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PhilosophicalFrog
The Hypercube

Joined: Thu May 04, 2006 7:08 pm
Posts: 5504
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 2:44 pm 
 

I just wrote a real review...man.
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hells_unicorn
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2005 8:32 pm
Posts: 2240
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 3:24 pm 
 

Just managed to get on the site about an hour ago and got a whole bunch of penis metals in my face right on the home page. Figured the goal was to keep the screen full with the album title so doodled up a review after listening to the EP twice, then it turns out the goal was to make it the top reviewed album on the site, which just happened before I submitted mine. Congrats everyone, I think MutantClannfear's review is my favorite out of the ones up so far.
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mjollnir
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2004 4:14 pm
Posts: 595
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 3:25 pm 
 

Fuck, I guess I should have proof read mine just a little better. lol
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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 7297
Location: Innsmouth
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 3:33 pm 
 

You can edit and resubmit it.
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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3263
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 3:37 pm 
 

Mission accomplished! 37 reviews! Well...38 total counting the one that was there already. Eat a dick, Time I! With the few removed that probably aren't acceptable, I think this should actually be #1 now.
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MonumentalBlackArt
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2014 12:04 am
Posts: 141
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 4:24 pm 
 

Submitted my first review. Wrote one for Penis Metal to bust my review cherry.

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MutantClannfear
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2102
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 4:32 pm 
 

Your "review cherry".
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8450
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 4:35 pm 
 

:beer: Welcome to the arduous and exciting review world of MA! You wrote the 40th review, congrats.
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MonumentalBlackArt
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2014 12:04 am
Posts: 141
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 4:46 pm 
 

Metantoine wrote:
:beer: Welcome to the arduous and exciting review world of MA! You wrote the 40th review, congrats.

Thanks, dude!

MutantClannfear wrote:
Your "review cherry".

My Metal Archives review cherry. :beer:

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MutantClannfear
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2102
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 4:48 pm 
 

" :beer:".
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Azmodes wrote:
What's with the orange, dude?

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BastardHead
Magic Mike

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 5073
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 7:45 pm 
 

With no words, MC just became my new favorite person in the world (he already was, but now he is even moreso).
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 18596
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 11:47 pm 
 

I'm just glad I made it by the deadline. Was so sick today I didn't know if I'd get to it, but there ya go!
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 2906
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Tue Apr 01, 2014 11:55 pm 
 

What the hell @ Zelkiiro's third paragraph, that had me rolling, how it just goes off on some bizarre tangent then finishes up the review like normal. I don't get the reference but it is well delivered. Also, I just laughed at BastardHead's, and remain totally flabbergasted that I missed the opportunity to use HORSE COCK in some way as well.
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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 7297
Location: Innsmouth
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 12:06 am 
 

Most of that paragraph are lyrics from a song from The Little Mermaid. Not sure about that ending bit of the paragraph, though.
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RapeTheDead
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2010 10:48 pm
Posts: 452
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 12:16 am 
 

All reviews of Penis Metal should be left up on the site to serve as an example of what would happen if the review queue wasn't moderated.
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RageW
Marisa's Harlot

Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2008 11:44 am
Posts: 839
Location: Colombia
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 12:19 am 
 

I'm actually offended by the fact nobody noticed, on their own, that in my review the first letters of every line spell PENIS PENIS PENIS. It took a lot of work and edits, guys, come on.
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8450
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 12:24 am 
 

Damn you Jesus Cop for breaking that Penis cum induced legendary streak!

Good work everyone, I'm very proud of what we accomplished.
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MutantClannfear
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2102
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 12:29 am 
 

Now to wait for the sloppy seconds on the sloppy second of April.
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What's with the orange, dude?

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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 3263
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 12:36 am 
 

Fuck yeah! 50 reviews! Let's see how long this new high-water mark can last. Probably until Time II gets released. So let's say seven years.
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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 7297
Location: Innsmouth
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 8:47 am 
 

RageW wrote:
I'm actually offended by the fact nobody noticed, on their own, that in my review the first letters of every line spell PENIS PENIS PENIS. It took a lot of work and edits, guys, come on.


Pretty sure that varies by viewing resolution.
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4701
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 8:48 am 
 

iamntbatman wrote:
RageW wrote:
I'm actually offended by the fact nobody noticed, on their own, that in my review the first letters of every line spell PENIS PENIS PENIS. It took a lot of work and edits, guys, come on.


