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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 35180
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 1:07 pm 
 

Eh, your loss. And the world's loss, really.
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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 1:53 pm 
 

BastardHead wrote:
Man Emp I really, really REALLY hate that passage purely for the last sentence. That shitty Metal Wani site does that shit all the time. "Keep reading to find out", "Wanna know more? Read on!", "This album has a song called 'Dirk Schlachter Sleepover. When I learned why, my jaw hit the floor.", "SIX TRACK EP. NUMBER FOUR WILL SHOCK YOU". Fuck that shit back off to the buzzfeed purgatory from whence it came. It doesn't draw readers in, it is stupid and amateurish and just shows you're a complete hack with all the writing skill of a third grader.


I think most third graders can write a five paragraph expository essay better than that site.

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severzhavnost
Something Stupid

Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2008 10:16 pm
Posts: 2952
Location: Ottawa
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 3:54 pm 
 

Zodijackyl wrote:
BastardHead wrote:
Man Emp I really, really REALLY hate that passage purely for the last sentence. That shitty Metal Wani site does that shit all the time. "Keep reading to find out", "Wanna know more? Read on!", "This album has a song called 'Dirk Schlachter Sleepover. When I learned why, my jaw hit the floor.", "SIX TRACK EP. NUMBER FOUR WILL SHOCK YOU". Fuck that shit back off to the buzzfeed purgatory from whence it came. It doesn't draw readers in, it is stupid and amateurish and just shows you're a complete hack with all the writing skill of a third grader.


I think most third graders can write a five paragraph expository essay better than that site.


Oh what the hell, :nazi: : "whence" already means "from what source or place". So writing "from whence" is redundant.
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BastardHead
Worse than Stalin

Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:53 pm
Posts: 10857
Location: Oswego, Illinois
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 4:42 pm 
 

Hold on, I'm looking for some fucks to give... NOPE! Looks like I don't have any.
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Ancient Sunlight
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2014 10:36 am
Posts: 58
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 6:19 pm 
 

severzhavnost wrote:
Oh what the hell, :nazi: : "whence" already means "from what source or place". So writing "from whence" is redundant.

To be fair, it seems everyone, including well known writers (among them Tolkien) have made that mistake. I notice it in many English translations of German works where they try to preserve the dated language too. Who knows why?
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hakarl
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 8816
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 7:37 pm 
 

Edge of Sanity - Crimson II by PsyKoCracker

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/E ... racker/674

It scarcely describes the album. Just parallels and mentions of what genre the music supposedly is. It's also an eyesore...

His other reviews are also quite poor.
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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 5861
Location: 717
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 9:14 pm 
 

I've been thinking of making a "response review" to the title of the 50% Crimson II review which says "Ever seen Grease 2?". So far, my title would be a tossup between "Ever seen Evil Dead 2?" and "Ever seen The Godfather Part II?" unless someone else can give an example of a movie's sequel that's generally accepted to be just as good if not better in places than the first movie. I do like this album quite a bit.
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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 11421
Location: Tyrn Gorthad
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 9:18 pm 
 

Terminator 2, obviously!
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J_Ason
Metal newbie

Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2011 2:46 pm
Posts: 318
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 9:28 pm 
 

Star Wars trilogy 2 :oh shit:
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 10821
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 10:09 pm 
 

Bravo to kluseba for that Kamijo review. What the fuck was he thinking by taming the production? Sounds like he demoed his vocal tracks over software-produced instruments.
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~Guest 82538
Metal freak

Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 10:34 am
Posts: 6400
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2014 10:41 pm 
 

iamntbatman wrote:
Terminator 2, obviously!

And Aliens, duh!

But isn't it a common unwritten rule that the first is great, the second is the best and the third is a mess, when it comes to movie trilogies?

Man, that review sucks ass... But then again, also does that album... :oh shit:

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LeMiserable
Milhouse van Houten

Joined: Sun Dec 08, 2013 7:42 am
Posts: 567
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Fri Dec 12, 2014 2:52 am 
 

Back To The Future 2!
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Zelkiiro
Pounding the world with a fish of steel

Joined: Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:30 pm
Posts: 7729
Location: Pennsylvania
PostPosted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 2:00 am 
 

LeMiserable wrote:
Back To The Future 2!

I am okay with this.

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hakarl
Metel fraek

Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm
Posts: 8816
Location: Finland
PostPosted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 7:56 am 
 

I meant to post that in the Oven Fodder. -_-
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TheStormIRide
Certified Poser

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 1842
Location: Brazildonesia
PostPosted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 1:58 pm 
 

Ilwhyan wrote:
I meant to post that in the Oven Fodder. -_-


Hey now, at least something sparked a little discussion in here.
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Ecliptik
Metalhead

Joined: Sat Jul 29, 2006 4:58 pm
Posts: 513
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2014 12:52 am 
 

I just have to say that Brainded Binky's comparison of Seasons In The Abyss to The Black Album is one of the stupidest matchups I've ever heard of. Much less claiming that "many people consider it" to be such.

