
to which we fail
rpae of the sacred principles of a god of law
stressing self-wealth instead of worth
you disgust me

prisoner of the political chopping block
pocket dillenger of the spectrum
corruption through mass genocidal rights

bleeding dry using a system of perversion
sterilize the classes with a purging check
list the "candidates" for a fixed vote

mop the floor with piss coloured cash
the green eye monster about you
prophecy of history in fullfillment
all nations fall someday

the walls of contemption crash down
history repeats itself
the well has dried
the twisted concept of reality has unraveled
and the end awaist as the dawn


"Putting the Final Nail In"

trying to generate a silent war
out of a shallow peace
hallowed you made your name to be
it becomes a blasphemy to criticize your judgement
a not so bloody public execution
as long as we aren't of your age or chosen race
try and deny my right to exist
what makes me a leper in your eyes

take our blood for your own
siphon our flesh away
untill we're filled with dust and sand
we have to bleed completely dry for you

suffocate us untill we have no air thats free
trying to socialize the private enterprise
infracture our native rights

omega in attempt to be god thus far
backing us into another corner by so called superiors
an attempt at a so called resurection of a forgotten past
mastering a tradition of treachery
a bid for power aboslute
go back to a dead letter
ink your bond in our blood
why not your own?

are you too good for our fate
wanting to be a poster king
you monkey messiah
show your disgrace to our face
making supposed centuries of your anguish our debt
attempt to change our society with a single fist
put us inside the fire
taxing our very souls
time to swat you like a fly
making "history" for a brand new Rome

you made for us a bigger lie than before
hold your bargains in your tounge removed
you hold no birth-right to be my king
make yourself to be the father of a new era

i cast spit in your path
you cast shame among once sacred land
just watch your ill gotten throne fall
crumble your reigns into dust
grind your pedestal down into sand
your laws will not be put into stone
show us just how weak you really are

before the crack of dawn
your kingship will come crashing down
it will become your nightmare in shining black
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Suechtler
Metalhead

Joined: Mon May 07, 2007 2:41 pm
Posts: 446
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 3:28 pm 
 

I'm not really a fan of this kind of lyrics unless they're VERY well written, while yours aren't bad in my opinion they aren't that good either.

I tend to write most of my lyrics in Germans as I feel I can simply express myself a lot better using my first language, but here's some stuff I've written for a former band of mine. Grass is used as a synonym for both, weed and nature.

Beheaded by a Lawnmower

Green grass growing crazily
Expanding consciousness
Or simply overgrowing
Human claims on nature

Green grass swiftly growing
Earthen well of relaxation
Repugnant bane of progress
None it ever leaves unmoved

Cut it down! Cut it down! Now!
Cut it down! Cut it down! Now!
Head to the lawnmower!
Extinguish every blade!

Running faster to the meadows
Where the fiend is found in masses
Total ruin inevitable
Doomsday’s closely looming

The machine’s howling in disgust
Itself accustomed to the
Grass’s awe-inspiring impact
Planning vengeance barbarous

Throwing down with force its captain
Running through his tender throat
Sharpened knives that drown in blood

The engine’s nearly overheating
When at last the head drops off.


And just in case any German-speakers read this thread, here's what I think are the best lyrics I've written, they're used in a song from my band's upcoming demo.

In Traumschwebe Erstarrt

Schwebend körperlos, durch Luft getrieben
Hinauf! Durchbreche ich das Wolkenband,
Dicht gefolgt von Sturmes prasselnd’ Hieben,
Steig’ ich auf zu Himmels letztem Rand.

Während kurzer Ruhe der Gewalten
Mein Blick weit in die Tiefe schweift – und dort
Er wird für lange Zeit gehalten
Vom Bann der Erde, dem verwandelt’ Ort

Kein Grün, kein Blau ich seh’; nur reines Weiß
Bedeckt Natur. Eingetaucht in Stille
Starren Bergesgipfel unter ew’gem Eis,
der Fels verborgen in Gletscherhülle.

Auch die tiefsten Meere sind gefroren,
Bis zum Grund kein Tropfen Wasser fließet.
Doch mir dringt die Angst aus allen Poren
Und mein Schweiß das gleißend’ Erdrund gießet.

Suchend wandern meine Augen umher,
Doch streifen nichts als Winters kalten Schein.
Wohin ich schau, die Welt ist gänzlich leer
Und ohne Leben – bis auf mich allein.

