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Lord Tempestuous
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 2:27 pm
Posts: 92
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 5:37 pm 
 

I don't like Bitterman's reviews, but I agree with a lot of his points. The 12 good albums after 1993 thing seems to be only hyperbole, even to me. Attention seeking? I doubt it. Trolling? Probably, but if he's from deathmetal.org these reviews probably accurately represent his opinion.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 18776
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 6:43 pm 
 

MutantClannfear wrote:
Empyreal wrote:
Maybe people should just stop bitching about bitterman's reviews and move on.

Pssshhh. This entire thread is about discussing irrelevant minutiae of reviews, of course we're not going to move on from it.

You must admit, his presence has made this part of the forum much livelier!


Not really, it was fine before. Sometimes it's a bit dead, but that's not much better or worse than the constant posts of the same old shit: "bitterman gave (x overrated extreme metal album) a 0%!" Kinda one note really...at least John Sunlight attacked stuff that people actually felt really passionate about. This guy is just giving 0% to all the flavor of the month stuff you see in metal magazines at Barnes and Noble.
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PhilosophicalFrog
The Hypercube

Joined: Thu May 04, 2006 7:08 pm
Posts: 5686
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 7:35 pm 
 

^ I'll say this about him and drop it. But, we've all learned to take his reviews with mounds of salt...really, that's a death toll for any reviewer. The moment you are't taken seriously, you're done. He's an ANUS based Sam Dunn.
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TheStormIRide
Jesuscop

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 903
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 8:10 pm 
 

Frog, I've been enjoying your latest batch of reviews immensely! Keep it up!

Side note, I've finally reached the 200 milestone!
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Azmodes
Ultranaut

Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2007 10:44 am
Posts: 5721
Location: Gradec, Austria
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 2:35 pm 
 

TheStormIRide wrote:
Does anyone else think that the Albion Codex got what they were asking for when they told Tony he should have asked permission to do a review?

Yep, I haven't heard a single note, but after reading that awkward, douchy email they sent Tony, I'm kind of pleased with the current score. :oh shit:
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DethFanatic
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon May 26, 2003 4:10 am
Posts: 91
Location: Indianapolis
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 6:27 pm 
 

Kveldulfr wrote:
Surgical must be the most overhyped and overrated thing of this year by a mile. People is going apeshit for it when in reality is just a more blasty HW with forgettable riffs. A 0% is indeed stupid but 90% or higher is just blind/deaf fanboyism.


I gave it a 95 because I thought it was outstanding, and I'm still enjoying the hell out of it. And yeah, I'll be the first to admit suffering from fanboyitis as far as Carcass is concerned. I get where people have said they didn't like it (with one non-MA exception) and great, that just means our tastes are different. But I don't think that means my high score is any more or less valid from someone else's low score. Someone else might think it's total crap if all they like are the first 2 albums. That's why I like the reviews here, they're usually all over the place, it gives you a good chance of finding someone coming from the same place you might be and see what they think.
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lord_ghengis
Metal freak

Joined: Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:31 pm
Posts: 5372
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 7:35 pm 
 

Azmodes wrote:
TheStormIRide wrote:
Does anyone else think that the Albion Codex got what they were asking for when they told Tony he should have asked permission to do a review?

Yep, I haven't heard a single note, but after reading that awkward, douchy email they sent Tony, I'm kind of pleased with the current score. :oh shit:


I probably should have upped my score to a 50-60%, because the title track IS pretty decent outside of the useless outro, and that 45 is pretty much the basic level of low-end mediocrity, but eh.
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TheStormIRide
Jesuscop

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 903
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 7:44 pm 
 

lord_ghengis wrote:
I probably should have upped my score to a 50-60%, because the title track IS pretty decent outside of the useless outro, and that 45 is pretty much the basic level of low-end mediocrity, but eh.