Pretty sure that varies by viewing resolution.


Sounds like yours isn't big enough.

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lord_ghengis
Metal freak

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 5370
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 9:26 am 
 

Also there were a quadrillion reviews and a gorillion penis jokes, it'd be hard to pick up on anything hidden with even the slightest amount of subtlety. I just hope someone understood my Hitlerpenis reference.
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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 3948
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 10:17 am 
 

iamntbatman wrote:
Most of that paragraph are lyrics from a song from The Little Mermaid. Not sure about that ending bit of the paragraph, though.

The second half was lyrics from "I Can't Say No" from the play Oklahoma. :V
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 18596
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 10:53 am 
 

Zelkiro's was my favorite by quite a lot.
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TheStormIRide
Jesuscop

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 877
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 2:08 pm 
 

Metantoine wrote:
Damn you Jesus Cop for breaking that Penis cum induced legendary streak!

Good work everyone, I'm very proud of what we accomplished.



I posted my Nux Vomica review, figuring that only the Penis Metal albums would show on the homepage. When i realized it showed up, I deleted it and waited until after midnight to post it.
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tomcat_ha
Veteran

Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 8:05 am
Posts: 2609
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Wed Apr 02, 2014 2:28 pm 
 

Metantoine wrote:
I'm stealing something Doomsday just said to me: From now on you can't become a scribe unless you review Penis Metal, a rite of passage!


I am all for this, it will make sure that Time I won't return to the no1 spot.

Zodijackyl wrote:
RageW wrote:
I'm actually offended by the fact nobody noticed, on their own, that in my review the first letters of every line spell PENIS PENIS PENIS. It took a lot of work and edits, guys, come on.


Sounds like yours isn't big enough.


It actually seems like mine is too big. All i am seeing is pen pen pen.

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Thiestru
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Oct 09, 2008 9:18 am
Posts: 1101
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Apr 03, 2014 7:18 pm 
 

I just edited my old review for 'Awaken the Guardian', correcting some typos and deleting the unnecessary pot-shot at 'Welcome Home (Sanitarium)'. I've been a bit embarrassed about that for a while.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 9584
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 12:22 am 
 

StormIRide nailed Delain's newest. I was very excited to hear them going back to what April Rain was about. I still prefer that album to this one, but I'd give the exact same score and my sentiments on the individual tracks aren't far off. The opener has yet to actually hook me, but the rest of the album is GOLD. Props, dude! If you haven't heard the other two bonus tracks "Scarlet" and "Don't Let Go" go for it because they're also great.
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Twin_guitar_attack
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Aug 18, 2007 4:27 am
Posts: 1381
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 2:51 am 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
StormIRide nailed Delain's newest. I was very excited to hear them going back to what April Rain was about. I still prefer that album to this one, but I'd give the exact same score and my sentiments on the individual tracks aren't far off. The opener has yet to actually hook me, but the rest of the album is GOLD. Props, dude! If you haven't heard the other two bonus tracks "Scarlet" and "Don't Let Go" go for it because they're also great.


Hopefully mine will be approved soon, I have three reviews in the queue. I haven't heard those tracks yet, I had the promo but my cd wont come until next week. My review got shared by the band on face book. Weird having my sites daily hits go up from 10-50 to over 1000. Probably gonna get the vinyl too. I need to get the new one by the graviators from napalms store too
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4701
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 8:08 am 
 

joncheetham88 wrote:
Zodijackyl wrote:
...this maturation from the band's formative era proves them to be a grower, not a shower.


Nice. In what promised to be (and quickly became) an onslaught of penis jokes, I dig this one for its cheeky subtlety and actual relevance to the review at hand. Autothrall also came through pretty strong in that regard.


Thanks! That's what I go for, actual relevance with little digression. Always nice to be complimented by a good reviewer.

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MonumentalBlackArt
Metal newbie

Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2014 12:04 am
Posts: 141
PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 11:28 am 
 

Just stopping by to say that NausikaDalazBlindaz's review for Virvatulet's demo is both boring and wrong. :thumbsdown:

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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 3948
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 3:00 pm 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
StormIRide nailed Delain's newest. I was very excited to hear them going back to what April Rain was about. I still prefer that album to this one, but I'd give the exact same score and my sentiments on the individual tracks aren't far off. The opener has yet to actually hook me, but the rest of the album is GOLD. Props, dude! If you haven't heard the other two bonus tracks "Scarlet" and "Don't Let Go" go for it because they're also great.

