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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 11421
Location: Tyrn Gorthad
PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 7:58 am 
 

Fortunately it's an ambient album because it's not black metal and has no riffs or memorable parts. And also it has flutes.
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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 8854
Location: Yorkshire
PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 2:04 pm 
 

Flutes and no riffs? Surely this review could be rejected for factual inaccuracy?
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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 11421
Location: Tyrn Gorthad
PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 9:56 pm 
 

Not worth the effort to navigate to the page and delete it since he'll delete it himself soon anyway.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 7:42 am 
 

LeMiserable has been banned.
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 9:57 am 
 

All of diogoferreira's reviews are exactly the same.
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

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MutantClannfear
Blank Czech

Joined: Thu May 27, 2010 12:12 am
Posts: 3624
Location: United States
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 6:40 pm 
 

Diamhea wrote:
LeMiserable has been banned.

How'd that happen?
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iamntbatman
Chaos Breed

Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 5:55 am
Posts: 11421
Location: Tyrn Gorthad
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 9:37 pm 
 

Well he got himself banned from everywhere else (IRC, the forum) by being extremely annoying. If you look at his modification history, the kid would delete his own reviews at exactly the same rate he wrote them. He was warned about this many times and chose to keep doing it. Waste of electrons.
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I've been punched in the face maybe 3 times in the past 6 months


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caspian
Old Man Yells at Car Park

Joined: Tue Dec 07, 2004 11:29 pm
Posts: 6414
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 10:32 pm 
 

fistbumps all round :)
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 10:36 pm 
 

caspian wrote:
fistbumps all round :)


Image
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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droneriot
cisgender

Joined: Sat Aug 28, 2004 1:17 pm
Posts: 10812
Location: Spahn Ranch
PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 7:55 am 
 

McTague97 wrote:
'br00tal' (that's how you spell brutal when you want to make fun of posers or entry level metalheads)

:durr:
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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 8:02 am 
 

McTague97 wrote:
...the guys from Meshuggah would scrap because it wasn't bhao whao whao whao enough for them. The other guitar sticks to one note chugging. Chugga chugga chugga...


:ah-ha:
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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MonumentalBlackArt
Magic Mike Jr.

Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2014 12:04 am
Posts: 1906
PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 3:40 am 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/D ... f95/348473

44 because he doesn't like the vocals. :durr:

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TheStormIRide
Certified Poser

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 1842
Location: Brazildonesia
PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 8:32 am 
 

Quote:
The first time I ever saw this was on a "recommended for you" tab, while I was listening to Bathory. This album cover in itself caught my attention just because of how cool it looks and the evil artistic feel to it. So without even seeing what the band was or the album, I just clicked it and dove right in.


I know Darkthrone is a black metal band and all but they have one of the most easy to read and recognizable logos in the whole of metal. When coupled with the fact that the logo is proudly displayed front and center, rather large and with a solid black and white contrast, I'm going to have to call bull shit on this.
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Wilytank
Not a Flying Toy

Joined: Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:21 am
Posts: 5861
Location: 717
PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 10:11 am 
 

Is this kid new to (black) metal or something?
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TheStormIRide
Certified Poser

Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2006 6:45 pm
Posts: 1842
Location: Brazildonesia
PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 10:23 am 
 

Well his profile says he's 19 and he's previously reviewed albums by Silencer, Precaria and Emperor. So he's apparently not brand new to black metal.
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Sick6Six
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Dec 05, 2012 12:01 pm
Posts: 1987
Location: Woodstock, IL
PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 2:09 pm 
 

MonumentalBlackArt wrote:
http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/Darkthrone/Panzerfaust/653/SweetLeaf95/348473

44 because he doesn't like the vocals. :durr:

I think the vocals are one of my favorite parts of that album cause they're so grrrrrim :hail:
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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 6:24 pm 
 

I hate when newbies feel the need to throw their worthless opinions about albums they just heard out there.

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Gutterscream
The Last Old Schooler in Town

Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 3:59 pm
Posts: 1083
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 10:44 am 
 

I see Zodi went through some of the more dandruff-decorated stuff in his collection with a high score of 60 in sixteen reviews. :-P
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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 11:32 pm 
 

Gutterscream wrote:
I see Zodi went through some of the more dandruff-decorated stuff in his collection with a high score of 60 in sixteen reviews. :-P


Digging through the dustbin. It's been an interesting pastime turned into a habit, digging through modern demos to see if there's anything worthwhile. I've been reviewing five per week, and it took roughly seven or eight weeks to find something good, though I found a few good ones at once. In terms of reviewing, I feel that it really hones my skills as it requires finding positives and negatives, and it really gives scoring a contrast. I'm going to have to adjust my percentage systems as I'm at the point where I'm finally building enough of a catalogue and critical sense to fairly judge a lot of demos which mostly aren't worth many listens.

I've got another two dozen to post though, I just haven't gotten around to transferring them from the zine to MA.