:durr: :thumbsdown:

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Liquid_Braino
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:25 am
Posts: 596
PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2014 12:01 pm 
 

Ecliptik wrote:
I just have to say that Brainded Binky's comparison of Seasons In The Abyss to The Black Album is one of the stupidest matchups I've ever heard of. Much less claiming that "many people consider it" to be such.

:durr: :thumbsdown:
I honestly don't like to comment on other people's reviews negatively, but in this case yeah...there's a lot wrong with this one. The "all of the songs on "Seasons in the Abyss" have absolutely nothing to do with the devil" line is really odd. "Spirit in Black"? "Temptation"? "Born of Fire"? What does he think those lyrics are about, social issues?

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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Dec 14, 2014 7:01 pm 
 

At least his name is correct.

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Rompestromper
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:37 pm
Posts: 462
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 11:30 am 
 

I found GunterTheUndying's review of Ne Obliviscaris - Citadel very spot-on
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/N ... el/451876/
It kinda makes me wanna make that peanut butter - bacon sandwich since I agree on most aspects with his description of the album, I only don't mind the long tracks, they could just have made a few more for me.

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GuntherTheUndying
Crimson King, Eater of Worlds

Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2006 4:36 pm
Posts: 2833
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Dec 15, 2014 1:31 pm 
 

Hey, thanks. The peanut butter and bacon sandwich is great, trust me.
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Rompestromper
Metalhead

Joined: Mon Jun 23, 2014 2:37 pm
Posts: 462
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 6:12 am 
 

I have to trust you on that one due to my peanut allergies but as soon as they find a cure I will eat it!

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tomcat_ha
Minister of Boiling Water

Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 8:05 am
Posts: 5570
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Tue Dec 16, 2014 10:49 am 
 

no need for peanut go eat tahini

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MutantClannfear
Blank Czech

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 3624
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2014 6:37 pm 
 

Okay so I've thought that this PorcupineOfDoom guy was an ultra-twerp for the longest time now for basically trying to be bitterman 2.0 by writing unjustifiably negative reviews for genres he universally hates, but the new 10% review he's written for Fuck I'm Dead is some sort of untapped zenith of stupid:

Satan in reviewer form wrote:
Grindcore is one of the few genres of metal that I've never actually listened to before (unless Heartwork by Carcass counts, but that's mostly melodic death metal), so I thought that Fuck I'm Dead sounded like a fairly generic grindcore band to get a feel for the genre.

Yes, guy who's heard so little grindcore that he believes Heartwork might be an example of it, your opinion on this grindcore album was highly needed! I mean, I don't have any problem with people reviewing things outside of their comfort zone if they have the writing skill needed to describe the album's sound, but I hate these "noob discovers grindcore and needs to let everyone know he doesn't get it" reviews that can never say anything besides "it's fast and the songs are short, I HATE IT". uggggghhhh
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2014 7:04 pm 
 

Yeah... saw this coming from a mile away. He should stick to what he is familiar with, I don't understand the point of reviewing something just to say you don't "get it" and giving it a super-low score simply because it doesn't tickle your fancy. I mean, he lays it all out in the review, and he appraised that X Japan single in a similar manner and received a healthy dose of scorn. I'm not sure if he checks this thread, honestly.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 10821
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2014 7:32 pm 
 

PoD is so bad. Apparently Kalmah are pirate metal. Never, ever was told that before. Whatever that's supposed to actually mean.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/K ... oom/338391

Quote:
If the other reviews are anything to go by, this is actually their second worst album

Uh, take out the 1 negative, divide total percentages by 8 like MA does... 92.5%. By his same way of judging good albums, it'd actually be considered the best Kalmah album.
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Alsandair
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2007 2:00 pm
Posts: 668
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2014 7:48 pm 
 

MutantClannfear (nice name btw, can't remember if I mentioned it) beat me to the punch about the PoD review.

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MikeyC
Official Greeter of Broken Hills

Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:16 am
Posts: 14213
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2014 8:46 pm 
 

I like dismember_marcin's review of Pentacle's The Fifth Moon...Beyond and Back. The excitement is evident in his writing, even if English appears to be a second language. Nice. I actually have the original EP of this, but I haven't listened to it in such a long time. I can't even remember where I put it. :lol:

Everyone discussing PorcupineOfDoom here got me to read his one on Avantasia, and I noticed a running theme in his writing regarding the comparison to X Japan:

Quote:
X Japan tried to add elements that could pass for metal.

Quote:
at least there was an attempt to play the genre that they claimed to be part of.

Quote:
at least it sounded like X Japan were putting some emotion into their song.

Quote:
unlike on Jade where the guy was at least putting in a lot of effort.