Erkenntnis meine Gedanken durchdringt:
„Ich bin der einz’ge Mensch, gehöre nicht
hierher.“ Und schon voll Schmerz die Zukunft winkt,
Erstarren des Herzens in naher Sicht.

Immer tiefer, immer schneller sich frisst
Der Frost in meine Glieder. S’kommt heran
Der ew’ge Schlaf, mit immergleicher List
Schlägt er mich in seinen schwarzen Bann.

Doch Erwachen kommt statt Leichenstarre,
Ach! Voll Glück sind die in Träumen sterben
Um im Leb’n zu sag’n: „Natur verharre
In deinem Winterkleid für alle Zeit,
Komm lass den Frühling in der Ferne weit
Denn Du bringst Schönheit ohne Gleichen
Und bist frei von jeglichem Verderben.
Die Welt ist heil bis Du beschließt zu weichen.“

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demisetheflesh
Metalhead

Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 8:20 pm
Posts: 511
PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:24 pm 
 

They're decent, I think the german is better. Its been afew years since I spoke german, and this makes me wish my family never had never moved to America from my native Bavaria. The german lyrics were much better though.
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LordOminous
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2003 6:17 pm
Posts: 466
Location: Oosterhout, Netherlands
PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 12:22 am 
 

I wrote a song about eagles. And steel. This shit is DEEP.


THE MIGHTY WAR OF EAGLES
by Gloryhole


VERSE 1
Across the dark lands of Delgin Thuar
Where evil spirits dwell
A mystical force is rising up
Up from the caverns of hell

The knights of steel have armour on
They are ready to fight!
A magical sword, a blade for the king!
To battle he rides tonight!


PRECHORUS
Riding on a eagle
Slaying evil fight!


CHORUS
Into the battle of eagles we ride
The wizards of Thulgar are by our side
With the glorious sword, the kingdom prevails
And glory shall not fail!

VERSE 2
The battle was mighty and many men fell
An eagle was slain and it died
But many more forces of darkness did die
Eventually battle was won!

Dark lord of Delgin Thaur on his throne
Raging for his trolls
But thanks to the power of mighty eagles
The heroes did prevail

PRECHORUS
Wielding magic weapons
Destiny of steel!

CHORUS
Into the battle of eagles we ride
The wizards of Thulgar are by our side
With the glorious sword, the kingdom prevails
And glory shall not fail!

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FugitHora
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2009 5:38 pm
Posts: 32
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 1:41 am 
 

I enjoyed the bit about the trolls :)

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LordOminous
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2003 6:17 pm
Posts: 466
Location: Oosterhout, Netherlands
PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 5:08 pm 
 

Totally. It's a metaphor for something, I think.

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kingdiamondrules2814
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Nov 11, 2009 11:50 am
Posts: 2
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 12:00 pm 
 

Here's some lyrics i wrote for my band Deathly Hallows

SATAN RULES YOUR MIND
Kneeling at the alter
raise your chalice high
baphomet is on the wall
now its time to die

you drink the poisoned blood
of jesus christ himself
you go into an unholy trance
and the demon bell is tolled

the church they cannot stop you
holy as they may be
so many slaughtered there
that even Jesus cries
BLOOD!

satan rules
over your mind X4

DIE!

The Pope he hears of a man
possessed by SATAN
he goes to the temple
and finds him there

he burns the goat at the altar
doesnt notice the holy man
as he drives the cross
inside of Evil's head

He falls to the floor
black blood pours from his head
it creates a pentagram
that scars the floor

satan ruled
over his mind X4

AND YOURS HE SHALL RULE NEXT!!!!

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demisetheflesh
Metalhead

Joined: Sat May 09, 2009 8:20 pm
Posts: 511
PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 7:20 pm 
 

Slightly over dramatic.
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blacknumenorean
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2008 12:27 am
Posts: 70
PostPosted: Wed Nov 11, 2009 7:46 pm 
 

Here are some lyrics I wrote for my band's upcoming album.

In the darkness of the black storm
I was drowned in agony
Abandoned by deliverance
Castrated by the the faceless queen

I found myself in the shadow
Of the black spires
Which pierced the sky
And drew blood from the heavens

I followed the nocturnal procession
Past the threshold of life
To at last the endless plain
Which lay behind the gates.