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Inspector_Satan
Metalhead

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:48 pm
Posts: 657
PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 1:38 am 
 

Black Slime, in his Grave Desecrator review wrote:
So all of this gets a 25% rating for being PURE mediocre. If I was reviewing this as the new Sepultura album, it would get 90%, but since this isn't Sepultura...sorry.


:scratch:

Is he implying that he would be that stoked to see even a mediocre Sepultura album at this point that he'd overrate it?

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tomcat_ha
Minister of Boiling Water

Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 8:05 am
Posts: 5570
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 9:29 am 
 

I don't get why the review was accepted. Very bare bones and factually wrong. I've written better reviews that have gotten rejected.

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Ancient Sunlight
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Oct 20, 2014 10:36 am
Posts: 58
PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 2:18 pm 
 

He means it would have been great as a continuation of Sepultura's style, but is essentially plagiarism (he uses "steal") as material from another band. The crime of unoriginality is so grave for him that he must give it that low a score.

I assume it scraped by with just enough description, although the whole review is essentially an elaboration of his firm belief that copying another band's sound makes the copying band worthless for everyone save fans of the original band. Truth is that in the end it was somewhat helpful to me, at the very least.
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DoomMetalAlchemist
Veteran

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:10 am
Posts: 2858
PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 1:31 am 
 

Forgive me if this thought has been posted before, but I wonder why none of the negative reviews for Pantera's Far Beyond Driven are called Far Beyond Drivel. A couple came close, with Far Beyond Tryhard and especially Far Beyond Awful, but they just couldn't make the leap. Have there ever been any reviews for this album accepted or rejected in the past called Far Beyond Drivel?

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tomcat_ha
Minister of Boiling Water

Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 8:05 am
Posts: 5570
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 1:53 pm 
 

its your own destiny to do it clearly

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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 3:50 pm 
 

Nobody is feeling that witty after listening to Far Beyond Driven.

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MonumentalBlackArt
Magic Mike Jr.

Joined: Tue Feb 18, 2014 12:04 am
Posts: 1906
PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 4:00 pm 
 

That reminds me of an idea I had for a review title for Njiqahdda's Nji. Njiijn. Njiiijn.. "Nji. Njiijn. Njzzzzzzzz." Cause, y'know, it's boring? :boo:

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Spiner202
Veteran

Joined: Wed May 06, 2009 3:32 pm
Posts: 2738
Location: Canada
PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 7:56 pm 
 

kluseba's review of HammerFall's Threshold is fantastic. Although I would give the album a much higher score, he was able to completely explain why I love that band so much, and he did so much more eloquently than I ever could. In particular, he convinced me to revisit "Dark Wings, Dark Words", which is probably one of the more underrated tracks of theirs (even by me).

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DoomMetalAlchemist
Veteran

Joined: Mon Dec 27, 2010 6:10 am
Posts: 2858
PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 11:20 pm 
 

tomcat_ha wrote:
its your own destiny to do it clearly


Nah, I can't write for crap.

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tomcat_ha
Minister of Boiling Water

Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 8:05 am
Posts: 5570
Location: Netherlands
PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2015 8:55 am 
 

like that ever stopped me

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MikeyC
Official Greeter of Broken Hills

Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 5:16 am
Posts: 14211
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2015 6:54 pm 
 

tomcat_ha wrote:
like that ever stopped me

Or me. :thumbsup:
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Andre Gaius
Metal newbie

Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2011 1:11 pm
Posts: 71
Location: Brazil
PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2015 7:02 pm 
 

Can a musician make a review of his own band?

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Diamhea
Eats and Spits Corpses

Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2007 7:46 pm
Posts: 9275
Location: At the Heat of Winter
PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2015 7:17 pm 
 

Andre Gaius wrote:
Can a musician make a review of his own band?


Discussed here: viewtopic.php?f=4&t=107955
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nuclearskull wrote:
Leave a steaming, stinking Rotting Repulsive Rotting Corpse = LIVE YOUNG - DIE FREE and move on to the NEXT form of yourself....or just be a fat Wal-Mart Mcdonalds pc of shit what do I give a fuck what you do.

Last.fm

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OzzyApu
Metal freak

Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2006 12:11 am
Posts: 10821
Location: Seattle
PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2015 8:07 pm 
 

The latest Darkest Hour review makes my skin crawl. It's like seeing a negative and exponentially increasing it for no reason out of belief that a flaw has to exist so as to downgrade the score. He doesn't realize that of all of Darkest Hour's albums, Undoing Ruin is the one that's textbook Gothenburg melodic death ala Dark Tranquillity.
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Zodijackyl
63 Axe Handles High

Joined: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:39 pm
Posts: 7601
Location: United States
PostPosted: Mon Feb 02, 2015 12:50 am 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
The latest Darkest Hour review makes my skin crawl. It's like seeing a negative and exponentially increasing it for no reason out of belief that a flaw has to exist so as to downgrade the score. He doesn't realize that of all of Darkest Hour's albums, Undoing Ruin is the one that's textbook Gothenburg melodic death ala Dark Tranquillity.