Everything I've been reading, though, points directly at basic low-end mediocrity, so it fits quite nicely.
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xexyzl
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2009 12:38 pm
Posts: 236
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2013 10:14 pm 
 

I hate to keep this bandwagon a rollin', but our good friend has a real knee-slapper here:
bitterman's tru nu revu wrote:
It's a document of what is certainly the impending extinction of mankind. Pretending to be death metal and jumping around with DJ sounds... Is that life? Is this culture? With all the kids nowadays "popping the mollys" and having the sex with the "strap ons" with each other after this albums release, it's safe to say Fate's success at making a parody of death metal will only serve as a eulogy to the failure that man has made out of civilization.
bitterman seems to be funniest when it's not very clear whether or not he's trying to be funny.

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zeingard
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Aug 01, 2007 7:49 pm
Posts: 539
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 4:09 am 
 

I'm pissed that I didn't think of "mellow deaf" first. IT SEEMS SO OBVIOUS NOW!

Also his 'Sunbather' review is pretty on point but kind of repetitive. With some proof reading and editing, he'd be a decent reviewer.
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MutantClannfear
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2178
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 4:17 am 
 

I've been saying "mellowdeath" for years. "Mellow deaf" is just a bit too tacky for my tastes, though.
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zeingard
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Aug 01, 2007 7:49 pm
Posts: 539
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 4:22 am 
 

MutantClannfear wrote:
I've been saying "mellowdeath" for years. "Mellow deaf" is just a bit too tacky for my tastes, though.


The pronunciation of deaf is what nails it for me; a spineless, hollow puff of air is a great onomatopoeia for the music. DEAF HURRRR.

I'm a simple man, it made me chuckle.
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PhilosophicalFrog
The Hypercube

Joined: Thu May 04, 2006 7:08 pm
Posts: 5686
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2013 4:08 pm 
 

TheStormIRide wrote:
Frog, I've been enjoying your latest batch of reviews immensely! Keep it up!


Thanks, homie!
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Kveldulfr
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Feb 16, 2012 12:01 pm
Posts: 2284
Location: Chile
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 2:31 pm 
 

Not sure if this is the right place but anyway; Thanx Autothrall for the Forestfather review!
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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8609
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 8:12 pm 
 

You can send him an email too, he'll be happy.

How to make me rage in 1 easy step: review Iron Maiden, Metallica or Slayer. GRRRRRRR NOBODY CARES.
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autothrall
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 10:05 am
Posts: 238
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 12:54 pm 
 

Kveldulfr wrote:
Not sure if this is the right place but anyway; Thanx Autothrall for the Forestfather review!


Oh, it's my pleasure, man, thanks to you and CTP for the music!

Unrelated: Props to Gutterscream for all the great reads lately, very glad to see you active again, sir.
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joncheetham88
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2008 10:41 pm
Posts: 505
Location: Germany
PostPosted: Tue Oct 08, 2013 1:25 pm 
 

Metantoine wrote:
You can send him an email too, he'll be happy.

How to make me rage in 1 easy step: review Iron Maiden, Metallica or Slayer. GRRRRRRR NOBODY CARES.


Regular forum users on MA probably don't either; I never read 'em. But given the high number of inane and dribbling fanboy reviews those bands get I think for non-regular MA visitors, decent, well-balanced reviews for those bands are still a good thing :)
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MrMetalinasuit1
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 9:59 am
Posts: 131
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Wed Oct 09, 2013 1:40 pm 
 

I remember reading a review for a really obscure thrash album that had a song that sounded like whiplash and the review was basically one big long pokemon comparison. Anyone wanna help me find this gem?
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Apteronotus
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Jun 18, 2009 9:07 am
Posts: 841
PostPosted: Wed Oct 09, 2013 6:44 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... ils/57449/

I typed "metallum thrash pokemon" into google and this was the first result in case you were wondering how I found it. The review was actually a bit better than I expected. The pokemon comparison didn't completely get in the way of musical description and was amusing but still pretty one-note.
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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 3995
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 11:05 am 
 

Apteronotus wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Steel_Fury/Lesser_of_Two_Evils/57449/

I typed "metallum thrash pokemon" into google and this was the first result in case you were wondering how I found it. The review was actually a bit better than I expected. The pokemon comparison didn't completely get in the way of musical description and was amusing but still pretty one-note.