Laid aside my sins, unforgiven
But the streams of my black blood
Still trickled down from my wretched, undead heart
Only for now, this payment shall suffice
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www.myspace.com/vanekmetal

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TheUglySoldier
Metalhead

Joined: Mon May 12, 2008 3:44 am
Posts: 1664
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 2:48 am 
 

Not really sure if these are finished yet or not, but here they are:

I'm not getting better
I've just stopped getting sick
I'm not getting lighter
I've just stopped to sink
I can't bring myself
To make my ends meet
So I'll stay right here
And I will repeat

I'm not working right
I'm a shade of who I was
I can see the root
But I can't stop the cause
I can't let go
The past is just too real
No matter how I try
I can't stop to feel

A whisper in my ear
Tells me how you are
A shadow on my soul
Tells me how far
You're not coming back
My working mind
You have left me deaf
You have left me blind

Where have you all gone?
My brothers in arms?
We've all moved away
We've all sold our charms
And I can't make it better
I can't begin to heal
No matter how I try
I can't stop to feel

What have we all become?
Dearest, and only friend?
We're pushed away
Just like we always said
And I can't make it better
I can't begin to heal
No matter how I try
I can't stop to feel

There are a couple of other sections, but I'm thinking of re-writting them, so I won't upload them.
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Derigin
Anthropophagus

Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2006 6:25 am
Posts: 2413
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 6:48 pm 
 

Thread stickied.

Please use this thread to get feedback on your lyrics, instead of creating a new one each time.

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fetalfeast
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2009 1:08 pm
Posts: 1573
Location: Logan, UT
PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 11:07 pm 
 

Void
Eternal
Eternal descent into despair.
Madness calling from all corners.
Sanity within reach,
but so far from these severed hands.
Blackness consuming,
there will be nothing left.

Procession into yet unexplored
regions of the mind.
Discovery of oneself on a higher plane.
Darker, indeed.
They have taken control of everything.
Thus begins the ritualistic destruction.

As I have fallen into this void,
I hear the sacred words
Almost as a keystone
to the madness I have inflicted
upon myself.
The conjuration completed
as my last breath escapes.
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vondskapens_makt
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Nov 22, 2007 5:23 pm
Posts: 567
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 11:13 am 
 

I've just recently finished recording a song for my project which I've asked for feedback here, Acrimonious Vessel. It is an 18-minute long drone/doom opus which heavily draws upon Deathspell Omega's song Mass Grave Aesthetics. And the lyrics? They are about ...

Chrono Trigger!

More specifically, Lavos. Yes this badass motherfucker desroyer of worlds deserves his own song. The song itself should be released sometime in the future as a split with Benighted In Sodom, when though, I don't know. Anyways, here are the lyrics. Feedback is appreciated.

------------

Omniphagist

Oh great and terrible fire
You are His greatest creation,
Yet His most abominable
It is from those lower dimensions which you rise from,
A manifestation of the void
To feast on us, only to devour multiverses
In time you will be all that is left
Your hatred emanates, with the radiance of 1000 suns it shimmers
Unholy light at the end of our tunnel

What are you?

Biophagist?
Terraphagist?
Cosmophagist?
Psychophagist?
Chronophagist?

Omniphagist....

We weep at the sight of thee
As you lay ruin
Turning once lush fields into mass graves
However, would it not be absurd to be bewildered?
This, this disgusting fate was always meant to be
You are that which triggers the end of the chronos
Deliver us from tranquility into gloom
You are as bitter as we
Must you spread pestilence?
Indeed you shall

Oh great and terrible fire
You have been known throughout the ages by many names
Yet we have come to know you by one, ineffable name

Lavos ..

------------
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The eye can outstare neither the sun, nor death... if I sought God it was in delirium and in the delight of temptation.

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SymphonyXFan
Metal newbie

Joined: Wed Jul 02, 2008 5:17 pm
Posts: 389
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 10:27 pm 
 

These are some new lyrics of mine, entitled "Revelation Pt. 1-The Abyssal Fabric".