"The problem lies in the core"

Noteworthy albums not on this site:
Krimh - Explore - 92%
Krimh - Krimhera - 95%
Linkin Park - Hybrid Theory - 85%
Linkin Park - Meteora - 80%
Linkin Park - Minutes to Midnight - 77%
Lostprophets - Fake Sound of Progress - 82%
Lostprophets - Start Something - 94%
Lostprophets - Liberation Transmission - 70%
Lostprophets - The Betrayed - 87%
Lostprophets - Weapons - 34%
Scars on Broadway - Self-titled - 100%
Serj Tankian - Elect the Dead - 87%
Slipknot - The Subliminal Verses - 86%
System of a Down - Self-titled - 88%
System of a Down - Toxicity - 97%
System of a Down - Steal This Album! - 80%
System of a Down - Mezmerize - 97%
System of a Down - Hypnotize - 100%

Fucking teenage mallcore kids.

"Something that really puts me off here is the way that Darkest Hour start every song. Seriously, every single one starts with high-speed drum bashing followed up with metalcore screams and fast guitars playing what sounds relatively complex but not very interesting."

What? Let's go through this track-by-track:

1) Starts with a guitar fade-in and a guitar riff with only half of the drumming under it.
2) Starts with a slow guitar riff followed by a slow drum beat.
3) Modeled after Slayer's "Captor of Sin" this starts with a whammy intro and, you know, a Slayer beat as AtG called it, underneath the rest of the obvious Slayer homage.
4) Starts off with a fast melodic riff, screaming vocals, and fast drum-bashing.
5) Acoustic guitar track. None of what he mentions in the entire track.
6) Starts off with a low bass/guitar note, then fast drumming and screaming.
7) A slow, melodic instrumental track with no high-speed drum bashing nor fast guitars, other than some shredding on melodies towards the end.
8) Straight into a fast, aggressive punk song. Fucking hell, this guy might be right on one of these! In fact, that's the only -core part of this album!
9) Straight into another typical Gothenburg string-skipping riff like track four.
10) Starts off slow and melodic, and takes quite some time to build up to being fast.
11) The only one that starts off with a fast drum fill, a fast guitar riff, and then gets into vocals.

Every single song is the same, except the other half of them and the two acoustic/clean interludes and the first two songs on the album.

The really puzzling part is that he has no frame of reference to compare it to other than repeatedly comparing it to Karkaos, an insignificant Arch Enemy/Agonist wannabe who are basically a glorified demo metalcore band with no label and no promotion, because when you're a teenage idiot, you have no frame of reference for music. At least his constant reference to nobodies underscores his incompetence.

Fucking hell, was I that dumb when I was 14? Probably.

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true_death
Metalhead

Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 6:47 pm
Posts: 2390
PostPosted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 1:25 am 
 

OzzyApu wrote:
He doesn't realize that of all of Darkest Hour's albums, Undoing Ruin is the one that's textbook Gothenburg melodic death ala Dark Tranquillity.


I think "Hidden Hands of a Sadist Nation" is far more "pure" melodic death metal (and also better). Fuck, I still like a few songs from that album to this day. I don't really remember much from "Undoing Ruin" (gave away my CD like 7 years ago) but I recall it being more metalcore/emo influenced than melodic death metal. Having said that, I was 14 at the time ( :lol: ) and wasn't an expert on metal by any means.
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Metantoine
Slave to Santa

Joined: Sat Jun 21, 2008 5:00 pm
Posts: 12030
Location: Montréal
PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2015 4:07 pm 
 

Quote:
Whoracle is probably In Flames' weakest studio release


What a way to start a review! A masterclass in wrongness.
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Muthafuca
Metal newbie

Joined: Mon Mar 08, 2004 10:55 am
Posts: 41
Location: Slovenia
PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2015 6:39 am 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/V ... f95/348473
Now how the fuck is Rob Caggiano with his heavy riffs on this one?

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sushiman
Metalhead

Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2008 10:41 pm
Posts: 921
PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2015 8:38 am 
 

Metantoine wrote:
Quote:
Whoracle is probably In Flames' weakest studio release


What a way to start a review! A masterclass in wrongness.
And again, the obsession with things having to be experimental all the time. Brilliant. :durr:

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Acrobat
Eric Olthwaite

Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:53 am
Posts: 8854
Location: Yorkshire
PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2015 11:57 am 
 

http://www.metal-archives.com/reviews/B ... pian/23414 - Caspian nails why earlier Blind Guardian rules while their later stuff will never matter much.
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Empyreal
The Final Frontier

Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:58 pm
Posts: 35177
Location: Where the dead rule the night
PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2015 12:02 pm 
 

Yeah, that's a good review, really does sum up what was so good about old BG. I've considered writing reviews similar to that but I always feel like I haven't been listening to their really early albums long enough yet.
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