So when the battle's over, does Steel Fury take your money?
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MrMetalinasuit1
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 9:59 am
Posts: 131
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 2:48 pm 
 

Probably the most memorable review I have ever read for anything ever because of how custard as shampoo weird it is.
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Napero
GedankenPanzer

Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 4:16 pm
Posts: 8437
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 6:08 pm 
 

MrMetalinasuit1 wrote:
Probably the most memorable review I have ever read for anything ever because of how custard as shampoo weird it is.

You call that weird? Whüt? Haven't been around for too long yet, have you?

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/G ... ide/60633/

Took me a while to find this gem. Anyone trying to remove it will regret being born.

And yes, see Gutterscream's recent output. You can't go wrong there.
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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 3995
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Oct 10, 2013 6:54 pm 
 

Napero wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Gothmog/Orkish_Pride/60633/

He lost me at "enchanted vacuum cleaner."
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Ilwhyan
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 6376
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Fri Oct 11, 2013 9:18 am 
 

Zelkiiro's review of the Nightwish movie score thing is fairly odd:
Quote:
The cover for Imaginaerum: The Score depicts what I'm guessing is Dobby from the Harry Potter series walking in the snow to a building. A building with no cars, yet one of the lights is lit. Despite the ground being covered with snow, the trees seem immune to snow buildup.

Cars are required for lights to be lit? The trees are covered with snow as far as I can see. If you've ever been in a place where snow falls, you might've noticed that the trees are not covered by the snow at all times, as much smaller layers of snow accumulate on trees than on the ground, which means that they melt faster when it gets momentarily warmer. Patches of snow also fall off quite easily off trees, as before it starts melting, snow becomes considerably heavier and clumps together due to the moisture.
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MrMetalinasuit1
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 9:59 am
Posts: 131
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 4:58 am 
 

Napero wrote:
MrMetalinasuit1 wrote:
Probably the most memorable review I have ever read for anything ever because of how custard as shampoo weird it is.

You call that weird? Whüt? Haven't been around for too long yet, have you?

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/G ... ide/60633/

Took me a while to find this gem. Anyone trying to remove it will regret being born.

And yes, see Gutterscream's recent output. You can't go wrong there.

I want him to review everything. As in literally every single piece of audio ever recorded in human history. From Beethoven to me recording my farts and burning them to blank CDs when I was 10.
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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 5:27 pm 
 

autothrall wrote:
Kveldulfr wrote:
Not sure if this is the right place but anyway; Thanx Autothrall for the Forestfather review!


Oh, it's my pleasure, man, thanks to you and CTP for the music!

Unrelated: Props to Gutterscream for all the great reads lately, very glad to see you active again, sir.


Thanks, Auto. Got tired of seeing my review total stalled out at like 327 or whatever it was. Then again, a stall to you is probably only writing three a day.
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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 5:31 pm 
 

I want him to review everything. As in literally every single piece of audio ever recorded in human history. From Beethoven to me recording my farts and burning them to blank CDs when I was 10.[/quote]

I wish I could, MrMetalwithinasuite1, I wish I could. Then again, I'd probably go insane, which maybe isn't the worst place to be sometimes.
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MrMetalinasuit1
Metal newbie

Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 9:59 am
Posts: 131
Location: United Kingdom
PostPosted: Sat Oct 12, 2013 6:11 pm 
 

I can send you the master of the farthouse tapes if you like?
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TheStormIRide
Jesuscop

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 903
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Oct 13, 2013 7:28 am 
 

Ilwhyan wrote:
Zelkiiro's review of the Nightwish movie score thing is fairly odd:
Quote:
The cover for Imaginaerum: The Score depicts what I'm guessing is Dobby from the Harry Potter series walking in the snow to a building. A building with no cars, yet one of the lights is lit. Despite the ground being covered with snow, the trees seem immune to snow buildup.