The insipid lead the insane beyond the gates of hell
In euphoric agony screaming out to die
Misanthropic stupidity guides them through the night
Walking into glistening flames of Abaddon we will rise

Worship the immaculate, the one who cannot sin
Into night infernal, the place where we have been
Invoke the pentagram to tear apart the cross
Between the chasm is the void where we are lost

Erase the purity, manifest the lies
Reveal in the darkness he who will not die
Falsehoods of a blasphemer, devil incarnate
Created by the fabric of the infinite abyss

Exhume all reality in the universe of sin
Raise the flag of anarchy, let the apocalypse begin
Insecure serenity burns us all alive
But deep within the darkness of Hades we shall thrive

Recreated carnage in a world where death is all
Bring life to your demons and relive Satan’s fall
Unredeemed hypocrisy eradicates reprieve
Heavens above shall crumble, for them we will not grieve

Erase the purity, manifest the lies
Reveal in the darkness he who will not die
Falsehoods of a blasphemer, devil incarnate
Created by the fabric of the infinite abyss
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Nochielo
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:20 am
Posts: 1440
Location: Puerto Rico
PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2009 10:30 am 
 

vondskapens_makt wrote:
I've just recently finished recording a song for my project which I've asked for feedback here, Acrimonious Vessel. It is an 18-minute long drone/doom opus which heavily draws upon Deathspell Omega's song Mass Grave Aesthetics. And the lyrics? They are about ...

Chrono Trigger!

More specifically, Lavos. Yes this badass motherfucker desroyer of worlds deserves his own song. The song itself should be released sometime in the future as a split with Benighted In Sodom, when though, I don't know. Anyways, here are the lyrics. Feedback is appreciated.

------------

Omniphagist

Oh great and terrible fire
You are His greatest creation,
Yet His most abominable
It is from those lower dimensions which you rise from,
A manifestation of the void
To feast on us, only to devour multiverses
In time you will be all that is left
Your hatred emanates, with the radiance of 1000 suns it shimmers
Unholy light at the end of our tunnel

What are you?

Biophagist?
Terraphagist?
Cosmophagist?
Psychophagist?
Chronophagist?

Omniphagist....

We weep at the sight of thee
As you lay ruin
Turning once lush fields into mass graves
However, would it not be absurd to be bewildered?
This, this disgusting fate was always meant to be
You are that which triggers the end of the chronos
Deliver us from tranquility into gloom
You are as bitter as we
Must you spread pestilence?
Indeed you shall

Oh great and terrible fire
You have been known throughout the ages by many names
Yet we have come to know you by one, ineffable name

Lavos ..

------------

Surprisingly creative and well written. I think you could do without that "What are you?" line, but that's just me, I don't like 1st or 2nd person pronouns in my lyrics. And since you're in the lines of badass motherfuckers in Chrono Trigger, when are you posting the Magus song lyrics?

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vondskapens_makt
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Nov 22, 2007 5:23 pm
Posts: 567
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2009 10:59 am 
 

Nochielo wrote:
vondskapens_makt wrote:
I've just recently finished recording a song for my project which I've asked for feedback here, Acrimonious Vessel. It is an 18-minute long drone/doom opus which heavily draws upon Deathspell Omega's song Mass Grave Aesthetics. And the lyrics? They are about ...

Chrono Trigger!

More specifically, Lavos. Yes this badass motherfucker desroyer of worlds deserves his own song. The song itself should be released sometime in the future as a split with Benighted In Sodom, when though, I don't know. Anyways, here are the lyrics. Feedback is appreciated.

------------

Omniphagist

Oh great and terrible fire
You are His greatest creation,
Yet His most abominable
It is from those lower dimensions which you rise from,
A manifestation of the void
To feast on us, only to devour multiverses
In time you will be all that is left
Your hatred emanates, with the radiance of 1000 suns it shimmers
Unholy light at the end of our tunnel

What are you?

Biophagist?
Terraphagist?
Cosmophagist?
Psychophagist?
Chronophagist?

Omniphagist....

We weep at the sight of thee
As you lay ruin
Turning once lush fields into mass graves
However, would it not be absurd to be bewildered?
This, this disgusting fate was always meant to be
You are that which triggers the end of the chronos
Deliver us from tranquility into gloom
You are as bitter as we
Must you spread pestilence?
Indeed you shall

Oh great and terrible fire
You have been known throughout the ages by many names
Yet we have come to know you by one, ineffable name

Lavos ..

------------

Surprisingly creative and well written. I think you could do without that "What are you?" line, but that's just me, I don't like 1st or 2nd person pronouns in my lyrics. And since you're in the lines of badass motherfuckers in Chrono Trigger, when are you posting the Magus song lyrics?


After I'm done bagging Schala.
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The eye can outstare neither the sun, nor death... if I sought God it was in delirium and in the delight of temptation.