Quote:
Jade at least had a meaning behind it that was easy to understand
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~Guest 76452
Metal freak

Joined: Mon Jul 31, 2006 8:40 pm
Posts: 4414
PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2014 8:51 pm 
 

PoD = the second coming of alexlovestheredchord.

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Wed Dec 24, 2014 12:15 am 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
By his same way of judging good albums, it'd actually be considered the best Kalmah album.


Which it is :headbang:
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

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doomster999
Keeper of the Dreary Realm

Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2012 2:58 am
Posts: 991
Location: India
PostPosted: Wed Dec 24, 2014 2:03 am 
 

PoD! :lol: as if the band wasn't shitty enough! But PoD, beware! If you review any of my favourite doom albums further, I'll look for you, I'll find you and...
Spoiler: show
Image
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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 5861
Location: 717
PostPosted: Wed Dec 24, 2014 3:56 am 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
PoD is so bad. Apparently Kalmah are pirate metal. Never, ever was told that before. Whatever that's supposed to actually mean.

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/K ... oom/338391

Quote:
If the other reviews are anything to go by, this is actually their second worst album

Uh, take out the 1 negative, divide total percentages by 8 like MA does... 92.5%. By his same way of judging good albums, it'd actually be considered the best Kalmah album.


And just think. If he posted that word-for-word to another website with a different reviews, nobody would understand what he would be talking about. It's a case of not reading the reviews and not even looking at the individual review scores. After all, one zero percent review to Seventh Swamphony and suddenly that album's their worst.
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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 11421
Location: Tyrn Gorthad
PostPosted: Wed Dec 24, 2014 6:43 am 
 

Yes, which is why it's a no-no to make references to other reviews like that. That bit will make zero sense if that other guy changes his score for the album, or if more people give it positive reviews, or if they release another album that's dogshit, etc. The review has been rejected for this very reason.
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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 10821
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Wed Dec 24, 2014 1:39 pm 
 

iamntbatman wrote:
Yes, which is why it's a no-no to make references to other reviews like that. That bit will make zero sense if that other guy changes his score for the album, or if more people give it positive reviews, or if they release another album that's dogshit, etc. The review has been rejected for this very reason.

I swore when I checked earlier it was rejected but it's still up.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Wed Dec 24, 2014 1:44 pm 
 

Yeah, he removed that bit and i re-accepted it.
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

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Byrain
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 10:45 pm
Posts: 1306
PostPosted: Wed Dec 24, 2014 7:45 pm 
 

"The first song, The Raven and the Backwards Funeral, literally opens up the album with such anger and power. Some would say that the lack of keys suits the song and the album respectively, but I think otherwise. Without keys, it sorely lacks the atmosphere of its forefathers, and that seemed to disappoint me. "
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... est/254123

When reviewers seemingly didn't even listen to the songs...

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Alsandair
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2007 2:00 pm
Posts: 668
Location: United States of America
PostPosted: Mon Dec 29, 2014 9:01 pm 
 

Enjoyed droneriot's words on Nespithe.

"Every note seems to flow into the next as if written in cosmic stone at the beginning of time and discovered by still primitive humans via some bizarre scientific contraption. Every hit on the drumkit alike, and every utterance of vocalisation, it all fits together like a pre-historic puzzle to be solved once humankind has hit the right level of evolution."

:)

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DeathForBlitzkrieg
A Dead Man's Robe

Joined: Thu Jan 27, 2005 1:23 pm
Posts: 784
Location: Pannonia
PostPosted: Tue Dec 30, 2014 12:13 am 
 

Talking about enthusiasm:

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/S ... bat/115569

"...the best heavy metal album to come out of England since the NWOBHM! Fuck!"

:nods:
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MikeyC
Official Greeter of Broken Hills

Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:16 am
Posts: 14213
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Tue Dec 30, 2014 10:44 pm 
 

Ha, I'm enjoying reading dismember_marcin's reviews. Bordering on childish with all the "hehe!"'s through them, but I like his excitement. :)
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Wed Dec 31, 2014 8:15 pm 
 

I am quite enjoying Hellish_Torture's novel-length Dimmu Borgir rants. Too bad he has run out of proper studio records to appraise.
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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doomster999
Keeper of the Dreary Realm

Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2012 2:58 am
Posts: 991
Location: India
PostPosted: Thu Jan 01, 2015 11:47 am 
 

dystopia4 on new Agalloch wrote:
“Celestial Effigy” is just basically their first three albums condensed into a pleasant but unremarkable pop song


dystopia, dude, we can all agree that it's a pretty humdrum and definitely Agalloch's weakest output so far only standout being "The Astral Dialogue" but what's so pop about "Celestial Effigy"? :scratch:
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gomorro wrote:
Infact I use to have a relly hot friend from there but unfurtunetly the last party we have I was really wasted and grab her ass and it cause a huge problem. Her dad (that is a marine) wants to ripp my nuts... thinks are not the same...

Last.fm

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