http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... ble/327446

LeMiserable thinks Suffocation's first album has frog croaks? Are we talking about entirely different bands, or do the frogs in his part of the world all just happen to be possessed by demons from the 9th circle of Hell?

Other than that, the first 40% or so of the review (which, in case you're too lazy to click, is about Breeding the Spawn) consists of a rant about how if only people were being honest with themselves, they'd all agree with him. He then goes on to barely describe the music at all except for the production and vocals. He says the album is a bland rehash, and calls the riffs unexciting and interchangeable, and that's pretty much it. He makes no mention of the bass whatsoever, despite its prominence and the fact that it functions as the lead instrument a lot of the time. He also says that indecipherable lyrics are useless, which instantly invalidates every opinion he's ever had about anything even remotely related to art.

Didn't read it thoroughly once he again called everyone who disagrees with him 'idiots'...really shitty, bad form for any reviewer about anything.

Never understood what reviewers think they are going to achieve with this style. "I don't like this, and because of that it means you don't actually like it either and are just delusional idiots who are pretending!" That just seems childish to me.



Of all the ridiculous things I've heard in my life, that is one I never expected to hear......

You know, I actually considered this whole "being honest with myself" stuff a few times in the past, and decided to try it again while listening to Breeding The Spawn. Sadly, I just like the album far too much to do this self-honesty bullshit. Tough luck LeMiserable, you'll probably be dealing with a lot of people that are "in denial" when it comes to this album, it's just too good.

Oh yeah, cutting the sarcasm for a second, that review is positively awful, I barely managed to get through the whole thing, and I honestly wished I'd stopped after the first paragraph.

Funny, as I felt the same way after reading the title, and I don't even care about Suffocation.

It's a shame though, as judging by that review he is not a bad writer apart from the abundance of weasel words.

In terms of overall command of the English language and review structure, he's actually a decent writer. The whole notion of getting pissed off at other reviewers and lashing out at them in a review rather than simply stating your own case about the album objectively is extremely amateur, and I've noticed it in more than one of LeMiserable's reviews. I actually wrote a couple of reviews like that back during my first year or two as a reviewer here and Napero did me the favor of rejecting most of them, which I am thankful for given that in retrospect they were pretty embarrassing.

It's virtually impossible to avoid pissing somebody else off when reviewing an album, and I know I've annoyed a few people on here with my occasional fetish for tasteless jokes, but a review like the one in question almost seems to be taking the opinions of others just a bit too personally for my taste.

That review is absolute dogshit. I think we all tend to be too hard on LeMis sometimes but this is definitely all of his worst qualities in one. From the condescending tone to the immature "everybody who disagrees with me is an idiot" attitude, it's just difficult to finish reading. He also says that part of the album's problem isn't the fault of Suffocation, but the label's fault, because they were dropping bands to hop onto nu metal. Yeah okay, in 1993, a full year before Korn's first album and like half a decade before the genre started booming, sure, got it. And it's apparently nothing you haven't heard dozens of times before... in 1993. Yeah he makes it really clear that he has no fucking clue what he's talking about.

If anybody wants to listen to and write a bit about frog croaks this might be an option:
COMECON Fable Frolic
Right at the start of the album you are confronted with the sound created by the animals and if you read the lyrics of the song "Frogs", you see what you first heard at the very beginning...

That's a new one.

Thank you.

i did enjoy mutantclannfears review of in the nightside eclipse. I really did crack up reading the spongebob comparison. Kinda missed the mark with calling the riffing on that album half primitive/half cutting edge.

That Spongebob comparison was amazing.

Woot! Someone else who doesn't like that album... or Emperor in general.

I dont dislike in the nightside eclipse but i do find it massively overrated.

Good to see Beheaded Zombie getting some love! Their latest album is very good and I was hoping for a follow-up, but the band has split, but they did so on a good note. Bayern's review meanders a little bit, but I agree about his thoughts on the album itself.

Link

Meh...

Kind of reeks of tall poppy syndrome.



Can't really agree with this bit in particular, especially the second sentence. Burzum, while still great in the early 90's I don't really think were doing this, and as for Darkthrone, they couldn't be more stripped back, all production points aside... I get people don't have to like the album, but the review seemed silly (well written though), discrediting the scope the album actually has. It's extremely powerful, and yes, to throw a (now, apparently) hackneyed term out there, "grandiose" while still being darkly entrancing. The whole review wants to downplay the importance this album had (back) when it was released. Sure there might be better bands out there right now doing the debut's kind of black metal (Vemod was mentioned I believe...), but for it's time show me someone who was doing something like Emperor were attempting. Two cents from an old bastard...

I think what he meant by that comment was that those bands had a more developed and technical style of riff writing in a more subtle and skillful manner than Emperor. Burzum's layers peeled away brilliance and Darkthrone's best stuff was deceptively smart for how simple it seemed on the surface, whereas Emperor had a bunch of loud synths but no really substantial or creative riffs behind the booming grandeur and prominent melodies.

man, that new KEA review isn't *bad*, but it really gets me longing for the old days when those kinda albums needed a review to be of incredible quality if it had any hope of being accepted. Oh well

" I've noticed many Metallica fans do not like all of their music. They either like the first two or three albums, or the first four"

That has to be the most worthless line I've ever read. I also pine for the days when FSM and Nightgaunt would reject 8 point reviews from Acrobat for having the wrong it's/its. You kids have it easy with Dia, Zodi, and myself!

To be fair it's one of the more annoying grammatical errors that people make. And it's not even that hard to differentiate between the two, especially for a native English speaker.

"Many Metallica fans only like the first demos, the first two or three albums, the first four, the first five, the later stuff, or all of them. Also, the sky is blue."

You could always be harder on the kids!

Yeah. They're are few things worser then that. Also, people who misspell vynil annoy me.

I don't really mind, as long as they're describing the rifts on those albuns.

Corrected that for you.

There their over they're, aren't they? I could of corrected the errors myself, if only would of had studied more grandma on school.

Its spelt grammer.

Definnatly some good points they're.

My brain hurts after reading the last few posts. Grammar induced migraine; certainly a first for me.

Painful Jokes

From the new Broken Hope review:

Is it just me or does this line read like a TV commercial for breakfast cereal?

Introducing new Gore-O's from Broken Hope! Complete with marshmallows in the shape of severed limbs and disemboweled organs. It turns milk to BLOOD.

I'd give a kidney to Keith Richards for joecubbie and McTague97 to stop writing reviews.

Wow, Tony, just looked at that joecubbie guy's reviews and let's just say I really hope he doesn't become a prolific regular.

Man, the people who reviewed the new Taake album have really made some strange comparisons. At the Heart of Winter, later Satyricon, Blackwater Park (?!?). What the fuck are they listening to?

Acrobat, your review for In the Rectory of the Bizarre Reverend is listed under the 2004 version with the bonus disc, but your review doesn't ever mention the bonus disc or any of the tracks on it. Why is this?

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... ble/327446

Half a page of rambling on genres and this dimwit can't seem to understand that this album is both black metal and ambient. It seems like the possibility that an album is a fusion of two styles isn't possible in his demented mind.

Because that's the version I own. I almost never comment on bonus tracks or whatever, just the album as a whole. However, if you'd like a comment it's that they're overlong and boring much like most of the album itself.

That review is an extremely long-winded way of saying "I am an idiot."

I read through a bit of that one. Love how he keeps reiterating that BLACK METAL ISN'T HIS USUAL GENRE but this album is so good - it's like oh, what would we ever fucking do without your blessing to like this album...