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DisembowelMe
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2007 10:59 am
Posts: 522
Location: Iceland
PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 2:52 pm 
 

Heyo. I've made some lyrics, and I was wondering how you people would decipher their meaning. They look like they're set up weird, but their rhythm fits perfectly with the songs they were written to fit with.

-----------------
Sick Serving Time

sick serving time as criminals
sick serving time as addicts
Made unnecessarily harder to conquer their fake needs
Held down by authority, just driven farther
An illness is fed
by a rightful cause, fought wrong
and is woefully followed with a constant denial of facts

Tied down, a burden, useless, mental murder.
Can't help it, just go with it, the flow, to your demise.

The illness resides in their mind whole lives
and they are damned to bear it, the burden held on by whom they trusted in

Outdated system molds the ill even worse
Our system fails them, and still the sick get punished.

Drowning in filth
struggling against the waves
the cure is not far away
but the sick get none
-----------------------
Submerged in Stupidity

A mind defiled
from the very beginning
generational abuse
and a fright to rebel against it

to rebel against ones mind
invokes the inner coward
and leaves only the stronger behind
treading their own path

the frail minds that fail
march steadily forward
strong in their belief
but still weak in mind

Invoking unworking pesticide
they cry for help

still submerged in stupidity
they can't help themselves
attempt to empower their mental barriers
instead they build their own hell

Invoking unworking pesticide
they cry for help

still submerged in stupidity
they can't help themselves

Sane but deranged
afraid to break loose
out of societys barriers
into the truth
that hides within them
and is close enough to touch
but to no avail.
Too far sunk
in a pit of regurgitated statements,
they can't get out.

It's a fight they can't win.
They have already made up their minds
that they shall follow the desires within..
Desires which run free and plague their minds.

Crying out, against reality.
Deny to think straight, a mental fatality.
Drown in lies, the best solution.
Never rising up against their devolution
----------------
Chainer of Free Will (I didn't take this one very seriously, since the song it was written for is a kind of upbeat thrasher)

The holy book
The holy book
chock full of evil
and chainer of free will

The holy book
The holy book
Dire would the consiquences be
were you to feel its power, commanding you further and further
from humanity never to be reclaimed (to normality)

Boring book
Boring Book
can't read a page
without falling asleep

Boring book
Boring Book
these texts are hundreds of years old
why care about it still
why care about such outdated things
why do you let it affect you
in such a massive way
It is not deserving
of so much respect
The teachings within it
can be found everywhere else

They tell me it brings a message
that it brings wisdom
within it the knowledge of better living
held by sublime ideals
but still it represses human desires
instead of embracing them

The terrible fallacies
infect this ugly book
Few redeeming qualities,
it's evil remains sold
to the unsuspecting consumer
that needs to be fed
what is right or what is wrong
like a sheep in a herd

As a tool for enslavement, it's quite accomplished
Millions now belong to the "godly" institution

But it won't be like that forever
their numbers grow fewer as the world gets smarter
and society moves away from superstition,
and the lies within them.
cry more, religious nuts
the texts you hold so close mean less every day
Do these facts make it harder for you to feel the divine?

But a fight is still needed to be fought
Realisations are still to be made

by those still cought in ignorances web
and those who cast that web upon others
that the tyranny that they support
will hold the power they hold not much longer

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TheUglySoldier
Metalhead

Joined: Mon May 12, 2008 3:44 am
Posts: 1664
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:19 pm 
 

"Sick Serving Time" seems to be about the gaol system? I'm gonna go with criticism of the way the system goes, I don't know about the system in Iceland, but is there a high rate of recidivism? Or perhaps other reasons why you are bringing the system into question. Either way, they are pretty good!
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DisembowelMe
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2007 10:59 am
Posts: 522
Location: Iceland
PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:56 pm 
 

TheUglySoldier wrote:
"Sick Serving Time" seems to be about the gaol system? I'm gonna go with criticism of the way the system goes, I don't know about the system in Iceland, but is there a high rate of recidivism? Or perhaps other reasons why you are bringing the system into question. Either way, they are pretty good!


Hehe, you're pretty close actually. Specifically, it's about how "the system" treats drug addicts/users, just ending up making it harder for them to get out of their habits. Illegal drug use is treated by the police rather than the health care system, like it should be, and the fact that the drugs are illegal just creates an underground where the only laws are those that of the jungle. It's an international problem rather than just Icelandic. Your interpretation works too though, since jail obviously doesn't work to rehabilitate many criminal offenders.