It was a very solid album, indeed. But yeah, it seems like the lightning-in-a-bottle that is April Rain has yet to be surpassed--they've come close, yes, but nooooooot quite.
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TheStormIRide
Jesuscop

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 877
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 4:58 pm 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
StormIRide nailed Delain's newest. I was very excited to hear them going back to what April Rain was about. I still prefer that album to this one, but I'd give the exact same score and my sentiments on the individual tracks aren't far off. The opener has yet to actually hook me, but the rest of the album is GOLD. Props, dude! If you haven't heard the other two bonus tracks "Scarlet" and "Don't Let Go" go for it because they're also great.


Thanks man! I was just happy they didn't continue down the pop path that "We Are the Others" really hinted at. Charlotte's voice has really been improving with each album too.
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TheStormIRide
Jesuscop

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 877
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 5:05 pm 
 

Twin_guitar_attack wrote:
My review got shared by the band on face book. Weird having my sites daily hits go up from 10-50 to over 1000.


I sent a link for my review to the band and they didn't share it, so props there. Nice review, by the way. You really captured how much grander THC is then its predecessors.
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And I'm sure old Adolf never meant anything bad when he rounded up those Jews. Nice try, Hitler.

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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 18596
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 6:30 pm 
 

I thought We Are the Others had a lot of their strongest songs to date. A couple fillers made it less than it could have been overall, and Lucidity was a more interesting album musically - but WATO had a real cohesiveness that made it a joy. April Rain is great too though. I need to hear the new one.
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TheStormIRide
Jesuscop

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 877
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Apr 04, 2014 8:59 pm 
 

Empyreal wrote:
I thought We Are the Others had a lot of their strongest songs to date. A couple fillers made it less than it could have been overall, and Lucidity was a more interesting album musically - but WATO had a real cohesiveness that made it a joy. April Rain is great too though. I need to hear the new one.


Judging by your taste in symphonic albums, I think you'll enjoy it. Less filler this time around.
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Osmium wrote:
And I'm sure old Adolf never meant anything bad when he rounded up those Jews. Nice try, Hitler.

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Rykov
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Jun 03, 2013 11:52 pm
Posts: 191
PostPosted: Sat Apr 05, 2014 4:13 am 
 

EschatonOmega's recent review of None So Vile has me scratching my head. Not just because they go on and on about how it's just noise with no structure and drumming that doesn't go along with the riffs (which is... well, patently false). But also because of this:

"But the main reason why I hate this album is the vocals. And they are absolutely excruciating to listen to. Lord Worm abandons melody and structure in total and instead goes for this guttural series of grunts, growls and shrieks..."

So... in other words, you're angry because the vocalist on a death metal album is using death growls? Did this person even realise they were reviewing a death metal album?
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lord_ghengis
Metal freak

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 5370
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Sat Apr 05, 2014 9:39 am 
 

That was bad, very bad. I can't see how after even one incomplete listen anyone could say it's an unstructured mess, every single song is built around three or four riffs which are all repeated extensively, hardly a riff salad wankfest.

He's not specific enough to be called out for a factual inaccuracy rejection, but damn that was wrong.
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Panflute
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:11 am
Posts: 447
PostPosted: Sat Apr 05, 2014 6:40 pm 
 

I'm late to the party, but I might just get drunk and review Penis Metal. It would make for quite an inglorious return after two and a half years of contributing nothing in that regard, but hey, better than nothing.

I'd write about it in my usual 3000-word essay style for laughs if it didn't eat up a day of my life.
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Panflute
Metalhead

Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:11 am
Posts: 447
PostPosted: Sun Apr 06, 2014 10:52 am 
 

I just read this line in Zodijackyl's review of Live in Leipzig and it was too glorious not to share:

Quote:
The guitar work is atrocious - if Euronymous truly had this little control over his hands, this recording is evidence that he couldn't have wielded a weapon in a manner that might make Varg Vikernes think his life was in danger.


It's also encouraging to see that I'm apparently not the only one who doesn't get the hype for this album at all.
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