Cars are required for lights to be lit? The trees are covered with snow as far as I can see. If you've ever been in a place where snow falls, you might've noticed that the trees are not covered by the snow at all times, as much smaller layers of snow accumulate on trees than on the ground, which means that they melt faster when it gets momentarily warmer. Patches of snow also fall off quite easily off trees, as before it starts melting, snow becomes considerably heavier and clumps together due to the moisture.


Odd thing is, Zelkiiro is from an area that gets a fair amount of yearly snowfall. So it's not like he doesn't have experience with it.
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dystopia4
Veteran

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:47 pm
Posts: 3499
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 12:43 pm 
 

NausikaDalazBlindaz wrote:
High time that we had some serious Ritual Satanick Worshippe here and who better to swing the censers of burning sulphur while leading in anti-clockwise procession and conduct the daemonic choirs in throaty guttural hallelujahs to the Dark Lord than Ad Majorem Satanae Gloriam

Uh ... what? :scratch:

Fullmetalattorney's review of Sons of Tonatiuh is awful, the guy shows a very limited understanding of sludge metal.
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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 7441
Location: Innsmouth
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 3:15 pm 
 

NausikaDalazBlindaz is a pretty good reviewer, however I find her particular taste hard to make any speculations about and therefore hard to use as any sort of metric as to whether or not I'll enjoy the stuff she reviews myself.
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dystopia4
Veteran

Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:47 pm
Posts: 3499
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 4:13 pm 
 

I have mixed feelings about Nausika. She's definitely a good writer but her reviews are often dry/clinical, which is especially evident in her review titles. She does has really out there taste, although we do have some amount of overlap.
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MutantClannfear
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2178
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 4:32 pm 
 

NausikaDalazBlindaz's review titles read like fifth-graders in the student newspaper club being forced to write about raw black metal.
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Azmodes wrote:
What's with the orange, dude?

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Metantoine
The XVI, dominar to over 258714 subjects

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 8609
Location: Québec
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 5:12 pm 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... apeTheDead

I like conceptual reviews, a nice change compared to the dry writing of many regulars. A well deserved 8 points :)
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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 7441
Location: Innsmouth
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 5:13 pm 
 

Only dry, descriptive reviews are real!
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MutantClannfear
Metalhead

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 2178
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 5:16 pm 
 

Yeah, I haven't read this yet, only skimmed over it (RapeTheDead is a good writer so I'm sure it'll be better than most), but I'm skeptical. Reviews should tell me about the music first and foremost, and if they sacrifice description for storytelling it turns from "music review" to "short story vaguely related to the album in question". Phooey to that.
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What's with the orange, dude?

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RapeTheDead
Metalhead

Joined: Tue Mar 16, 2010 10:48 pm
Posts: 462
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 5:29 pm 
 

I tried to throw in enough dry description that it can still hold its own as an actual review, but whether I actually did or not is up to the reader I suppose. Either way, it was a fun little exercise, but it's also really difficult to stick to the concept while keeping it all about the music, and I probably couldn't have done that kind of thing passably for anything other than a Bongripper album.
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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 7441
Location: Innsmouth
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 5:39 pm 
 

I didn't mean to knock your review, RTD. I was just making a half-assed attempt at defending my own very uncreative reviews.
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Zodijackyl
Lazy Wizard

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 4799
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 5:42 pm 
 

Interesting concept in that it still contains literal descriptions of the music, but it's basically the one-track equivalent of an overlong track-by-track review.

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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1419
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2013 6:55 pm 
 

The trick is to tell an interesting story and describe the music well simultaneously.
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