Also, thanks. :)

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HiroshimaVacation
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Aug 09, 2009 8:24 pm
Posts: 448
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 1:16 pm 
 

opinions on these lyrics I wrote please. It's for an oldschool sounding death/grind song in the veins of Ghoul, Impaled, Carcass and Impetigo.



(Verse)

You run for your life, away from their sight

But you forget that there are always more

They lurk in the night , spreading violence and fright

Satisfying their hunger for Gore!!!


(Psudo-Chorus)

The dead rise from their tombs

Seeking out victims to Eat

Swarming the innocent, devouring the weak

Slurping up chunks of wet, bloody meat


(Chorus)

Devoured by the Undead!

They have you now there is no escape

Devoured by the Undead!

You have fallen to a terrible fate

Devoured by the Undead!

They can not hear your pleas for mercy

Devoured by the Undead!

They think your flesh is incredibly tasty!!


(Bridge/Solo?)


(Verse)

You are swarmed by five rotting corpses

They all have you pinned to the ground

They claw at you stomach, ripping it open

Sharing your entrails with the GHOULS around


(Psudo-Chorus)

Eyeballs sucked out from their sockets

Warm blood and pus pours into your brain

One bites your arm, another bites your neck

Bleeding to death while you scream out in pain


(Psudo-Chorus 2)

Your intestines are slobbered on while they are chewed

Vital arteries are pulled out with haste

Your liver bile is happily swallowed

While another zombie masticates your face!

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fleshmountain
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Dec 10, 2007 8:48 pm
Posts: 34
PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 8:57 pm 
 

I've written a lot of stuff, I'm working on learning guitar so I can put them to music though. Here's one I've written.

Devouring the Gore

Broken bodies
Entombed in sunset and dust
Lying ‘midst the rivers of filth
Pillars of horror caressing the skies
Monuments
Runlets of putrid fluid
Ragged wisps of cloud
Cast shadows down
Vast expanse of open field
Decomposing
Monuments crumble
Shrines of death waste away
The flies consume
Maggots crawl
Ravenous swarms of
The congregation
Devouring the gore
Rancid chapels of horrid worship
Battlefield an altar of sacrifice
Baptized in the innards of the fallen ones
We are the carrion
Devouring the gore
We admire
Your crimson luster
As we consume
We pray to you
Bestow your blessings
You are the embodiment
Of our desires
You portray
The purity of ruin
And when we die
We become you
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hagelmand
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Nov 23, 2007 3:21 pm
Posts: 104
Location: Venezuela
PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:02 pm 
 

This is something I wrote while bored in class, which is considerably too much. Figured this could be one of those kind of songs for a band like Skeletonwitch, really short stuff, though I could change it...

Hellfire

Awaken the demon
We’re breaking the symbol
Now nothing can stop him
The hellfire rise

His slaves from hell
Are heeding the call
Ready to strike
And conquer this world

The fires rise up
From the tenth circle
Bringing apocalypse to this world

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fleshmountain
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Dec 10, 2007 8:48 pm
Posts: 34
PostPosted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:16 pm 
 

Nice lyrics Hiroshima, reminds me of something Six Feet of Foreplay would write. :)
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HiroshimaVacation
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Aug 09, 2009 8:24 pm
Posts: 448
PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 9:16 pm 
 

fleshmountain wrote:
Nice lyrics Hiroshima, reminds me of something Six Feet of Foreplay would write. :)


thanks, I'll have to check them out

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MarkLikesMetal
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Apr 25, 2009 8:50 pm
Posts: 349
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 9:46 pm 
 

Wrote these lyrics up after listening to Bathory - Hades
"Tartarus"
Quote:
Writhing in fire and torment
The shrieks of the dead
Chained to stone walls

Tartarus, land of the dead

Winds carrying tormented cries
No love or happiness
Pure hate and torment
Eternal death

Tartarus, land of the dead

No escape from this dreadful fate
Eternally consumed in torment
Blood flows in the rivers
And you are chained to the walls of

Tartarus, land of the dead

Shrieking and writhing
Eternally dead
Hate flows through your veins
Pain fills your body and mind
The suffering will never end in

Tartarus, land of the dead


I picture this as sort of a blackened thrash type song.
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Nochielo
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:20 am
Posts: 1440
Location: Puerto Rico
PostPosted: Tue Dec 01, 2009 10:06 am 
 

MarkLikesMetal wrote:
Wrote these lyrics up after listening to Bathory - Hades
"Tartarus"
Quote:
Writhing in fire and torment
The shrieks of the dead
Chained to stone walls

Tartarus, land of the dead

Winds carrying tormented cries
No love or happiness
Pure hate and torment
Eternal death

Tartarus, land of the dead

No escape from this dreadful fate
Eternally consumed in torment
Blood flows in the rivers
And you are chained to the walls of

Tartarus, land of the dead

Shrieking and writhing
Eternally dead
Hate flows through your veins
Pain fills your body and mind
The suffering will never end in

Tartarus, land of the dead


I picture this as sort of a blackened thrash type song.

Well there's 3 mentions of "eternal" similar words (eternally), 3 mentions of the word torment, 2 of the word "shrieking", 2 of the word "writhing", 2 of the word "chained" and maybe more repetitions. What I mean to say it's that you should look for synonyms of those words to avoid repeating a word several times, which in general sounds bad, especially in lyrics as short as those. Just change some of those words for their synonyms and everything should be just fine.

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Alienannihilator
Mallcore Kid

Joined: Wed Oct 28, 2009 12:20 pm
Posts: 10
Location: Russia
PostPosted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 5:52 pm 
 

Grinding Infection

Climbing on the ladder from hell to Earth
Buildings of man giving Satan's birth
Cadavers arise, with only one will
To find your blood and gore, to kill

Infected to grind

Cleavers chopping and axes goring
Swords thrusting as the dead are hoarding
Human flesh on the putrid pile of man
As one infected dies, out of him spawn ten

Infected to grind

Grinding mutilators, plagued with disease
Fate aborted, they kill to please
Bludgeoning redeemers pound world leaders
Piled up humans are the horde's feeders

Infected to grind

Cooking and roasting on the volcano
Every dead arises when he's infected
Armageddon caused by necrotic reasons
Humanity castigated... For eternity


Pretty blatant and all, but who cares.

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gomorro
Too Slow to Owl

Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2008 3:54 pm
Posts: 906
Location: Peru
PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 10:24 am 
 

Some old stuff:

All By Our Hands

I open my eyes
And find myself surounded by disgrace
I can’t understand
How this could be reality

Earth is getting dry
Races are dying, as the land
If this make you feel cringe
Just turn your head to other side

There is nobody I can trust
There is nobody I can relay
This world is so unfair
But escape is not the other side

Blood against blood
Child against child
This rotten war
Is killing the tomorrow we may have

Values are now lost
And the true now have a price
Fear is the law
For the ones who can’t talk, stand or fight

There is nobody I can trust
There is nobody I can relay
Power buy people’s mind
And lady justice is so damn blind

Maybe this is the hell of other place
But something is sure
The end of this world is close
And all thanks to our hands

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HumanWaste5150
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 05, 2006 9:32 am
Posts: 1985
Location: GTA, Canada
PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 2:13 pm 
 

Why not use "Son against Son" instead of "blood against blood"? I assume that's something of the lines you wanted to relay?
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All brothers fighting against each other
We fought to the last breath
Wonder if we will shake hands
Beyond the gates of death

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gomorro
Too Slow to Owl

Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2008 3:54 pm
Posts: 906
Location: Peru
PostPosted: Sun Dec 06, 2009 9:25 am 
 

HumanWaste5150 wrote:
Why not use "Son against Son" instead of "blood against blood"? I assume that's something of the lines you wanted to relay?
Is a good Idea.. but I wanted to explain that war sometimes can break the concept of family, beside, I 've allready pu child against child, wich also means it las through generations

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TheUglySoldier
Metalhead

Joined: Mon May 12, 2008 3:44 am
Posts: 1664
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 11:13 am 
 

I know it's all in caps, but it was very exciting to write. I wrote this in June:

THE PENTRATOR

THE STORM IS A WARNING
A PRE-EMPTIVE STRIKE
OF WHAT IS COMING
COMING TONIGHT
THE RED LIGHTS ARE SWITCH OFF
BUT HE'LL NEVER CARE
HE'S ON THE PROWL
SO YOU BETTER BEWARE!

CROTCH OF LEATHER
A MOUTH FULL OF SPIKES
UNLEASHING EVERY LOAD!
TAKING YOU BY THE NECK
AND NOT LETTING GO
INTO YOU HE FIRES
BLOW AFTER BLOW!
HERE COME THE PENETRATOR!

VIOLATED AT BIRTH
NOW LUSTING FOR THE WOMB
ENTERING THE CAVERNS
WITH HIS SPECTER OF DOOM
CLUTCHING HIS INSTRUMENT
TIGHT BETWEEN HIS TEETH
FORCING WITHIN YOU
THE GIRTH OF HIS MEAT

SEXUAL BETRAYER
STRIKING ACROSS YOUR CHEST
TRY NOT TO STRUGGLE
THAT'S WHAT HE LIKES BEST
ONTO THE NEXT ONE
NO MATTER THE TIME
AT ANY AGE AND EVERY AGE
HE'S IN HIS PRIME

BARE BACK BRANDER
DOMINATING WARRIOR
TORMENTING TORUTER
ALCOHOLIC ARBITER!
HE IS THE PENETRATOR!
HE IS THE PENETRATOR!

HIS FLY RIPS OPEN
IT'S TIME TO BEGIN
LIKE A BULLET
HE'S PLUNGING IN
TURNING TO FACE YOU
CLAWING YOUR BACK
GUILT AND MERCY
TWO THINGS HE LACKS

CROTCH OF LEATHER
A MOUTH FULL OF SPIKES
UNLEASHING EVERY LOAD!
TAKING YOU BY THE NECK
AND NOT LETTING GO
INTO YOU HE FIRES
BLOW AFTER BLOW!
HERE COME THE PENETRATOR!
HE IS THE PENETRATOR!
THIS IS THE PENETRATOR!
PENETRATE!
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theheinouskilling667
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 4:24 am
Posts: 2262
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 5:44 am 
 

TheUglySoldier, those are actually decent violent thrash lyrics with originality. Most thrash bands that use violence as a theme are horribly generic, you actually did it right.

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theheinouskilling667
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 4:24 am
Posts: 2262
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 6:01 am 
 

This song is called The Moon That Creates the Tide. The song I wrote to go along with it is melancholic black metal with doom influences. I'm not done yet though, I'll update when I write more.

The song is about individuality and the lack of need for a God. The moon in this song represents two things when I wrote it. 1.) The highest form of humanity, the ones in control of their destiny, doing what they want and is best for themselves, the ones always seeking wisdom, knoweldge and strenght, the ones always trying to better themselves, the true Satanist or 2.) Any human. In this scenario, the tide would represent any action, anything that happens. The moon causes the waves to move, and is responsible for keeping it all in balance. Human controls most things in their life, and are responsible for any action of theirs, positive or negative. In this song, however, I'm speaking mostly of positive actions, and how we owe the credit to ourselves than any God.
There's also an interpretation for the sea. The sea is the vastland of human wastes and idiots, to rise above means to rise to the moon.

The Moon That Creates the Tide...

Be!!
Tides of noxious water blue
With dying flame, alive
Becoming one with sea of plauge
Faith, abhorr and strive...

Hails to the unwilling blasphemous
Who stray above the sea
The true, of worth, of sin, of strength
For prideful masses we

Acscend to the moon...
With lustful, prideful hearts
Sorrow laden oceans of past
Vast..vast... (X2)

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TheUglySoldier
Metalhead

Joined: Mon May 12, 2008 3:44 am
Posts: 1664
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 8:07 am 
 

theheinouskilling667 wrote:
TheUglySoldier, those are actually decent violent thrash lyrics with originality. Most thrash bands that use violence as a theme are horribly generic, you actually did it right.


Thanks! Yeah, I tried to capture an old school thrash sound, but lyrically I love stuff relating to Sexual-Deprivation, so I went that route. Now all I have to do is find people willing to play it. Surprisingly, a lot of people I play with are pretty against working with those lyrics.
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theheinouskilling667
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 4:24 am
Posts: 2262
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2009 8:12 am 
 

TheUglySoldier wrote:
theheinouskilling667 wrote:
TheUglySoldier, those are actually decent violent thrash lyrics with originality. Most thrash bands that use violence as a theme are horribly generic, you actually did it right.


Thanks! Yeah, I tried to capture an old school thrash sound, but lyrically I love stuff relating to Sexual-Deprivation, so I went that route. Now all I have to do is find people willing to play it. Surprisingly, a lot of people I play with are pretty against working with those lyrics.


Why, they're Christians or something?

Ah I'd love to see Preist or Vio-lence do a song like that, it'd fit perfectly.

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